Lots of haps going on in the end-game of fake baseball this week. Matt Lindstrom fell down and sprained his crown. Surgery has already happened, so if you’re stuck in traffic, or your league has weekly adds instead of daily, Ronald Belisario looks like the dude. In case your looking for alterior adds, Daniel Webb looks like he will get some looks, as Belisario isn’t a spring chicken, nor proven commodity. So add willingly if space allows. Also in Oakland, where nothing ever survives, or lives there permanently, according to Jay(Wrong) [Ed. Note– I was wrong. Bail Bondsman flourish there…], they finally got smart, used their shoe phone, and called in the option that may have been the right choice all along. Sean Doolittle is the shiny new toy, until the new shiny toy comes around or he breaks. I love me some Doolittle. If there was a wagon that hosted bands on it, I would be a groupie I guess. He has the K rate, the arsenal, but gets the whole “he is a lefty” shenanigans. So look past his Loogyness and just dig on the beard and 12-plus K rate, or if that doesn’t do it for ya, the 30/1 K/BB ratio. Or if that doesn’t get ya… well, err… that was my last detail, sorry. Enjoy the tidbits of straight sizzurp laced knowledge that Stephen Hawking would even Ctl+Alt+Esc.Please, blog, may I have some more?
This whole opening will be devoted to Trevor Rosenthal. Why? Because you are being put on notice, a notice to cease and desist your sucktitude. Watching you makes me wanna renew my prescription card to the herbal remedy place. The stats are yuck, take your K’s and jump around as he huffs and puffs and blows your WHIP house down. I wanna take a moment and send this note just for Trevor.
Trevor… Hey what’s up man. I don’t know you, don’t know if you read Razzball, but you should, because we are like the Danity Kane of Fantasy Baseball. Take a look over your shoulder my friend, you see that beard having flame thrower getting prepped in the minors? Yeah, that’s basically Wally Pipp coming back, but in this case he will be called Jason Motte. Now, Jason is a level-headed bloke, he stabbed someone in 3rd grade for stealing his apple sauce at snack time, and though all charges were dropped and wall-ball was played after… he is coming. Like the Balrog that Gandalf had to beat up… You have been warned homie. Oh, and say hello to your mother for me.
So if you are reading this and have a DL spot,or a wasted spot you wanna spec on for a week or two, now is the time. What’s the worst that can happen? Well, he comes back and shats the bed on your bench, but who cares? That’s like doing it on someone else’s bed, and they have a maid. Stick around for some tid-bits or bits of tid for the guy who wears a helmet and reads this column.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Another Saturday with money on the line. It’s like sitting in AC, but not being bothered by the annoying people whose whole day revolves around being in AC. That prolly doesn’t make sense if you have never been so go and bring NJ some money. As you can tell by the title I am like a stutterer today and hitching my cart or your cart to the Cabreras. You don’t have to listen but the matriarch of the Cabrera family won’t be happy or amused one bit. So mosey on over to DraftKings for some fun today and if you are having trouble deciding who to use go check out Rudy’s version of Skynet. The DFSBot is so helpful for you daily fantasy folk that if you don’t use it you should be arrested and charged with some felonious crime that in the end of the day gets you community service. Enjoy the day and good luck.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hey, hey, hey, talking relievers on Thursday. What could be better? Well, maybe ice cream covered in Kate Upton. Actually strike that and flip it. That sounds better. OR exactly the same. Regardless, the top ‘pens are starting to take shape as we reach the 1/5 part of the season. The who’s are the who’s and the what the eff’s are, well, what the eff’s. The MLB average for bullpen ERA is 3.92. Now, that isn’t exactly something that makes you have confidence in any teams collective bullpens. That’s why you get to be selective… take who you want and disregard the rest. It’s like the Chinese buffet down the street– not everything looks edible, and yeah, you will probably get sick from most of it, but there’s some value savings. Always go with the soup, excellent starter, can’t go wrong with that option. So, take a look at bullpen arms that are doing these three things: Save situations, games with the lead, and total batters faced (and the percentage of K’s from that). You have those three things, you have a stout middle reliever. Yeah, I hear ya dude in the corner with his hand raised, there are other stats that we should look at. Everyone looks at them, every site pounds you on the simple stats. Dig deeper, look past the first page of stats and do something different. Sorry… I was yelling. I get mad when I am hungry. Food for me, continue reading and comments for you.Please, blog, may I have some more?
So, it’s derby-day and fantasy baseball over at DraftKings, what could be better? My guess? Being a jockey in the derby, but to not be restricted by all the weight and height limitations. It would be fun for the horse to be totting a normal or abnormal human. I kinda wanna see Shaq on a Thoroughbred. So like every good mechanic, you need a shed full of tools. Relax, no need to run to the local garden center, unless you actually need something. It’s planting season, so go get some nice perennials and take a peruse of the Razzball shed of tools: Stream-O-Nator and Hitter-Tron. Pretty helpful stuff, all free and extremely well thought-out, unlike your last minute science project where you used the same volcano as last year, but changed the name from Vesuvius to Krakatoa. So enjoy the early games, enjoy the derby, which is a perfect interlude to the late games, and enjoy constructing your winning daily fantasy roster for DraftKings.Please, blog, may I have some more?
If you cheated and looked ahead before reading, shame on you! But, for those who didn’t, I am attaching my cart to Francisco Rodriguez. Not only has he done nothing wrong (which seems impossible for closers nowadays), but looks in no danger of getting the rug ripped out from under him. The team is winning, the bullpen is toight like a tiger, and Jimbo Hendo looks to be doing a swell job as second fiddle. Not only would I marry K-rod right now, he can also fart in my dinner… tonight. (Ed. Note– Protip: I wait until at least the second date before letting farts in my food.) I mean what he is doing is pretty remarkable– most saves in April, EVER. It reminds me of the good times when I played the jug in the band The Dixie Cups. For a barely drafted guy who wasn’t even the teams first choice for saves… and to also be giving your team a saves boost for basically nothing, you should wanna carry his luggage. So keep reading to see what other closer goodies I got for ya… or just skip to the comments and tell me something awesome.Please, blog, may I have some more?
So it’s Saturday, you ain’t got nothing better to do so slide on over to DraftKings. I mean what ekse could you be doing that will take the time it takes to set-up a lineup. Mowing the lawn, really it will still be there in 10 mins. Take the kids to school, come on man there ain’t no skool on Saturday. I am out of other stuff that may be going on to be honest. We here at Razzball give you all types of daily tools, Stream-O-Nator and Hitter-Tron, I mean what else do you want? How about a long boring diatribe by a dude form NJ? Well if you said yes to the diatribe, first go get a dictionary and make sure you know what that means. Second go to the garage or work shop grab a lump hammer and smash yourself over the hand with it. I am boring and what I am going to talk about usually starts with por and ends with an n. So enjoy the weekends’ palate of yummy baseball goodness. Oh and good luck.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ah, charts with actual stats are so much nicer to look at. The first bullpen report of the year was like reading Playboy in braile, ’cause technically we shouldn’t need both hands, but we do. The cream is rising to the proverbial top when you look at the chart below. The familiar names are settling in, and if you drafted some of them, or they have been mentioned in the closenado of 2014 for save chances, they probably are owned, were owned or some semblance there in between. Middle relievers are like that old cartoon Pound Puppies, yeah they are cute and good ‘n all, but they are still living in the pound in acartoon. No homes to go to, no freedom… Sad, but as kids we were fooled. Relievers are much the same, they never really have a home unless we give them one.Please, blog, may I have some more?
While I would love for you top just give me all your money and draft your daily team over at DraftKings, I can not in good faith just take your money with out giving you a free pen like the deaf people at the airport or mall cafeteria. So last week was my first shot at learning you good people some of my picks for Saturdays games, I did ok. I am not going to go back and see because I am like Magellan or De Soto and have the expression ever forward. We here at Razzball provide you with all the tools necessary like the Hitter-Tron and Stream-O-Nator that you will need to construct your team. We unfortunately don’t offer common sense or crocheting tips however so you are unfortunately out of luck. Over at DraftKings they have games for all comers; size, smell, and upright walking status are not discriminated against. You got the loot, they have the league. So check out their Sweet Spot contest, along with a cavalcade of other emotion daily roller coaster that the have to offer. Good luck on the days games.Please, blog, may I have some more?
So, everyone can give a complete exhale that two save-category standard bearers were not shut down with shoulder problems. Craig Kimbrel and Koji Uehara both threw bullpens yesterday, and are all systems go for the rest of the week. Not like any of you have them, because we don’t and shouldn’t overpay for saves on draft day. So if either of these guys fell to ya, good on ya and relax, and stop checking the waiver wire for half a tick. Kimbrel is the tits, regardless of setbacks, his numbers say so, and you should walk around telling people the such as well. Kenley is nice, has all the check marks: winning team, K’s, and the large drink to boot. I just can’t, with good faith, de-commit from Kimbrel unless he actually hits the DL. So with the sighs of relief I hear, let’s touch on some more of this weeks hap’s and slaps. Shall we?Please, blog, may I have some more?