The first thing I like to do for all prospects, Aaron Judge included, is look up their video highlights, because I’m not familiar with them as much as I want to be. Aaron Judge looks like Giancarlo Stanton. A few things on comparing him to Giancarlo. I did it first, then Googled Aaron Judge + Giancarlo and a lot, I mean, a lot of people have compared the two. That means nothing, because now I’m comparing him to Giancarlo and Giancarlo is my novio and we have a daughter together that we named Giancarla, so when I compare someone to Giancarlo, it is said with profound love and a sharp crease in my khakis. I don’t think I’ve ever compared another player to Giancarlo before. That is the kind of praise Aaron Judge is currently receiving. If Robert Downey Jr. and Robert Duvall would’ve starred in a movie about this Judge, the movie would’ve been good. You feel me? Okay, stop touching me now. Judge looks like he could hit 40 homers with the Yankees tomorrow. That’s, of course, if there were games tomorrow. (Only 140 more days without baseball!) I don’t think Judge is 100% butter, i.e., as good as Giancarlo. I’m not just saying that because Giancarlo and I have matching tattoos. The stats seem to bear that out, or bare if you’re a nudist. In Double-A, Judge hit 12 homers in 63 games at the age of 23. Giancarlo hit 21 homers in 53 games in Double-A at the age of 20, then hit 20 homers that same year with the Marlins. Giancarlo is a once-in-a-decade bat; Judge is similar, just not quite there, which in itself is very impressive. And it’s not just that Judge stands six-seven and is 230 pounds bone-dry. His swing looks like my Gian-novio. Judge is a giant beast of a man and mollywhops with the best of them. This is not fiction, this is biographical, researchable evidence. Anyway, what can we expect of Aaron Judge for 2016 fantasy baseball?Please, blog, may I have some more?
If you are a true fantasy baseballer (<–my mom’s term!), then when you read Byron Buxton‘s name in the title, you waved yourself with a handkerchief like you were Scarlett O’Hara and stutter-stepped like you might pass out. That’s how sexy Buxton is. Another sign of his sexiness, I searched his name on the top right of the site and there were ten pages of results with ten results on each page. 100 posts about Buxton and he’s still a rookie! This is like the chicken and the egg. Are we victims of the hype and hence there’s that many posts about him or are we perpetuating the hype by writing that many posts about him? Brucely, my dear, I don’t give a damn! At this point, you might be asking your mirror, “You, with the handsome head of hair that you paste onto your head every morning, why is Buxton hyped? Wasn’t he garbage last year?” You’re right, you, you smart person you. Buxton was awful this past year in his small cup of coffee; let’s say his espresso was bitter and no amount of lemon rind was helping it. In 138 plate appearances, he had 129 at-bats. Doesn’t that tell you so much? Okay, how about the .209 average with two homers and two steals with two times caught stealing. Does that round out the picture of crapitude he was sporting? Must I remind you that Trout’s first espresso was awful too? Ciao, faccia brutta! Anyway, what can we expect of Byron Buxton for 2016 fantasy baseball?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ayo whaddup, it’s ya boy Grey Albright aka the Fantasy Master Lothario aka White Chocolate aka The Ladder You Use To Reach New Heights aka The God Particle aka Supreme Court Judge Reinhold aka Paid Overtime aka Close Parking Spot When You’re In A Rush aka Al Swearengen’s Swearing Dictionary aka Teacher, We Don’t Need No Education aka The Weird Guy That Latches Onto The Main Character In Oscar Films I Think His Name Is Paul Dano aka The Butcher, The Baker and The Candlestick Maker aka The Stinging On Your Pinkie Toe When You Clip Too Close aka Paul Anka aka Forget How To Spell My Name And Just Get Me My Coffee! I just spent thirty minutes looking up Mindy Cohn and whether or not she’s a lesbian. Ah, the offseason. You are a soothing mistress that touches my naughty bits with idle hands. She’s apparently not a lesbian, but a confirmed friend of the gays, and she wanted to lose weight in the 80’s, but the producers asked her to avoid it for the character of Natalie. They finally agreed to let her wear baggy clothes. No comment, except the “no comment” comment has the weight of a thousand eye rolls. A quick preamble about the 2016 fantasy baseball rookie series that is coming from me over the next few weeks. Rookies could get a post if they meet MLB eligibility requirements, less than 130 ABs or 50 IP. That means no Michael Conforto, no Greg Bird and no Domingo Santana. In 2012, the first player I highlighted was Mike Trout. That wasn’t an accident. I said in the Mike Trout post, “He’s ranked number one for me. Numero uno. The Big Mahoff. He’s the big Statue of Liberty in New York, not that girly one in Paris!” Since then, I’ve attempted to make the first rookie post about a prospect that will be the top rookie for fantasy the following year. This prospect isn’t no ordinary man, this is the prospect I be seeing in my sleep. Corey Seager will be your number one 2016 fantasy baseball rookie. Will Seager be named to the All-Century Team in 85 years or edged out by a robot with grabby hands named the Hitter-Tron that my great-great-nephew will sue over due to trademark infringement only to find out it’s the same Hitter-Tron that once graced this little fantasy baseball blog called Razzball? Can Seager be a number one outfielder in 2016? So many questions and so little time to look up Mindy Cohn info! Anyway, what can we expect of Corey Seager for 2016 fantasy baseball?Please, blog, may I have some more?
I remember when I first came in contact with Fantasy Golf. I was eight years old on the boardwalk of the Jersey Shore and my grandmother and I were at a makeshift tiki hut where a teenager was handing out clubs. I held a golf club up to my waist — perfect size! The teenager then handed me a scorecard, a mini pencil and, finally, a golf ball, but it slipped through my little fingers and started bouncing down the boardwalk. I gave chase and, right as I was about to reach the bouncing ball, tripped and the mini golf pencil went through the palm of my hand. Now, whenever I have to sign anything, I just turn my hand over and scribble with the back of my hand. *intern whispers in my ear* I’m told Fantasy Golf is not mini putt-putt where you play wearing a wizard’s pointed hat and try to avoid getting your ball in the dragon’s moat. That is a shame. Well, in that case, what are we doing? *intern whispers in my ear* Uh-huh. *intern whispers in my ear* Right. *intern whispers in my ear* And… *intern whispers in my ear* Okay, okay, stop. I don’t have a clue about Fantasy Golf. Like zero clues. Like I’m in an elevator and Professor Plum, Colonel Mustard and Mrs. White all get on and I still have no clue. (That is almost as strained as every analogy Tom Verducci makes in the announcer’s booth of the World Series. “These managers will need to be more imaginative than Stephen King!” Apparently, Harold Reynolds’s stupid is rubbing off.) Since I had no idea, I asked our Fantasy Golf ‘pert, Joe MacDonald (who I believe was the villain on Happy Gilmore) to explain it, and here’s what he said:Please, blog, may I have some more?
So, how’s everyone holding up without fantasy baseball every day? I don’t know what to do with myself! This week I wandered into a Starbucks and told the coffeerista about Chris Tillman for 2016. Then I laughed hysterically for a good twenty minutes until someone asked me to leave. We’ve gone over the final 2015 fantasy baseball rankings for hitters and the top 20 starters. There’s no more of these godforsaken recap posts left. You’re welcome. I, my over-the-internet friend, will be talking about 2016 rookies next. Anyway, here’s the top 40 starters for 2015 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:Please, blog, may I have some more?
All the final 2015 fantasy baseball rankings for hitters are done. For those that skipped today’s title, this starts the top 20 starters for 2015 fantasy baseball. This is NOT for 2016 (caps for those who can’t read titles; supposedly it’s easier to read caps, I have my doubts). This is a recap. Will these affect next year’s rankings? Sure. But not entirely. To recapitulate, these rankings are from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. We’re (me) using it to fairly gauge our (my) preseason rankings. Anyway, here’s the top 20 starters for 2015 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:Please, blog, may I have some more?
With the top 40 outfielders for 2015 fantasy baseball, we’ve finished all the hitter recaps. We meaning me, but I’ll include you. No, that’s not a cue to try to hold my hand. Why are you now patting my butt? Don’t muss my hair! The pitching recap will begin on Monday. You can hardly wait. No, you! To recap, the end of the season rankings are based on our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. I felt the easiest way to keep it objective would to go this route. This way when I say someone finished 30th and I ranked them 23rd in the preseason, it carries more weight like Jesse Plemons on Fargo. Anyway, here’s the top 40 outfielders for 2015 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Went over the catchers, 1st basemen, 2nd basemen and shortstops and top 20 3rd basemen for 2015 fantasy baseball. Guess what’s next! No, not pitchers. Read the title, man. In 2010, there were only 5 outfielders that hit 30 homers, in 2011 there were 9, 14 in 2012, in 2013 there were 3, a small bounce back with 6 in 2014 and this year there were eight. Going the right way, for sure. Though, steals were basically gone. There were 14 outfielders who stole 30 bases in 2012, 10 in 2013 and there were 11 in 2014. This year there were only five outfielders who stole 30 bases (only seven players total). Five outfielders with 30 steals! Dubya tee eff, we need Ron LeFlore and his cocaine, stat! As before, these rankings are from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater with my comments. Anyway, here’s the top 20 outfielders for 2015 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:Please, blog, may I have some more?
For those looking for pictures of ballplayers taking off their ballcap and recapping themselves, you’re in the wrong place! Though, sometimes I get the sense people in the comments aren’t wearing pants, so if that does it for you, there ya go. Oh, who are we kidding, I’m not wearing pants. Pants are for conformist sissies! So, after going over the top 20 catchers, top 20 1st basemen, top 20 2nd basemen and top 20 shortstops, which brings us to…Hold on, I have to scroll up to the title. It’s the 3rd basemen? Oh, awesome! Pound for pound, the 3rd basemen were as good, if not better than any other position, and that’s not a Sandoval crack. Trust me, I wouldn’t force my worst enemy to look at a Sandoval crack, or anything stuck in his crack either. This final ranking is from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater with my comments. The Player Rater allows me to be impartial while looking at how I ranked players in the preseason. I look forward to the random comment about how I’ve left off so-and-so. This is not for next year. Lisa Simpson groan. Oh, they’re not reading this intro either. Anyway, here’s the top 20 3rd basemen for 2015 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:Please, blog, may I have some more?
We’ve (Me’ve) have already gone over the top 20 catchers, top 20 1st basemen, top 20 2nd basemen and now it’s time for the top 20 shortstops for 2015 fantasy baseball. It’s fun to see how many people read this in a way that makes them think this is for next year. Let’s read it like them real quickly, “Top 20 shortstops…Tulo too low, Andrus too high, Lindor too low, how do I make a comment that illustrates my snideness about what an idiot I think Grey is without incurring the wrath of others so I can still ask a trade question in two months without any hard feelings? Maybe I’ll just say a name with a question mark and that’ll be enough to inform Grey that I think he’s a moron, but vague enough to not set off others.” Those people, who I’m sure aren’t reading this opening, are the true highlight of the offseason. Here’s a comment for them to post, “Yunel???” To recap, this final ranking is from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater with my comments. The Player Rater allows me to be impartial while looking at how I ranked them in the preseason. Anyway, here’s the top 20 shortstops for 2015 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:Please, blog, may I have some more?