As has been the theme since day one of this series, I’ve been stressing the fact that you shouldn’t panic. The fantasy season is still very young, (very fragile, like your mom, sure), but anything can happen in any amount of short time anywhere. SO META. For example, does anyone think they’d notice Evan Gattis going 12-for-73 in the month of June? Probably not, as the first month of the season shines an unfair spotlight on a player’s production (or lack thereof). Also, Evan Gattis isn’t really that good, which probably would have an affect on someone not noticing as well. While the majority of players (that aren’t suffering from an obvious injury or velocity loss specifically with pitchers) it’s been fairly easy for me to say, “It’s April”… well, that actually doesn’t ring true any more. Nope. Instead, I’ll just simply say “It’s May.” Now, if there are some players in a few more weeks that are wildly off their career norms, then we can talk. But until then, have patience, but here something you can do… and that’s start assessing your needs, wants, dreams and start gauging the market for those things you seek out. Excuse me while I go search the free agent wire for a date… Anyhow, follow me after the jump to take a look back at what was week four AND a look forward on all things Razzball, including some player suggestions for next week, straight from Razzball’s Streamonator, Hitter-Tron, and DFSBot!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If you remember (no problems if you don’t, since I don’t remember at all… alcohol folks), last week, I went over the generic “this is April” schtick that many fantasy players love to hate. But it’s true! It is, in fact, April. But to other meaning, it’s still way too early to come away with any profound conclusions. True, a whole week has passed by, a whole week I tell ya! But I’m going to tell you the same thing… and that is the Phillies and Twins are still terrible. Honestly though, don’t throw away Gregory Polanco. Give Shin-soo Choo a chance! (Eh, maybe.) Try not to sell high on Joey Votto… (health is a big deal, whowuddathunk?) Again, I’m probably repeating myself, but just try and stay calm. It’s going to be okay. Unless you’re Mark Melancon. Then yeah… you’re toast. (Hopefully French toast. Because French Toast is Best Toast. Coincidentally, that’s my team’s name in the popular e-Sport of DotA 2. Because I only deal in facts. Also, my pocket protector says hello. We will also be playing in our first tournament starting on this Sunday, so wish us luck!) Anyhow, follow me after the jump to take a look back at what was week three AND a look forward on all things Razzball, including some player suggestions for next week, straight from Razzball’s Streamonator, Hitter-Tron, and DFSBot!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Fun fact, Cameron Maybin has more home runs (2) than Matt Kemp (0). Also, Jedd Gyorko still sucks. More like Jerko, amiright? And while these are my own “Padres” problems, also commonly known as my “first-world problems”, in the context of fantasy baseball, there’s a lesson here to be gleaned. And you know how I like my gleaning… (At least your mother does). And that is, we are only two weeks into the season. No need to panic, no need to hyperventilate, and no need to drop Starling Marte. Unless you’re in a league with me. Then by all means, drop away. But remember, this is a long season, and there’s no need to make judgments that are irrationally based on just 10 games. Well, except that the Phillies and Twins are pretty terrible. Those judgments are just fine. Regardless, follow me after the jump to take a look back at what was week two AND a look forward on all things Razzball, including some player suggestions for next week, straight from Razzball’s Streamonator, Hitter-Tron, and DFSBot!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, baseball is finally back. And boy, were there some things to talk about. Welcome to another installment of This Week In Razz, a review of what you might have missed while being productive at your respective workplace (I’m productive at least three times a day, if you know what I mean. Wink-wink. You know… Wink-wink. I’m talking about masturbation), or maybe you were busy enjoying the nicer weather (your mileage may vary), or perhaps you were too busy watching hockey. Just kidding, no one knows what that is or what it does. Except maybe the utlra-pleasant people of Minnesota, but that’s only because it roughly takes a decade for the local baseball team to score anything higher than zero. I’d resort to watching soccer for their high-scoring affairs at that point. Regardless, follow me after the jump to take a look back AND a look forward on all things Razzball, including some player suggestions for next week, straight from Razzball’s Streamonator, Hitter-Tron, and DFSBot!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome to the first official “This Week In Razz”, because we all know how good it is to be in Razz. Technically, last week was the first official post of this series, but that was more of a “welcome to the site, here’s what you can expect” type of thing. So I guess we had two beginnings, which means twice the fanfare, twice the laughter, and twice the, uh, yeah, I ran out of stuff that we got double of. Whiplash may work here. Regardless, I’m here to go over the week that was, in case you missed anything here on Razzball, and to go over what to expect next week…and what a special week it’ll be. Baseball finally starts, with Sunday being sorta-kinda-you-just-get-one-game Opening Day, and then Monday brings baseball to 100% operating levels. Unless you’re a fan of the Phillies. Then you’re really just working with 18 or so percent. But that’s okay! You have Philly Cheesesteaks, Chip Kelly innovating, I don’t know, stuff I guess, and yeah. Batteries to throw at people I guess? It could be worse! I mean, you could be living in Cleveland! (I’m kidding. Maybe.) So follow me after the jump to take a look back AND a look forward on all things Razzball. (Including helpful tips using Razzball’s Streamonator, Hitter-Tron, and DFSBot!)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The time has once again arrived to get wild and crazy with my procrastination! Wait, is that the right word? No. No it’s not. That’s actually my life strategy. Prescientinism is probably the word I’m looking for. It’s a totally made up word, but whatever. So here I am, back to bring you 11 BOLD (bolded for effect) predictions that may or may not come true. (Probably not.) If you missed it, last year, Eno Sarris of FanGraphs and I had a gentlemen’s battle to the death (because that’s what gentlemen do) over our predictions. Much to my sadness, I lost by only getting three right to Sarris’ five. To be fair, I got really close on a lot of the spewed boldness, so if you like pleading and excuse-making, well then technically it was a tie. But a new season brings new hope and something-something wax poetic, so let’s get bold AND beautiful (just like your mom)…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s official because we don’t deal in unofficial. Whatever that means. Which is nothing, if you’re wondering. But it does make this post feel more important. Delusions of grandeur? That’s my life story bro. And that also might describe the life story of many here who reside at Razzball HQ. Which is basically our basements. With bountiful supplies of Hot Pockets and Mike’s Hard Lemonade. Oh, wait, nevermind. Sky called, he want’s his everything back. Jokes on you buddy. I’m keeping the Hot Pockets. So, where were we? Oh, that’s right, delusions of grandeur…and Hot Pockets, it happens to the best of us. And that’s why we make these picks. Because we think we’re right all the time. Except for me. I’m just very wrong. Jay Wrong. (/turns off Sean Connery accent.) But don’t let that stop you from looking at our well-thought out (MAYBE) picks for this upcoming 2015 season. (Now with more Grey and Rudy!) We all can’t write a 1500 word exposé on these players, so you get this nifty assortment where you’ll gain a general sense of which players we like and which we don’t. All in a simple box for you to stare and giggle at. Kind of like what you normally would do if you were looking at Tehol‘s well, you know, simple box.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Oh, hello there. I’m not quite sure why I’m greeting you like you’re at my front door, but if you are, well played! Here’s a restraining order OR a certificate of approval. (To be fair, I never know the difference, at least legally speaking.) As the title reveals, the 2015 Baseball season is upon us, and I’m here to just take a moment to give you the insider info of what to expect from Razzball this season. As this series continues weekly, we’ll review what happened the previous week on your favorite fantasy baseball site (and if it isn’t your favorite, just lie to me and say it is), and what to expect the following week. Kind of like going over the lay of the land, if you will. The land of mustaches, math, and, um, well, I can’t really think of another ‘m’ word. Midgets. Yes. The land of midgets. That makes no sense. Regardless, whether you’re brand new to the community, or a veteran among the Razzballian (Razzballer?) readership, follow me after the jump for intriguing and interesting things. Anybody have another “I” word for me? Anybody?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Just like the title says, the table is set, the forks and spoons are in their right place, and hopefully there’s food ready to go. But in terms of the RCL universe (because I’m hungry and I might end up writing 700 words about food and then eating my monitor), the league has taken shape. And when I say league, I mean league, not leagues. Because ef pluralization…I mean, what has it ever done for me? Actually, it’s done a lot, but at this point, I have no idea what I’m talking about. But you have to remember, this is one complete universal league. The Milky Way of Fantasy Baseball if you will, including Mike Trout, Saturn, and of course, Uranus. Don’t roll your eyes, you knew it was coming. I only mention this (not Uranus) because as teams fall out of contention, owners begin to pay less and less attention to their roster, and soon, you’ll have a 12-team league that feels like a 3-team league. This is actually quite common in free-to-play leagues and perfectly normal, so don’t feel scorned. Those owners aren’t there to entertain you, only themselves. I mean, that’s why I write, it’s only to entertain myself. You guys are the crazy ones reading this. And of course, at the dawn of the season, everyone feels excited, bashful hope abound. Puppies and ice cream everywhere! But as the season moves past the All-Star break, you have to remember that you aren’t necessarily playing against your league. No, you are playing against 1,100+ teams in one league. For a hoodie (don’t wear it in Florida) and ultimate bragging rights. So don’t feel alone. Enjoy the journey. Participate as best you can. Be one with the fantasy baseballs (and Uranus). I guess that’s my last bit of advice as the RCL Updates will now be handled by J-FOH. He will be your in-season storyteller, and starting next week, he’ll begin to tell your story. The RCL story. And I can’t wait. (I’m talking about eating…)

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If there were a Guinness World Records for fantasy baseball (not to be confused with Guinness beer, much to my chagrin), we’d break the entire book. For you, the readers, have answered (well, nearly) my call for 100 Razzball Commenter Leagues. This is truly a historic moment to be remembered for all eternity. Well, for the next few weeks at least. As of this writing, we are at 95 total leagues, which goes to show you not just how much support the community has offered, but also speaks to the growth of Razzball itself. Last season, we barely had 75 leagues. The year before that? 50ish. True, it’s not something you can truly use as a marker to tell you what direction we’re all going in, but let’s call it an arbitrary rough estimate. Now I’m calling on you fans of mustache and sarcasm to join the remaining leagues that are open. You no longer have to create & commish (the two c’s of life, as they call it…who they are, I have no idea, but let’s just go with it), but instead, just simply join. That’s it. Join a league and you’re done. And there are a bunch left to choose from, money leagues, ones hosted by our very own contributors, and ones that are hosted by readers like yourself. While it might matter in the micro, remember, this is a macro competition, a universal way to assert fantasy baseball dominance. Join now, and assert your dominance. Assert it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?