Astros announced that Lance McCullers would start the year on the DL.  Just like a Mick to skip out on work on St. Patty’s Day.  Keeping an eye on you, Andrew McCutchen!  At least we don’t have to start the year with tears for Fiers.  Everybody wants to rule the Astros rotation!  With it being announced that McCullers would start the year on the DL, I dropped him 15 spots in my starting pitcher ranks and lowered his projections.  He’s now in the top 60 starters vs. the top 40 starters.  He’s a young pitcher with a shoulder issue, so if you take my previous excitement and divide it by my current hesitation, you get the entire Angels team dancing on the head of a pin.  Okay, my math might be off there, but I’m trying to weigh my current cautious optimism with my realistic pessimism.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Yo, yo, yo, it’s Money Makin’ Manhattan back again, or as the ladies call me Mmm… I just made the milkshake of Googling “mmm meaning.”  I made that milkshake even though I know what it means.  I also will be using milkshake instead of mistake as a subtle protest to Apple’s autocorrect.  Siri, you made the milkshake of messing with me!  I thought mmm just meant a sound when you’re enjoying something.  Only Google told me, “MMM means Expression of pleasure or contentment, My Main Men, Marjories and Maureens Meanderings, Manual Mind Melt, Mad Minute Monday.”  That then sent me on a two-hour journey around the internet trying to figure out what everything after ‘contentment’ means in that definition.  Are Marjories and Maureens Meanderings nomadic feminist thoughts like, “I could use directions, but Waze’s development team was 100% men and I’m not using it?”  I have a theory that at some point in the future, likely when we’re all dead and gone, people will no longer speak in words, but will only talk in acronyms.  Yes, essentially, everyone will be like the little girl in Sleepless in Seattle that grew up to not shave her armpits on Transparent and Girls.  Potatoes to chips, I’m gonna keep this Head-to-Head fantasy baseball draft strategy so succinct that it could be written on the back of a CVS receipt and still have room for a grocery list for a family of five.  Assuming the family of five has shopped in the previous two months.  If said family was in Breckenridge for a skication, and are just getting home before Rascal, Tommy and Clarafeen have to go back to school, then their shopping list might be too long to fit.  Now if they’re just getting back from Breckenridge and are bringing food with them in coolers that they accumulated over the skication, then there might still be enough room.  More or less contingent on accumulated food and their level of hunger.  Fangraphs has a formula to figure this out.  It converts a CSV table into a CVS receipt.  Quite revolutionary.  I’m surprised Carson Cistulli didn’t mention it in his 250,000 word Wikipedia entry.  Whose Wikipedia page is longer Cistulli or Rosa Parks?  I mean, all she did was refuse to switch seats, Carson hosts a podcast!  Head-to-Head, or H2H, doesn’t change a lot for our 2016 fantasy baseball rankings.  There are 300 billion suns in the Milky Way galaxy.  There are 100s of billions of galaxies in the universe.  There are at least 256,000 planets exactly like Earth.  Yet, there’s only one Mike Trout.  (Though Trike Mout on Planet Spoonerism is pretty good too.  Not a first rounder though.)  H2H doesn’t change that.  The strategy for playing in the middle of the season in H2H leagues changes.  You aren’t hoping Eric Hosmer hits 20 homers by October, but whether or not he’ll hit a homer on Sunday or if you should sit him for Jarrod Dyson to try to win steals.  It’s all about the matchups, y’all!  So you want to build a team that can match up well with any other team.  (FYI, I’ve gone over this stuff before, but some of you might need a pine tree refresher hung from your rear view.)  Anyway, here’s my head-to-head draft strategy:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Like the 2nd basemen to target, this is necessary.  You want to take flyers on late middle infielders.  I like a few top shortstops this year:  Lindor, Seager and Correa, but if you don’t get them, don’t sweat it and definitely don’t ‘panic reach’ for another shortstop just because you feel like you need one.  This is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Lichtenstein) supplement to the top 20 shortstops for 2016 fantasy baseball.  The players listed have a draft rank after 200 on other sites.  Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2016 projections.  Anyway, here’s some shortstops to target for 2016 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

True Story Alert!  Socrates Brito used to pause the Diff’rent Strokes credits for Dana Plato’s title card and would argue with the screen, calling himself a Socratic method actor.  This drove his family crazy.  For many years I’ve spouted off like Tom Selleck’s sprinkler the need to ignore spring training stats.  You should only concern yourself with injuries and position battles.  With that in mind, Brito is winning a position battle with Yasmany, leaving Yasmany baffled, “Do you people just want an outfielder with a long-flowing beard?  Is that what this is about?  What’s the argument for Socrates?  Am I making an argument for Socrates by annoying you with questions?  Is this table still blue to a blind person?”  In the top 80 outfielders, I added in Socrates into the Brendan Dassey tier.  Appropriate that he’s in the Brendan Dassey tier because if there’s any justice, there will be Socrates.  In Double-A, Socrates had nine homers and 20 steals, and Yasmany looks to be headed into the same Cuban abyss as Rusney Castillo and that guy that played Tony Montana’s buddy, Manny.  For 2016, I gave Socrates the projections of 56/7/47/.264/18 in 410 ABs, and if your league counts arguments with Plato, he has added value.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Psst!  This post is gonna list 2nd basemen that you should target in your 2016 fantasy baseball drafts. I’m whispering because you don’t want everyone to see this post.  No, I can’t whisper louder, then it WOULDN’T BE WHISPERING!  Okay, gig’s up (or maybe that’s jig’s up), the love I’m about to reiterately (Made Up Word of the Day!) confirm are guys I love later in drafts.  I’m not going to mention Rougned Odor other than this one mention of him where I say I’m not going to mention him.  I love Odor, and not just because when he chops a 3-2 pitch into the dugout the announcer says, “Foul…Odor stays alive.  Hey, Bill, change your shirt.”  I’m not mentioning Odor other than this mention of not mentioning him because these are players that you’re looking at later and all of them have ADPs after 200.  Some could be the 2nd baseman on your team, they are more than likely MIs.  This is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Spanish-speaking-ones) supplement to the top 20 2nd basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2016 projections.  Anyway, here’s some 2nd basemen to target for 2016 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m going to take a new approach with this post.  No, not because I’m typing with my elbows, but becooooze I’mmmm ryping–Okay, I am typing with my elbows, but this is also new because I don’t think I’ve ever done a post like this before.  On the heels of beginning to draft my first 12-team mixed league team of the year I realized something. (Sign up for a Commenter League too.)  There’s some players I absolutely would draft and some I just won’t.  It occurred to me when I was about to draft Eric Hosmer at the tail end of the fifth round.  Top guys on the board at the time from my 2016 fantasy baseball rankings were Pujols, Lindor, Hosmer, Maikel, Sano and Kemp.  I already had Giancarlo, so that eliminated Pujols for me, due to the injury risk; I called Miguel Sano overrated; I wouldn’t draft Kemp, per my top 40 outfielders, so that left me with Hosmer, Lindor and Maikel.  I wish I had three picks at that point, but I was on the turn, so I took Lindor and Hosmer, praying that Maikel would make it back to me.  Of course, he didn’t make it back to me.  He didn’t even last five picks later.  Then, I thought deeper about my situation like I was KRS-One, and realized there were dozens of players I could’ve chosen at that point.  Hundreds of players, really.  I mean, only 60 players were off the board.  Couldn’t I have drafted so many other players?  Actually, no, I couldn’t.  Or, I guess better, I wouldn’t.  In my top 100 for 2016 fantasy baseball, there’s 20 players I’m drafting after the top 25 overall and before we’re out of the top 100.  Why after the top 25?  Because in the top 25, I’d take anyone.  Technically, I won’t draft Kershaw where I have him ranked because he’ll be drafted already, but now you’re quibbling, you quibbler!  Anyway, here’s twenty players I’m drafting in the top 100 for 2016 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

*balloons fall from the ceiling, sirens go off*  Oh my God, what did I win?  Little ol’ me was the winner of the “Only Person To Put Dustin Garneau In A Headline?!”  *more sirens, more balloons*  I’m also the winner of the first person ever to mention Dustin Garneau in a lede?!  *yet more balloons, yet more sirens*  Okay, what is it now?  I’m the first person to mention Dustin Garneau three times in one lede?  Great, can we kill the sirens?  My neighbors are gonna get annoyed.  What do I win anyway?  Dustin Garneau on my fantasy team?  That’s the worst prize ever!  So, I took on the monsters of the industry in an NL Only league that was hosted by Scott White at CBS and I came away with a team that is more imbalanced than Amanda Bynes.  This league is deep so hold onto ye old hat.  (If you want a shallower league, play against me and hundreds of your closest buddies in the Razzball Commenter Leagues.)  Anyway, here’s my 12-team NL-Only team and some thoughts:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Here, friend, are some catchers that I will be targeting at my 2016 fantasy drafts after the top options are gone.  I’m not going to get into the strategy of punting catchers.  Been there, half-drunkenly wrote that years ago.  Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2016 projections.  This is a (legal-in-most-countries) supplement to the top 20 catchers of 2016 fantasy baseball.  Now, guys and four girl readers, I am not saying avoid catchers like Matt Wieters if they fall, but to get on this list, you need to be drafted later than 200 overall.  And, to preemptively answer at least seven comments, yes, I will go around the entire infield, outfield and pitchers to target very late.  Anyway, here’s some catchers to target for 2016 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Austin Jackson signed with the White Sox to rid the world of any hope for Avisail Garcia.  “We will trade you Avisail for Jered Weaver wearing a Trout jersey.”  That’s Avisail pretending to be the White Sox GM and attempting to trade himself to the Angels.  Jackson should see action (BAM!) every day in the outfield in south Chicago and steal some bases.  On a related note, in the last two weeks, the White Sox have signed Austin Jackson and Jimmy Rollins, knocking out Avisail and any chance for Tim Anderson.  In other words, Brian Sabean is now GM’ing the White Sox.  “Guys, can we get a check on Mark Buehrle’s availability?”  That’s Sabean sneaking in to be the White Sox GM.  For 2016, I’ll give Austin Jackson the projections of 58/7/52/.258/15, and added him to the top 80 outfielders for 2016 fantasy baseball, updated my top 500 and Fantasy Baseball War Room while deleting Avisail, who looks like he’s not shaking the Avifail label unless he’s traded.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I didn’t think I was going to be needed to write this overrated post.  I figured Troy Tulowitzki is who he is at this point.  Everyone knew who they were getting.  Nothing new here to see.  Old hat as milliners say.  Then a weird thing happened.  I started looking at where Tulowitzki was being ranked, and drafted.  That’s when the “what the effs” started to set in.  Was Tulo suddenly reborn a Canadian superhero by the name of Mooseknuckles in his new home in Toronto?  Was there something that uber-handsome, but slightly stupid, Fantasy Master Lothario, Grey Albright, was missing?  Could I come up with one more question for the Rule of Three?  These questions all ran through my mind.  Granted, while Tulo was running through my mind, he nearly pulled his hamstring making this whole argument moot, but he was still there at the end of my soul searching.  Standing metaphorically on the tip of medulla oblongata about to take a step into my subconscious.  Was this Tulo or the blue Janeane Garofalo-looking girl in Inside/Out?   Or is that Janeane Garofalo in a blue sweater in front of me in line at a Pressed Juicery?  Should I ask her why she doesn’t gain weight again so she can regain her funny?  So many questions, so little time.  Tulo was about to bat in one of the most potent lineups, and, for now, had two working hamstrings, why can’t I get on board?  My existential crisis reached such a fever pitch my eyes started to move in opposite directions like Jean-Paul Sartre.  Anyway, why is Troy Tulowitzski overrated for 2016 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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