So I’m writing this prior to Oakland even taking the field for the first time this year which worries me. Baseball is all about streaks. No, no silly, I didn’t need to see the inside of your undies (and gross, BTW). I mean hot and cold streaks. But we’re at the start of it all, so it’s hard to get a grasp on whether you’re hot or you’re cold, or if you’re yes and you’re no…sorry, started thinking about Katy Perry there. You know, for her singing skills…yeah, that’s it. But more on point, maybe Oakland has a huge game to start the year off and feels hot and bothered about playing Corey Kluber. If that’s the case, mea culpa. But I swear by my Corey Kluber Sleeper post that I do believe you get a good outing out of him today and at a dirt cheap price of $7,800. May God remove it from the interwebs if he fails…oh what am I saying, nothing ever leaves the internet! Keep that in mind as JFOH will never live this one down. But as promised yesterday, we’re gonna be a bit more lightning round’ish around here on our Draftkings writeups. That last link, BTW, is your gateway into the DK world care of Razzball. It’s a way for you to show us you love us without having to actually physically touch us. It’s the best of both worlds! And after you’ve signed up? How about another 50/50 Razzball Jamboree League? It’s just a buck. That’s less than a King Size Snickers! And if you win, guess what? You can now afford said King Size Snickers. Wow. But for realsies, let’s move on…to another link! Yeah, yeah it’s the first week, gotta make sure you guys still get in on the Razzball Draftkings Contest this Friday. Go reserve your seat and get your lineups going when they open. Ok, now really let’s move on. Here’s Razzball’s Draftking picks for April 1st, 2014…no foolin…ok I was. Three more important plugs. One is the Stream-O-Nator. Two is the Hitter-Tron. Three is…well, I can’t really tell you about that plug. But I hear Cougars everywhere love it! Now on with the show.

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Greetings and salutations my fine and not so fine readers. I’ve peppered you a bit this off-season with Draftkings info, dropping a Primer as well as a little Strategy Guide to wind your way through the @Draftkings world. What’s the first link, you ask? Oh nothing, just a way to sign-up for DK (that’s what I call Draftkings cuz we’re friends like that) that helps us along the way which if you’re reading gives you a guilt-laden excuse to sign up and help a brotha out. Alright, now that the pimping is done, let’s get down to why you’ve arrived here. Wait, what was that? You want more links you say? Well how about a big ‘ole Razzball Draftkings Contest one for this coming Friday. Check the specs and see if it’s up your alley. Also, though we’ll eventually have our very own DK evaluation tool, in the interim, feel free to use our Streamonator and our Hitter-Tron to flesh out if a matchup is worthy or not. And BTW, I wasn’t just punning on DK’s name in the title, y’all. I have a player in mind to kick out the jams with on opening day. That players name is King Felix Hernandez. Plus anytime you can squeeze in a Mel Brooks reference? You do it. The reality is, you’re gonna be hard-pressed to find pitcher value plays. It’s opening day, everyone has their ace on the mound! Besides, as I mentioned in some of the off-season DK content, spending your money on pitching is a wise play. Don’t fight it, embrace it even if it costs you $11K. Also as an FYI, this will probably, maybe be the longest post of the year you see on here. As I’m sure you can understand, I had a little time before it came out. So don’t hold me to diatribes of this nature in the future nor the other six writers we have coming at you soon. Ya dig? Yeah, ya dig. And before we get to the next part of this little game, let’s keep one thing in mind: it’s opening day of a new season. No one knows which team will suck or not. We have our guesses but everything is predicated on a season that is behind us now. Like Rafael Furcal says to himself in the mirror in March each year, ‘I feel fresh and ready to start the season. Nothing can hold me back!’ before he trips on a doggy chew toy and breaks a fibula. Wait, can you break a fibula? I honestly don’t know, I’m no doctor except when on particular ‘adult’ sets. All this to say, it might be messy to start the year, I’d stick with trusted arms and play matchups on hitting as best I can until some small trends start emerging. Also, you’re reading this at 9:45 PST. Seem like an odd time? Well, get used to it cuz that’s when you’re gonna be getting these. So work on your clicking speed and get your lineups right before everything goes horribly wrong. Alright, blathering done, now lets get you lathered up about opening day with Draftkings for 2014 Fantasy Baseball…

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Hello and greetings one and all. Some of you may not know me so let me introduce myself. My name is Sky and the reason I highlighted my name with a hyperlink is because I have a super-secret alter-ego. So secret, it’s all over the internet if you wish to look. You see, I also work over on the Fantasy Football side of the Razzball universe. Over there, we yak about YAC whilst y’all babble about BABIP over here. But occasionally, there is a solar eclipse and I wake to find myself here and by ‘solar eclipse’ I mean ‘Grey throws a black hood over my head and imprisons me’ and by ‘wake’ I mean ‘coming out of my chloroform hangover’. As I may or may have not said before on this site, I’m Bi-Fantasexual. Yup, a modern day Bo Jackson minus the muscles, money and athletic ability. Trivial things. Good, we now up to speed? So now we’re no longer strangers but for the fact we’ve never met due to the internet which almost makes us Perfect Strangers. I worked really hard to weave that last part into my lead. It’ll pay off later, I promise. As an aside, I look a lot like Bronson Pinchot and if you don’t believe me, you can ask JFOH. Minus the rugged, island of Mypos good looks for sure…wait, what the hell? Yeah, Fantasy Baseball. Lost my shizz for a bit there. So let’s get on with Josh Reddick and why he’s a good outfielder to target for your deep league team for the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season…

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It started with a twitter murmur. Hey Sky, you up to do a draft? Well, I say, I’m already in five leagues. What day? What is the set up? Are pants mandatory or optional? But of course with only 140 characters available, I had to abbreviate to ‘In 5. Day? Set Up? Pants? Lulz’. I don’t know why I said ‘Lulz’. I think it’s required to put in one text word into every tweet you send out or you get your account suspended. Ef you @Seaworld! Sorry, inside joke. Let’s move along. Suffice to say, over a long course of contact and back and forth I eventually joined into the fray that is The League Of Street Cred thrown together by Ryan Hodge of Fantasy Insiders. The title tells you exactly what you get by winning this league. Street Cred. That’s right, no money involved, unless Street Cred has an exchange rate. I’m assuming mine is worth one Bitcoin at this point…all this to say, the evite was accepted and I hopped in and drafted with this cadre of the fantasy expert macabre below…

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It doesn’t get much deeper than this, does it? That’s what she said! Not everything in a deep league setting is fun. Like hiring a convict to babysit your child, sometimes you just gotta take a guy who’s available and hope for the best as it can be completely soul-wrenching to reach for guys because of their position and be left with little to nothing in return in these types of setups. When you play in a deep league like I do – two at every infield position plus two UTIL and five outfield – you have to let your mind wander beyond the sexy picks and be willing to drunkenly amble back to your apartment with that tall, muscular chick who beat you at arm wrestling while setting a pub record for hot wing plates eaten and really hope she doesn’t have an Adam’s apple. The best part about playing the Crying Game? Not much crying involved because these guys go so deep, so deep if they put your team to sleep you can drop them. And now that I’ve thoroughly depressed you even further than the title could even take you, let’s get down to business. So here’s Matt Dominguez in all his glory and what he can do for your deep league team for the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season…

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Internet Friends, Razzballians, big country breakfast eaters at Billy Butler’s house…Lind me your ears. Yeah, I didn’t know how to start so I figured I’d make it awkward for everyone all around. Hey, I’m Sky. You might know me from the Fantasy Football side of this little part of the interweb universe. That was just an FYI, ICYDK. I’m not expecting you to actually click it. I mean, you can if you want to. Like big, red shiny buttons at the Pentagon, you know it’s hard to resist clicking on an embedded link in a paragraph. Case in point, this link is of a small, drunk Asian kid wearing just a bra and a Teddy Bear that was superglued to his junk while standing on top of a cop car. You’re a hetero and you still totes clicked, admit it! Ok, ok maybe you assumed it was JayWrong and couldn’t resist – and maybe it was – but ya did it. Even after everything I told you, you still decided it was worth your right index finger to push down on the mouse and have a looksee. And now after this long-winded intro that had absolutely nothing to do with Adam Lind, it’s now my duty to keep you intrigued without said links or other forms of Triple-Dub sorcery. So let’s move on from this weird little intro and see why Lind should be a nice value to nab in deep leagues for the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season…

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So it came to me that some of you or most of you or the whole damn lot of you might not be overly familiar with some basic information regarding Draftkings and the whole daily fantasy thang.  BTW, if you are gonna play some DFS on Draftkings?  Help us help you.  That’s our promo link.  Yes I’m grovelling.  Yes I’ll move on…but before I do, after you sign up through our promo link?  How about joining in on the Razzball Kickoff Jamboree for $1.  Keep in mind it has to fill or it won’t go.  I have my spot, there’s only 19 seats left.  Don’t wanna throw down your money into this game yet?  Why not join the Freeroll for opening day?  What, you don’t know what a Freeroll is?  Well, read on…

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I’m stepping out before my Khris Davis deep sleeper call goes off and giving him a nickname right up front. You can call him Khris Kross after old school rappers Kris Kross because…because nicknames. I’m telling you, it’s good! I’m great at nicknames! Just ask my cousin, Sarah Tess Davidson. Some would call her ‘STD’ but I went with something beautiful: Chlamydia. You don’t even need to ask, of course the name stuck! Friends, family, you name it, they called her it. You can imagine how popular she was in High School. The boys wouldn’t leave her alone, I tell ya. As a freshman, she was invited out to drive thru movie after drive thru movie, but she never remembered what movie they went to nor much of, if any of the plot and along the way she had 3 kids and dropped out of High School. I never understood all that, my cousin Chlamydia was such a smart girl…but neverthewho! We’re not here to talk about all the nephews and nieces I have on welfare, we’re here to discuss how you don’t want to miss the bus on Davis in your deep leagues for 2014 Fantasy Baseball…

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I know what some of you are thinking. I can’t believe it’s not butter. And you people…you’re absolutely right. It’s part plastic and melted horse hooves combined with yellow dye #88 which causes diarrhea, loss of sight and limb loss in some consumers. It’s in the fine print, yo! But then there are others of you. Those ones are thinking something else. What is this ‘daily fantasy’ business? Fantasy baseball is already ‘daily’. How is this any different? You’re astute, people who speak in italics. It’s true, in many ways Daily Fantasy is nothing new with respect to the game you’re used to playing, per se. Just like Coors tries to trick you into thinking they have more than one crappy product by selling you the same swill in different cans and bottles – oooh, it turns blue when it’s cold? It’ll still taste like deer piss, people – daily fantasy isn’t that huge of a step away from the game you know, love and play. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves here. For now, I’m simply happy to announce we’re teaming back up with Draftkings this year for 2014 Fantasy Baseball for your daily fantasy pleasure. That link you just saw? That’s a portal to all the fun and it helps us out because its our referral. We’re not begging you to use it but if you plan on playing this year and this is the first time you’ve ever signed up, why not play and help a brotha out, ya know? Two birds, one stone, which is kind of a morbid analogy when you think about it so lets not. Bee Tee Dubs, this post is gonna cover some important news later on that we’re excited about so don’t y’all leave before the buzzer sounds. In other words, hold onto your potatoes Docta Jones cuz we’re gonna tell you all that we can about Draftkings and what it means for Razzball for 2014 Fantasy Baseball…

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Is it just me or does the pitcher we’re talking about need to work in showbiz? Particularly as some sort of game show host and even more particularly, the Love Connection. Yeah, lets bring that back, put a 2010s spin on it where all the first dates are just two people standing next to each other at a dance club, smiling at their phones as they’re sending private snapchats back and forth. That’s riveting television people! And later on, JFOH sexted me that he wanted his P in my V, F me in the A and then J off on my T’s and I totes said yes! Magical…true modern love in the making there. He even wrote a song about it. Just an FYI, ICYMI that vid is probably NSFW given context…m’kay. But of course you didn’t come here to find out about JFOH’s creative, more gentle musical side, you came to talk about the man, the myth, the emoticon: Drew Smyly. Yeah, I called him emoticon. I think we should call him that together. It’s better than calling him the Smyly Faced Killer. That’s just morbid. In the end, there’s a lot to like about Drew for the 2014 season and I have a few good reasons why…oh, you wanna know what they are I see. Well then follow me on a magical journey to a distant land by clicking on the title of this post if you’re on the homepage and just seeing this paragraph and see why Smyly is a good get in deep leagues for the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season…

Please, blog, may I have some more?