uncle_grey

Welcome to another season of the Razzball Commentator Leagues! After typing that, I now know why we abbreviate that shiitake mushroom. I’m out of breath and burned 89 calories just from typing that out, and that doesn’t even include trying to figure how I spelled ‘Commentator’ wrong. Apparently I added three m’s too many. So many m’s and no M&M’s! Such is life, amiright? Not really, because that makes no sense whatsoever. Anyhow, let’s get to your first question. No, I’m not VinWins. I’m not even VinLoses. Who, interesting story, is actually the cousin of Vin’s mother’s brother’s second cousin’s friend of a friend. TOO INTERESTING. Regardless, I’m Jay, and I’m here to narrate the most important fantasy story out there this season, and that is the story of YOUR 2014 RCL…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome to the second annual Razzball Keepers Top-100 list-a-roo. I capped it AND italicized it, because it’s just that special. (The 2013 Top-100 can be found here.)

Spoiler Alert! We’re doing things keeper league style, dynasty style… which ever nomenclature you prefer. Basically, if you hold onto players for more than a year, these are the rankings you’ve been waiting your whole life for. Whole life man. Seriously.

Remember, the process for this list is quite unique. Unlike Grey, I didn’t type half of it with my mustache. Also, this isn’t your list. It’s my list. So, yeah, I’ll love guys a lot more than you will. I’ll also love your mom. Or vica versa. It’s just the way it is. If you stuck me in a keeper this very instant, this is pretty much the list, in order, of who I’d personally want long term. Things like previous production, expected 2014 production, projections for 2015-2017,  future potential, positional-scarcity, and injury-risk are all things I bake into the rankings. Regardless, the big takeaway here is that I believe in the Oxford comma. And I guess a lot of comma’s in general. And short sentences. And baking. And female nudity. Word.

Note: I’ve only ranked players who have pitched at least one inning or had one at-bat in their MLB career, sans Masahiro Tanaka and Jose Abreu. Our prospect maven, Scott Evans, has the low down on all those MiLB guys I left out. Go check out his 2014 rankings (Top-25, Top-50), he won’t bite… I think.) 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So, we’re back again to check and see what kind of junk has built-up Under the Greydar. As sort of a prologue, coming back for another year at Razzball was a forgone conclusion. However, unlike other years, this time, Grey had a requirement of me– limit the number of Padres posts from 478,568.5 down to something more manageable and less-bias driven. Something like, what was the number he said? One? One. But, because I’m always on his good side, and I’m prettier than Sky, I was able to increase that number to five. Enough for a little breathing room. The thing Grey didn’t realize is, there’s a loop-hole. Joke’s on you my mustache’d friend! My strategy is to now to fit multiple Padres into one post… so I’ll be covering not one, but two Padres this time around… Can you taste what the Jay is cooking!? (Totally not sexual… maybe.) Before we get started, I should establish that I am not Hispanic, yet I always love dropping my Spanish language-bombs. Seeing as how I was the only kid to grow up in San Diego and not finish with at least a C+ in Spanish 101, well, that’s basically the long-story of– don’t ask me what I typed in Spanish. I have no idea. Put that in your Google translator and smoke it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Jack attack is back. Or, in this case, the Jay Flambé is day-to-day. Makes no sense whatsoever. But it does roll off the tongue, does it not? The main point is, I’m back, your back, and, best of all, Sky is back. And we’re here to spotlight certain players for whom the mighty overlord of mustache’s, Grey, has yet to comb-over. And probably condition as well. You gotta figure with a mustache like that, you gotta condition. And since I’m nothing if not consistent, I’m back to try and sell you more Dick(ey). The innuendo is outrageous. But more outrageous than trying to sell you on him for yet another season? We shall see.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Before we get this post-Festivus celebration of the back-end of this mock-u-mentiful draft going, I’d like to pass along a special thanks to our very own Grey Albright and Bryan Curley of Baseball Professor for setting up this multi-site super exposition of this crazy idea, because I apparently have nothing else to with my time during the off-season. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, then you can find the Round 1-5 Recap by clicking on this linkadink. For the Round 6-10 Recap, go ahead and marvel at this linkadink. For the complete results, you can check them out here. (Dat nineties website design, bro.) So let’s go to the jump and get this present unwrapped. HOLIDAY THEMES!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Before we get this post-Turkey celebration of When Fantasy Baseball Writers Have Nothing To Do In The Offseason up and running, I’d like to pass along a special thanks to our very own Grey Albright and Bryan Curley of Baseball Professor for setting up this multi-site super exposition of the aforementioned When Fantasy Baseball Writers Have Nothing To Do In The Offseason, or WFBWHNTDITO, if you’re into the whole brevity thing. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, then you can find the Round 1-5 Recap by clicking on this conveniently placed hyperlink right… about… now. And for the full results, you can check them out here. (If nineties website design is your crème de jour, enjoy that layout bro.) Anyhow, let’s get this going after the jump so I can go make some turkey sammiches.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

That’s right folks, we already have a mock draft in the books. Why? Because ef the off-season, that’s why. I’d like to pass along a special thanks to our very own Grey Albright and Bryan Curley of Baseball Professor for setting up this multi-site super exposition of what fantasy baseball writers can do when there’s no fantasy baseball. Scary. I know. And while there are certain limitations that might arise from a draft that takes place so soon after the 2013 season, I prefer to use it as a litmus test, to see how the 2013 season affected specific player’s draft position and overall value. So there’s something to be gleaned here. And if you are into spoilers and want to see how the entire draft played out, you can check out the results here. Also, if you have an inexplicable yearning to get lost in early 90′s website design, enjoy. Anyhow, let’s get this party started with heavy amounts of gleaning after the jump.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So yeah, I promised a time and place where I would eat crow on my 11 Bold Predictions for 2013 (you can refresh your memory here with Part I and Part II), and this is where we landed. Right smack dab in the off-season where hopefully none of you will read this. Obviously that means my predictions were a smashing success, right? Totally. That’s exactly what it means. I’m lying. But hey, these weren’t rational predictions, so there’s that. Follow me after the jump for the official tally…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, this is it folks. As alluded to last week, we have reached the last Saturday of the regular season, and therefore, have reached the last Saturday Daily Notes of the season. Obvious statement is obvious. To celebrate such a glorious occasion, I have formulated a thought. Incredible, I know! Me? Formulating thoughts? Quick, someone file estoppel action! Anyways, we’ll be doing notes like we always do, in that, there will still be the ever popular bolded and hyper-linked player names along side the world famous Razzball player blurb thing-a-ma-jigs. But we are going to go a little GIF heavy this time around. Why? Because I thought it would be fun. And this is my series. Deal. But there’s a rub here. Because brisket bro. Also, because these GIFs will represent the story of each specific player when it is used.

Now, you may say to yourself, isn’t this a cheap way to not do any work? And I say to you… maybe. But also, let me put it this way. GIF hunting is hard. GIF making is hard. GIF editing is hard. Achieving proper context is hard. All of this is hard. That’s what she said. Hey-ohhh. But yeah, enjoy the show. Or don’t. It’s the last one this season, so really, do whatever you want. After all, that’s what I did. Here’s what I noticed yesterday:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So, some of you may be asking, where’s the Photoshop yo? With or without the ‘yo’ maybe. I don’t judge. But yes, that would be a great a question, seeing as how there is no picture located north of this paragraph. A better question would be, how did you get so spoiled? It’s not my fault Photoshop went buggy on me. So instead of crowing one of my pieces of artwork upon these Daily Fantasy Notes, I will try to create a solid, if not spectacular lede for all your fine lady and gentlemen.

Yes, Grey likes to mention we have at least three or four female readers, but I think my estimate of a non-pluralized ‘lady’, which, according to my math, equals one, or perhaps even less than one is closer to the real number. How can I be so sure? Well, it’s probably because I’m not counting our mothers.

So, can you tell I have no idea what to lede about? Seriously. I have nothing, nadda. Zilch. Could it be because another baseball season is almost in the books? Or is it because I want to nap? Why not both? But yes, as the title establishes, we have very little time left. And that I also like The Doors. There is one more week of baseball left, and on an even sadder note, there is only one more Saturday left for us to gather and speak of Friday night baseball. Always remember that I will look upon these times with awe. Especially this specific instance, where I actually was able to write a lede based on nothing. So yay me! (All complaints are to be forwarded to Photoshop.) Here’s what I noticed yesterday…

Please, blog, may I have some more?