I’m jumping out of the program this week and making this a mash up creeper post. Juan Uribe and Scott Van Slyke have got my mojo at full attention with their road trips to Colorado and Chicago this week, and I want to combine them into one monster. Now why not just choose one? Good point. I don’t want to choose. With the Dodgers September call-ups, the outfield has got mucky, but one thing I know is Don likes to play Scott when a lefty is on the hill, and the Dodgers face five of them this week. I’m not saying that he will play all five games, but I think he has a good chance to get in the line-up a few of those days and you should have him stashed in daily changes leagues. We cool with that? Good!

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Every week, I am forced to talk about Grey vs. Rudy as they battle for numero uno of numero uno. I watch them like a cyclops with a monocle. Honestly though, I don’t mind, it’s better than watching half the shows on the old tube… it’s really a bad picture without HD. My only problem is, I can’t help but wonder what else I would like to see them compete at. What about an American Ninja Warrior style course or a Double Dare battle with Marc Summers hosting? I think I need to talk to Nick about doing something fun next year for pre-season baseball. But what else can we do? A high stakes poker game like Rounders? A game of drunken Trivial Pursuit? Name that Tune? Talent style Gong Show? Brady Bunch House of Cards? A bring it on dance off? The possibilities are endless. You know what Ralph and Nick the Dick would like to see? No not that sicko…but a hip-hop battle like Ralph and I do on hip-hop Sundays. Rudy vs. Grey trying to best each other with old school cuts, because they are old school? And by old school I mean old. Here, I’ll get you started with some Steady B and KMD!

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The ghost of Mac Dre has been blowing up my dream phone and telling me that Jonathan Schoop is a MI Sleeper for January-Grey. He is reminding me of another MI who had a great finish last season and has been a breakout this year. (It’s Brian Dozier if you’re not following me.) I’m taking a scarcity position schmotato this week as I try to reinforce the dropping of dead wright and the addition of hot bats. You might think it’s blasphemy to drop a David Wright type player to improve your chances, but sometime you gotta sin to win. Don’t worry, fantasy Jesus understands. Hey dummy, what’s with the title? Oh that, I pronounce Schoop’s name Shoop, because I have no idea how it’s pronounced. The only Shoop I could think of is Mark Harmon’s Mr. Shoop character from the 80’s classic Summer School. Hey, I’m a sucker for former UCLA quarterback’s. I’ve probably seen that flick more times than I would like to admit, but it was a cable staple for years on end. Speaking of staples, frequent commenter Nick the Dick is taking over my hip-hop Sunday today with a few select tracks for you. I respect that he threw me some west coast and some new takes with the old school. By making himself rough and rugged, he has shown how he proceeds to his roots. I can’t help my mellow self today, like 1982 me, who was a lot more kick back than the grouch I am today.

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I’m taking my chips and going home from the DFS season. What a ride it’s been making some good calls, some bad calls and sometimes the occasional really confusing link. This will be it for me in the land of milk and money. All $4.75 of my winnings to show for the hours on end I have spent looking at this maddening game called daily fantasy. Fortunately for me I got a break from the guys at DraftKings and they made Andrew Cashner ($6,600) way Way WAY too cheap today and I’m going to bounce on this like a kid in an inflatable castle. Speaking of inflatable things I saw this the other day. That is just all kinds of wrong. Cashner stepped up to his old self in his last outing by going 6, striking out 8 and walking zero…against the Dodgers. Now I get that the Dodgers have been all kinds of hot garbage lately but they still have bats that can hurt you bad. Today he gets a team of WTF in the Diamondbacks and I don’t see Cash letting them small ball him into a blow-up. Play this one with complete faith that I won’t screw you over as I’m out the door. He’s a solid guy at home against a team with nothing to fear. Trust me!

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 10 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to check the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

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What is left to say for the 2014 fantasy baseball year in a virtual world between strangers as we keep inching to the end of the RCL season. I’m just living in a virtual world and I am just a virtual….woh, were did the Madonna lyrics come from? I need to take a nap and get some rest. What’s that Grey? But I made up my mind, I’m keeping my Baez! Okay, this is too weird, and I need to get Madonna out of my head. It must be from watching Reservoir Dogs the other night and that mind burning opening scene (NSFW). Now that we got that out of the way, and hopefully never to return, let’s talk about what you are playing for this year. Below is the Grand Champion Trophy. If you really want one of these, and you’re not the Grand Champ, then you can always order your own here and put whatever you like on it. Mine says “best at not being the best of 2014″. One last thing before I move on is the Fantasy Baseball Team Name contest for the RCL’s. Entry’s must be from the RCL, and the winner gets a free T-Shirt. Place your nominations here so we can create a ballot for everyone to vote.

Baseball Pilsner

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Breath it all in. That’s it. Can you smell it? That’s the smell of the season winding down and the pastrami Reuben I just ate from the Oinkster. Delicious! I’m writing this with a mouthful of expectations [Jay's Note: That's what she said...] for the magic of September that happens every year. This past Tuesday I talked about the amazing month Marlon Anderson put up in 2006, and who can forget the statistical anomaly that Hunter Pence put up last year? I would of loved to do some cool September call-ups that are going to start right away and make a difference, but those that can are here, and the others will be part timers. So, in the spirit of September rookie-nookie I have chosen the delightfully smelling Rougned Odor. Speaking of delightfully smelling things, I will be doing a “East Coast vs West Coast End of Summer BBQ Battle Jams” with Ralph today. I’m taking my West and he gets his east. We’ll put up some tracks and encourage others to insert their favorites jams. Our criteria is just being good jams that can play to groups of peeps chillin together.  You may wonder why were doing this and all I can say is because it’s fun and helps us cope with our disappointments. Every good backyard party needs a theme, a fat sack to keep it tight, a DJ on the 1’s and 2’s, a strong drink mixed up in a pitcher, some Latinos, because it’s So Cal, and when five-O breaks it up we can yell this as we scramble. (NOTE: All of these tracks are not safe for work.)

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And get into my DraftKings roster. When I was 19-20 years old, we used to go to my buddies house and drink 40’s in his side yard. With nothing else better to do, we would just get wasted, smoke cheap cigarettes and try to entertain each other anyway we could. This would consist of telling jokes, watching TV on a 6 inch black and white or lighting things on fire. One day my buddy told me this joke that for some reason or another stuck in my head for the rest of my life. So it’s 1972 and Hugh Hefner is hosting a party at the playboy mansion and all the celebrities are there. As Dennis Weaver is leaving he gets confronted by Hugh in the coat room for leaving too early. In a drunken stupor Hugh takes Dennis to the ground and right then Mic Jagger walks in the room and yells Hey Hugh! get off McCloud. Yeah thats been stuck in my head and every time I hear that song this joke plays in my mind. Maybe it was all the alcohol or other substances that result in the altering of reality, but that night I thought it was the funniest thing I ever heard and started choking on my O.E. That’s all for you Chuck d’EEZ! Tonight we have Collin McHugh ($9,200) pitching against the Rangers quad A ball club and even though he is the most expensive arm there, I think he is worth every penny. I’m streaming him in my RCL and I didn’t even have to blink with that add. In August he’s posted a 1.76 ERA with 24 K’s in 30 innings and gets one of the worst teams in baseball. I’m an easy sell here and even though I like to go more value with my lead I can’t help it on this one today. Start with confidence and when he kills it, shower me with love and if he sucks it complain to Sky because he’s he’s my editor for this.

Yesterday I…we…us posted our new RCL Fantasy Team Name contest where the winner gets a free T-Shirt and all the respect one deserves for being a punny bastard! Here is the link. Please vote in the comments of that post so we can accumulate a list for you to vote. So stop what ya doin and go vote. Like right now.

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 20 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to check the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Do you feel like being judged for your creativity? Do you like when everyone stares at you for being you? Well, if you say no, that’s too bad because we are going to judge you anyway. This year we have decided to award some lucky RCL player with a Razzball T-Shirt for having the best fantasy baseball team name. Yup, that’s right we want to say thank you all for another great year in the RCLs and what better way than to have you judge each other. Will we be giving extra points if you used our fantasy baseball team name generator? No, no we won’t.

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This year we have a new trophy for the Grand Champion, and it’s not something you can wear or lose in the lobby of your building before you even get it. We want to add to your collection of stuff that your wife, girlfriend, mother, or cat will hate and want out of the house. But to your friends and peers, it’s like a gold chain to hang around your neck and an added strut to your walk like Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. Without further ado here it is, and here’s also a link to Far Out Award, were you can order your own for your home leagues.

Baseball Pilsner

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Here we are in the home stretch of yet another year in fantasy baseball, and we are left with decisions that we would have never considered a month or two ago. Under-performing “Player A” has to be cut for Hot Schmotato “Player B”, or “Pitcher 3″ has to be cut loose because I won’t reach my innings or game starts and need to get aggressive with my streaming. All these decisions will leave you with a quilted patchwork roster at the end of the season that resembles nothing like your All-Star break squad, let alone your draft day roster. I recall in 2006, my first year playing, when I grabbed Marlon Anderson in early September when he put up a line of 12/7/15/2/.375 to close out the year, and I walked away with $400 and my first fantasy baseball title. Prior to that month, he had hit all of 5 HR’s on the year, and it made zero sense owning him at all, but a bat that produces dongs is just that, a dong producing bat. This week I like current Hot Schmotato Zach Walters to do what he does. Hit home runs, go 1-for-4, and help you catch your opponents in the standings or win the all important H2H matchup.

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