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Andrew Bailey bettah work on his non-rhotic (Word of the Day!) pronunciations cause he’s headed to the town of beans.  This is my town and these are my beans!  Not to say I told you so, but to tell you I told you so.  When Melancon went to the Sawx, I said, “The GM over in Beantown says Melancon is “capable of closing.”  In big market speak, that means he won’t be the closer.  Melancon is the stereotypical small market closer, big market set-up man.”  Prescient ain’t just a word you need a spell checker for.  It’s a state of mind!  Bailey will be absolutely fine as a closer when he’s healthy, which is to say maybe 4 of 6 months of the season if the Sawx are lucky.  So Melancon will get some saves, say, maybe, I don’t know, interjection, 10 saves.  It’s not bad for a guy that won’t be drafted in many leagues.  This also solidifies the Sawx’s intention of putting Bard into the rotation.  I think it’s slightly crazy talk, but I’m wearing a burlap sack and drinking a Capri Sun without a straw so what do I know?  Anyway, here’s some more offseason moves and what they mean for 2012 fantasy baseball:

Sike!  Before we get into today’s post, just want to say that if you’re into fantasy basketball, you should check out the work Adam’s doing; it’s smart and funny, and I don’t know basketball at all.  One time I was playing a pick up basketball game and I tried to do a layup and I threw the ball over the backboard.  I was like, “Call me Calista Flockhart cause I’m throwing up shizz.”  Ah, the laughs we had.  Then I was never picked to play on a team again.  Anyway II, some offseason moves for 2012 fantasy baseball:

Josh Reddick – Heads to the A’s on the other side of the Bailey hullabaloo.  Did Beane get enough?  I don’t know.  Instead, let’s ask ourselves this:  Did Braun test positive because he was treating herpes?  In Triple-A, Reddick hit .127 in 2009, then .266 in 2010, then .230 last year.  So I’d be surprised if he hits above .260 over the course of the 2012 season.  He has shown the ability to hit for power, but now he moves to the unfriendly confines of Oakland.  Best case scenario, you’re getting a 15/10/.260 guy.  It’s all right, but if he fails to meet those modest expectations, he’s nothing but a third outfielder for AL-Only leagues.  Herpes, Braun, really?  That’s your defense?  That’s like telling your wife you killed her cat to take your mind off cheating on her.  Braun, you couldn’t say you tested positive because you were taking some non-FDA approved Chinese medicine for migraines?  Who’s advising this schmohawk?

Casey Blake – To Rockies.  When Blake’s healthy, Cuddyer will move to the outfield.  (30% of the time.)  When Blake’s injured, Cuddyer will play 3rd base.  (45% of the time.)  When Helton’s injured, Cuddyer will play 1st base. (20% of the time.)  When Cuddyer and Blake are both healthy, but the Rockies feel like playing someone else they’ll work in Seth Smith or Eric Young Jr.  (15% of the time.)  (I have no idea if those percentages add up, but you get the general gist.  By the way, General Gist would be a great band name.  “Have you heard General Gist’s new album, Neither Here Nor There?  It’s awesome!”  Speaking of great bands, loving the new Black Keys album.  Love!)  In the end, this has nothing to do with Casey Blake or Michael Cuddyer or even Nolan Arenado.  The Rockies absolutely refuse to give Seth Smith a regular job.  Maybe someone in the front office has a lisp and can’t stand to say Seth Smith has a starting job.  Oh, and they hate Eric Young Jr.’s guts.  The Rockies are Mike Scioscia and Eric Young Jr. is Mike Napoli.  Just trade that ain’t-getting-any-younger Young to a team that will let him play.  Please.

Sean Marshall – Off to the Reds in a swap of Marshall and Travis Wood.  Right now the Reds are saying Marshall may serve as the closer.  That’s just a bargaining tool against Francisco Cordero.  Marshall’s not going to be the closer.  He’ll be a setup man to either Cordero or Chapman, who is supposed to start as of right now but I don’t think that’s gonna happen either.  Here’s a formula for you:  What a GM Says + Reality = Nothing.

Travis Wood – To the Cubs in the aforementioned mentioning of Marshall.  I have a feeling the Reds are going to regret losing Wood.  Dusty Baker, “I haven’t lost wood since that one time in the 70’s when George Foster unexpectedly walked into my hotel room.”  If the Cubs play their hand right, they’ll send Wood to the minors to regain his confidence then bring him back when the time is right.  If he makes the rotation, he’s nothing but a cheap flyer in NL-Only leagues.  I would be very aware of him in keeper leagues though.  He does have number two starter upside.

Gio Gonzalez – Beane pulled another trade.  Can someone say Moneyball sequel?!  Actually, if you can’t say it, you should see a speech therapist.  How about the Nats looking like they’re gonna be contenders?  Hopefully they get some new announcers so it’s not as wretched watching them.  Get back Dibble so he can call into question a guy headed for Tommy John surgery!  I love that kind of manic enthusiasm.  Anyway, Gonzalez wasn’t nearly the pitcher his 3.12 ERA showed last year, but he has far exceeded his xFIP the last two years while posting solid K numbers.  I’m willing to get on the Gio aeroplane in twelve past twenty (BTW, that’s what I’m calling 2012, go with it).  A guy that is moving to the NL with a 8.78 K-rate is plenty all right, even with the wonky walks.

Brad Peacock – With Gio going to the Nats, Peacock gets inserted into the A’s.  That sounds like it hurts!  Which Billy Beane is making these trades anyway?  Peacock had a great season in Double- and Triple-A last year, putting up a 2.39 ERA and a 177/47 K/BB line.  The A’s basically got Gio Gonzalez back.  I’m gonna be all about Peacock in 2012 like I just woke up from a nap after drinking seven glasses of water.

Tommy Milone – Just another great arm bagged by Beane.  I’m not saying the Nats paid too much for Gio but — Well, actually, I am saying that.  They just paid the price of two potential Gios for one real Gio.  (Not to mention, A.J. Cole, who was also received, has a great arm but is just a bit young for our purposes, and Derek Norris will slide in nicely once the A’s move on from their Suzuki sidekick. What an ugly trade by the Nats.)  Milone’s 2011 in Triple-A was 3.22 ERA with a 155/16 K/BB ratio.  Hello, beautiful.  Peacock and Milone will have match-ups appeal in 2012 for mixed leagues and be sexy sleepers for AL-Only leagues.

Jim JohnsonO’s said he’ll open the season as the closer.  I’d go ahead and drink that Jim Johnson Kool-Aid.  O’s are competing for 4th place in the AL East so they have no reason not to use Johnson.  Though I think Selig now made the 4th place finisher in the AL East a playoff team.  Need to double check that.

Carlos BeltranCards add Beltran to their Rafael Furcal/Lance Berkman-powered lineup.  Your 2012 Cardinals are brought to you by Bengay and the used 1994 Chrysler LeBaron in your driveway.