And the Prospect Gods looked down at the Cardinals pitching staff and proclaimed, “And so it Shelby…” But the Gods decided to keep Oscar Taveras for themselves — at least for a little while. Bunch of Federalist-loving pigs. So, the Cardinals make up for starting Jon Jay over Oscar Taveras by giving prospect, Shelby Miller, the 5th starter role over non-descript-in-every-way, Joe Kelly. When I say, boo, you say ya. Boo…ya! Boo…ya! Cherimo…ya! Ah, fooled you. In November, I wrote a Shelby Miller 2013 fantasy. There I said, “The final answer on (whether he makes the rotation) will probably be decided on the last few days of Spring Training. In 2012, he was called up towards the end of the season and gave a 10.54 K-rate and a 1.32 ERA in 13 2/3 innings. If you look up that stat line in the thesaurus, its synonym is “lights out.” Due to a butterfly flapping its wings in Indonesia, Miller also had a 10.54 K-rate in Triple-A through 136 2/3 IP. His ERA wasn’t as purdy, but he “re-committed” himself in the 2nd half of 2012 and had a 2.88 ERA in his last ten starts with a 70/7 K/BB. Weird, cause I had an aunt who was “re-committed” and things didn’t turn out half as well. He can be a number one pitcher. When I say that about a 22-year-old, we’re talking about someone having the possibility at a top ten pitcher in all of baseball. Knowing the way Cardinals turn out young men… Um, I mean, knowing the way the St. Louis Cardinals can turn prospects into solid major league pitchers (the Vatican asked me to specify), I wouldn’t be surprised to see Shelby Miller being a productive member of the Cards rotation in 2013. For 2013, I see 10-4/3.63/1.27/155 in 150 innings and 21 starts. That’s a huge projection for a rookie pitcher. And there’s a chance for more.” And that’s me quoting me! I’m in love. He should be owned in all leagues. Yes, even your eight-person league where you own all eight teams. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in Spring Training for 2013 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
To sorta quote Dead Poets Society, “The players for this league aren’t that different from you. Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they’re destined for great things, just like many of you, their eyes are full of hope, just like you. The only difference is they suck at baseball.” This is the league where you don’t even want the cream of the crap. You want the crap. These are the guys that wake up in the morning and say, “Today is gonna be different. Today, I’m going to amount to something.” Then fail miserably. They go 0-for-4 with a hit by pitch and call it a success. They only throw five innings when the bullpen is too taxed from the night before. They’re constantly looking over their shoulder, wondering if they’re going to be released. Maybe I can make it as a real estate agent, that’s what they tell themselves. Or they tell themselves, maybe if I stand behind Broxton’s ass, Dusty won’t see me. Or they call Brian L. Hunter for hitting tips. This is the league where you want a catcher in your utility spot and are damn sure glad Juan Rivera has 1st base eligibility. In this league, you want the entire Rockies starting staff and wish they played at home for every game. This is our 6th annual Fantasy Razzball tourney, where the goal is to manage the WORST FANTASY BASEBALL TEAM. (If you want our regular fantasy baseball leagues, their sign-ups are here.)Please, blog, may I have some more?
Adam Eaton went 2-for-6 with a run yesterday as the Diamondbacks called up their outfield prospect, and hit him leadoff. The move is to fill in for Krispie, who’s out with a sore quad. Krispie could return (he won’t go to the DL because with 40-man rosters, there’s no need to), but Eaton’s not coming up to play in one game a week.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Felix Hernandez joined Philip Humber and Matt Cain in the Perfect Game club this year, shutting down the Rays in Seattle yesterday. If only it was against the Yankees and Ichiro (hitting 9th) was the last hitter and Ichiro bunted. Oh, the Internet drama!Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s not the Year of the Tiger, but don’t tell Doug Fister that. And don’t ask Mr. Fister to sing Kyrie, because that song kills kittens. Fact! He just followed up a strong start @BAL with a dominating performance against the T & T Angels: 8 IP, 10K, 1 ER, 4 baserunners.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yankee pitchers haven’t been hit this hard since Ed Whitson ran into a Billy Martin drinking jag. You know, Yogi’s always the one quoted from the Yankee archives, but Billy had some good ones too. Here’s my favorite, “I’d like to mouth f*** that bottle of whiskey.” Before the Yankees game, CC Sabathia hit the DL with an abductor strain in his groin. Someone’s got clams! CC is supposed to be fine to go right after the All-Star break, as long as no one else tries to shuck his groin. Then, once the game got going, Andy Pettitte was hit in the ankle with a comebacker. Pettitte is supposed to be out for 6-8 weeks. At least he didn’t pull a Zumaya during his retirement and hurt himself playing Guitar Hero (or, more likely, Guitar Praise). The Yankees’ rotation now has plenty of room for anyone the Cubs, Astros, Padres or Brewers want to give trade them. I did the crossed out text thing, I’m a jerkoff! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Daniel Hudson – Torn UCL.Please, blog, may I have some more?
It hasn’t been easy owning Matt Wieters this year. After a monster April (.279 / 6 HR / 15 RBI), he had an Arencibian May (.188 / 2 HR / 7 RBI). All the while, catchers on the waiver wire like A.J.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Clay Buchholz went down to Miami and, like most visiting Northeasterns, retired….Marlin batters that is! While his 7-2 record is due to Nova-esque luck and run support vs. year to date performance (5.00+ ERA), this is his 4th straight start of 7+ IP, 2 ER or less, and 6+ K. Maybe there’s some truth to that whole “rediscovered his changeup thing” (and can he share it with Lester?). He’s a must pick up in all leagues for as long as he’s on this roll. Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Brian Roberts – The concusstador is back in style going 3-for-4 hitting leadoff. Robert Andino can now wait in his shadow and mutter to himself that if his parents named him Jerry, he’d be such a comedy hit that they’d have to start him. During Roberts’s rehab in Triple-A, he hit around .245 with one homer in 45 ABs and no steals. If he can stay healthy, I expect about the same from him in the majors. For the rest of the season, put his stats at nothing/nada/not so good/bleh/more of the same. If he can get his bleh over .280, his nothing could be better than nothing, but for that he has to stay healthy, which is as likely as me removing my personal mustache groomer from my rider.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Andy Pettitte managed to shut out the Rays yesterday for 7 1/3 IP with only 4 baserunners and 10 Ks. No wonder why he returned. He was probably sick of beating his kids at MLB 2K12. “Dad, we don’t mind you playing our video games while we’re at school, but could you stop spitting tobacco onto our all-terrain robot?” That’s Andy’s kids after a powwow about how to address the problem. I’ll be the first to admit I didn’t see this coming. He wasn’t even that good before he retired. I guess he just needed 26 months between starts. If he retired again tomorrow, he’d throw a no-hitter in 2016. Or he’d win that perfect game contest that MLB is doing with their video game. Enough with the commercials already. I liked baseball better when they were a conservative game without the cheap gimmicks. Bring back the Spiderman web-covered bases! So, can Pettitte keep this up? Seems doubtful. He’s about a 3.75 ERA guy that pitches his home games in not one of the more forgiving parks in a tough division. But, you know what, he looks no worse than what I’d expect of Oswalt and you’re stashing him, so he’s definitely worth owning. Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Psyche! Before we get into today’s roundup, wanted to draw attention to the contest we’re holding. We’re giving away a fifty-five inch LG 3D TV. The TV comes with a remote control that has a mustache glued on top of it. I’m kidding. The mustache is glued on top of the TV. Go ahead and enter. It’s free and there’s a chance your significant other might be less inclined to get annoyed with you when you check your teams on a romantic date if you just won a TV. Anyway II, here’s the roundup:
Colby Rasmus – Watch out Mr.Please, blog, may I have some more?
As if pitching in the NL West wasn’t advantageous enough, Troy Tulowitzki and Matt Kemp look destined for the DL. Tulo strained his groin – which is too low or too high for a strain depending on your preference (I prefer to strain a pun).Please, blog, may I have some more?