I went out on my annual mid-season man-date with Grey this past Friday. What a day! Sandwiches at the wine shop, facial hair products at the beauty supply store, and coffee at some weird fancy hipsteresque spot. I think the guy at the coffee spot wanted to kill the two of us because we were harassing him for not having any alternative sweeteners for my diabetic arse. No matter what we said to him, he just kept responding with, we only have our raw organic fair trade artisanal sugar syrup. He was Mets-front-office annoying. You might be asking yourself why am I telling you all this. Well, at Grey’s suggestion, I have added in the DL players to gain some perspective into what they are worth compared to the healthy players for the rest of the season. Earlier in the year I left them out to get more players on the list, as I was figuring out how I wanted to take on the rankings. Like many of you know, this list got dropped on my lap right before the season started and I have been learning on the fly how to approach this. This is FOH’s list!

Note: I mentioned in the RCL Update this week that I would be out on vacation. The Big Magoo handled the Creeper of the Week, and I will be in and out of the comments today. I’ll also be getting some help from my co-workers so we don’t leave you guys… and girls hanging. VinWins! will be covering the RCL Update for me on Tuesday. Thanks guys for helping me while I’m out. *hugs screen*

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As you can see I didn’t go with the traditional dong GIF. Instead, I went with the look of horror on the ladies face when you tell them you play fantasy baseball GIF. You could be cool and say “fantasy football: because that’s what the cool kids do”. Or so I hear. Speaking of fantasy football, have you been following Jay on the football side? Wait a minute, why am I making a shameless plug for the football side? I’m talking about dongs and that is Razzball baseball. Don’t worry, I have a GIF of the Donger. Who would I be to deny you guys… and girls of some dong in action? Trust me, that’s totally safe for work. If this was the comments section, I could start the countdown to when Sky would post the girl getting pelted in the face with hot dogs GIF. Speaking of Sky, have you played DFS? It might be better than regular fantasy, and no, I don’t mean H2H fantasy, that shizz sucks.

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I sat down Friday night and started watching Shark Tank for the first time. Wow, have I been missing out on a beautiful reality show. No B.S., I have been binge watching it all weekend. I know, I know, Grey has been pimping this reality masterpiece for years. Grey, you were right and I won’t doubt your reality lotharioness ever again. This show got me thinking about how I choose my creeper and how in some ways that I am the shark. I’m looking at numbers and schedules every week to buy the creeper. Based on the arguments in my head, I choose my player to invest in. Pretty easy. Now, what would you guys… and girls think of this new concept I thought of yesterday while chatting with Grey? Each week next season, instead of one contributor picking a creeper, we have several contributors each make one sell for a creeper? Take all those sells and combine them into one post and you peeps can decide what creeper you believe in. Just a thought.

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Break yo’self foo! No, not like the video… like in take a break from fantasy for a few days and just chill. I hate that baseball won’t rid itself of this ridiculous All-Star break. I’m a fantasy player first. Seriously, what do fantasy baseballers get in return? We are left freaking out if our “guy” does well in the home run derby or our ace injuries himself/delays his next start by pitching in the mid summer crapbasket. Can the All-Star game be a bigger joke? I hate that they award the winning league home field advantage in the World Series. I hate having to read headlines about all the online ballot stuffing. Way to go internet… you blew it again. What I hate the most about the break is I get bored. Like a junkie waiting for a fix or a fat kid waiting for dessert, I need my games! I’ve been watching mediocre movies on Netflix and working on some new dance moves. What are you doing for the break?

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Hey look, it’s all-star week. Wonderful… stupendous… greaaaaat *said in sarcastic monotone voice* Real baseball? Blah! Give me games so I can play my game. I can’t even go to Draftkings… or can I? *writes note to text Sky* From my many years of watching movies and television shows I have gathered that a play is in two acts. I could look this up, but I don’t want the government thinking I’m going to plays. Speaking of the theater, I was watching Little Nikita the other night while I fought with my insomnia and was surprised when I found out that it was directed by the same guy that directed my Week 14th Update and this all star cast classic. Sorry guys… and girls, that was a whole lot of unnecessary, here is a good baseball fight clip for you, for putting up with me. Prior to the break, I had been ranking players by combining what they had done, what they will do, and to a small degree, their trade value. All in all, it was always looking forward. Today, I am traveling in time (but not really), to give you my top-100 ROS. Think of it as a clean slate for some, an endorsement of others, and a dumping on of those that I don’t like for the second half. So put on your head band on and let’s go to the future. Oh, wait, before moving on to the list I want you to know there is no creeper this week nor a frankencatcher. They will return next Sunday when we have full week ahead of us!

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Unlike the bad idea to make the movie that inspired the lede today, this weeks update is chock full of useful stuff for you. No, not you Magoo, you already know all the bonus content, but I know you are chomping at the bit to talk about bad 80’s movies. Seriously, even if you have no chance to appear on any of these lists, there is good stuff for RCL strategy, or really any game starts and/or “daily moves no limit on games played” leagues. Damn, that’s a mouthful… and finger full? That’s what I said! I don’t want to hear all the blah blah blah about your tough home league or H2H mumbo jumbo. This is RCL snitches! Before I get to the content, I have to humor my colleague the Big Magoo. He has a thing for bad 80’s horror flicks like a have a thing for bad 80’s b-movie comedies and all their gratuitous boob shots and short shorts. Saturday the 14th combines all those elements in the worst possible way. Silver lining moment of the flick was the appearance of Jeffrey Tambor. It was so bad they decided to make a sequel years later that was worse than the original. If these movies wanted to get it right, they would of gone the Transylvania 6-5000 route. Anythehoo, enough of all that, on to the update…

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You can think whatever you want about Juan Uribe. I don’t care what anyone thinks, he is one of the most unique players in baseball. A classic character from yesteryear. He has to be a latin 50. Have you seen a pic of him? His player page said 36… looks more like 56. But I ain’t hatin’. Have you seen how this pimp rolls? He works that cardigan harder than no other! To elevate his pimptatude even more is his love of slapping bones, which from what I hear is his clubhouse racket. Ryu looks locked in, kinda like the way he pitches. He must of been pissed when they traded Uribe since I heard they are boys. Enough about what a badass Uribe is off the field, I like him this week and below I’ll go over why. He’s a one of a kind playa’! Before moving on, I couldn’t believe how many songs have “one” in the title. It’s kinda cray. One of my favorites is a cover of a popular band redone by another popular artist and he kills it. And before you think anything, I don’t like the band he covered. I just wanted to put that out there. One more cut from the man with one in the title. Okay, I’m done. I will go back to the misery of having lost Springer and Miggy in the ‘perts league. I’ve been doing heavy doses of the blues, Hank Williams and Johnny Cash. I miss you guys! *wipes tear* Grey dodged a bullet there.

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Every week I strive to come up with something catchy for the title and shamefully, I went with the Antonio Banderas flick The 13th Warrior. Screw that, I have no shame in this one, I like this movie for what it is. Mindless entertainment where a Mexican Spaniard plays an Arab, and if you have ever looked at a map, it ain’t that far away. According to Wikipedia, the movie is based on the book Eaters of the Dead, which is a much better title. It was also a financial flop, costing $160 million to make and only grossed $61 million at the box office. Yikes! Like many of the dollars we spent on opening day, we are not always guaranteed the return we thought we would get. I’m looking at you Strasburg and Encarnacion. Enough about mediocrity, lets talk about awesome and wonderful, and that means you. Yes, you. As usual, we have the top 10 overall, the weekly leaders, and the top 20 hitting and pitching teams of the week. I’ve also kicked in the 2015 RCL category leaders… so far.

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I love me a hot schmotato almost as much as I love me a hot Latina. [Jay’s Note: I prefer the angry Latina.] Yes, it is true, I love Latin women more than fantasy baseball, except this week, when I love me some Eddie Rosario. He’s been a warming hitter looking primed to have a break out sooner than later, and I’m betting my money on this week. I know he has nothing to do with Rosario Dawson but I’ll take any chance to look at her pics and this beautiful gif (I couldn’t put that in the article for fear Jay would of removed it). It’s crazy to think she started her career in Kids and how much of a game changer that flick was. Will Eddie R be a game changer for you this week? I like the chances for that to occur and if you keep reading I will do my best to convince you why I like him, but before I do that, one more Rosario Dawson clip for the road… okay maybe not, the Alexander clip is very NSFW, but you can look it up on your own.

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A group of men debating the guilt or innocence of another…sounds like our comments section.  This is one of the rare movies where I enjoyed the original and the 1997 remake. Damn, that was really a star studded cast. Yes, Tony Danza is a star, he was in Cannonball Run II! That’s one movie series I would hate to see remade. Is it me, or is Hollywood stuck in a rut? [Jay’s Note: I wonder why?] It feels like every week a poorly done remake or reboot that should of been left alone is coming out. Poltergeist, really Hollywood?…really. I don’t even need to see that to know it’s crap. Wait, this has nothing to with anything today, except what spun out of my head when I saw Tony Danza’s name. If I was Grey, this would make for the perfect segue to a Alyssa Milano dating someone who plays baseball for the Dodgers reference. Dah, I did it again… You would think I would be talking about me with the word angry in the title, but nope, this is the RCL update and it’s about you. Okay, mostly about you and a little about “us”. Follow me after the jump and you’ll know what I’m talking about…

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