What do the Rangers do now? Prince has gone belly up. [Jay's Note: More like belly all around, amiright? You know, because he's fat.] Besides Yu Darvish, their pitching is hot garbage. I’m 50/50 if they try to make a deal for Kendrys Morales. What’s really going on in Arlington? Mitch “I get relevant every May” Moreland is what’s going on. Over the last three years, the month of May has been by far his best. He’s hit .312, with 17 dongs, 46 runs and 38 RBI’s. Maybe he has a thing with the letter ‘M’? MMMHHHH! – Mitch Moreland May I? Mitch May Moreland… Is May his middle name? Either way, something good has happened for triple M. Prince Fielder‘s neck couldn’t handle all that weight it’s been carrying around, and now Mitch gets his shot again. Hey J-FOH, Mitch has never been able to put it together for a whole season? That is correct, diligent random commenter. Mitch has never been able to put it all together for a full season and I don’t expect that to change. What I do know is May is almost over, Mitch loves to hit in May, Prince is now a popper… of pain killers, and opportunity is the drug we all subscribe to in fantasy baseball.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Can I be more obvious by using the most expensive pitcher in my title? Two words: Adam Wainright! There isn’t an emoticon out there that can express how his owners felt this past Tuesday. I sadly was not one of them. I went the budget pitching route and spent more on bats and was fortunate enough to squeak out some wins. The pain of missing out on Waino’s one hit no walks CG shutout will haunt me for at least a week. Today we have a similar situation with Zach Greinke. My favorite dark horse Cy Young candidate last year and still one this year gets the free swinging Mets at the infamously named Metco. Do we add “co” to all overly large places that hurt the product? Please post your own uses for the addition of “co” below and enlighten me. On the year Greinke has 7 wins, a 2.03 ERA, 1.13 WHIP, 10.29 K/9, and a 2.03 BB/9. That’s ridiculous. I don’t care if he costs $12,100 today. I’m buying and looking for some sleeper hitters. The Mets have the 5th worst team K-rate and I wouldn’t be shocked to see 7 innings and 10 K’s vs. the Mets. And, yes I made a Sixteen Candles reference in my title…you got a problem with that?

You guys need to get over to DraftKings and jump on board the daily train. Let me be a salesman for a minute. Are your teams going through slumps? Are you dealing with an over abundance of injuries? Does hearing the words Tommy John make you want to puke? Well then a daily fantasy win might be just what you need! You get a fresh canvas every day to paint a fantasy mosaic of your best sure things and value plays on a daily basis. You can play for money or you can play for free. You can play H2H with me or against 5,000 others. Here is the link for our latest promo with the guys over at DraftKings. Don’t forget you can use the Stream-o-Nator, Hitter-Tron, and the DFSBot to check your work.

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As I was flipping through my records the other day I came across my 45 of Devo’s Working in a Coal Mine. Originally a hit by Lee Dorsey, it was covered by the men in the funny hats and was a very popular song off the Heavy Metal soundtrack. For those that don’t know what Heavy Metal is you can look here. I would like to put up the trailer but it’s a NSFW kinda thing. Listening to this song reminded me of a guy that got lost in this seasons pool of injuries. Kole Calhoun is due back this week, most likely Tueday, and his ownership has dropped down to 10.8% in all of ESPN leagues! As this injury epidemic continues on we have been forced to drop some good players to make room for our studs. In all my years playing this maddening little game I have never seen anything like this. You must be some kind of wizard if you don’t have a player on the DL right now. Seriously go buy some lotto tickets and a couple of tall cans. You can pre-celebrate because you’re destined to be a winner. I shouldn’t try and explain all this craziness because that would be futile. Ok, maybe I’ll try one theory…maybe Bud Selig made a deal with the devil and now it’s time to pay the piper or maybe the devil and Bud Selig are one in the same. Insert your favorite evil laugh here….mine is Skeletor!

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Every time I hear Nate Eovaldis name I think about the delicious Italian staple the Extra Virgin Olive Oil. I also think of Rachel Ray and her sick obsession for the stuff. Seriously, that woman puts it in everything. But thank goodness this isn’t about her and I’ve probably already turned some of you off and you’re heading back over to Grey’s with all the other cool kids….Hi De Nacho Favre! Speaking of De Nacho, in the FCL I was commenting how I’m glad I drove a Honda but I’ll never do it again. It was boring, like listening to Air Supply for the rest of your life. I like power at my feet, I haven’t owned a car that wasn’t a V8 in years. Now why am I telling you this nonsense and how does it relate to EVOO? Dude is not boring! He’s damn exciting to watch, makes playing all this worth it. He went undrafted all over the place back in March but has been one of the best adds all season. The returns on him has given his owners a 2.86 ERA, 1.11 WHIP, 8.58 K/9, 1.79 BB/9, a realistic LOB rate, a high ground ball rate and low line drive rate. He also throws really friggin’ hard with an average velocity of 95.7 on his four seam and 96.1 on his 2 seam fastballs. I also dropped him in one league a couple of weeks back. I’ll be honest, I thought he was good but I’ve been waiting for the regression fairies to show up. They’re late to the party. I see him as this year’s Patrick Corbin, a great start but will die a slow death after the All Star break. The only saving grace is the velocity. He throws hard and that is always a plus. In case some of you have forgot, he was the centerpiece of the Hanley Ramirez to the Dodgers deal. The Marlin’s know their talent. Ok, enough back story blah blah blah. He gets the Giants today at the their nice cushy ballpark. The Giants are the 11th worst team in MLB for K rate and have a couple of their bats banged up. Brandon Belt is on the DL, Pablo Sandoval is hurt and Hunter Pence has been stuck at the light switch all season. Nothing really scary there. We could say Michael Morse is playing and hitting but I say he’s playing and looking ready to hit the DL. I have May 23rd on my Morse injury pool. *crosses fingers* Bottom line is he’s my favorite pitcher of the day and anytime Matt Cain takes the hill the Giants lose. Stream-o-Nator likes Cain better and has Eovaldi 6th on the day. I say Stream has been partying too much with Hitter-Tron. I’m playing him in DraftKings contests today and if you did too then let’s take a moment to hold hands over the internet.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Cameron Maybin has been one of the most frustrating and intriguing players to watch over the last eight years. After flying through Detroit’s system just under two years, he made his first appearance in 2007 with lackluster results. Following that 2007 season, he was the centerpiece, along with Andrew Miller, in the Miguel Cabrera deal between the Marlins and the Tigers. He opened the 2008 season with the Marlins AA team and put together his best season to date, when in 459 AB’s, he gave us a line of 73/13/49/21/.277. He followed that with a September call up where he stole 4 bags and scored 9 runs in 32 PA’s. I remember being disappointed in 2009, when after that great call-up, he was set to start the year in AAA and we all had to wait to add him when he got the call. At the time I didn’t know SAGNOF yet, but I was playing it. Always searching for the cheap SB’s or anyone playing against Chris Young when he was on the Padres. For those that forgot, in 2006 and 2007, Chris Young gave up 41 and 44 SB’s respectively, which averaged out to about one every four innings. YIKES! Sorry, back to Maybin. After that, it was just one long roller coaster of solid minor league performance followed by MLB disappointment until a trade that put him in a San Diego uniform, with a chance to start over.

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We love our Padre home starts here at Razzball. We love it so much we have a term for it in our glossary. That spacious ocean front property is where hitters go to die and pitchers go to pad their stats for arbitration. How genius to make a park that is so huge you never have to worry about acquiring hitting and fill it with mediocre pitchers and speedy poor hitting fielders. This works so well it’s been passed off as a Major League ball club. It’s funny that the next closest ball club is in Tijuana, Mexico and they might be as good as the Padres. It may sound like I’m picking a fight with Jay, but I’m really not. If I was to do that I would say that Maker’s Mark is like toilet water, which it’s not, and that Star Trek is for guys who can’t get a date….OK, let’s shoot for two out of three. I think the Padres are working with what they got and know their chances to compete come along once in a blue moon. I honestly think if they went back to the old school brown and yellow uni’s with the swinging friar they will start to compete. That bland blue or strangely out of place camo has got’s to go. You get them looking like Dave Winfield and Ozzie Smith and I think they will start winning ball games. What does this have to do with daily fantasy? Not much, but any chance to push for the return of the brown and yellow is a good day for me. I remember 1984 like it was yesterday. I went to a Dodger game with my brother’s baseball team so we could see Steve Garvey in another jersey and watch the Goose, Nettles, Gwynn, McReynolds, and Templeton strut their stuff. Back then it was safe to root for the opposing team at Dodger Stadium and you could enjoy all the players without fear of a beat down. Now you just need to do it quietly while in disguise as a Dodger fan. Fast forward to today…actually tomorrow but because you won’t read this today but tomorrow then I’ll just say today….got it? Good! The fish and their free swinging ways are coming to San Diego and the solid Ian “the head hunter” Kennedy gets to take the hill. The Marlins have dropped to 9th for team K% with a rate of 22.7 but a lot of that has to do with the really nice home stand they are on. It’s still a lot by daily fantasy standards and we are here to play the odds. Ian Kennedy ($9,700) sports a very healthy 9.43 K/9 which when you combine with that K rate should give us 8 K’s in 7 innings and a really nice anchor line for your daily fantasy team. The Stream-o-Nator has him as the #3 starter on the day. In the morning you can check Rudy’s newest fantasy toy the DFSBot for another perspective. If you are still on the fence about daily fantasy then click this DraftKings link and we have a free entry for new users that make a deposit. It’s a blast and welcome any of you to challenge myself or any of the other daily fantasy writers for a little H2H action and we can have a little bragging rights session next week.

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What does Juan Lagares have to do with this title? Not very much, but this day only comes around once a year, and I’m going to honor it by using it as the title of my post. I’m such a nerd that I still have my Star Wars lunch box from when I was a kid, and I ain’t selling it. My inner-Jedi has been searching around to try and find a stop-gap who has the force flowing through them for the next week. Many of us need help in our lineups while we deal with injuries and non-performers. I own Adam Eaton, Billy Hamilton, and Kole Calhoun in one league, and I’m in serious need of a bat right now that won’t kill my team. If you were a diligent reader of the pre-season awesomeness here at Razzball, then you may own some of these players too. It’s a predicament of Sarlaccian proportions and as we dodge asteroids in our Millennium Falcons, we need to find that bat to help us through this mess.

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Carlos Santana provides the back drop for today’s headline of the May Day Draft Kings special. Well it’s not a special contest but it happens to be my Thursday that coincides with it being May Day. Before we move forward lets make it clear that this is Carlos Santana the guitarist’s song I’m word playing with and not the poor hitting catcher and the Santana I’m talking about in the title is the pitcher Ervin Santana who is not related to any of the previous mentioned Santana’s. Wow, that’s a lot of Santana’s. When I was a kid I jacked my dad’s Santana tape and listened to that thing until I broke it. Then when I got older and did drugs and all the songs made sense. I got your Jingo right here. Ervin Santana is what I like to call my sure thing pitcher who most will probably start but I don’t want to be behind the eight ball because that wold suck buy or S.T.P.W.M.W.P.S.B.I.D.W.T.B.B.T.E.B.B.T.W.S.B. I think I need to work on that acronym. Maybe I should ask the baby’s mama what she thinks I should call it? First she gives me “pick of the litter” but that really plays into all this kitty business around here and I can’t be having that. I love puppies too much. Then she turns to me and says he’s your 24 carat play. I like it, he’s my 24 carat play today, he cost’s a lot and he’s worth every penny of it. I love her Long Beach ghetto vernacular. When you get the Marlins and their 2nd worst 24.7% K rate and you play for a team that should score more runs than the other team then I think you got a 24 carat play. The dude has been on fire this year posting 3 wins in 4 starts a 1.95 ERA, and 10 K/9. Those numbers mean it’s a yes and thank you please. The Stream-o-Nator loves him today as it’s second favorite play on the day at $16.8. If you are looking for a second opinion on the Miami hitters, after Giancarlo Stanton, Christian Yelich is the next highest Hitter-Tron option at $6.7, which is not good for daily. Here are some other plays I like today.

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In case you missed it, I’m still the Creeper and the premise is still the same. I had a hiccup last week and let my 4th personality in the door and did Norichiko Aoki as my Jack’s Hit of the Week. For that momentary lapse of reason, I apologize to my regulars who look forward to a hot add for the coming week. As I stand here before you in my shame suit, I ask you to read on because this ride is a doozy. They say a scooter is fun to ride but you would never want your friends to see you on one. [Ed. Note -- Just like your mom!] Well I can say, they are quite fun, and if you ask not-real-life brother and sister Christian Slater and Helen Slater, they will confirm they are worth starting a rebellious social phenomenon over. Like the Legend of Billie Jean, watch the link to follow this, we are starting a revolution here today because fair is fair and Scooter Gennett needs to be owned for the next week and maybe a lot longer.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The first time I got a Led Zeppelin album was when I was 11 years old and my brother hooked me up with Led Zeppelin II. What a life changing moment, I was so utterly in love and confused all at the same time. What great riffs and mind bending sounds that turned everything musically I knew, which was very little, upside down and changed the course of my musical tastes from then on out. I wasn’t afraid anymore to try something I hadn’t watched on MTV or heard on the radio. Back then, 1986, we had very few options for our music and you had to use nobs and a steady hand to “tune in” to get static free tunes. Cute story J-FOH! I know 3rd personality, what is the point? Well 3rd personality, like our lead today, Scott Kazmir, we have a starting pitcher that is someone that is confusing to love, has forced us to change our tastes, and reminds me of a mesmerizing jam that takes me back to Fast Times at Ridgemont High. In the buildup to Rat’s date with Stacy, Damone advises him on his 5 point plan and tells him to play side one of Led Zeppelin 4, but low and behold he has Kashmir on the radio, which is off Physical Graffiti, the putz can’t even follow the plan. I feel like Rat when I keep passing on Kazmir in roto leagues this year. But why? I can’t get over the train wreck that he was for so long after starting out so promising. I think Matt Moore is ready to be the next Kazmir. We’ll see you back to relevance in 4-5 years Mr. Moore. Cleveland did a nice job in their reclamation projects last year, WTF is going on this year, and you need to trust him going against the Astros. He should be good for 8 K’s and a big fat W.

Our DraftKings King and deep league thinker Sky wrote a pre-season article about Mr. Kazmir here. How great minds think alike or is it how narrowly we think with our Led Zeppelin references? It’s the obvious lead in. We could be talking about our Kazmir sweaters, Kazmir scarves, or the Kazmir region of northwest India. But we didn’t and that’s OK. This is daily fantasy y’all, by tomorrow all will be forgotten and we will move on to a new day and a new set of players to tickle our fancy. For today though lets stick to Mr. Kazmir. He’s an expensive play and I get that is not always the best strategy, but after looking at what else is out there I have to highly recommend him. It’s worth the money and here is why. The Astros have the highest K rate in MLB, second lowest runs total, the worst team BABIP, and are the team of my newest hat. It’s f-ing pimp yo’s! Winning at DraftKings is wholly dependent on two things, great pitching matchups like the kind you can find on the Stream-O-Nator and great hitting matchups like the kind provided to you by that commercial grade stainless steal sex machine the Hitter-Tron.

Please, blog, may I have some more?