Hello, friends that I’ve never met in person. I’m glad to see you again, metaphorically. I’ve already hit you with my top 20 catchers for 2015 fantasy baseball and the top 20 1st basemen for 2015 fantasy baseball. This, here, is the top 20 2nd basemen for 2015 fantasy baseball. This, here, is a mess. There’s seriously about seven 2nd basemen I’m excited about, and two of them are Brett Lawrie and Jedd Gyorko, so we know how that’s gonna play out. I don’t know what happened to the latest crop of 2nd basemen, but I have a theory. Twelve years ago, when these 2nd basemen were learning the position, their role model was Bret Boone. Boone used to frost his hair, so all the kids learning 2nd base at that time, frosted their hair too. Then their friends beat the crap out of them, and that was the end of all future 2nd basemen. Here’s the position eligibility chart for 2015 fantasy baseball. All the 2015 fantasy baseball rankings are under that linkie-ma-whosie. As always, my projections and tiers are included for the low, low price of zero dollars. Anyway, here’s the top 20 2nd basemen for 2015 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
This top 20 1st basemen for 2015 fantasy baseball goes to about fiddy. Last year, I said the first base position is going through a transition. The position is still deep in that transition. We’ll come out of the other side this year with a good idea of where we stand. If Pujols continues to fall, if the washed up ones are completely done and if the up-and-comers are still on the move. Hey, that sounds like a commencement speech from a school for porn. Okay, let’s get into it because I can’t count to twenty and this list goes on forever. As always, for each player there’s my projections and where I see tiers starting and ending. There’s the position eligibility chart for 2015 fantasy baseball, and all the 2015 fantasy baseball rankings are under that linkie-ma-whosie. Anyway, here’s the top 20 1st basemen for 2015 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I just went over the top 10 for 2015 fantasy baseball and the top 20 for 2015 fantasy baseball. Those were exciting, fun, adjective posts! I took a Snapchat of myself reading those posts and had to delete it after one second it was so hot! Now, this post, well, it’s the top 20 catchers for 2015 fantasy baseball. Most of you know how I feel about catchers. If you draft a catcher any time before the first 100 picks, you don’t know how I feel about catchers. Let me freshen up your cocktail with a splash of insight. I don’t draft top catchers in one catcher leagues. I Reggie Roby them. Last year, Posey was the top ranked catcher at the end of year. Yet, he was only the 8th best 1st baseman. The best catcher can’t spray aerosol deodorant on the top guy for another position. The last time Buster Posey had a huge season he followed it up with a stank season that had you wishing for that aerosol deodorant. In the top five catchers last year were Posey, Santana, Mesoraco, Lucroy and Gomes. Only two guys were drafted in the top 100. No one should draft a top catcher because there are no top catchers. They’re all hot garbage with a side order of gefilte fish, or kapelka as Q-Tip calls it. Catchers are unreliable to stay healthy; the job is grueling and takes its toll on offensive stats. There’s not much difference between, say, the tenth best catcher and nothingness. Last year, Dioner Navarro was the tenth best catcher. He was on waivers the entire season. He was the tenth best catcher with 12 HRs and .274. Yo, Q, forget kapelka, Dioner Navarro makes me vomit. Finally, a reason that is new to this current crop of catchers — they’re actually deep in mediocrity. You can draft the fifth best catcher or the 12th best and they’re tomato-tomato said with a different emphasis. Because I ignore the top catchers doesn’t mean I’m starting the top 20 catcher list at number twenty-one; some of you might want to know the top catchers. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them draft d’Arnaud. In two catcher leagues, catchers are a little more valuable, but I’d still prefer to avoid them. You can see other top 20 lists for 2015 fantasy baseball under 2015 fantasy baseball rankings. Listed along with these catchers are my 2015 projections for each player and where the tiers begin and end. Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2015 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
This is one of the most difficult posts to write all year. Maybe I shouldn’t try to write this post with my feet. Eff it, you know what? No guts, no glory. No toes, no post either, naw mean? There’s just so many different ways the top 20 for 2015 fantasy baseball could go. Maybe next year I’ll write a top 10 for 2015 fantasy baseball with a ten way tie for the tenth ranked guy. Last year, I had Jose Bautista higher than anyone and Jay Bruce. You win some, you lose some. I also had Pujols, Votto and Puig in the top twenty. Again, win, lose and…DRAW! It’s one word…A can of spinach with an X through it…A hamburger…Wimpy! Looking into my crystal ball tells me this year is gonna be even harder. Pitchers are dominating the sport. Doesn’t mean I can go completely crackers and just put ten starters in the top twenty. That shizz would be crumby! I wouldn’t draft a starter in the top twenty so I won’t tell you to do it. Finding twenty hitters isn’t going to be easy, but, while thinking of me as your weird uncle that you can only talk about baseball with, let’s find them together. Remember, one pick does not a team make. Here’s just twenty picks you should make. All the positional rankings will live under the 2015 fantasy baseball rankings. Anyway, here’s the top 20 for 2015 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I sure wish Grey would do his 2015 fantasy baseball rankings. Wait, I am Grey and this is those rankings. Holy crapballs, this is the greatest day ever! Now, only 400,000 words more until I finish my top 400 and I’ll be done. Worst day ever! Damn, that excitement was fleeting. Well, not for you because you don’t have to write all the rankings. You lucky son of a gun! I wish I were you… *wavy lines* Hey, why am I balding and wearing sweatpants? *wavy lines* Hmm, maybe we’re okay with who we are. Now before we get into the top 10 for 2015 fantasy baseball (though I imagine every single one of you has skipped this intro paragraph), I’m gonna lay some ground rules. First, keep your hands and legs inside the trolley. Second, send me all your money. Damn, tried to trick you! Okay, here’s where you follow us on Twitter. Here’s where you follow us on Facebook. Here’s our fantasy baseball player rater. Here’s our fantasy baseball team name generator. Here is all of our 2015 fantasy baseball rankings. Here’s the position eligibility chart for 2015 fantasy baseball. And here is a picture of my son. What a punim! You may not get all of those links in such a handy, easy-to-use format ever again this year, so make proper note. Now my expositional half insists I breakdown some generalizations about these 2015 fantasy baseball rankings. The 2015 fantasy baseball rankings will be an ever-evolving mass like the blob. This fantasy baseball top 10 for 2015 list is as of right now and could potentially change with a big injury or Mike Trout quitting baseball because he’s bored with being the best and wants to play competitive Mahjong. So while it is the 2015 fantasy baseball gospel, take it with a tablet of salt. Tomorrow we will cover the rest of the top twenty for 2015 fantasy baseball, then we will go around the horn with a top 20 list for every position. Then for pitchers and outfielders, I’ll turn the dial to 100. Listed next to each player are my 2015 projections. Did I consult with whoever else does projections? It would be ignorant not to, but in the end they are my projections. Players need 10 games at a position to get included in the positional rankings. Finally, as with each list in the 2015 fantasy baseball rankings, I will be mentioning where I see tiers start and stop. I look at tiers like this, if Giancarlo Stanton and Paul Goldschmidt are in the same tier, it doesn’t matter if one guy is ranked 2nd and one guy is ranked 5th, they’re both very close. It comes down to personal preference. I would prefer the guy at number two better than the guy at five, but you do you, I’ll do me and let’s hope we don’t go blind. Anyway, here’s the top 10 for 2015 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Last year, Avisail Garcia hit seven homers and stole four bases. Whoopie dee do da, who cares?! Moving on! I got a mani-pedi in fifteen minutes, got no time for you! Oh, wait, that was in only 46 games because he was injured. ncjakw– Sorry, my drool was hitting the keyboard. At least I think that’s my drool. Let me taste it. Salty… Ew, gross! Get your mind out of the gutter! It’s my drool, I just ate a Bavarian pretzel! Avisail is so good he made the team without putting on a uniform, went nuts and rode a unicorn through the storm. Avisail’s about to go crazy, but where did you go? Avisail’s about to go crazy, but where did you go? Avisail’s about to go crazy, but where did you go? Avisail’s about to go crazy, damn Hanley’s lazy! Sorry, I was just listening to Atmosphere. Check out this future shizz from September Grey last year, “(Avisail) was a preseason sleeper this year, and he will be again in fifteen-after-twenty because he missed five months this year with an injury. Yes, he looks like Miggy, but he doesn’t act like Miggy. He’s a 20/20 type guy without killing you on average. In this injury-plagued year, his stats don’t look exactly as he has in the past, but that’s probably due to shutting it down in April and starting it up in August. I wouldn’t be surprised if in a few years we look back at this year and see how it didn’t portend anything. Unless he really did learn how to take a walk, as he’s shown this year. Though, I kinda doubt it. I expect he’s a line drive machine, 17-20 homer and 15-steal guy with a solid-enough average. Think what you were expecting from Michael Brantley rather than what you ended up with.” And that’s me quoting me! So, what can we expect of Avisail Garcia for 2015 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Apparently, another name I have for sleepers are guys that were supposed to be good last year and ended up yawnstipating. A.J. Pollock, or as my slightly racist grandfather would call him, That Pollock, didn’t meet expectations last year, putting up 7 homers, 14 steals and a .302 average. Or did he…? Damn, you reversal question. You know, I was going along fine before you came along and had me doing a logic U-turn. No, he didn’t meet expectations, but he also only played in 75 games due to a fractured right hand. Let’s be clear, he missed three months with a fractured hand. One presumably uses a right hand to bat with. Si or no si? Si, si. One also would lose timing from missing three months. Si or no si? Si, si. So, Pollock, or as my slightly racist grandfather would call him when he’s in a bad mood, That Filthy Pollock, didn’t really have a bad year. He actually had a solid year when you consider he missed so much time with such a serious injury. If he played in 150 games…Well, don’t even make me pull out the prorating. Shizz gets downright beautiful. Prorating is dangerous. Prorating can get you in a world of trouble. “My girl is so pretty for those ten minutes right after she comes out of the beauty salon. If she were that pretty all the time…” Now, you’ve just prorated yourself into marrying some girl you met in a bowling alley. However, it is totally fine to prorate your love-making ability. “Yes, that was only three minutes this time, but imagine that again for ten, fifteen or even twenty minutes!” So, what can we expect of A.J. Pollock for 2015 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?
I already went over my Aaron Sanchez fantasy for 2015 and now it’s Drew Hutchison‘s turn. Marcus Stroman might be next. I’m a little in love with all the young pitchers in Canada. Maple Leaf Life! That’s what my so-very-not-gangster chest tattoo says. “Hey, what’s up Hologram Tupac, you’re Thug Life and I’m Maple Leaf Life, you wanna play pinball?” That’s me trying to hang out with Hologram Tupac. Why is there not a hologram for every dead celebrity? Did the world drop the ball here? It’s been years since a good dead celebrity hologram showed up. There should be one for every dead celebrity. “Hey, ma, I want you to meet my girlfriend, Hologram Dana Plato.” Okay, so I want every young Blue Jays pitcher, but that’s for the short-term. Not in keepers. For the long term, I think Toronto as an organization is taking classes from Dusty Baker. Hutchison went from 57 IP in 2013 in the minors after returning from Tommy John (the surgery, not the man) to 184 2/3 IP in the majors. Maybe the Jays bought two surgeries up front at a discounted rate and want to make sure they get to use them. So, in a few years, Dwayne Murphy might be trying to twirl Hutchison’s noodle arm on his fork, but for 2015 I think we should be okay. Even if we’re not, he should come at a cheap enough price in redraft leagues that he’s going to be worth the gamble. Anyway, what can we expect of Drew Hutchison for 2015 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Thomas Crapper did not invent the flush toilet, but he did much to popularize it, according to Wikipedia. Crapper owned the first toilet showroom and due to his name being on a large number of toilets, U.S. servicemen would see it and say, “I need to go to the Crapper.” Hopefully, this adds a bit of context when I say Jean Segura spent 2014 in the crapper. The legacy of Crapper doesn’t end there. Up until Crapper’s time, the inventor and biggest proponent of the flush toilet was John Harington. He was also a popular writer and provocateur who spoke often about the toilet, beating it into people’s brains to call it “The John.” With that in mind, we can also say the Brewers shortstop for 2014 was “In the John” Segura. In 2013, Segura’s 2nd half fell off, and it led people to think his 2014 would be putrid. Those people were proven to be correct. I still don’t buy it. Yes, I don’t buy Segura is bad even after he had a terrible 2014, which was hinted at by a terrible 2nd half in 2013. Yes, I am excited about Segura even though he has a good three months to his entire career. I’m throwing last year out. He had a sub-par April, was moved down the order, and never bounced back. Things really went pear-shaped for him in June and July (.196 and .179). We don’t know his state of mind while his child was sick and then after losing the child. This had to affect him in some way. Perhaps he wanted to be back with his wife and ailing child, maybe he couldn’t concentrate. I have no idea; no one does but Segura. If we’re to throw out his June and July, then he hit .276 on the year. So, just like everyone wants to throw out his huge 1st half in 2013, can’t we also throw out those two months? Go ahead and answer under your breath, I can still hear you. Anyway, what can we expect of Jean Segura for 2015 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?
There was one fateful night in mid-September that changed everything for me and Mike Fiers. He beaned mi novio in the cantaloupe. Giancarlo went down and Fiers stopped mattering to me. I couldn’t even look at him. I opened his ESPN player page and drew a black eye on his picture and blacked out a tooth, but that didn’t assuage me and now I Sharpie’d up my computer screen, making my porn-surfing that much more complicated. So, that fateful night, I went out to a hospital near me, hoping to take my mind off what transpired. In time of distress, I always find it’s best to be there for those less fortunate than me. In the ICU, I found an elderly man, who was on life support, with his family surrounding him. I pretended to be a nurse and asked the family to wait in the hallway. I put a Brewers hat on the elderly man and laid a Fiers jersey over his body. I proceeded to tell him how much I hated what he did to Giancarlo and I would never forgive him. With that, he opened his eyes and said, “Where’s my family?” Then he flatlined. In some weird way, this helped me put my hatred of Fiers behind me. This elderly man allowed me to move on. He sacrificed himself so I could look at Fiers with fresh eyes and consider him for a sleeper post. What a mensch! So, what can we expect of Mike Fiers for 2015 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?