Welcome to the first official “This Week In Razz”, because we all know how good it is to be in Razz. Technically, last week was the first official post of this series, but that was more of a “welcome to the site, here’s what you can expect” type of thing. So I guess we had two beginnings, which means twice the fanfare, twice the laughter, and twice the, uh, yeah, I ran out of stuff that we got double of. Whiplash may work here. Regardless, I’m here to go over the week that was, in case you missed anything here on Razzball, and to go over what to expect next week…and what a special week it’ll be. Baseball finally starts, with Sunday being sorta-kinda-you-just-get-one-game Opening Day, and then Monday brings baseball to 100% operating levels. Unless you’re a fan of the Phillies. Then you’re really just working with 18 or so percent. But that’s okay! You have Philly Cheesesteaks, Chip Kelly innovating, I don’t know, stuff I guess, and yeah. Batteries to throw at people I guess? It could be worse! I mean, you could be living in Cleveland! (I’m kidding. Maybe.) So follow me after the jump to take a look back AND a look forward on all things Razzball. (Including helpful tips using Razzball’s Streamonator, Hitter-Tron, and DFSBot!)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The time has once again arrived to get wild and crazy with my procrastination! Wait, is that the right word? No. No it’s not. That’s actually my life strategy. Prescientinism is probably the word I’m looking for. It’s a totally made up word, but whatever. So here I am, back to bring you 11 BOLD (bolded for effect) predictions that may or may not come true. (Probably not.) If you missed it, last year, Eno Sarris of FanGraphs and I had a gentlemen’s battle to the death (because that’s what gentlemen do) over our predictions. Much to my sadness, I lost by only getting three right to Sarris’ five. To be fair, I got really close on a lot of the spewed boldness, so if you like pleading and excuse-making, well then technically it was a tie. But a new season brings new hope and something-something wax poetic, so let’s get bold AND beautiful (just like your mom)…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s official because we don’t deal in unofficial. Whatever that means. Which is nothing, if you’re wondering. But it does make this post feel more important. Delusions of grandeur? That’s my life story bro. And that also might describe the life story of many here who reside at Razzball HQ. Which is basically our basements. With bountiful supplies of Hot Pockets and Mike’s Hard Lemonade. Oh, wait, nevermind. Sky called, he want’s his everything back. Jokes on you buddy. I’m keeping the Hot Pockets. So, where were we? Oh, that’s right, delusions of grandeur…and Hot Pockets, it happens to the best of us. And that’s why we make these picks. Because we think we’re right all the time. Except for me. I’m just very wrong. Jay Wrong. (/turns off Sean Connery accent.) But don’t let that stop you from looking at our well-thought out (MAYBE) picks for this upcoming 2015 season. (Now with more Grey and Rudy!) We all can’t write a 1500 word exposé on these players, so you get this nifty assortment where you’ll gain a general sense of which players we like and which we don’t. All in a simple box for you to stare and giggle at. Kind of like what you normally would do if you were looking at Tehol‘s well, you know, simple box.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Oh, hello there. I’m not quite sure why I’m greeting you like you’re at my front door, but if you are, well played! Here’s a restraining order OR a certificate of approval. (To be fair, I never know the difference, at least legally speaking.) As the title reveals, the 2015 Baseball season is upon us, and I’m here to just take a moment to give you the insider info of what to expect from Razzball this season. As this series continues weekly, we’ll review what happened the previous week on your favorite fantasy baseball site (and if it isn’t your favorite, just lie to me and say it is), and what to expect the following week. Kind of like going over the lay of the land, if you will. The land of mustaches, math, and, um, well, I can’t really think of another ‘m’ word. Midgets. Yes. The land of midgets. That makes no sense. Regardless, whether you’re brand new to the community, or a veteran among the Razzballian (Razzballer?) readership, follow me after the jump for intriguing and interesting things. Anybody have another “I” word for me? Anybody?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Just like the title says, the table is set, the forks and spoons are in their right place, and hopefully there’s food ready to go. But in terms of the RCL universe (because I’m hungry and I might end up writing 700 words about food and then eating my monitor), the league has taken shape. And when I say league, I mean league, not leagues. Because ef pluralization…I mean, what has it ever done for me? Actually, it’s done a lot, but at this point, I have no idea what I’m talking about. But you have to remember, this is one complete universal league. The Milky Way of Fantasy Baseball if you will, including Mike Trout, Saturn, and of course, Uranus. Don’t roll your eyes, you knew it was coming. I only mention this (not Uranus) because as teams fall out of contention, owners begin to pay less and less attention to their roster, and soon, you’ll have a 12-team league that feels like a 3-team league. This is actually quite common in free-to-play leagues and perfectly normal, so don’t feel scorned. Those owners aren’t there to entertain you, only themselves. I mean, that’s why I write, it’s only to entertain myself. You guys are the crazy ones reading this. And of course, at the dawn of the season, everyone feels excited, bashful hope abound. Puppies and ice cream everywhere! But as the season moves past the All-Star break, you have to remember that you aren’t necessarily playing against your league. No, you are playing against 1,100+ teams in one league. For a hoodie (don’t wear it in Florida) and ultimate bragging rights. So don’t feel alone. Enjoy the journey. Participate as best you can. Be one with the fantasy baseballs (and Uranus). I guess that’s my last bit of advice as the RCL Updates will now be handled by J-FOH. He will be your in-season storyteller, and starting next week, he’ll begin to tell your story. The RCL story. And I can’t wait. (I’m talking about eating…)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If there were a Guinness World Records for fantasy baseball (not to be confused with Guinness beer, much to my chagrin), we’d break the entire book. For you, the readers, have answered (well, nearly) my call for 100 Razzball Commenter Leagues. This is truly a historic moment to be remembered for all eternity. Well, for the next few weeks at least. As of this writing, we are at 95 total leagues, which goes to show you not just how much support the community has offered, but also speaks to the growth of Razzball itself. Last season, we barely had 75 leagues. The year before that? 50ish. True, it’s not something you can truly use as a marker to tell you what direction we’re all going in, but let’s call it an arbitrary rough estimate. Now I’m calling on you fans of mustache and sarcasm to join the remaining leagues that are open. You no longer have to create & commish (the two c’s of life, as they call it…who they are, I have no idea, but let’s just go with it), but instead, just simply join. That’s it. Join a league and you’re done. And there are a bunch left to choose from, money leagues, ones hosted by our very own contributors, and ones that are hosted by readers like yourself. While it might matter in the micro, remember, this is a macro competition, a universal way to assert fantasy baseball dominance. Join now, and assert your dominance. Assert it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

HTS-MLB-CLI-C2008-01

 

Welcome to the 2015 Razzball Team Previews! You’ll find everything you need to know about each team to get yourself ready for the upcoming fantasy baseball season. And I mean everything folks. We’ve got line-ups, charts, Slurpee’s, lube, a guide for beginner electricians, and even a cactus! Oh, wait, yeah, like half of those things are actually what I have in front of me… But hey, what’s the point of lube and cacti if you can’t share? Truer words have never been written. We also have a very special guest…  Ed Carroll from Wahoos on First, to provide his take on what the team has in store this season. So without further ado (and plenty of lube and cacti), let’s check out the 2015 Cleveland Indians!

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Well, another fantasy baseball season brings another opportunity to waste a roster spot on Chase Headley, and SPOILER ALERT, I did not disappoint. And yes, if you had to know, I was also able to draft R.A. Dickey… which would bode very well for me if this were a 20-team league format. But yeah, it’s not. It’s a 12-team auction format with two catchers and seven reserve spots. But you know me when it comes to Headley and Dickey. [Insert sexual innuendo joke here.] But yeah, this should turn out well! Regardless, when an invitation for an expert league pops up in my general direction, I usually verify with Grey to check if it’s some kind of mistake. If it wasn’t, I accept the invitation in a very vigorous fashion. Vigorous, like your mother. Whatever you think of the nomenclature (I prefer to be called a “fantasy writer”, not a “fantasy expert”), it’s difficult not to try-hard in a league that has such recognizable names as Scott White, Adam Aizer, Chris Towers, and Al Melchior. And boy did I try-hard… [Instert another sexual innuendo joke here.] But was it good enough? Only time will tell. And alcohol. A heavy regiment of alcohol. (Note: It doesn’t really tell you anything, but I like alcohol. So whatever.) Here’s the team:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You’re right, I’ve probably been talking about it too much. The fact that you have a lovely mother. Also, I’m been going on ad nauseam with the fact that we need more commissioners. Because we need stuff commissioned folks. But there’s a reason for this, and that’s because I love our RCLs. I’ve waxed poetic about this before, but I love Razzball. I love Grey. I love Sky. Tehol? Not so much. But you get the point. I believe in the Razzball product, and by default, that means I love you, the community. And, of course, your mothers. We’re not trying to reinvent the wheel here, but obviously we always try to provide an entertaining vehicle for fantasy analysis. But more importantly, and here it comes again (that’s what she never says), we also prioritize community moreso than any other fantasy sports site out there. We want to engage with you, the readers on everything. And that goes to the RCLs…it gives everyone a chance to play with everyone else. Contributors, readers, hobo’s, you name it. And that’s why I love our RCLs, and that’s why you should love being a commissioner. Note to self: Sales and marketing may be a worthy pursuit. However, we just didn’t come here to talk about creating a commission full of commissioners to commish commishenable (totally a word) leagues. (Instructions on how to create a league are below the jump.) No, we also came here to take a look at the new set of RCL drafts that have taken place, where profuse praise will be given. Haha, not really. There’s bound to be a Tehol team there…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We are almost there folks. Where is there? Draft time. BUT EVERYONE JUST HOLD UP FOR A SECOND. Remember that one time when I set 100 RCL’s as my personal goal, and therefore, by mitosis, or photosynthesis, or osmosis, or dry-humping, it became your personal goal? Yeah. In this regard, we are not almost there. I mean, technically we are, only 25 more leagues… but drafts are right around the corner. It’s gonna be close. WE’RE TOO CLOSE MAN. Just 25 more commissioners… look, how about this… if you go commish a league right now (yes, we can totally have more than 100, in fact, I prefer it), I promise to go over some of the leagues that have drafted already. Sure, that’s something I was going to do anyways, but this comes with free shipping and handling. Because boy do I know how to handle it. Whatever that means. But sure, even if you don’t commish a league, you can still continue reading after the jump… I can’t stop you, per say. But I promise you there will be guilt. I WILL MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A CATHOLIC. If you’re already Catholic, well, you have enough guilt to deal with, so yeah. Take that, I guess.

Please, blog, may I have some more?