I hated Brandon Phillips going into last year. I felt he was overrated. I thought he was being drafted like his feces smelled like Reese’s Pieces. Then, as is the case in the game of fantasy baseball, one year changed all of that. I don’t necessarily think my perception of Brandon Phillips has changed for the 2009 fantasy baseball season. He still seems like a guy who can’t figure out whether to swing or not. A .312 OBP isn’t exactly the quantum of solace (sucked!). He only had 39 walks all of last year in over 600 plate appearances. His .209 after July 31st gives me the Montezuma’s Revenge shakes (which are great with a side of fries.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The only thing Rickey Henderson lacked in his twenty-four year career was humility. So, with Rickey Henderson an odds-on favorite for first-ballot election into The National Baseball Hall of Fame, we here at Razzball would like to tip our caps and our mugs.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Remember Wade Boggs as a Devil Ray? Brett Favre as a Jet? Sylvester Stallone in the latest Rocky movie? Today, Trevor Hoffman signed with the Milwaukee Brewers and John Smoltz signed on with the Red Sox. Maybe Trevor Hoffman just wanted to follow in Salomon Torres’s footsteps and retire a Brewer. Meanwhile, Smoltz returns to Boston after only spending one year with the then Boston Braves. John Smoltz’s favorite contemporary artist, Mitzi Gaynor, once sang, “Everything old is new again.” No truer words have been spoken, except maybe, “Old pitchers break down.” — Anonymous. Anyway, here’s a look at what Hoffman and Smoltz will mean for 2009 fantasy baseball:
Trevor Hoffman - Somewhere in dairy country a little boy is asking his grandpa why he’s so excited. “Cause we’re going to be able to hear a whole lotta Hell’s Bells.” Carrying on the tradition he may have learned firsthand at The Spanish Inquisition, Hoffman did well converting opportunities in 2008. He went 30 for 34 in save chances and put up 3.77/1.04 ratios. Miraculously, he also posted more than a K/IP and only nine walks all season. Frankly, it was a better season than you deserved when you were all ready to drop his remembering-the-eighteen-eighties ass in April. The one big question mark besides his age is the home runs allowed. He gave up eight home runs in 45.1 IP with seven of those coming in Petco. Betcha he’s glad to be out of there! In the end, SAGNOF. If Hoffman’s getting the saves, then Hoffman is the one to own. I’d rank him at the bottom of the Donkey-corn tier of closers.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I decided to take a peeksie at Mock Draft Central’s Average Draft Pick board and grab nine players that I thought were overrated from their top 75. If MDC could talk, I think even it would agree that some of these draft picks make no sense. I tried to grab at least one overrated player from every round if you were doing a ten team 2009 fantasy draft. There were more than nine overrated players by my calculations, but I didn’t want to spoil the top 20 lists that are on their way this coming Monday. Muahahahaha… Anyway, here’s some overrated players for 2009 fantasy baseball:
9) Josh Hamilton - Why is he in the 1st round? Cause he kicked crack? You people need to chillax.Please, blog, may I have some more?
If Ian Stewart has multiple position eligibility, most importantly 2nd base eligibility, then color me chicken and call me cock-fed in my corn hole. Skip Pedroia and grab Stewart late, even in shallow leagues. But with only 12 games played at 2nd base last year, I’m going to assume Stewart’s only eligible at 3rd base for most of you and he probably won’t earn that 2nd eligibility in 2009. At 3rd base, someone who hit 10 home runs isn’t exactly terrific.Please, blog, may I have some more?
And then Dustin Pedroia turned my Silver Bullet into a Sam Adams. I wouldn’t have believed it either, if I didn’t see it with my own eyes. But Pedroia wasn’t done there. Noooo… With a droplet of his sweat, he defrosted Ted Williams so The Splendid Splinter could go to a Southie’s Little League game. But that’s not it! Did you know Pedroia single-handedly completed The Big Dig? Sure, it was fifteen years off schedule, but it would’ve been thirty.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Pat Burrell and Milton Bradley, the new members of the Rays and Cubs respectively, are in similar tiers as outfielders for 2009 fantasy baseball, that not-so-coveted thirdish/fourth-kinda outfielder spot. With their signings, it solidifies in everyone’s mind where Milton Bradley will throw a tantrum next year and where Burrell will be seen going from home to 1st in 12.7 seconds. Is that a Clydesdale, Pa?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Dallas McPherson reminds a lot of myself, if I hit 42 home runs in my last year of Triple-A, or if I played in the minors or any sort of organized sport. I was a city checkers champion in 6th grade.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Brian Fuentes heads to the Angels, confirming some suspicions I had. The guy at Subway spit into your tuna? No, those weren’t suspicions, that was *spooky voice* paranoia. While so many fantasy baseball ‘perts were appointing Arrendondo the closer of the Angels right after the K-Rod departure, I had my suspicions it was a bit premature. Why couldn’t Scot Shields take over as the closer, I thought? (Yes, when I think I do it in a Yoda-syntax.Please, blog, may I have some more?
We here at Razzball.com know that picking a fantasy baseball team name is never easy. You want a funny fantasy baseball team name for 2009, but how crude do you go? Do you insult everyone or just women and children? Or maybe you come up a fantasy team name that is some type of (un)imaginative pun like Say It Ain’t Sosa or Put It In The Pujols.Please, blog, may I have some more?