All of the infield has been done for the 2016 fantasy baseball rankings. Where it says 2016 fantasy baseball rankings, that’s a link, and that link goes to the 2016 fantasy baseball rankings where there are more links to all of the positions that have been ranked for 2016 fantasy. Seamless linking! The top 20 outfielders for 2016 fantasy baseball is going to go into the top 40, top 60, top 80 and finally top 100. I love a lot of outfielders this year, and will go over this more at a later time, but I could see myself leaving the top 100 overall with three outfielders while wanting, like, twenty-five of them. Shoot (not you, Dick Cheney!), I desperately want five of the top ten outfielders and I’m not even counting the top four that are a given. McCutchen is the only outfielder in the top ten I’m kinda whatevs on. The last time I was this excited for an outfielder Ryan Klesko was delicately connecting his sideburns to his mustache. Anyway, here’s the top 20 outfielders for 2016 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
3rd basemen are the new Dolly Parton. They are so top heavy they haven’t seen their toes in years. After the top ten 3rd basemen, the rest are a wing, a prayer and Winger doing a cover of Living on a Prayer, which can’t hold a candle to Bon Jovi, because A) Jersey B) No one can hold a candle to Bon Jovi because of Jersey. C) There’s no C. D) Jersey! I can’t remember a position like this for any other year in recent memory, but I’ve killed my brain for years with hard drugs. If you don’t have a 3rd baseman by the 100th overall pick, you might be kissing your 3rd baseman position goodbye. Literally, smooching your computer monitor like you’re in that Spike Jonze movie with Scarlett Johansson robot-talking. By the way, Johansson is 31 years old, in nine years, she’s gonna be old. In nine years, I’m gonna be distinguished. Damn, Hollywood, you’re messed up giving me these ageist ideas! As always, my projections and tiers are noted. Anyway, here’s the top 20 3rd basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The top 20 shortstops for 2016 fantasy baseball were once as bad as the top 20 2nd basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball that I went over the other day. Now the shortstops have had an influx of youth — or utes, if Joe Pesci is reading — and the future’s so bright I gotta wear shades, Arvid. I’m happy for the shortstops, and happier for myself. For a while, the top 20 shortstops were Tulo and those other guys. Kinda like the top 20 catchers is Posey and those other guys. Oh, and there was a top 20 1st basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball post already too (organic linking!). Hopefully, the shortstops aren’t just showing up in a librarian’s outfit with red-rimmed glasses and appearing sexy, then turning out to be Sally Jessy Raphael. As with the other top 20 rankings, I point out where tiers start and stop and my projections. All the 2016 fantasy baseball rankings can be found under that thing that says 2016 fantasy baseball rankings. Unsuccinct! Anyway, here’s the top 20 shortstops for 2016 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
To make sure I don’t miss any player in my rankings, I go through every team’s depth charts and I go through every eligible player who is projected for at least one at-bat by Steamer. After I looked through the players with at least one at-bat at 2nd base, I vomited in my mouth, then spit said vomit onto the ground and it spelled out, “Gnarly.” My vomit is right. 2nd base is not a pretty position. Shortstops got younger in the last year and some guys are coming to make it even better. The top 20 1st basemen wasn’t straight gorge, but there was plenty of talent there from veterans. The top 20 catchers are always ugly, but these top 20 2nd basemen are giving the catchers a run for their money. There’s only three guys with legit 20-homer power and three guys with easy 20-steal speed. One that will hit .300 and zero that will get 100 RBIs. I don’t know what happened to the latest crop of 2nd basemen, but I have a theory. Twelve years ago, when these 2nd basemen were learning the position, their role model was Bret Boone. Boone used to frost his hair blonde, so all the kids learning 2nd base at that time, frosted their hair too. Then their friends beat the crap out of them, and that was the end of all future 2nd basemen. Here’s the position eligibility chart for 2016 fantasy baseball. All the 2016 fantasy baseball rankings are under that linkie-ma-whosie. As always, my projections and tiers are included for the low, low price of zero dollars. Anyway, here’s the top 20 2nd basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
After the top 20 catchers for 2016 fantasy baseball, it’s all downhill. And by downhill, I mean it will pick up speed and start moving quickly. That really should be what “it’s all downhill” means. I fixed you, English language, you’re welcome. The top 10 for 2016 fantasy baseball and the top 20 for 2016 fantasy baseball were done the other day too. I think this is what they call getting you up to date. I don’t mean that as in, “We have to shave his unibrow into two eyebrows, and maybe have him wear something other than a sports jersey, so he’s ‘up to date’ a girl.” This top 20 1st basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball goes to about 60. Every year it seems like it gets longer and more unwieldy like the story you tell people on why you didn’t finish college. As always, for each player there’s my projections and where I see tiers starting and ending. There’s the position eligibility chart for 2016 fantasy baseball, and all the 2016 fantasy baseball rankings are under that linkie-ma-whosie. Anyway, here’s the top 20 1st basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The other day the top 10 for 2016 fantasy baseball was straight sexy like when a model on America’s Next Top Model knows how to smize and booty tooch. Then, the next day, the top 20 for 2016 fantasy baseball was all the flavors of the Skittles rainbow melted into one giant Skittle that was a color that was not-black even though all colors together should’ve been. Today, the top 20 catchers for 2016 fantasy baseball is the direct opposite of those wondrous achievements. This post, here, is, um, catchers. Lowercase yay. Most of you know how I feel about catchers. If you draft a catcher any time before the first 100 picks, you don’t know how I feel about catchers. Let me freshen up your cocktail with a splash of insight. I don’t draft top catchers in one catcher leagues. I Reggie Roby them. Last year, Posey was the top ranked catcher at the end of year. Yet, he was only the 8th best 1st baseman, about as valuable as Albert Pujols, who hit only .244. The best catcher can’t spray aerosol deodorant on the top guy for another position. The top five catchers last year were Bust Posey, Bri McCann, Eve Gattis, Russ Martin and Sal Perez. Only one guy was drafted in the top 100. No one should draft a top catcher because there are no top catchers. They’re all hot garbage with a side order of gefilte fish, or kapelka as Q-Tip calls it. Catchers are unreliable to stay healthy; the job is grueling and takes its toll on offensive stats. There’s not much difference between, say, the tenth best catcher and nothingness. Last year, Welington Castillo was the tenth best catcher. He was on waivers for at least half the season. He was the tenth best catcher with a line of 42/19/57/.237. Yo, Q, forget kapelka, Welington Castillo makes me vomit. Also, with this crop of catchers — they’re actually deep in mediocrity. You can draft the fifth best catcher or the 12th best and they’re tomato-tomato said with a different emphasis. Because I ignore the top catchers doesn’t mean I’m starting the top 20 catcher list at number twenty-one; some of you might want to know the top catchers. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them draft d’Arnaud. In two catcher leagues, catchers are a little more valuable, but I’d still prefer to avoid them. You can see other top 20 lists for 2016 fantasy baseball under 2016 fantasy baseball rankings. Listed along with these catchers are my 2016 projections for each player and where the tiers begin and end. Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2016 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
This is one of the most difficult posts to write all year. Maybe I shouldn’t try to write it with my feet. Eff it, you know what? No guts, no glory. No toes, no post either, naw mean? There’s just so many different ways the top 20 for 2016 fantasy baseball could go. Maybe next year I’ll write a top 10 with a ten way tie for the tenth ranked guy. Last year, I had Nolan Arenado higher than anyone and Ian Desmond. You win some, you lose some. I also had Donaldson, Bryce, Hanley and Bautista in the top twenty. Again, win, win, lose and…DRAW! Two words…I’m drawing what appears to be a pirate only he’s in front of a mic stand… It’s Fetty Wap! I wouldn’t draft a starter in the top twenty, so I rank them accordingly. If you want to bemoan my ranking of Kershaw or any pitcher, then bemoan away. Just remember, a bemoaner sounds a bit to me like “U be a boner.” All the positional rankings will live under the 2016 fantasy baseball rankings. Anyway, here’s the top 20 for 2016 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I sure wish Grey would do his 2016 fantasy baseball rankings. Wait, I am Grey and this is those rankings. Holy crapballs, this is the greatest day ever! Now, only 400,000 words more until I finish my top 400 and I’ll be done. Worst day ever! Damn, that excitement was fleeting. Well, not for you because you don’t have to write all the rankings. You lucky son of a gun! I wish I were you… *wavy lines* Hey, why am I balding and wearing sweatpants? *wavy lines* Hmm, maybe we’re okay with who we are. Now before we get into the top 10 for 2016 fantasy baseball (though I imagine every single one of you has skipped this intro paragraph), I’m gonna lay some ground rules. First, keep your hands and legs inside the trolley. Second, send me all your money. Damn, tried to trick you! Okay, here’s where you follow us on Twitter. Here’s where you follow us on Facebook. Here’s our fantasy baseball player rater. Here’s our fantasy baseball team name generator. Here is all of our 2016 fantasy baseball rankings. Here’s the position eligibility chart for 2016 fantasy baseball. And here is a picture of my son. What a punim! You may not get all of those links in such a handy, easy-to-use format ever again this year, so make proper note. (Unless you just go to the top menu on this page that says “Rankings” and click it, but semantics, my over-the-internet friend, semantics.) Now my expositional half insists I breakdown some generalizations about these 2016 fantasy baseball rankings. The 2016 fantasy baseball rankings will be an ever-evolving mass like the blob. This fantasy baseball top 10 for 2016 list is as of right now and could potentially change with a big injury or Mike Trout quitting baseball because he’s bored with being the best and wants to play competitive Mahjong. So while it is the 2016 fantasy baseball gospel, take it with a tablet of salt. Tomorrow we will cover the rest of the top twenty for 2016 fantasy baseball, then we will go around the horn with a top 20 list for every position. Then for pitchers and outfielders, I’ll turn the dial to 100. Listed with each player are my 2016 projections. Did I consult with anyone else who does projections? It would be ignorant not to, but, in the end, these are my projections. Players need 10 games at a position to get included in the positional rankings. Finally, as with each list in the 2016 fantasy baseball rankings, I will be mentioning where I see tiers start and stop. I look at tiers like this, if Bryce Harper and Paul Goldschmidt are in the same tier, it doesn’t matter if one guy is ranked 2nd and one guy is ranked 3rd, they’re both very close. It comes down to personal preference. I would prefer the guy at number two better than the guy at three, but you do you, I’ll do me and let’s hope we don’t go blind. Anyway, here’s the top 10 for 2016 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Even with an average-at-best fastball (90-ish MPH), Aaron Nola had a 3.59 ERA in 77 2/3 IP last year on the Phillies. This is the first bit of good news for the Phils in a while. The bad news first started in 2012 and it hasn’t let up. The bad news began when Ruben Amaro Jr. read an eHow article titled, “How To Be A MLB GM,” that was authored by Jim Bowden. “You’re saying I can sign Michael Young and no one will stop me. Escuchame, this is bueno.” “Someone take the “Out of Order” sign off of the bathroom, we just got a brand-new Ibanez.” “This GM business is fine and all, but, damn, if I could only be a 1st base coach.” Back to present day, and Nola’s average-at-best fastball doesn’t matter. It matters about as much as the fact that Kanye thinks George W. Bush doesn’t care about Nola. (Oddly enough, Nola went to college in Louisiana. Weird, right? Speaking of which, shouldn’t weird be spelled wierd? Seems odd.) What matters for Nola is his pinpoint control. This is where his bread is buttered. This is where his steak gets Salisburied. This is where his hot dog does bikram yoga. As I’ve mentioned many times before, guys that throw fast that are wild, have huge upside and downside. Guys like Nola that have solid control don’t have the ceiling as those fastwinders, but they also don’t have a basement with a tied-up gimp. At worst, their basement has a pool table with some rips on the felt. Anyway, what can we expect from Aaron Nola for 2016 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s time for everyone’s favorite game that no one knew was their favorite game, Fun With Numbers! As a contestant of this wildly popular game that you didn’t know existed, I’m going to give you the numbers of two pitchers. You won’t know either pitcher until I dramatically reveal their names, but you’ll probably guess Taijuan Walker is going to be one. Okay, the suspense is killing me, so here goes! The first pitcher had 174 Ks and 56 BBs in 195 IP (8.03 K/9, 2.58 BB/9), compiling a 4.43 ERA. Then, the 2nd pitcher had 157 Ks and 40 walks in 169 2/3 IP (8.33 K/9, 2.12 BB/9) with a 4.56 ERA. The 2nd pitcher is Taijuan Walker (how’d you guess?!). The first pitcher is… Here it comes…Shoot, I left the name in my car. One second. Okay, I’m back! The 2nd pitcher is…Max Scherzer in 2011! In 2011, Scherzer was 27 years old and looked headed to the “Great Stuff, Unsure If He Can Put It Together” bin with some other hard throwers. Then, obviously, everything clicked and he was completely dominant for the next four years. In 2015, Taijuan was only 22 years old for most of the season, and now he’s 23. So, is Taijuan also a hard thrower that can’t put it together or is he on the verge of greatness? I think you know what camp I fall into. One more Fun With Numbers, because the nonexistent audience insists! In 2013, this pitcher threw 147 1/3 IP with 136 Ks and 33 walks (8.31 K/9, 2.02 BB/9). That pitcher was Corey Kluber at the age of 27 before he went on to win the Cy Young the next year. It’s not hard to recognize what these pitchers have in common. It’s what I seek most of all, besides One-Eyed Willie’s treasure. If a guy strikes out a lot of hitters while walking few, they need to get really unlucky to not be usable. Taijuan’s walk rate in 2014: 4.26. His walk rate in 2015: 2.12. I.e., Walker’s no longer a walker. Taijuan Walker averaged a 94.3 MPH fastball, tied for the 13th best in baseball, right behind Chris Sale and Carlos Carrasco. Walker, velocitease or “Here comes the velocity-rapture?” Again, you know where I stand (sit). Taijuanna know more? I bet you do. Anyway, what can we expect from Taijuan Walker for 2016 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?