Not sure if you heard, but last week on Labor Day, some bored Casino in the Twin Cities spent half-a-day cooking a 1000 pound hamburger.

Guinness Records representative Philip Robertson verified the record for biggest burger. He called the feat a result of “remarkable teamwork” and said the burger “actually tastes really good.” Black Bear’s burger included 60 pounds of bacon, 50 pounds of lettuce, 50 pounds of sliced onions, 40 pounds of pickles and 40 pounds of cheese. Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

No intro today. I’m too busy eastwooding empty chairs around the house. I, too, want to scold that invisible Kenyan President for having the audacity of being born in the foreign country of Hawaii. If you need context, I’m not sure what happened the other day, but I was flipping channels and saw Clint Eastwood having a 20 minute stroke. Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So much to write about this week, so little space to put it in. So let’s meditate, gyrate, and procreate our thoughts on this challenge, and condense down to one single topic. After a large amount of concentrating and Captain Morgan, I have read your mind and figured out what you, as my readership, wants to discuss. Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

For those of you who don’t know what FYPD stands for, I give you, freely, in the title of this post, the most common usage of that special acronym. While the phrase itself is used often, be wary for the potential of seizures and an impending brain aneurism when attempting to use it in everyday conversation. Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

When I think of a creeper, two images flow into my mind— Bachmann-eyezed! and the song ‘Creep’. This combo punch is usually enough to haunt my entire day as I hum Radiohead and cry fearful tears, afraid that I’ll be accused of being part of the Muslim Brotherhood and then be stared at profusely by those hypnotizing conservative eyes. Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please, blog, may I have some more?