It just so happens that every player that I’ve covered so far, Edwin Encarnacion, RA Dickey, and Josh Hamilton all have nicknames. Well, Robert-Allen Dickey doesn’t, but he has Dickeyface (look at this one too!), which is just as good. But Encarnacion has E5, Hamilton has Hambone, and even I have JW1. Now, the streak has been broken with the Bear/Bull spotlight directed upon Matt Harvey. With the way he’s pitched so far, his nick status needs a change. I’ve heard of several that really don’t do him justice, but should be put out there for community research. There’s Matt ‘Hardcore’ Harvey, which is simple and rolls off the tongue pretty easily. But it also brings up images that can be described with words that end in ‘ingus’ and ‘lation’. Not exactly what you want. Well, *you* might want that, but this is about Matt Harvey. There’s Mattastic, which is just corny. If we are just squishing his name together with other words, why not go with Mattpocolypse or Mattmageddon? Even Matt-howyoulikemenow! has a certain synergy to it. I’ve also seen Heatflame Harv, which just sounds like my dating life… desperate. My choice, I feel, has the upper hand at the moment. Borrowed from the DC Universe, Harvey Two-Face, was recently played by Aaron Eckhart in Nolan’s Prestige, Inception, Batman movies. The association only adds to the flair, and the name has a good ring to it. It’s not like I was going to go with Rocket Racoon, amiright? He’s about as useful as Hawkeye, I mean, at least Black Widow is a good vehicle for bewbs. I mean, seriously… a big green Hulk, an all-powerful mechanized armor suit with gunz flown by a guy with charming sass and sarcasm, the son of Odin, a super soldier, and a dude who shoots arrows… yeah, tell me who doesn’t belong in that sentence. Anyhow, I’m going to go out on a limb and take credit for Harvey’s new nick. So it was said, so it shall be done.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Remember when I told you about how to tell when streaks aren’t streaks anymore? You don’t? Well, here’s the refresher course. In that piece, you’ll find a nice story about Chris Shelton, a random aside on Mike Trout and, of course, some funky math. Well folks, the time has arrived, and our first major stat threshold has been met. And that threshold is Contact%, and it stabilizes at 100 PA’s. Contact Percentage is pretty much how it sounds. It is the total percentage of contact made when swinging at all pitches. With the majority of starting batters now eclipsing the 100 PA mark, I’ll be taking a look at some movers and shakers in fantasy that have new contact skill-sets, for better or worse.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I really don’t want to spend much time on Endy Chavez. Which means basically two things. 1) I don’t think to much of the guy. 2) The Mariners outfield situation is bad. Really bad. Boy, wouldn’t it be nice if they still had a fourth outfielder that could play center and have some pop? Granted, they could have claimed Casper Wells, after the either previous DFA’s this past week, but pride goeth before a fall, or so they say. Well, now that I’m thinking about it, if I’m going to talk about Shelley Duncan and Don Kelly in previous iterations of this series, might as well make Chavez feel right at home. Hitting 269/308/367 for his career, that’s basically who he is. But he’s getting at-bats, so he’s filler if you need it. And if you need filler like that, bless your heart.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Surprised that I showed up with a post today? I’m sure most of you thought I was still writing my 30-page thesis on R.A. Dickey. What can I say? It was more a labor of love than anything else. And that doesn’t mean I treat other players differently. In fact, if I had children, I would love all of them equally. Except Hunter, he’s just so bad-ass cause he knows how to drive stick and already has a brown belt in taekwondo, all at the age of three. That’s my number one seed son! Maybe I messed up by naming his sister Samardzija, because I dunno, ef her childhood I guess. But like I said, this post will not be tl;dr, only because my wrists are still sore from last week’s marathon. And I need my wrists for other things. It’s funny because I watch redtube.com all the time. Get it? So while you can be assured I love all baseball players, except Luke Scott, I won’t get out of hand like last time. Unless I ever happen to pick a player from the Padres to spotlight. Hint: I have 5000+ words ready to go on John Baker. I think Grey just threw up all over me. So, on to today’s subject, one Josh Hamilton.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’ll be honest here, I had no idea that Shelley Duncan was still playing. Not only is he playing, he’s, um, well, I’m supposed to put something he’s doing well here to make the play of words work. But that’s not really possible. Oh, he does have two homeruns. Does that help? With a career slash of 230/306/427, I think I’ve actually found a worse outfielder than Don Kelly. What’s next, stigmata? While, if given regular at-bats, 260/330/480 represents the very high end, I could foresee 10 homers and 50 RBI’s if he play’s for 50% of the season’s games.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

R.A. Dickey will not be remembered for what he did before wearing a Rangers, Brewers, Mariners, Twins, Met’s uniform. Nor will he ever be remembered for his mediocre fastball or equally mediocre changeup. He likely won’t be remembered for his scrumptious beard. (Actually, I have no proof of that. He *should* be remembered for his facial hair, since all beards are regal and spiffy in nature and form, but I will leave that in the capable hands of history.) No one will remember that he was born without an ulnar collateral ligament in his elbow. Or that he climbed Mount Kilimanjaro to raise money for awareness of human trafficking. Or even that he had been sexually abused as a child. While all these things are noteworthy, the truth of the matter is, he will most certainly always be remembered for throwing a very goofy pitch, and throwing it in a very special way. For baseball fans, like myself, who are enamored with such an unconventional baseball skill, this is still quite a special thing to be remembered for. Though we should at least try to remember the beard too.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Wow, assembling this week’s list of players made me dizzy with enthusiasm. No. I’m lying. To help write this post, I have a hired a shadow writer sorta speak. Readership meet my shadow writer — Vodka. Vodka, meet readership. What did you say? Drink more? Silly you. You’re already empty! Let’s get this thing started before I get prescribed anti-depressants.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome to the brand new series called Bear or Bull. In this series, we will be talking about animals and how they relate to baseball players. No, really, we are. Otis Nixon is a cheetah! No, not like that. More like, if by animals I mean market trend descriptors. Yes, that totally makes more sense. No, not really. Basically, I’ll be spotlighting players every week and make a framework of where they trending, a big picture analysis type of thing. Think Sky’s Creeper of the Week, but for multiple seasons, mixed with a hint of Grey’s Buy/Sell with a touch of my manly musk and prowess. We’ll do some light bio work, have some lol’s, make some GIFs, and assess where this player is and where this player is going. In the end, you’ll learn whether or not I’m Bearish (not zesty) or Bullish (yes please) on the player. Personally, I’d always want to be the bear. A polar bear actually. All I would do is hunt for seals and fish, drink a bunch of Coke, and never fear anything. Well, except global warming I guess. And maybe acid reflux.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Note: If you don’t want the story, just scroll down to the bottom to see the statistical markers on how to tell the difference between Hot/Cold streaks or a real improvement or eroding of skills. But Santa is watching. And so am I. All the time.

Welcome friends and family! Actually, you’re right. Hi Mom. Thanks for being my only reader. I’m not sure if you remember who Chris Shelton is, but I certainly do. A week or so ago, I was actually thinking back to the best hot streaks to open the season, and if any of them were produced by players that I had owned. After all, the season is only a week old. Hope springs eternal and what not. So, of course I’m expecting Mike Morse to hit 489 homeruns. And yes, Yu Darvish will finish the season with 56,284 strike-outs. Stop looking at me like that. Thinking back and reminiscing all those seasons I’ve been playing fantasy baseball, which is 16 years if you needed to know. And since I deemed it necessary that you know that, I also, while somewhat ego driven, deem it necessary that you know I am not an old fogey. I’m actually only 30. Which to me feels old, but in fact, really is not that old. If you need proof, ask anyone over the age of 30 how they feel. I assume they will say they feel older than me. And then roll their eyes in disgust. And also, while we’re on this tangent, I’m not fat either. My OkCupid profile says I’m ‘average’, so therefore, it is the truth. And no, you’re not getting a link. Unless you are a hot female that resides in the greater metro area.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome to the first official Deep Impact for this 2013 season. We went over some Overvalued and Undervalued choices to help with your off season tasks. Now that the year has begun, one could ask what our goal will be as this series moves forward. Well, foremost, this series exists to do the chit and do the chat with all things Deep League. That should have been obvious, or my title needs to be changed. But I don’t want to change it, I want to live in a world where Morgan Freeman is the President. And Leelee Sobieski is actually eating. And, well, Frodo is still Frodo, except instead of a ring, he’s keeping his chick safe from the tsunami horde and hopefully any type of sandwich shortage.

Please, blog, may I have some more?