The Padres finally put their offense on the offensive.  Only here the offensive definition is “causing anger, displeasure or resentment.”  Thanks, Merriam-Webster!  Adrian Gonzalez gets a small boost in value, if ‘small’ meant ‘could there be a better place for him to play?’  You don’t have to be a rocket scientist who gave up his job at JPL to study baseball stats to see the difference between Petco and Fenway.  Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I was in no rush to review the signing of Victor Martinez by the Detroit Tigers.  No, it wasn’t all the tryptophan.  Players going to a new club that won’t change their fantasy value doesn’t really float my boat.  So let’s talk about what’s really on my mind, what a crock of shizz Paranormal Activity was.  Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If you search for fantasy baseball, the first result is Yahoo Fantasy Baseball.  (We’re first for fantasy baseball blog.  Natch!  Or natchurally, if you’re long-winded.)  But this isn’t about Yahoo fantasy baseball.  (Is Yahoo always with an exclamation mark?  Yahoo has a volume problem, huh?)  When people find us, they are not searching for Yahoo fantasy baseball, but what are they searching for when they find us?  Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Let’s start with what I said a few months ago, “This year in the minors Domonic Brown had a line of 65/20/68/.327/17 and .391/.589/.980.  Let’s recap, whoa/wow/nice/yum-yum/don’t mind if I do and yowsers/that’s lovely/yowsersthat’slovely.  To break that down for the people who skimmed the first two sentences, he has 20/20 potential with plate discipline.  Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m not sure anyone can hit Aroldis Chapman.  For a pitcher, that’s a pretty good thing.  If you speak street, he be fire on Crunk Juice.  He can throw the ball faster than Bob Feller on a motorcycle.  Fidel Castro used to karaoke Sublime by singing, “I don’t practice Santeria, I can’t see Aroldis’ fastball.”  It’s fast.  Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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