Do you remember those Will Smith albums?  Yikes – hard to believe he actually does serious movies.  As in, “seriously?”  Like Seven Pounds.  “Oh I want to donate my heart to some chick with a heart problem that somehow got affected by my texting and driving accident.  So why don’t I hop into a bathtub with an extremely toxic jellyfish – that’ll make my heart just fine for a transplant, right?” Seriously this got greenlit! Oh – spoiler alert!  Wait, isn’t that supposed to be before you say what happened?  Work on your timing!

Well the Fresh Prince of Milwaukee (wait strike that, you can’t call another Brewer “Prince”…) Wily Peralta burst onto the scene last year with huge power stuff, then Sky went out and wrote a sleeper piece on the big guy before the season started, and it looked like Sky would be the butt of our jokes early this season.  And my, besides writing on Bartolo Colon, tough to get more butt.  Ok I kid – as a Brewers fan I can tell you Peralta is just an overall big dude – he’s not sporting a David Wells gut.

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The Midsummer Classic.  Just such an eloquent sounding event.  If you watched last night’s game, I’d be surprised if you’re not still sleeping.  Ok fine, it wasn’t that bad, but I was texting friends that if Mariano Rivera got the save, the All-Star Game is scripted.  And what do you know he pitches in a 3-0 game in the… 8th inning?  Oh c’mon Jim Leyland and your “I wanted to be sure he pitched.”  Have him be the AL starter then!  Sheesh.  Or be the first replacement pitcher in so he can get the win.

Another thing spawned on us while bantering during the game, and that was there needs to be more fantasy evens surrounding the All-Star events.  Our ideas were one-time immediate payouts from our long-time dynasty league dues for the team with the HR Derby winner, and the winner of the most points in either a points league calculation or a DraftKings calculation from their players in the All-Star game.  We think we’re on to something for next year.

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Despite not living in an MLB-market area, I have a great AAA team nearby.  I got to see Chris Archer pitch for the AAA Durham Bulls with his great velocity, luckily before his hit role in Coming To Tampa.  But after wanting to search for a career, he got promoted from Zamunda and went to Queens Tropicana Field in hopes of a complete game.  Well, when Houston is running out Carlos Pena at leadoff, as Kevin Garnett would exclaim, “Anything is possible!”

I’ve always liked Archer’s stuff, but the high WHIP was a big bugaboo.  Like Starship Troopers big.  But I liked him in spot starts, and all through comments on Grey’s articles last week, took Archer as my spot starter of choice against a lot of other fringe-streamers.  Score one for JB-O-Nator!  Ok, that sounds more like I’m an Austrian movie star in a political position.  Let’s take a look at how Archer did inning-by-inning, get to the Choppa Pitcher Profile!

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Ahhhh July.  The 4th.  Hot dogs.  Fireworks.  Sparklers and going to other neighboring states to get the fireworks.  You know the good ones (I don’t know if people outside of NC will get that one).  I love July.  In baseball we get a little fantasy break to watch the Home Run Derby and All-Star Game.  Side note – they should have an MLB skills games like the NBA.  Throw a 100-MPH fastball through the target.  Get down a bunt on the third base line against the pitching machine set at 120 MPH.  OK maybe not the best idea.

But our friends at DraftKings have got their stuff better together than my pipe dreams, with their huge Midsummer Classic coming up on July 19th for $500,000 worth of payouts with a $125,000 winner.  Must cost an arm and a leg and a first-born to get in, huh?  Nope!  Just play in our RAZZBALL EXCLUSIVE CAN YOU BEAT RUDY GAMBLE contest for an entry fee of $10, beat the exclusive Razzball-only players, and a ticket into the Midsummer Classic is yours!  2-10 still double up to $20 and if you’re still new, first time depositors will get a $2 Qualifier ticket that wins you a circuit to the Midsummer Classic as well.  As I said on the Podcast this week, I’m gonna be back in the contest this week with my eyes on that Midsummer ticket.

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Welcome back, Pitcher Profile nation!  I am glad to be back home after a fantastic trip to DC where I got to see my Brewers go 1-1 on the 3rd and 4th and score a handful of runs.  Given it was against Ross Detwiler and Taylor Jordan (along with help from some Drew Storen trouble) – but it was nice to see some good O in person.

Then the Brewers go back home to face the Mess, and while having some decent offense early in the series, we got absolutely stymied by Jeremy Hefner yesterday afternoon.  I didn’t watch too much of the game, I was busy gawking at my boyfriend Corey Kluber, so I had yet to see much of how Hefner looked.  Then I got a tweet from Sky bringing me in on a Tehol question asking: “Am I supposed to know who this Heffer dude is on the Mets?”   My response: “Only watched an inning today, stuff looked better than earlier this year but not overwhelming, Brewers K lots.”  So what better way to elaborate on 160 characters than up it to close to 2,000 words?  Pitcher profile!  Here’s how he looked:

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So, I’m biased.  If you’ve been reading me for a while you know I’m a Brewers homer, but that doesn’t make me a sucker in fantasy.  I dumped Yovani Gallardo years ago, rode the Mike Fiers train and exited quickly, and own Carlos Gomez everywhere I could.  Then again, I had John Axford last year in a lot of leagues.  Yikes!

The point I’m trying to get at here, is I think knowing a lot about a particular team can give you great insight, especially in daily leagues like our friends over at DraftKings.  There will be days I choose no Brewers, and days like Friday in our RAZZBALL EXCLUSIVE CAN YOU BEAT RUDY GAMBLE contest where I go homer heavy.  When Bernie Brewer slides down the yellow slide, I’m going to be pretending I see the green face of Benjamin Franklin and not the Brewers logo on the waving flag!

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I am back with another Pitcher Profile Razzball Nation!  I was out of town last week and unable to work on multiple screens slash was sipping daiquiris on vacation.  True story.  Ask Sky.  Then ask him what drink we came up with while my daiquiri was half melted and looked like a prop from Hostel.

As I try to do every week, I like picking a guy who pitched on Sunday to keep things topical.  I also like to do profiles on pitchers that have been requested.  And Zack Wheeler pitched on Sunday!  The stars have aligned to give everyone an introspective look and how he… well… looked.

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So I’m out of town this week, then all the sudden while I have left my upper lip unshaven and drinking a daiquiri (the latter a true story), I get thrust into this twitter chain (@jbgilpin) about a keeper question from Nick the podcast host. What it devolved into was a battle for just how bad R.A. Dickey projects in a keeper league from this point forward. My answer – “turrible!”

But what do I really get out of it if I’m wrong or right? No one will remember that chain when Dickey is cut by the Blue Jays in 2015 and can’t keep his ERA under 4.80. It’d be like saying in 1999, “that Robert Downey Jr. is going to be a Hollywood G in 10 years just you wait.” 10 years pass and people are like, “meh, whatevs.” Or, “‘derp’, whatever brah I coulda told you that!”

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Breaking news! The MLB season is doubling the season to 324 games.  There will now be 8 bases.  In the new Star Wars movies the character will be renamed Han Duet.

So doubling things doesn’t always work, but it does for some things – like a double cheeseburger becomes a quadruple and getting to second base would be, well, that much better in high school.  And it also works for our RAZZBALL EXCLUSIVE CAN YOU BEAT RUDY GAMBLE contest hosted by our friends at DraftKings returning back to Friday night.  This week the entry is $10, but the prize pool so much more cheddar-y.  The top spot gets entry into the biggest DraftKings contest we’ve won tickets into to date – their huge $500,000 Midsummer Classic where the top spot nabs $125 large.  Not only that, but 600 spots will get paid!  For our contest, the entries are limited to 30 total (up to two per person) and spots 2-10 will double-up to $20.  That’s enough to sing about having in your pocket.  Good luck this week!

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K:BB.  Mmmm can’t think of a sexier group of three letters.  Double D’s are nice but that’s only two letters.  JB is only two letters.  So if you have to go to three letters, I’ll take K:BB.

A guy I’ve liked for a while now, Corey Kluber came into yesterday’s matchup against the Nationals with a sparkling 57:12 K:BB ratio so far this season.  Don’t believe me that he’s been my man crush the past month?  Look at phone records to Sky or my friend Peter.  Just ask the NSA, they’ve got them saved somewhere…  Kluber has been around a while, pitching in the Minors since 2006 with consistent strikeout numbers, but other than that never has put it completely together. Now 27 years old, Kluber is suddenly owning MLB offenses.

As soon as I saw Kluber’s numbers last month before he was the talk of the town, I went and looked at his pitch selection.  He’s completely changed his arsenal from a slider as his main breaking offering into tossing a cutter as his second pitch.  Does that remind you of any other Cleveland Indian who had late(r) career success?  Reminds me of Cliff Lee!  Ok so I’m not saying Kluber is the next Cliff Lee, they’re very different pitchers, but it is interesting.

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