True Story Alert!  Socrates Brito used to pause the Diff’rent Strokes credits for Dana Plato’s title card and would argue with the screen, calling himself a Socratic method actor.  This drove his family crazy.  For many years I’ve spouted off like Tom Selleck’s sprinkler the need to ignore spring training stats.  You should only concern yourself with injuries and position battles.  With that in mind, Brito is winning a position battle with Yasmany, leaving Yasmany baffled, “Do you people just want an outfielder with a long-flowing beard?  Is that what this is about?  What’s the argument for Socrates?  Am I making an argument for Socrates by annoying you with questions?  Is this table still blue to a blind person?”  In the top 80 outfielders, I added in Socrates into the Brendan Dassey tier.  Appropriate that he’s in the Brendan Dassey tier because if there’s any justice, there will be Socrates.  In Double-A, Socrates had nine homers and 20 steals, and Yasmany looks to be headed into the same Cuban abyss as Rusney Castillo and that guy that played Tony Montana’s buddy, Manny.  For 2016, I gave Socrates the projections of 56/7/47/.264/18 in 410 ABs, and if your league counts arguments with Plato, he has added value.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:

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Psst!  This post is gonna list 2nd basemen that you should target in your 2016 fantasy baseball drafts. I’m whispering because you don’t want everyone to see this post.  No, I can’t whisper louder, then it WOULDN’T BE WHISPERING!  Okay, gig’s up (or maybe that’s jig’s up), the love I’m about to reiterately (Made Up Word of the Day!) confirm are guys I love later in drafts.  I’m not going to mention Rougned Odor other than this one mention of him where I say I’m not going to mention him.  I love Odor, and not just because when he chops a 3-2 pitch into the dugout the announcer says, “Foul…Odor stays alive.  Hey, Bill, change your shirt.”  I’m not mentioning Odor other than this mention of not mentioning him because these are players that you’re looking at later and all of them have ADPs after 200.  Some could be the 2nd baseman on your team, they are more than likely MIs.  This is a (legal-in-all-countries-except-Spanish-speaking-ones) supplement to the top 20 2nd basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball. Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2016 projections.  Anyway, here’s some 2nd basemen to target for 2016 fantasy baseball:

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I’m going to take a new approach with this post.  No, not because I’m typing with my elbows, but becooooze I’mmmm ryping–Okay, I am typing with my elbows, but this is also new because I don’t think I’ve ever done a post like this before.  On the heels of beginning to draft my first 12-team mixed league team of the year I realized something. (Sign up for a Commenter League too.)  There’s some players I absolutely would draft and some I just won’t.  It occurred to me when I was about to draft Eric Hosmer at the tail end of the fifth round.  Top guys on the board at the time from my 2016 fantasy baseball rankings were Pujols, Lindor, Hosmer, Maikel, Sano and Kemp.  I already had Giancarlo, so that eliminated Pujols for me, due to the injury risk; I called Miguel Sano overrated; I wouldn’t draft Kemp, per my top 40 outfielders, so that left me with Hosmer, Lindor and Maikel.  I wish I had three picks at that point, but I was on the turn, so I took Lindor and Hosmer, praying that Maikel would make it back to me.  Of course, he didn’t make it back to me.  He didn’t even last five picks later.  Then, I thought deeper about my situation like I was KRS-One, and realized there were dozens of players I could’ve chosen at that point.  Hundreds of players, really.  I mean, only 60 players were off the board.  Couldn’t I have drafted so many other players?  Actually, no, I couldn’t.  Or, I guess better, I wouldn’t.  In my top 100 for 2016 fantasy baseball, there’s 20 players I’m drafting after the top 25 overall and before we’re out of the top 100.  Why after the top 25?  Because in the top 25, I’d take anyone.  Technically, I won’t draft Kershaw where I have him ranked because he’ll be drafted already, but now you’re quibbling, you quibbler!  Anyway, here’s twenty players I’m drafting in the top 100 for 2016 fantasy baseball:

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*balloons fall from the ceiling, sirens go off*  Oh my God, what did I win?  Little ol’ me was the winner of the “Only Person To Put Dustin Garneau In A Headline?!”  *more sirens, more balloons*  I’m also the winner of the first person ever to mention Dustin Garneau in a lede?!  *yet more balloons, yet more sirens*  Okay, what is it now?  I’m the first person to mention Dustin Garneau three times in one lede?  Great, can we kill the sirens?  My neighbors are gonna get annoyed.  What do I win anyway?  Dustin Garneau on my fantasy team?  That’s the worst prize ever!  So, I took on the monsters of the industry in an NL Only league that was hosted by Scott White at CBS and I came away with a team that is more imbalanced than Amanda Bynes.  This league is deep so hold onto ye old hat.  (If you want a shallower league, play against me and hundreds of your closest buddies in the Razzball Commenter Leagues.)  Anyway, here’s my 12-team NL-Only team and some thoughts:

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Here, friend, are some catchers that I will be targeting at my 2016 fantasy drafts after the top options are gone.  I’m not going to get into the strategy of punting catchers.  Been there, half-drunkenly wrote that years ago.  Click on the player’s name where applicable to read more and see their 2016 projections.  This is a (legal-in-most-countries) supplement to the top 20 catchers of 2016 fantasy baseball.  Now, guys and four girl readers, I am not saying avoid catchers like Matt Wieters if they fall, but to get on this list, you need to be drafted later than 200 overall.  And, to preemptively answer at least seven comments, yes, I will go around the entire infield, outfield and pitchers to target very late.  Anyway, here’s some catchers to target for 2016 fantasy baseball:

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Austin Jackson signed with the White Sox to rid the world of any hope for Avisail Garcia.  “We will trade you Avisail for Jered Weaver wearing a Trout jersey.”  That’s Avisail pretending to be the White Sox GM and attempting to trade himself to the Angels.  Jackson should see action (BAM!) every day in the outfield in south Chicago and steal some bases.  On a related note, in the last two weeks, the White Sox have signed Austin Jackson and Jimmy Rollins, knocking out Avisail and any chance for Tim Anderson.  In other words, Brian Sabean is now GM’ing the White Sox.  “Guys, can we get a check on Mark Buehrle’s availability?”  That’s Sabean sneaking in to be the White Sox GM.  For 2016, I’ll give Austin Jackson the projections of 58/7/52/.258/15, and added him to the top 80 outfielders for 2016 fantasy baseball, updated my top 500 and Fantasy Baseball War Room while deleting Avisail, who looks like he’s not shaking the Avifail label unless he’s traded.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:

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I didn’t think I was going to be needed to write this overrated post.  I figured Troy Tulowitzki is who he is at this point.  Everyone knew who they were getting.  Nothing new here to see.  Old hat as milliners say.  Then a weird thing happened.  I started looking at where Tulowitzki was being ranked, and drafted.  That’s when the “what the effs” started to set in.  Was Tulo suddenly reborn a Canadian superhero by the name of Mooseknuckles in his new home in Toronto?  Was there something that uber-handsome, but slightly stupid, Fantasy Master Lothario, Grey Albright, was missing?  Could I come up with one more question for the Rule of Three?  These questions all ran through my mind.  Granted, while Tulo was running through my mind, he nearly pulled his hamstring making this whole argument moot, but he was still there at the end of my soul searching.  Standing metaphorically on the tip of medulla oblongata about to take a step into my subconscious.  Was this Tulo or the blue Janeane Garofalo-looking girl in Inside/Out?   Or is that Janeane Garofalo in a blue sweater in front of me in line at a Pressed Juicery?  Should I ask her why she doesn’t gain weight again so she can regain her funny?  So many questions, so little time.  Tulo was about to bat in one of the most potent lineups, and, for now, had two working hamstrings, why can’t I get on board?  My existential crisis reached such a fever pitch my eyes started to move in opposite directions like Jean-Paul Sartre.  Anyway, why is Troy Tulowitzski overrated for 2016 fantasy baseball?

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Baseball commissioner, Rob Manfred, took the podium yesterday and said, “Whether it’s the speed of the game, popularity of the game — as indicated by TV ratings — the amount of open-handed palm grabs of a crotch or spousal abuse, we will not become the NFL.  For better or worse, the number seven is indivisible under God and so are we!”  And with that, Our Man Fred suspended Aroldis Chapman for 30 games.   Trying to stay positive, Aroldis commented that he would not appeal the suspension but that “I am very glad I can still own a gun; I am getting married, after all.”  One of the top closers takes a huge hit in value, I knocked him out of my top 100 for 2016 fantasy baseball, and took him down in my top 500.  His auction value dropped from $20 to $9.  Hopefully, he can make up lost salary with endorsements for Smith & Wesson and as the opening act for Smif-N-Wessun.  A double threat of new income!  Andrew Miller received a slight boost, as well.  There’s also a long shot scenario that the Yankees are comfortable with Miller in the ninth, when Aroldis returns, and Chapman becomes the world’s best setup man.  Before you scoff, you scoffer, it’s not like Miller isn’t good.  Gun to my head, I’d draft Miller in any league.  Unless it was Aroldis’s gun, then I’d politely ask him who he wants me to draft and tell him I’ll happily marry him.  By the by, in just a few short years, Aroldis has been caught leaving a woman tied to his hotel room bed, choking a woman and firing gunshots.  It’s no wonder this is his new Topps baseball card.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:

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This happened during the holiday season in my house:  Me, “Do you know what not winning the Cy Young did to your mother?  I don’t care, personally, if you throw your life away being an ace while never bringing home the postseason hardware, but your mother, she told all of her friends at her Wally Lamb book club for three straight months that you were going to win the Cy Young.  She even made me go to Costco, on a Sunday during their busiest time, and buy burgers and buns for a Sonny Gray Cy Young party.  Then you only receive one 2nd place vote and no first place votes.  I’m disappointed, and you giving your mother and I Billy Butler BBQ sauce for Christmas doesn’t really make up for it.”  Sonny, “Sorry, Pops.”  “Did you even buy this or did you get it free?”  I then threw Billy Butler’s BBQ into the fireplace and screamed, “Did you?!”  It was an ugly scene.  He’s my boy, Sonny Gray, and I love him very much, but it’s time we look at him through a non-familial gaze.  Last year, he had a 2.73 ERA and 1.08 WHIP in 208 IP while breaking out as a number one fantasy starter.  Or did he?!  Ah, Reversal Question, you are quick…Or are you?!  I am!…Or am I?!  Anyway, what can we expect from Sonny Gray for 2016 fantasy baseball and what makes him overrated?

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For those that are new here, welcome.  I’ve gone over my fantasy baseball draft strategy previously.  Luckily for you, I will happily coddle you.  Unluckily for you, I think coddle means to fart on your pillow when you’re out of the room, causing you to get pink eye.  For all your previous misguided attempts at drafting in fantasy baseball leagues, you might be SMDH or telling yourself FML, but now you will be SMDH like, “Look at me smiling like I just smoked some reefer and shaking my damn head at my new knowledge of fantasy baseball drafts.”  Or you might be telling yourself FML, but now you mean it like, “I just got my life drunk on a case of Pabst and we’re going to screw for the first time real romantic-like.  Could someone light a candle while I eff my life?”  Fantasy baseball strategies are as old as the earth, if the earth were ten or so years old.  There’s a LIMA Plan (Low Investment Mound Aces) by Ron Shandler.  There was a ZIMA Plan by Matthew Berry; it involved a lot of stumbling around, groping and the hiccups. There’s been a Punt One Category draft strategy.  There’s been a Punt Two Categories draft strategy, which was conceived by a leaguemate of Punt One Category who just couldn’t stand being upstaged, and there’s the Forget When Your Draft Is So Your Team Is Autodrafted strategy.  I love when my leaguemates use that one.  Then there’s my fantasy baseball snake draft strategy, Fantasy Master Lothario’s Strategic Method of Domination Henceforth or FML SMDH. (You might even want to use this strategy for our Razzball leagues.  Join now.  Thank you.)

FML SMDH has five basic steps.  If you follow these steps, you will place near the top in all of your leagues.  No plan is foolproof because, unfortunately, they still have to play the games, but FML SMDH puts you in the best position possible to win coming out of your draft.  Actually, this plan is foolproof and you should ignore the previous sentence that said no plan is foolproof.  No sentence is foolproof, that’s more accurate.  Okay, onto the steps:

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