When Scott, our prospect writer, gave out his awards for 2012, he gave Oscar Taveras the minor league break-out hitter award, saying this in September, “Taveras spent the entire year at Double-A Springfield after skipping the High-A level over the off-season.  The 20-year-old is being touted as the best pure hitter in the minors after hitting .321/.380/.572 and winning the Texas League batting title.  He’s ready for big league pitching now, but the Cardinals will hold off ’til next year to use him, perhaps right out of camp if the opportunity is there.  Now excuse me as I go walk my schnauzer that I named Grey.”  Hmm, didn’t remember reading that last part.  From what I’ve heard, Taveras’s biggest strike against him is he doesn’t see any strikes — turn of a phrase point!  He’s being compared to Vladimir Guerrero without having knees like Mama from Mama’s Family.  Taveras swings and hits everything.  Also, like Vlad, his swing is long, unwieldy and it looks like he could swing at pitches above his head and in the dirt on two consecutive pitches.  (Google video of Oscar Taveras if you don’t believe me; what, you don’t believe me?  My feelings are hurt.)  So, what can we expect of Oscar Taveras for 2013 fantasy baseball?

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Jaime Garcia is questionable for the start of the season, Lance Lynn might not be in the rotation after his extended turd-flinging, Lohse is gone, the Cardinals coaching staff can make any fifth starter an ace… These are just some of the reasons why Shelby Miller should be in the Cardinals 2013 rotation.

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His career as defensive replacement is cemented with his pre-game ritual of long-toss from foul pole to foul pole. Rob Neyer (Member him? I think he used to write for ESPN.) suggested Trevor Bauer could even make the Guinness Book of World Records if he could motivate one of those lazy Guinness record keepers off their butt and out to the field.  The current record is held by a Canadian minor leaguer, Glen Gorbous, from 1957.

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As of right now, Dan Straily is in the 2013 Oakland rotation. That is what I’m going off of for this post. So, if you’re coming from Google in three months wondering if Straily will be in the rotation, the answer is “I don’t know, but in November he was.” For more information on the question, click the “Home” tab on the top, go to my newest post and ask if my Dan Straily fantasy post from November still makes sense.

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Here’s what I said in August of last year about Mike Olt, “Don’t you love when New Yorkers say the expression, “I got your _____ right here!”  Coming out of the right taxi driver’s mouth, it’s like a cello being played by Yo-Yo Ma.

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I went into TurboTax and entered the Marlins $100 million payroll going into last season, subtracted Jose Reyes, Hanley, Josh Johnson, Buehrle, Bonifacio, Buck, Infante, Gaby, Anibal, Heath Bell and Ozzie Guillen’s salary, then I added in Gorkys, Ruggiano, Giancarlo, Wade LeBlanc, Eovaldi, Jacob Turner, Adeiny Hechavarria and Yunel’s salary and it says the Marlins can get an EBT card for their cash assistance benefits.

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I’ll write a 2013 fantasy rookie post about Trevor Bauer, too.  It’s inevitable.  Even after Bauer was called up to the majors and produced a 6+ ERA, his stuff was still undeniable.  There will be time to go over Bauer.  Let’s shine some light on Tyler Skaggs so he doesn’t remain Barbara Hersey to Bauer’s Bette Midler.

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Even with Petco’s fences coming in, I’m really liking what this middle-aged journeyman pitcher… *checking notes*  Me to myself, “I don’t think this is the Adam Eaton, 4+ ERA pitcher.”  Myself to me, “Jesus, then don’t write about the pitcher, or people will think you have no idea what you’re talking about.”  Me to myself, “Chill, Myself!

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Annoyed and unable to understand fantasy owners happiness in owning a Padre hitter, I made plans to deprive fantasy owners of their Roast Beast and fantasy pennant championship celebrations.  Then someone warmed my Grinch heart.  Who?  Nope, Chase Headley.  If Headley can do it, I say anyone can do it.

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