Well, if the Dodgers really do have the Magic touch, they better get Zack Greinke some aid. Greinke flew back to LA yesterday and, boy, is his elbow tired. I say, “Blame it on Harang,” but I say like I’m Milli Vanilli. Greinke’s MRI came back clean, and Dr. Neal ElAttrache diagnosed him with inflammation. Is it me or does Dr. Neal ElAttrache’s last name look like those sneaker/slippers Nike used to make in the 90′s? Any the hoo! Dr. Neal Air Huarache gave Greinke some anti-inflammatory medication and the news has been positive (after the negative news). I really to the third power dislike pitchers with elbow issues, but Greinke is supposed to be able to throw again in a few days. I haven’t moved him yet in my 2013 fantasy baseball rankings, but I’m going to be watching this situation like I’m a cyclops with a monocle. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I know how much you love draft strategy (do you? Yeah, of course you do!). Whether it’s snake draft or auction draft. You gobble this shizz up. Okay, I wasn’t speaking literally, take the corner of your computer monitor out of your mouth. Auction drafts are the best. They’re like that time you put in a twelve dollar bid on eBay for a VHS copy of Midnight Madness so your Michael J. Fox movie collection would be complete and you won it, then the Seller started emailing you that he too was a Michael J. Fox collector and he asked to friend you on Facebook and posted on your timeline, “MJ’s gonna be on The Good Wife tonight!!!” and then you had to unfriend him and change your email address. So, lots of you know my fantasy baseball auction tips already, but some of you just joining us — hey, close the door behind you! — may not. Lots of the strategy for my snake drafts also applies here. If you ask me — and you kinda did ask me by reading this shizz — auction drafts are where it’s at, yo! You get in a room with your best fantasy baseball buddies. The guys you haven’t seen since last year’s draft. The guys you don’t want to see until next year’s draft. A few guys you actively despise. One guy, and there’s always one, has to show you why the Droid is better than the iPhone. Then you have the guy who will go the extra dollar for (fill-in favorite player from his favorite team). You know that’s his favorite player because he’s wearing his jersey. There’s also the guy who wears a jersey of a player he would never draft from a team he hates just to throw you off his scent, only he points this out to show you how clever he thinks he is, but obviously is not. You have the guy who brings only Cheetos and turns everything he touches orange, and, if he touches something that was already orange, he makes it oranger. Finally, you have the guy who made plans at 5PM and begins to yell at everyone at 4PM that they’re taking too long. And, it always turns out, this day is the best day of the year. Auction draft day is better than your wedding day. As for online auction drafts, they’re just a’ight. Anyway, here’s some tried and true tips to help you through your auction fantasy baseball draft:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Like the 2nd basemen to target post, this is necessary. You want to take flyers on late shortstops. You want to avoid taking high-priced shortstops. Position scarcity is a buzzword(s) that fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!) like to throw around. It’s the same as someone using ten-dollar words in conversation they don’t really understand. I’m drafting Tulo because of position scarcity! That’s you after reading an ESPN analcyst. We talk about position scarcity on our first fantasy baseball podcast of the year, too. At least I think we do under some of the jazzy music. Our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater shows Jimmy Rollins was the top shortstop last year at 36 overall. Maybe what everyone means by position scarcity is that there’s scarcely anything good at that position. It seems like everyone understands to punt catcher, but shortstops get people all greedy like Scrooge McDuck. Let’s assume Tulo doesn’t get hurt and gives you my projected stats: 83/25/98/.288/7. To draft him, you had to skip, say, Fielder (they are back-to-back in ESPN’s rankings), so you missed out on 94/39/117/.291/1. Then you grab, Ryan Howard later for 79/30/98/.245. So you got 162/55/196/.265/7. Now if you got Fielder and Jed Lowrie, you would’ve had 146/56/179/.275/3. That’s essentially the same thing, and you tell me who you feel more confident about Tulo or Fielder? Also, Lowrie can be had about 100 picks after Ryan Howard. Finally, if you were to go by ESPN’s projections, they have J.J. Hardy projected for 92/27/79/.267. That’s obviously bonkers, but how different is that than Tulo? Then there’s the fact that the majority of shortstops get value from the steal. SAGNOF! What’s the difference here between ESPN’s projections: 73/6/53/.278/21 or 77/9/47/.275/24? Barely much at all, right? One is Andrelton and one is Aybar, but they give them about an eighty draft pick difference. There were only three shortstops that earned more than $20 (barely) last year. Don’t get caught up in position scarcity. This is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Lichtenstein) supplement to the top 20 shortstops for 2013 fantasy baseball. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2013 projections. Anyway, here’s some shortstops to target for 2013 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The World Baseball Classic news hit the wire first, “Team USA will add another first baseman; Team Yankees will add another leading doctor in the world of performance-enhancing drugs.” Team USA added Eric Hosmer, Team Yankees added a guy with a peach fuzz mustache, a B.U.M. equipment sweatshirt and red, white and blue Zubaz who goes by the name, Rick, and graduated Magna Cum Laude from the University of Phoenix. Team USA said that whole thing about Votto being a Canadian was total BS, Rick said he trained with Lance Armstrong. Team USA no longer has Mark Teixeira, neither does Team Yankees. But Rick’s got a plan. It worked for Lance Armstrong and A-Rod. Drink carrot milkshakes and inject horse semen. “These are my stallions.” That’s Rick overlooking his kingdom (a musty cellar with bad lightning). John C. Reilly is in talks to play him. So, if Te(i)x being hurt is a surprise to you, I wouldn’t want to see you when a cat jumps out of a closet. He will miss eight to ten weeks after hearing a pop in his wrist. He might miss more time. Right now, Cashman isn’t optimistic. I changed my Te(i)x projections and rankings in the top 20 1st basemen; I don’t foresee me drafting him anywhere. They’re no longer the Yankees, they’re now the Jankees. At first base, they’re looking at the craptastic Dan Johnson/Juan Rivera blahtoon or the more likely scenario of Youuuuuuuuuk moving to first and Nunez (and his razztastic defense) over at third. Will suck for any Jankee LHPs to have Pasta Diving Jeter and Errordo Nunez. Today, Mets fans are smiling. If you can’t beat them, pray they join you! Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Psst! This post is gonna list 2nd basemen that you should target in your 2013 fantasy baseball drafts. I’m whispering because you don’t want everyone to see this post. No, I can’t whisper louder. Then it WOULDN’T BE WHISPERING! Okay, gig’s up (or maybe that’s jig’s up), the love I’m about to reiterately (Made Up Word of the Day!) confirm are guys I love later in drafts. Am I drafting any of these guys in the first 10 rounds? Probably not (except for Josh Rutledge — hello, beautiful! Come here, let Grey massage your balls…The balls of your feet, silly!). These are players that you’re looking at later and all of them have ADPs after 150. Some could be the 2nd baseman on your team, they are more than likely MIs. MI, a name I give my middle infielder. This is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Spanish-speaking-ones) supplement to the top 20 2nd basemen for 2013 fantasy baseball. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2013 projections. Anyway, here’s some 2nd basemen to target for 2013 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
You couldn’t bear to think of commuting to work with nothing but one of those other guy’s fantasy baseball podcasts, so you called out sick and went into the woods to hibernate. You huddled around your campfire all winter waiting for the Razzball podcast to return. At one point, all you had was the warmth from some embers and a bear carcass that you killed with your truck. You had gangrene in one hand and you hadn’t soaped yourself in five months. Did it all have to be so difficult? Can’t Razzball bring the fantasy baseball podcast back sooner just so you could come out of hibernation and have something to listen to on the way to work? Did you even have a job anymore? Calling out sick for five months because of a lack of commuting entertainment seemed like a barely passable excuse when you told the HR person. Was that the HR person or a janitor picking up the phone? Crap, this better be the best fantasy baseball podcast you’ve ever heard in your whole life. Or at least in the last five months. Well, the wait is over, prematurely balding man. The Razzball podcast has returned in all its podcasty goodness. We have a new producer, new guests, but the same old awkward pauses and elongated ummmmm’s. That’s not feedback in your headphones, that’s my high-pitched laugh! That’s not your 11th grade math teacher babbling on, that’s Rudy! That’s not Barry White, that’s the podcast host, Nick! That’s not Jaywrong, that’s… No, actually, I think it might be Jaywrong. Anyway, here’s the Razzball podcast, now in like 24 segments:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Chris Perez has been shut down for 3-4 weeks. The Indians are saying it’s due to a shoulder strain. Seems pretty coincidental that Chris Perez rocks a mullet and there’s a guy with a “business on top, party in the back” haircut on The Amazing Race this season. I’m calling BS. “Yeah, what’s up?” Sorry, didn’t mean to actually call BS. “Cool, now you’re wasting my time. I’m gonna call myself on you!” So with Perez out, a giant gaping hole opens in Cleveland, and I don’t mean when Drew Carey is eating. Vinnie Pestano should take over the closer role in the mean’s while. Unfortunately (depending on how you’re looking at it), Perez went down so early that he could return as soon as the first or second week of the season. That means you need to draft Perez and Pestano. My advice is to wait two seconds after someone drafts Perez then take Pestano. This will be real cute in auctions. They’ll either have to spend $15-ish to have both Indian closers or they’ll be stuck without one. If I could only draft one, I’d take a late flyer on Pestano. As with most things SAGNOF-related, there’s no sure thing in the bullpens and the cheaper way to get saves is always the most preferable. Anyway, here’s all the closers for fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Here, friend, are some catchers that I will be targeting at my 2013 fantasy drafts after the top options are gone. I’m not going to get into the strategy of punting catchers. Been there, half-drunkenly wrote that two years ago. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2013 projections. This is a (legal-in-most-countries) supplement to the top 20 catchers of 2013 fantasy baseball. Now, guys and four girl readers, I am not saying avoid catchers like Wieters, Rosario, et al (which is not the Israeli airline). To get on this list, you need to be drafted later than 200 overall. Right now, Rosario looks like a steal at ESPN at an ADP of 187, wink, wink, nudge, nudge, kazoo. And, to preemptively answer at least seven comments, yes, I will go around the entire infield, outfield and pitchers to target very late. Anyway, here’s some catchers to target for 2013 fantasy baseball:
Chris Iannetta – (MDC ADP 315) Picture you walk into the mall with your lady friend and there’s a sale that she really wants to check out, so you sit and play Words With Friends. It’s a nice diversion for about thirty minutes, but then you start looking around to see if anyone’s paying attention to you so you can scratch your balls. Then you start to think you should’ve stayed home so you can scratch yourself any time you want. Iannetta is the last five minutes of Words With Friends at the mall. He’ll probably give you a scratch that you can’t itch.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I was jazzed to draft Phil Hughes this year like I was from New Orleans and I was smoking doobs with Kermit Ruffins. Then Hughes hurt his back and someone played the sad trombone. That’s yay upside down, which looks like a fire between two teepees. Hughes is now out with a bulging disk in his back. Hey, Hughes, is that a banana in your spine or you happy to see me? I’m not a doctor (no kidding!), but none of this sounds good for Hughes. I’m lowering my projections on him and dropping him out of my favorable tier. It’s early, and there’s still a lot of time, but I’d be lying if I said I was still drafting him with confidence. I’ll draft some players that are mildly injured, but the injury needs to sound a lot better than “may not be ready for the start of the season.” Then there’s Matt Garza, who will be starting the year on the DL. This news comes just days after we freakin’ drafted him. I will now call him Matt Grrza. Whenever I say his name, I will say it like I’m a frustrated Lisa Simpson. Well, if you wanna ride the Garza Strip, be prepared for some bombshells. I’ve updated the top 40 and top 60 starters to reflect Hughes and Grrza’s inability to keep me happy. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?