I told ya I’d take it deep! Wait, that doesn’t sound right…strike that, reverse it, scramble to the sidelines, get dropped before you’re out of bounds and call a time out. Yeah, yeah I mixed sports metaphors but what do you expect from the guy who also works over on the Fantasy Football side of Razzball? As my wise friend Tehol once said, just as a leopard can’t change it’s spots, a guy in a leopard thong can’t change his ways just because he’s on the fantasy baseball side of the world. So pardon me while I limber up for some lumber talk and take a little peek at a guy who was a surprise call up after Giancarlo went down last year and who did very little with his time before being sent down and finishing the year with season-ending thumb surgery…hrm, coulda sold that better, methinks. Let’s have a do-over, shall we? Here’s my excitement in doge format. Marcell Ozuna! Much excite! Many power! Such amazing! There, much better. I should work for Apple. But now that we’ve underlined and highlighted what we came to talk about, I guess we should get to it. So here’s why you should target Ozuna in your deeper leagues for the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season…Please, blog, may I have some more?
[Ed. Note- Our RCL’s are under way! Go be a Commissioner, because there are really no other opportunities in life to have the title of Commissioner. Well, unless you are really into wildlife. In that case though, you can have two Commissioner titles, which is totally what you should be going for.]
Not gonna lie, I never thought I’d be writing a Fantasy Baseball article at 3 am. But when your boss calls you in for some OT late on a Sunday night and you’re thinking ‘nice, a little wink, wink, nudge, nudge and I move up the corporate ladder’ and they wonder why you’ve come to work in stilettos, lipstick and a ‘Spank me I’ve been bad’ pink t-shirt, you find yourself lying awake in the wee hours wondering if you’ll have a job in the morning. Of course, when talking about deep leagues, it’s almost like being an after-midnight infomercial. I mean, when you’re in the late hours of your draft, sometimes you get the Snuggie and sometimes you get the Tiddy Bear. It’s the nature of the beast. But with all that said, BILLY MAYS HERE AND I’D LIKE TO SHOUT AT YOU FOR A WHILE ABOUT AN UNDERRATED PITCHER! In all truthiness, I don’t know of a deep league that has pitching problems. Pitchers are just too abundant to ever say deep league rules apply but that doesn’t mean you can’t bargain hunt late and spend more time on your hitting earlier because of it. So let me introduce to you a pitcher who’s very much under the radar for 2014. Mr. Tyson Ross, c’mon down and see why you’re a contestant for sleeper for the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Marco! Polo! No, no, no, let’s start this over. Marco! New Zealand? C’mon, readership, you’re better than that. It’s in the title! Deep League Thoughts? Now you’re just eff’ing with me. I’m gonna remember this. I don’t even know why I let you italicize in my opening paragraph. If you were on twitter, I’d unfollow you at this point. We’re here to talk about Marco ESTRADA!!!! I hate you all…yes, we’re here to talk about Marco Estrada. You may say to yourself, ‘didn’t we already do this last year with unsuccessful results?’ It’s true, Grey brought us a Marco Estrada Sleeper post last season. If you wanna know where most of this post is going, that’s probably a great place to start. Not much has changed about Marco going into this season except for perception as he wasn’t only a Razzball darling in 2013. Don’t believe me? Here’s the google proof! All this to say, he came into 2013 with a full head of steam as someone who was going to outperform his draft day price. Which of course, changed his draft day price to what it really should’ve been on draft day. Funny how that works. All of this to say, Estrada went from sleeper pitcher to an urban dictionary curse word for failed sleepers. I think Grey wrote that one even…but nevertheless, stop living in the past! We’re here to look into the almost immediate future. So let me grab my crystal balls and tell you why Estrada is a great get for deep leagues for the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Alright, everyone. It’s time to whip out your blue Metallica shirt or your black AC/DC one. We’re about to rock out. Duh-duh-duh, duh-duh-duh, duh-duh-duh, duh-duh-duh, duh-duh-duh…hrm, intonation is so important with these kinds of things and since you can’t write ‘DUH-DUH-DUH’ as a musical note, I guess I’m just gonna have to give you the source material. Ok, now you ready? What? You don’t get what we’re doing? Good God, where is your guy’s culture! We’re doing some Air Guitar, Beavis And Butthead style. Ok, now are we ready? What, now you can’t get the timing down? You need a metronome? That’s not really gonna help, you gotta feel the rhythm! I swear this is the worst internet fantasy baseball music class I’ve taught in my life… but while we’re on the topic of odd time signatures, I think now is a good time to segue into our topic du jour: Cream of Scott Kazmir. What, where are you going! Oh, my soup pun looks kinda bad in hindsight. I should’ve called it Kazmir Bisque, I guess. Just be thankful I didn’t call it Cock-a-leekie. But nevermind all that, we’re here to talk about your deep league and how to fill your crockpot with the most savoriest of pitcher from the cheapest part of your draft stock… I don’t know where that metaphor is going, it honestly got away from me. So lets abruptly move on, shall we? Here’s why I think Kazmir will be the Ricky Martin in your Menudo for deep leagues for the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season…Please, blog, may I have some more?
To be fair, I’m here to cover deep leagues with these posts and I don’t know if this pitcher applies given how his 2013 season went and how JB Gilpin gushed all over him in his Pitcher Profile of him last year. But then I remembered some of y’all forget that guys who didn’t reach the IP minimum to qualify on certain lists count too and said to myself ‘Oh Em Gee, these kids gotta start doing better research. They need my help!’ Thus was the beginning of this beautiful Corey Kluber sleeper story born, and after wiping all the afterbirth and poo off of it, I bring it to you. Though… I’m not quite ready to cut the umbilical cord on it. You may have to wait a few more wasted opening sentences for that. Sorry, can’t be helped. Grey tells me repeatedly that I must maintain a 200 minimum word count in these openers and that if I dip below that, the bus we’re driving will explode. Which is a weird thing to say considering we’re not on a bus. I’d call it more a minivan. Rudy is mumbling about SIERRA and WAR in his sleep in the back, Tehol is working on his flow by watching Gary The Snail rap (NSFW), JFOH is putting his gum in Mike’s hair, Jaywrong is making Jennifer Lawrence gifs on his laptop, and Tom Jacks is busy reading the politics section of the newspaper. Ha, Tom…what a nerd! But all this to say, Grey is driving this band of misfits while wearing mom jeans so we must abide. But enough about the Razzball Family life, let’s trudge on. So let’s look at why Kluber should be on your radar in deep leagues for the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Seriously, I’ve been on a bad streak on these. I’m giving you that fair warning. It seems no matter what research I do – and yes I do research – flies back in my face like I just spit out the car window. Chris Colabello? Awful. Dustin Ackley? Egads. Michael Morse? There are baby diapers out there that were stuffed full of more stats then he was. It’s such a tough stretch of year to not only nail down playing time but to also performance. But one thing I thought I could nail down? You guys knowing who the current starting first baseman was for the Saint Louis Cardinals. This feels cheaper than a date with Jaywrong, but I just have to point out the 14.8% owned Matt Adams and how he should be able to assist you in week 25 of your 2013 Fantasy Baseball season path to dominance (or futility, if that applies)…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well, I keep going deep on these calls and keep digging a bigger hole so I figure why stop? Let’s dig straight to Italy. Why didn’t I say China you ask? Because that little boot of a country had the player I’m talking about this week on its National team this year. Which is really weird when you consider his wiki page says he’s an American. Um, don’t you have to be of said nationality to play for said nationality? Sounds like the standards for playing for a National team are pretty loose. I’d love to see the fill-out sheet to join. Wonder if it looks like this. Well, never mind, these things matter not. What DOES matter is Chris Colabello looks like a nice power pickup for week 24 of our 2013 Fantasy Baseball season…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yep, you know me. I only cover Mariners. Though I’m not as much of a homer as JayWrong is with his San Diego Chargers, Padres, Zoos, Comic-Cons, and even Newscasters, I admittedly let my pieces of Pacific Northwest flair get the best of me last week, believing in Michael Morse. What else should I be? All apologies…I wanted to believe Morse was worth at least a HR or two but as of this Saturday morning typing, the lumbering oaf doesn’t even have a double and I’m guessing probably won’t do much the last two days. Maybe I should’ve gone with Bogusevic…but rather than wallow in self-loathing and then project it onto the internet for everyone to see, I’m looking to move on. I’m gonna suggest to you a guy who’s actually been hot over the last few weeks but hasn’t really caught on with the masses like I thought he would at this point given positional scarcity. We’re here to talk about none other than the post-hype sleeper that is Dustin Ackley and why he’ll help you for week 23 of the 2013 Fantasy Baseball season…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Greetings and good cheer, my fellow Razzballians (which sounds like a portmanteau of ‘Razzball Aliens’ but I swear it’s not; the status of your US green card is not knowledge we currently own. Note the word ‘currently’.) and welcome to the end of days. See how if you say it nicely how well it goes over? ‘Huzzah my good and lovely wife of 15 years, I’m here to divorce you!’. Try it, it might work out to where you don’t have to give up 50% of your Furby collection. Hrm, maybe I shouldn’t hand out life advice and stick to fantasy baseball…anywho, our season is winding down and it gets harder and harder to find a good bat on waivers. Trust me I know. If I hadn’t seen some hope for Michael Morse this week, you might’ve been hearing about Bogusevic here. We’re scraping the bottom of the barrel full of monkeys at this point and if you’ve ever cleaned one of those barrels out, you know what the bottom is full of. You haven’t and you don’t, you say? You don’t get the implication, you dully respond? I’m talking about fecal matter here, people, of the primate variety or ‘monkey poo’ if you need it in layman’s terms. By the end of the year, you’re trying to justify any and all pickups since most ownable players are already on teams and the rosters haven’t expanded for some September rookie upside plays yet. So without further ado, let’s discuss the monkey poo that that is Morse for 2013 Fantasy baseball…oops, my boss over at Razzball Football is telling me something via my bluetooth (hint: I am my own boss over there…so yeah, I’m basically talking to myself in this made up scenario). It seems that some of you do play Fantasy Football and for those that do, you can join a Razzball Commenter Leagues for football just like you did for baseball. There’s all the same things you’d expect to find on the baseball side. Good league mates, a grand prize, an image of Grey lying naked on a Polar Bearskin rug with a meerschaum pipe. So hop over there, create/join a league, then hop back over here to finish the story of my great Re-Morse…Please, blog, may I have some more?
And just like Lazarus, I’ve come back from the dead. Well not really from death. I was just on vacation but after being gone this long I’m sure you’re all saying ‘you’re dead to me’ upon reading this. I know, it was one of the worst times of the year to leave you. You’re pushing for the playoffs in head to head leagues or trying to wiggle up your standings at the final turn of the season. I left you cold, naked and afraid like that one time the boyfriend came in and you were bumping uglies with his girl and you had to hide in the stand up freezer. I understand no apology will erase this frost-bitten memory for you but hopefully my player of choice this week can put me back into your good graces. To be fair, JB and I and the rest of the Razzball Football crew have been pretty busy trying to get Commissioners for the 2013 Fantasy Football season in our Razzball Commenter Leagues so it’s not like we haven’t still been working hard for you, we just changed the shape of the ball. But with that, I come to you for this fine week 21 with a power crazed man with a sweet home ballpark. So let me give unto you Darin Ruf for week 21 of the 2013 Fantasy Baseball season…Please, blog, may I have some more?