Jesus Montero isn’t trying to break your heart. Since arriving on the godforsaken Seattle Mariners, Jesus performed the miracle of allowing King Felix to dominate while throwing pitches as fast as Jamie Moyer, who he resurrected from the dead. He also tried to turn Chone Figgins into a useful player, but realized that was never his destiny. Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Giancarlo Stanton has battled injuries and the Marlins’ awkward ballpark this year, but I haven’t completely lost hope. Since arriving in the majors, he’s been a fantastic player in OPS leagues because, aside from his insane slugging, he’s been taking walks at a solid rate. Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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