Maybe Arod and Mark Teixeira can double date with Madonna and Sheryl Crow. Latino Blanco Twin powers activate — form of a mild salsa! Form of a Tequiza tequila-flavored beer! Form of a Chardonnay Sangria! The Yanks sign Teixeira, figuring it would be easier than letting him sign with the Nationals and then buying the entire team.Please, blog, may I have some more?
In our series of 2009 fantasy sleepers, I take a detour down my own personal Heartbreak Hill. Anyone who has read this site for a few knows I had a huge crush on Alex Gordon going into the 2008 season, so it’s with great regret I must confess, “Gordon, I can’t quit you.” That’s right, I’m pegging Gordon as a fantasy sleeper for the 2009 season.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Okay, the Final Jeopardy answer is 107/40/118/.302/8. Do do do do do do do do… doot do do do do do do… What is Bill James predicting Chris Davis will do in 2009? That’s correct! “What is Bill James smoking?” would have also been accepted.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Colby Rasmus goes by the nickname Razz or Razzle-Dazzle, which should make him a favorite here at Razzball, but there’s something pricky about him that I don’t like. Might be the name, Colby. It sounds like a total douche name, like a character’s name in a Bret Easton Ellis novel.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jason Heyward, besides having the surname of a 1930s matinee idol, has the mitts of a Yeti and the sturdies (<– that’s legs) of Frank Thomas. His man gams are 117% oak. You thought Jay Bruce could fight crime? Heyward just saved your life and you didn’t even know you were in danger.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The other day a Razzball reader, Tim L., contacted me about mocking his fantasy baseball keeper league.
I just wanted to say I’m a huge fan of your site. I think you do a fantastic job and have great analysis (as well as it being very funny).Please, blog, may I have some more?
Rafael Furcal returns to the Braves, which can’t be a good thing for 2009 fantasy baseball owners. I mean, it can, but it probably won’t be. This move will have people slightly too excited about Furcal. Then you throw in his great April in 2008 — hitting .357 with 5 home runs and 8 steals in only 36 games.Please, blog, may I have some more?
While regurgigating Jobacum, I mentioned Gamel is a lot like Ryan Braun. All hit, no field. In Single-A ball in 2007, Gamel made 53 errors in 128 games. In that post, I said that he plays 3rd like Jenny McCarthy at a celebrity All-Star game, but I think I was overestimating his glove work.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m not sure if Jeff Kent will retire. I’m sure his wife doesn’t want him to retire because he seems like he’d be a miserable prick around the house. Why doesn’t this remote work?! She sighs, “You have to turn on the TV first.” Maybe he lands as a DH somewhere in the AL.Please, blog, may I have some more?
There’s only two types of years for AJ Burnett. He’s either playing hard because it’s a contract year or he’s hardly playing because he contracted an injury. Unless the Yanks are willing to give him a new contract every year to add to this one (which is definitely possible with the Yank$), our guess is that this will be a lot closer to a Pavano redux than a Mussina repeat.Please, blog, may I have some more?