The Yankees’ extra-bat-off-the-bench in the playoffs, Alex Rodriguez, will be out for six months, following surgery on his hip that is set to take place in January. Guess A-Rod doesn’t want to be out of service for the holiday season. “Hey, I got a date with this smoking hot, butchy female and she wants me to dress up as Santa and sit on my lap. Can we do this whole hip-ma-whosie Jan one?” That’s A-Rod talking to his doctors. Yes, A-Rod says Jan instead of January. BTW, I Googled A-Rod surgery and the first article was at Latino dot Fox. A-Rod is as Latino as Taco Bell. On the fo’ really tip, why can’t he go into surgery right now? He’s getting paid approximately four hundred million this year and he wants to delay surgery so he misses an extra month of the season? The $17 million that went to Russell Martin just shook its head, incredulous. If there’s a legitimate reason for the delay that I didn’t read about, there’s no legitimate reason, so don’t bother telling me about it. Maybe if Pasta Diving Cap’n Jetes would get hip surgery in December than A-Rod would, as well. Well, even before Rodriguez came down with the appropriate hip problem, he shouldn’t have been drafted. He’s actually done us all a favor. Now he’s pushed himself so far down draft boards that you won’t even have to think about it in, say, the 12th round. For 2013, I’ll put his line at 40/13/44/.263/6 in 300 ABs. He’s firmly in the “Do Not Touch” section of your draft board. Anyway, here’s some more offseason moves for 2013 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
You, “Well, it looks like the right URL. But I don’t recognize the site design at all and… ERIC HOSMER AS A SLEEPER?! WHO HACKED GREY’S ACCOUNT?! I wonder if they’re letting his mustache get at least 15 minutes of sunlight per day. SERIOUSLY, DUBYA TEE EFF?!” That’s right, over-the-internet friend, we’ve redesigned the site and now we’re here to redesign your mind on what you think of Hosmer. So, it’s a constant struggle of mine that I think I might be self-defeating. Do I self-sabotage? When choosing people or situations, do I go for the road less traveled not out of excitement, but because it will be more arduous and less likely for success? When I choose a girlfriend, do I try to find one that I know won’t work? Or do I find one that will work and sabotage the relationship? Better yet, is this why I’m interested in Eric Hosmer for 2013? Or so I said to my shrink. Luckily, she knows baseball and is familiar with Eric Hosmer. How could she not after last year? Half of my visits revolved around the Royals 1st baseman. “Grey, I want you to go home and write a sell post for Hosmer, then reduce it to two point font size and have it tattooed under your eyelids.” And that’s why I pay the big money to an non-accredited shrink! On the flip side of that coin, there’s an eagle. On the flip flip side, I refuse to draft Hosmer because of his 2012, then he produces in 2013. Well, that’s the dilemma: draft a guy that caused me so much pain to get more pain or not draft a guy and watch him succeed on someone else’s team. Here we have a crossroads. Maybe we should first look at what he can do next year. So what should we expect from Eric Hosmer for 2013 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Braves dumped Tommy Hanson and his salary for a free agent acquisition to be named later. Imagine the Braves get Hamilton. Heyward/Upton/Hamilton, zoinks! Although, they are more likely to get someone like Swisher. Or maybe they can land international free agent, Juan Jablome. Heyward, Jablome, Upton? “Screw you, I prefer B.J.!” “Okay, whatever you wanna call it!” So, Tommy Hanson’s value has sky-plummeted in the last eighteen months. He went from a one or a two to “Is his shoulder ever gonna be right again?” It’s not the worse gamble for the Angels, though I still wouldn’t want to own Hanson in fantasy. He’s not someone I would take a gamble on until I saw a good few months from him during the season, i.e., I won’t own him coming out of drafts. For 2013, I see his line being 12-10/3.87/1.30/169. Anyway, here’s some more offseason news for 2013 fantasy baseball:
Psych! Before we get into the news, I just wanted to announce that you may want to take a screenshot… Shizz is about to change. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, kazoo. Okay, you’ll see on Saturday night (or maybe Sunday or maybe Monday or maybe a week from now or maybe…You get the picture.). Anyway II, here’s some 2013 fantasy baseball news:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Allen Craig, “What’s that hot air on my neck? It feels…humid.” That’s Matt Adams. The robust first baseman suffered through his worst personal month in years in November when production of Twinkies halted. Fun Fact! In 1999, Bill Clinton dropped a Twinkie into a time capsule that was to remain shut for 100 years.Please, blog, may I have some more?
There’s rumblings that Aroldis Chapman will be in the rotation. This isn’t the first time we’ve heard this. In fact, I think every year since Aroldis costumed himself as a giant cigar and smuggled himself in a humidor out of Cuba, there’s been rumblings that he will be in the rotation.Please, blog, may I have some more?
When Scott, our prospect writer, gave out his awards for 2012, he gave Oscar Taveras the minor league break-out hitter award, saying this in September, “Taveras spent the entire year at Double-A Springfield after skipping the High-A level over the off-season. The 20-year-old is being touted as the best pure hitter in the minors after hitting .321/.380/.572 and winning the Texas League batting title. He’s ready for big league pitching now, but the Cardinals will hold off ’til next year to use him, perhaps right out of camp if the opportunity is there. Now excuse me as I go walk my schnauzer that I named Grey.” Hmm, didn’t remember reading that last part. From what I’ve heard, Taveras’s biggest strike against him is he doesn’t see any strikes — turn of a phrase point! He’s being compared to Vladimir Guerrero without having knees like Mama from Mama’s Family. Taveras swings and hits everything. Also, like Vlad, his swing is long, unwieldy and it looks like he could swing at pitches above his head and in the dirt on two consecutive pitches. (Google video of Oscar Taveras if you don’t believe me; what, you don’t believe me? My feelings are hurt.) So, what can we expect of Oscar Taveras for 2013 fantasy baseball?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jaime Garcia is questionable for the start of the season, Lance Lynn might not be in the rotation after his extended turd-flinging, Lohse is gone, the Cardinals coaching staff can make any fifth starter an ace… These are just some of the reasons why Shelby Miller should be in the Cardinals 2013 rotation.Please, blog, may I have some more?
His career as defensive replacement is cemented with his pre-game ritual of long-toss from foul pole to foul pole. Rob Neyer (Member him? I think he used to write for ESPN.) suggested Trevor Bauer could even make the Guinness Book of World Records if he could motivate one of those lazy Guinness record keepers off their butt and out to the field. The current record is held by a Canadian minor leaguer, Glen Gorbous, from 1957.Please, blog, may I have some more?
As of right now, Dan Straily is in the 2013 Oakland rotation. That is what I’m going off of for this post. So, if you’re coming from Google in three months wondering if Straily will be in the rotation, the answer is “I don’t know, but in November he was.” For more information on the question, click the “Home” tab on the top, go to my newest post and ask if my Dan Straily fantasy post from November still makes sense.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Here’s what I said in August of last year about Mike Olt, “Don’t you love when New Yorkers say the expression, “I got your _____ right here!” Coming out of the right taxi driver’s mouth, it’s like a cello being played by Yo-Yo Ma.Please, blog, may I have some more?