In his last four games, J.J. Hardy has gone 8-for-17 with two homers.  You waited and waited.  Went for a dip in the ocean.  Washed ashore in Finland.  Smoked a bowl with some guy who wore only a potato sack.  Fell asleep on a raft. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Where do the starters exit the stadium when the game’s over because I’m a groupie for strikeout heavy pitchers, i.e., Grey’s high on a high K/9, i.e., ergo, henceforth, vis-a-vis, I’d own these starters.  Why the hearts on the notebook, Grey?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Was talking to some friends the other day and one of them thought Ichiro Suzuki was the best all around player he had ever seen.  No, he wasn’t Asian or wearing a Buhner jersey.  He made his case — defense, cannon arm, can hit any pitch to any field, speed, etc. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sometimes you just can’t trade a guy in your fantasy baseball league.  For whatever reason, the rest of the teams don’t believe in your guy.  Whether it’s someone who has been doing well who people aren’t sure if they’re for real (Ben Zobrist) or someone who has been struggling (Liriano), no one in your league will trade for them. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Matt Lindstrom hits the DL with a sore elbow and should be out at least 6 weeks.  He’s fine to drop if you don’t have DL room, since he may not be the closer when/if he returns.  Rudy and I were talking over IM when the news of Matt Lindstrom hitting the DL broke. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Brandon Webb may miss the rest of the season.  Nothing good comes from drafting a top pitcher.  Nothing, I tell you.  I own Peavy in two leagues, so I’m right there with youse.  Remind next year to revert back to not drafting starters in the first five rounds. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Jake Peavy limped away into the sunset with a walking cast and a .98 difference between his ERA and his FIP, which means his ERA could’ve been below a 3 when he went down.  Pardon me as I cry into a bowl of beer-battered onion rings. 

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Okay, now picture you’re a Mets fan who was in a coma for three months and you just looked at the starting lineup.  You’d be like, “Jeremy who?  Cora what?  Tatis huh?  Why are the Mets playing a split squad game in June?”  Um, yeah. 

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There’s a few people who are going to understand what FIP is.  The people who scored a 2400 on the SATs.  Or 1600 if you’re old school, literally.  The people who use a Bunsen Burner to light their pipe.  The people who know what is in a Twinkie. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

CC Sabathia left his start with biceps tightness.  Or is it bicep?  Hmm…  Either way, it’s not great to hear about an arm issue with your fantasy ace.  Right now they’re saying no tests are even necessary.  Give me two hundred CCs of a White Russian and I’m asking this, you pay one hundred trillion dollars for a player and then you don’t send him for tests when he hurts his bicep(s)? 

Please, blog, may I have some more?