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Welcome to another season of the Razzball Commenter Leagues! After typing that, I now know why we abbreviate that shiitake mushroom. I’m out of breath and burned 89 calories just from typing that out, and that doesn’t even include realising that I always spelled it ‘Commentator’. Apparently, I added more vowels than I needed.  Anyhow, let’s get to your first question. No, I’m not J-FOH. He’ll be around during the season for all of your RCL needs. And no, I’m not even VinWins, who will be chiming in from time to time and providing us with a whole bunch of numbers because math is hard. Heck, I’m not even VinLoses, who, interesting story, is actually the cousin of Vin’s mother’s brother’s second cousin’s friend of a friend. TOO INTERESTING. Regardless, I’m Jay, and I’m here to help launch the most important fantasy story out there this season, and that is the story of YOUR 2015 Razzball Commenter League…

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Welcome to the 2015 Razzball Team Previews! You’ll find everything you need to know about each team to get yourself ready for the upcoming fantasy baseball season. And I mean everything folks. We’ve got line-ups, charts, Slurpee’s, lube, a guide for beginner electricians, and even a cactus! Oh, wait, yeah, like half of those things are actually what I have in front of me… But hey, what’s the point of lube and cacti if you can’t share? Truer words have never been written. We also have a very special guest…  Patrick Reddington from Federal Baseball, to provide his take on what the team has in store this season. So without further ado (and plenty of lube and cacti), let’s check out the 2015 Washington Nationals!

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Welcome to the 2015 Razzball Team Previews! You’ll find everything you need to know about each team to get yourself ready for the upcoming fantasy baseball season. And I mean everything folks. We’ve got line-ups, charts, Slurpee’s, lube, a guide for beginner electricians, and even a cactus! Oh, wait, yeah, like half of those things are actually what I have in front of me… But hey, what’s the point of lube and cacti if you can’t share? Truer words have never been written. We also have a very special guest…  Michael Axisa from Riveraveblues, to provide his take on what the team has in store this season. So without further ado (and plenty of lube and cacti), let’s check out the 2015 New York Yankees!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Baltimore-Orioles-Is-American-professional-baseball-Team-Wallpaper-HD

Welcome to the 2015 Razzball Team Previews! You’ll find everything you need to know about each team to get yourself ready for the upcoming fantasy baseball season. And I mean everything folks. We’ve got line-ups, charts, Slurpee’s, lube, a guide for beginner electricians, and even a cactus! Oh, wait, yeah, like half of those things are actually what I have in front of me… But hey, what’s the point of lube and cacti if you can’t share? Truer words have never been written. We also have a very special guest…  Matt Kremnitzer from the Camden Depot, to provide his take on what the team has in store this season. So without further ado (and plenty of lube and cacti), let’s check out the 2015 Baltimore Orioles!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Welcome to the 2015 Razzball Team Previews! You’ll find everything you need to know about each team to get yourself ready for the upcoming fantasy baseball season. And I mean everything folks. We’ve got line-ups, charts, Slurpee’s, lube, a guide for beginner electricians, and even a cactus! Oh, wait, yeah, like half of those things are actually what I have in front of me… But hey, what’s the point of lube and cacti if you can’t share? Truer words have never been written. We also have a very special guest… Mauricio Rubio Jr. from the Cubs Den, to provide his take on what the team has in store this season. So without further ado (and plenty of lube and cacti), let’s check out the 2015 Chicago Cubs!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, it’s about that time folks. I’ve taken a small break from running Razzball Football to go over how my 2014 Bold Predictions turned out. If you remember, 2013 was a fantastic year for me, as I got zero predictions correct. So by “fantastic”, I mean a total sh*t-fest. Which is also Nickelback’s favorite venue. Of course I had to up my game, so showing no proof whatsoever that I knew what the heck I was doing, I decided to take on Eno Sarris of FanGraphs, mano a mano, or, in this case, mother’s basement a mother’s basement, and have a prediction competition of the ages! All of them…

Here were the terms: Eno Sarris of FanGraphs has agreed to take on your very own lovable and quite handsome Jason Longfellow (yes, that’s my name, don’t wear it out) in a duel for the ages. His bold predictions will battle my bold predictions for COMPLETE AND UTTER SUPREMACY. Sort of like Highlander. We certainly need more Sean Connery, that’s for sure. And what’s at stake in this epic battle? Heads? Lightning swords? Shinobi’s? Naw. It’s beer. That’s right, beer. Whomever get’s the most predictions right, well, the loser has to buy him a six-pack of the beer of his choice. In this case, Eno has chosen DC Brau. Great selection, but it might come with side effects such as too much hipster and listening to Mumford. My choice? Koko Brown, because Hawai’i is the greatest thing ever known to man besides ice cream and blow jobs.

Here’s what happened…

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We’ve now officially reached the second-half of the baseball season, even though we officially reached that mark more than two weeks ago, according to the math. But since I get along with numbers about as well as I get along with asparagus, we apparently have two official second-half beginning points. I mean, we could have 80, but why? So yeah, the All Star break is now behind us, and we can now begin to get an idea if our teams have what it takes to either win a championship or, you know, not win a championship. And I know the general feeling around this time if your team is in the bottom-half of the standings is to throw in the towel. But you should try to fight that urge. Remember, there is still enough time to make a difference. How do I know that? Because it took all this time for you to get to arrive at this crucial juncture. And by that logic, there is an equal amount of time (sans two weeks) where anything can happen. Murphy’s Law yo. Your team could go on a tear while teams ahead of you collapse… things like this happen all the time, 50% of the time, some of the times.

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Be that lawnmower people. Be the hope. Be the dream. Never give up, never surrender. Or, you know, just start your fantasy football research by heading on over to Football.Razzball.com. That works too.

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All-Duds… sounds like a candy. But, if we are taking it literally, it would be candy flavored as poop. Or, actually, now that I think of it, it would be flavored as duds. Which might taste like poop, but I’ve tasted neither, so I cannot deny, nor confirm the flavor. So yeah, that’s right, we’re here at the All-Star break, an event which has actual real-world MLB ramifications, yet is regarded like a Bono press event by fans and players alike. Thanks Bud Selig! What’s the cure in our RCL corner? As I might have alluded to it with my candy-poop, (call me, ladies), I hereby refuse your All-Stars. I don’t want them, I don’t need them, and since I’m already knee-deep in the fantasy football warm-up (clutch link drop right there), I honestly have no idea who the All-Stars are. But this would be true of any season, seeing as how I care as much about the game as I care about my asparagus intake. Which is to say, not at all. So let’s have fun, and make an All-Duds team… a team, dare I say, full of poop…

Note: In a perfect world, I would tally a vote for this, then again, in a perfect world, I would be the one and only ruler of all that I see before me… which, if we’re still being literal, would be my basement. And I may have just stolen a quote from The Lion King. Anyhow, I chose these playerss using the arbitrary criteria of having at least 250 PA’s / 100 IP for SP / 28 IP for RP, and sucking every single orifice around them. Like your mom. 

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Note: If you play fantasy football, our rankings are being released as we speak. Well, not really as we speak, as I’m typing. But you get the point. Not really the point of a spear, this isn’t Game of Thrones. But you get the idea. Unless it’s running. Okay, I’m just going to stop now.

After witnessing the death of Edwin Encarnacion’s hamstring this past weekend, my first reaction was this:

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And then my next most immediate reaction was this:

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While this is what I usually call Friday night, I’d be lying if I said this didn’t hurt. I essentially own E5 on 170% of the 13-15 teams I have this year. Just forget about those numbers for a second, since they make no sense. The only number that matters is one. And that’s the loneliest number. Coincidentally, that’s also how many operational hamstrings Encarnacion has at the moment. Fast-forward to yesterday, the news obviously wasn’t as horrific as the actual injury looked, and at an optimistic four week time-table, it shouldn’t be a season-killer. But why did it have to happen in the first place, is what I want know. Haven’t we already had enough oblique and shoulder explosion this season? The entire MLB is committing seppuku this year, and there appears to be no end in sight. Anyways, let’s get to your RCL tidbits… mmmm, tidbits…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Note: If you play fantasy football, our rankings are being released as we speak. Well, not really as we speak, as I’m typing. But you get the point. Not really the point of a spear, this isn’t Game of Thrones. But you get the idea. Unless it’s running. Okay, I’m just going to stop now.

That’s right folks, today we (probably just me!) celebrate the 100th anniversary post that has been authored by yours truly. Well, technically, it’s my 144th post if you include our Football site, but I’d like to keep them separate, if only for the fact that I would have nothing to write about in this lede. I mean, who celebrates their 144th anniversary? Put your hand down Bartolo Colon. That being said, my goal here is not to draw attention to myself (I do that plenty elsewhere), but to reminisce on how fantastic it is to write for a brand that understands and supports poop jokes. (Also, how the heck has Grey and Rudy allowed me to write for so long?) And while the number “100” probably doesn’t hold any particular meaning in the grander scheme of things, except the zeroes looking like boobs, it does trigger some feels, ya know? I’m coming close (that’s what she never says) to the four year mark of being part of the site and the community, and I can’t imagine my daily grind without Razzball. Helping to provide the readership, (that’s you guys), an entertaining product, and to work with so many great contributors is a privilege and honor. And you should know that. So on this day of self-awesomeness (is that a thing?), I guess it’s nice that I’ve reached the 144 100th-post mark. But what’s better than that, is I’ve reached that mark with these group of fantastic people: Grey, Rudy, Nick, Smokey, Mike, Sky, Tom Jacks, JB Gilpin, Guru, Dan Pants, Tehol, Paulie, J-FOH, Dano, Pete, Schlurr, Jeremy, Seth, Chris, and Paul… you guys make it about the journey, not the destination. So thanks for that. Now, hurry up and get your post’s in so I can add an egregious amount of comma’s to them.

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