And the Prospect Gods looked down at the Cardinals pitching staff and proclaimed, “And so it Shelby…” But the Gods decided to keep Oscar Taveras for themselves — at least for a little while. Bunch of Federalist-loving pigs. So, the Cardinals make up for starting Jon Jay over Oscar Taveras by giving prospect, Shelby Miller, the 5th starter role over non-descript-in-every-way, Joe Kelly. When I say, boo, you say ya. Boo…ya! Boo…ya! Cherimo…ya! Ah, fooled you. In November, I wrote a Shelby Miller 2013 fantasy. There I said, “The final answer on (whether he makes the rotation) will probably be decided on the last few days of Spring Training. In 2012, he was called up towards the end of the season and gave a 10.54 K-rate and a 1.32 ERA in 13 2/3 innings. If you look up that stat line in the thesaurus, its synonym is “lights out.” Due to a butterfly flapping its wings in Indonesia, Miller also had a 10.54 K-rate in Triple-A through 136 2/3 IP. His ERA wasn’t as purdy, but he “re-committed” himself in the 2nd half of 2012 and had a 2.88 ERA in his last ten starts with a 70/7 K/BB. Weird, cause I had an aunt who was “re-committed” and things didn’t turn out half as well. He can be a number one pitcher. When I say that about a 22-year-old, we’re talking about someone having the possibility at a top ten pitcher in all of baseball. Knowing the way Cardinals turn out young men… Um, I mean, knowing the way the St. Louis Cardinals can turn prospects into solid major league pitchers (the Vatican asked me to specify), I wouldn’t be surprised to see Shelby Miller being a productive member of the Cards rotation in 2013. For 2013, I see 10-4/3.63/1.27/155 in 150 innings and 21 starts. That’s a huge projection for a rookie pitcher. And there’s a chance for more.” And that’s me quoting me! I’m in love. He should be owned in all leagues. Yes, even your eight-person league where you own all eight teams. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in Spring Training for 2013 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

To sorta quote Dead Poets Society, “The players for this league aren’t that different from you. Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they’re destined for great things, just like many of you, their eyes are full of hope, just like you. The only difference is they suck at baseball.” This is the league where you don’t even want the cream of the crap. You want the crap. These are the guys that wake up in the morning and say, “Today is gonna be different. Today, I’m going to amount to something.” Then fail miserably. They go 0-for-4 with a hit by pitch and call it a success. They only throw five innings when the bullpen is too taxed from the night before. They’re constantly looking over their shoulder, wondering if they’re going to be released. Maybe I can make it as a real estate agent, that’s what they tell themselves. Or they tell themselves, maybe if I stand behind Broxton’s ass, Dusty won’t see me. Or they call Brian L. Hunter for hitting tips. This is the league where you want a catcher in your utility spot and are damn sure glad Juan Rivera has 1st base eligibility. In this league, you want the entire Rockies starting staff and wish they played at home for every game. This is our 6th annual Fantasy Razzball tourney, where the goal is to manage the WORST FANTASY BASEBALL TEAM. (If you want our regular fantasy baseball leagues, their sign-ups are here.)

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Adam Eaton went 2-for-6 with a run yesterday as the Diamondbacks called up their outfield prospect, and hit him leadoff.  The move is to fill in for Krispie, who’s out with a sore quad.  Krispie could return (he won’t go to the DL because with 40-man rosters, there’s no need to), but Eaton’s not coming up to play in one game a week.  

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Felix Hernandez joined Philip Humber and Matt Cain in the Perfect Game club this year, shutting down the Rays in Seattle yesterday.  If only it was against the Yankees and Ichiro (hitting 9th) was the last hitter and Ichiro bunted.  Oh, the Internet drama!  

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It’s not the Year of the Tiger, but don’t tell Doug Fister that.  And don’t ask Mr. Fister to sing Kyrie, because that song kills kittens.  Fact!  He just followed up a strong start @BAL with a dominating performance against the T & T Angels:  8 IP, 10K, 1 ER, 4 baserunners.  

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Yankee pitchers haven’t been hit this hard since Ed Whitson ran into a Billy Martin drinking jag.  You know, Yogi’s always the one quoted from the Yankee archives, but Billy had some good ones too.  Here’s my favorite, “I’d like to mouth f*** that bottle of whiskey.”  Before the Yankees game, CC Sabathia hit the DL with an abductor strain in his groin. 

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Clay Buchholz went down to Miami and, like most visiting Northeasterns, retired….Marlin batters that is!  While his 7-2 record is due to Nova-esque luck and run support vs. year to date performance (5.00+ ERA), this is his 4th straight start of 7+ IP, 2 ER or less, and 6+ K. 

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Andy Pettitte managed to shut out the Rays yesterday for 7 1/3 IP with only 4 baserunners and 10 Ks.  No wonder why he returned.  He was probably sick of beating his kids at MLB 2K12.  “Dad, we don’t mind you playing our video games while we’re at school, but could you stop spitting tobacco onto our all-terrain robot?”  That’s Andy’s kids after a powwow about how to address the problem. 

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As if pitching in the NL West wasn’t advantageous enough, Troy Tulowitzki and Matt Kemp look destined for the DL.  Tulo strained his groin – which is too low or too high for a strain depending on your preference (I prefer to strain a pun).  

Please, blog, may I have some more?