Carlos Zambrano in his own special way welcomed the Cubs new arrival, Jake Fox, with a shizzfit of epic proportions.  Zambrano was ejected for bumping an ump,  I especially enjoyed when the ump ejected him and he then ejected the ump. 

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When you’re looking at pitcher matchups for fantasy baseball, sometimes the cards just align for certain guys.  On the right day, Piniero can look like Winiero.  Or Jamie Moyer looks like “Play Me” Moyer.  Or Carl Pavano becomes Pava-yes. *Grey groans at his own wordplay*  It’s all about the matchups, right? 

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The Carpenter/Gallardo duel reminded me of Landon and Brittini taking on Mark and Rachel as they competed to see who could slide the furthest on giant blocks of ice while wearing nothing but speedos.  (BTW, Nice to see Mark battling the ageism of MTV. 

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On Sunday, Akinori Iwamura was carted off the field. (No, it wasn’t some sorta Japanese custom when a player makes an out.)  So Reid Brignac may get some short-term value if the Rays play him.  Right now, they don’t seem committed to that plan. 

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(Note from Rudy:  I wanted the title, “Ditch Stitch Tits.”  Over Instant Messenger, Grey thickly said, “What’s with you and the stitch tits?  This is about Vlad, not Pamela Anderson.” It means Vlad had a pectoral tear.  Your pectoral is in your chest. 

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Let’s just assume Joe Mauer hits 25 HRs, though no one south of the Arctic Circle has him projected for more than 18.  And even some less optimistic Eskimos have him down for only 20.  Let’s also assume after curing the swine (<–which is prosciutto, I believe), he hits .330. 

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With about a month and a half in, I figured I’d go over where my (Rudy and my?  Rudy and I?  Rudy and me?  Did I miss this day?) fantasy baseball teams are in their respective leagues.  I know most of youse only care about your teams and how they’re faring, so I’ll keep this brief. 

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The walks weren’t really an issue when Francisco Liriano was striking out twenty-seven guys a game.  He walked to the mound and you knew you were getting 10 Ks.  Maybe nothing else.  But you got ten Ks.  Even if he faced only nine batters. 

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Last week in a barrage of me making sense, I looked at fantasy starters whose ERAs will get worst. Well, do onto others or turnabout is fair play or some other cliché leads me to this post — the inverse of last week’s or fantasy baseball starters who will get better. 

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Lemonade was a popular drink and it still is, the Rangers could only get one hit against Willis.  That’s right, Dwyck.  Dontrelle Willis went six and one-third, allowing only three baserunners and K’ing five.  The Rangers came into the game hitting lefties extremely well (.291) with Kinsler at .460 and Michael Young at .372. 

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