Losing Gary Sheffield from your fantasy baseball team is about the best thing that could’ve happened to you if you owned him. This isn’t really a big fantasy story as far as Sheff goes. He was a decrepit ex-roider. (He was a great hitter to watch in his prime and it’s sad when great players devolve into nomadic, expensive NVORPS (negligible value over replacement players). For every neat and tidy retirement like Ripken and Gwynn, there seems to be at least three like this.) The best thing that could happen is he ends his career at 499 homers. Instant karma’s gonna get you. What this does do is open up a spot for someone else. As I said in the comments yesterday, “The Thames runs through it.” Damn, I’m pithy. I’m like Charles Nelson Reilly on The Match Game pithy. RIP, C N R, you were one of a kind… Until me. Marcus Thames is a source of 20 – 25 HRs and a .240 average. Not bad for AL-only but not remarcusable. He usually only plays against lefties, so I’m not sure if Sheff’s departure gives him that many more ABs. He’s a masher to watch. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in spring training for fantasy baseball:
Joey Devine – Now Aching Joey Devine is off to see Dr. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Coming to the Braves outfield this summer, Jordan Schafer — The outfielder to have when you’re drafting more than one. I picked him up immediately in my sucky fantasy baseball league. He sounds blahtastic! Maybe 10/15/.250 aka every outfielder that sits on waivers all year that has one good game and you contemplate picking up until you think better of it. Some have compared Schafer to Sizemore, but he’s much greener. Though he does know his way around striking out. He’s jumping straight from Double-A where he K’d 88 times in 297 ABs. CHONE and ZiPS project averages near .240. He may turn into a Sizemore, but for 2009 he’s more of a Sighsmore <– pun! He’s worth a flier in an NL-Only league. But then again, so is Cha-Seung Baek. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in spring training for fantasy baseball:
Dexter Fowler – Razzball was abuzz yesterday with the news Fowler might make the team. He really should, and Helton should retire so Ian Stewart can play, but whatever. Fowler is the total package like Lex Luger. He can run, mash and had the opportunity to go to Harvard. He could go 12/30 and hit .285. Then he’s a 30/30 guy in a year or two. Keeper leagues should be all over him. I have Spilborghs on a few teams, but I’d happily move on from him to see Fowler get the chance. I grabbed Fowler in my Spilborghs leagues for backup until this shakes out. I’ll drop whoever doesn’t get the job. Fowler or Maybin? Please, blog, may I have some more?
Just to clear my head the other day, I threw on some bicycle shorts, jumped in my El Dorado and went for a spin. Cause that’s how guys with a ‘stache roll. If you didn’t know, know you do. Consider yourself informed. As I was rocking out to some Don Henley, I was thinking back on some guys that helped me win leagues last year. Xavier Nady – Thanks, X-Man! Jonathan Broxton, you da man! All She Wants To Do Is Dance DANCE! Please, blog, may I have some more?
Back in early November, I said, “Gregg, Cubs Closer?” Well, remove the question mark and call me Nostradumbass. It’s not surprising at all to me that Marmol’s not going to be the closer to start the season. There’s no reason in debating whether Piniella made the right decision. Of course he didn’t. Joking. There’s points for both sides. As I said the other day, do you wanna lose the game in the 8th or the 9th? Either way, all you should concern yourself with is who is getting the saves. The pickle here is Marmol is actually worth owning even if he only gets 5-10 saves all year. So if you drafted Marmol, I’d hold him just to pad your pitching stats. If you have Gregg, nice late pick in your draft. You probably just fell into 35 saves. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in spring training for fantasy baseball:
Brandon Morrow – Says he’s the closer. And so it is. You know what? Every single one of you sitting around reading this blog for the last month could’ve stepped up and said you’d be the closer for the Mariners. But what did you do? You watered down the ketchup, made sure everyone’s coffee was hot and passive-aggressively stuck broken glass under your eighteen-year-old boss’s car tires. You had to know with the top option being Miguel Batista that the job could’ve been yours. Now march into your job and tell them you’re the new fry cook. You got hot oil skillz! Morrow’ll be fine as the closer if he can get/stay healthy. Not sure what they’re going to do with Chad Cordero. Maybe they can turn him into the starter Morrow should’ve been. Please, blog, may I have some more?
We at Razzball realize that exporting our views across the country has damaging consequences on the blogosphere. To help make amends, we are reaching out to leading team blogs and featuring their locally blogged answers to pressing 2009 fantasy baseball questions regarding their team. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Alas, for now the Rays are Price-less. (To recall a conversation I once had with my grandmother after she threw out my 1986 Sportsflic Jose Canseco rookie card, “That card was priceless!” “Yeah, because it wasn’t worth shit.”) Frankly, I’m surprised the Rays sent David Price down. I thought he would start in the bullpen then get starts by the end of April/beginning of May, accumulating 150 innings. Jason Hammel and Niemann! Please, blog, may I have some more?
Admit it, you stay at the Luxor because it’s adjacent to the Mandalay Bay at a third of the price (and they have inclinators instead of elevators!). You see a bottle of Acme Store Brand Tomato Sauce Medley and you think that’s not aftertaste, that’s a persistence of flavor! Photoshop — bleh! You have scissors and paste! Cellphone? You can yell really loud. This, friends, is the economy of our times, so why not use some of that thriftiness towards fantasy baseball? Sure, everyone would like to have ten first round picks and start Miguel Cabrera at their Utility spot, but it’s just not feasible. You need some cheap alternatives. Anyway, here’s some players that are going very early in fantasy baseball drafts and their cheap alternatives:
Adrian Gonzalez – Yes, his homers have been trending up, but he plays his home games in Petco and his average is trending down. He also needed almost 700 plate appearances last year to accumulate 36 HRs. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Now it’s time for everyone’s favorite game, Fantasy Baseball, Fun With Numbers. Ding, ding, ding… Bassoon… Triangle! Triangle! Triangle! Cow bell! More cow bell! One last ding. In today’s installment of Fantasy Baseball, Fun With Numbers, we’re going to look at some outfielders and try to figure out if maybe the numbers tell a different story than their names tell. Anyway, here’s the latest in Fantasy Baseball, Fun With Numbers:
Player A – Last season, 95/17/71/.303/29
Player B – Last season, 112/22/66/.280/12
Player A is Johnny Damon, Player B is Curtis Granderson
Player A – In 362 at-bats Pre-All Star, 50/4/39/.285/23
Player B – In 379 at-bats Pre-All Star, 50/5/31/.253/21
Player A is Alex Rios, Player B is Carlos Gomez
Player A – In 248 at-bats Post-All Star, 36/9/39/.278/9
Player B – In 268 at-bats Post-All Star, 46/9/25/.299/13
Player A is Krispie Young, Player B is Matt Kemp. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Oh, they’re not just bad. Nah, I outdid even myself this time. On this drafternoon, I picked a team that is near-perfectly awful. They simultaneously suck and blow. On a scale of one to ten, they’re a negative seven. I did the math! Somehow I managed to get a team where not one hitter projects for more than twelve home runs. If someone in the Royals brass gets wind of my drafting skills, I may get a job! If you think I’m being facetious (which was recently outlawed in Madagascar), shame on you. And shame on this team! I took part in a fantasy baseball draft this past Saturday to pick the worst fantasy baseball team. And I think I done did it. My co-conspirators in this were:
Drunk Jays Fans
Fantasy Baseball Cafe
Fantasy Pros 911
Hire Jim Essian
Fantasy Baseball Geeks
Beyond the Box Score
Come with me as I take out the trash:
Random thoughts about various rounds of the draft:
ROUND 1 – I had my eye on Ronnie Belliard like only Mrs. Please, blog, may I have some more?
I did a Google search for Chris Davis and it said, “Did you mean Superman?” Weird! The force is very strong in this young Texas Ranger. Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls; Chris Davis serves the Bomb Pops. I’m not sure if there’s anyone in all of fantasy baseball this year who has climbed further in a shorter time during this offseason. I’ve done my own basting of the turkey with a Chris Davis sleeper post. Please, blog, may I have some more?