Yesterday, was the first time the Cubs have won 100 games since 1935. Though, in 1994, the Cubs were so gonna win the final 49 games if the strike didn’t happen, giving them 98 wins, then two losses were going to go under review and get reversed. What? My crystal ball is very specific. Why don’t you people believe me? Kidding, I know you believe me because I can see you in my crystal ball. Put on some pants that don’t have an elastic band, would you please! Kyle Hendricks (6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners (0 walks), 5 Ks, ERA down to 1.99) did his usual magic. I say let him sit out his final start so he can end the year with a minus-2 ERA, and I bet the Cubs say the same thing as me. Know why? I have the best words. People love my words. No one has words like me. Carrying them offensively was Javier Baez (2-for-5, 6 RBIs and his 14th homer). Whenever Hendricks grooves, Baez seems to play himself a little ditty, too. Must be their Woodstock connection. If Joan Baez didn’t perform at Woodstock, don’t tell me, for folk’s sake. Baez is going to be a tough nut to peg (totally a saying) for 2017 fantasy. He’s made great strides with his strikeouts. Looks like an easy bet for a 17/17 season if he were to play every day, but 17/17 is just a tad boring compared to 20/20. By the way, Tad Boring never gets any dates on Tinder. Also, we’re not sure if Baez will have an everyday job. Cubs’ playing time can be Maddon’ing. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
On Sunday morning, I woke around 8 AM to read a text from Rudy saying, “Awful news, Jose Fernandez was killed in a boating accident.” I put on my glasses, no time for contacts, and turned on the TV. It was still on Fox Sports West because I was watching Vin Scully tributes all weekend. Yesterday morning, Fox Sports was playing Anglers Chronicles, a fishing show, which is wrong in so many ways. After switching the stations, groggy-eyed and still half asleep, I realized TV was not the place anymore to go for breaking news. I shut it off and turned to the internet. I’m still piecing together my thoughts. He was 24 years old, even if he never played baseball this is a horrible loss of life. I’m reminded of all the friends I lost to motorcycles in their twenties. I’m struck by how inconsequential fantasy feels. There’s a giant pit in my stomach. Then, I think about how I never saw Jose Fernandez not smiling. Not having fun. I think about how on that boat, Saturday evening, you know Jose Fernandez was having a great time, because he was always having a great time. That exuberance came through in everything he did. I think about how he spent time in prison after one of his numerous failed attempts of escaping Cuba, and how, even then, he was likely making fellow inmates smile. How the excellence he brought to the mound every fifth day was felt all the way back in Cuba to raise up even the darkest corners of Cuba’s prisons. “That was us. That is us,” the inmates, who are still incarcerated for trying to escape, likely said. How baseball does that. How special that is. You see what you’re going to see in tragedy, but I see Jose Fernandez pitching, and baseball, and making himself and others smile. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ryon Healy couldn’t have come at a better time for the A’s. Their corner infidels were about as weaksauce as they come. Mark Canha? More like Can’t-hit. Andrew Lambo? More like ‘that Lambo is bahhhd.’ Yonder Alonso? More like ‘over Yonder’ as in everyone’s over him in value. Though, looking at Healy’s minor league numbers, he doesn’t look much better. However, Josh Donaldson wasn’t much to look at in the A’s minor league system either. It wasn’t until he came up and the A’s adjusted his swing to get more lift than a Beverly Hills surgeon. Not saying in 2017, Healy will be Donaldson, but we shouldn’t write him off as a 15-homer hitter either, as his minor league numbers may indicate. Why didn’t the A’s give Canha, Lambo, Alonso and others the patented lift? An anecdote to illustrate: for a few months, I wore shoe heels like Tom Cruise to give myself an extra two inches. It was impossible to tell I had them in, they elongated me! I looked like Fred Astaire (as old people told me)! But after a few months, I got bunions the size of pearl onions and couldn’t walk. I had to stop with the lift because it wasn’t natural and making things worse. Maybe those other players couldn’t do the lift because it didn’t feel natural to them. Of course, none of this matters for this year. I’d grab Healy for the last ten days. Doode’s fahrenhot! Doode is straight butter that a professional hibachi chef puts on a sizzling lobster tail! Doode’s Kurt Russell in Backdraft! Healy is a social worker at a female prison that married a Russian mail-order bride! Wait, that last one is a plot point for a Netflix show. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Steven Matz is likely done for the year after hurting his shoulder again. I’m not even joking. I kinda wish I were. NY Post writer, Joel Sherman’s headline, “How Terry Collins broke Matz news to Mets in stirring meeting.” Unless everyone had coffee, creamers and were stirring, Joel, buddy, you’re overselling. Quick aside, sportswriters assume their audience is a bunch of illiterate 8th graders. *makes farting noise with hand under armpit* That’s what I think of that. Any hoo! If I could toot my own horn, I’d never leave my house, but I told you Matz wasn’t going to start. If I were a Mets fan, I’d be particularly worried about the Mets going deep into the playoffs, because, unlike Joel Sherman, I’d like to point out this will be more innings on Gsellman and Lugo’s arms. Ya know, the same thing that got Matz, Harvey and deGrom in trouble this year. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I don’t understand this. The Padres’ Triple-A affiliate made a run for the Triple-A championship against the Yankees’ affiliate, so the Padres were holding down their top prospects to play in the championship. On the surface, it seems straightforward enough. Making run for championship, want best players there. Okay, I get that part. The part where I get lost, WHY DO YOU CARE IF YOU WIN A TRIPLE-A CHAMPIONSHIP?! Sorry, my keyboard got sticky the other day when Giancarlo returned. Don’t ask. The Padres are in the business of winning AAA championships? I don’t remember the Yankees keeping Gary Sanchez, Aaron Judge and Tyler Austin in Triple-A to help their Triple-A team. I’d love to go into the Padres’ front office, throw some furniture against a wall and start screaming, “Let’s win some major league games for a change!” They need a organization-wide readjustment, and Grey Albright, Fantasy Master Lothario (don’t abbreviate it), is just the man to do it! So, with this said, the Padres called up Hunter Renfroe and Manuel Margot (and some other guys). Margot and Renfroe, who sounds like a name that exists to only be said by Scooby Doo, are top 100 prospects. Margot is straight SAGNOF this late in the year, maybe could provide a few steals in the last ten days, and Renfroe is the exact opposite, with a chance to provide a few dingers. They’re not going to make much impact in ten days. Too bad they had a Triple-A playoff run to attend to first. Which they lost! Anyway, here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
In order to be competitive, the Marlins would need All-Stars at every position all farmed from their minor league system. Sorta like what the Cubs have managed to do. Not impossible, but that’s what it would take for the Marlins because they are cheap AF. By the way, AF is my favorite acronym. Props to whoever first started using it. Feels like it started on Twitter because of the character limit. Keeps shizz short and simple AF, kinda like me (short and simple). Any the hoo! I was saying the Marlins need to be precise AF (I’m overusing it now) with their minor league system like they were with Jose Fernandez. He’s AF as AF comes. His nickname should no longer be Jo-Fer but AF. Or maybe AF-Fer. Nah, that looks like a trade union. A-Fer? That looks like algebra. Fernandez should own Abercrombie & Fitch he’s so AF. Yesterday, Jose Fernandez went 8 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks and 12 Ks. He has 253 Ks in 182 1/3 innings. Seriously, digest that for a second. WTF AF?! Of course, I wish the Marlins would shut him down until 2017, but I have no chance of owning him next year. Not that I don’t love him. He’s the best pitcher in the game if I’m building a dynasty league. Yeah, I said it. I want him over Kershaw. Kershaw has been durable up until this year, but all pitchers are durable up until the point when they’re not. At one point, Jake Peavy was durable AF, too. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m OCD about my iTunes. I listen to a new album a few times, pick out some songs that I like, five star them, and then play them endlessly until I’m sick of them. My top 20 for most played is embarrassing. I like Lil Wayne more than anyone should ever admit. Sometimes I have a song on repeat, and I’ll get a phone call (rare; only old people use the phone for calling people), the doorbell will ring (less rare; Cougs orders a ton of shizz on Amazon) or I’m just called away from my desk for some reason. Then I’ll forget I have a song on repeat and I’ll go to lunch, dinner or…No, those are the only reasons I leave my fantasy cave. When I come back and see a song’s play count has been artificially boosted with me not listening, I will edit info in iTunes and reset the play count to where it was before the accidental repeat. It’s important to have a gage to tell how much you like a song. Do you like it enough to play it 200 times like, say, Aloe Blacc’s Red Velvet Seat or do you like it enough to listen to it 120 times like, say, Tom Petty Yer So Bad (actual play counts)? Why do I bring this up now? Because Rick Porcello should roll his win count back to 15. 21 wins?! C’mon! That is misrepresenting him in every conceivable way. Yesterday, Rick Porcello went 9 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.08, to move his record to 21-4 <–LIES! He’s pretending to be Eazy E vs. Johnny Cash (great song; play count 278) when he’s really Randy Newman’s Short People (good song, but you ain’t listening to that nonsense more than once every few months; play count 59). His ERA isn’t even accurate. It’s saying, “I’m Bon Iver’s Skinny Love (play count 175),” when it’s really You Got Yr. Cherry Bomb by Spoon (play count 96). The only thing that is sort of legit is his 0.98 WHIP, but that’s more Men At Work’s Overkill (play count 186) legit. Have a season, Rick Porcello, but you are so Rihanna’s Diamonds (play count 86) and not Martians vs. Goblins (play count 365). Also, if you want more, we talk about Rick Porcello on today’s podcast. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I blame Jonathan Villar, Dusty, Francisco Lindor and Rougned Odor, in no particular order. Those players and Dusty are the reason why I owned Trea Turner and dropped him. I mean, no one would be crazy enough to put Turner in at Utility when he was first called up. Wasn’t gonna play him at outfield. He’s a middle infielder, and I had no room. *puts thumbtacks on desk, takes particular care to make sure the sharp ends are facing up, slams head onto desk* If I owned him, Turner would solve so many of my problems. He’d even fix my irregular bowels! This weekend Turner had three homers (11), three steals (27) and is hitting .355 in only 60 games. Trea magnifique! I haven’t seen this kind of emergence since…Damn, I don’t know how long. Maybe last year with Carlos Correa? Ouch, that comparison means Turner could disappoint in 2017? Don’t hate the player, hate the knowledge that the player possesses that makes him say things that are unlikable, which I guess could be lumped in with ‘hating the player,’ making it okay to hate the player. About a month ago, I thought Turner was going to be drafted around top 100 in 2017, but that was prior to the power showing up. With each homer, he’s moved up about a round, and now he’s breathing down the 2nd round for 2017. Depends if you think you ain’t seen nothing yet with Baseman Turner Overdrive. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Kevin Kiermaier might be my first sleeper of the 2017 fantasy baseball season. The funny thing (completely and irrefutably not funny) is with fantasy football starting, fantasy basketball getting underway (don’t worry, I won’t clickbait you to death) and fantasy teams just falling out of contention, players that do well in September are often forgotten by next March even though they’re performing in the month closest to the next preseason. (Guys and five girl readers, if anyone says I don’t know the calendar, you tell them that is just inaccurate. Grey knows the calendar very well. Happy July 4th!) Kiermaier has that potent mix that I crave so much. No, not Russian dressing and relish, though that is delicious. Your secret is safe with me, sauce! Instead, I’m talking about a power and speed combo. For 2017, it seems entirely possible that he gets to 25+ HRs and 30+ steals. He’s only played in 91 games this year for 12 HRs, 18 SBs, and has a repeatable HR/FB%. In fact (Grey’s got more!), with his walk rate trending up and speed, his average might be more like .275 in 2017 vs. .250 this year. It’s not all yums ‘n roses with his Slash line. He could be more Dexter Fowler (14-ish HRs, 17-20 SBs) than Correa. That’s fine, because he’ll be drafted way closer, if not after Fowler. As for why to grab him now? He’s got five homers and six steals in the last ten days. DUR! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Real talk: is there some kind of unwritten law that the first year a new baseball commissioner takes over he’s allowed to institute juiced baseballs? Is Our Commissioner Manfred sticking Capri Sun straws in baseballs across the league? Does he have someone else do the actual juicing? When Bud Selig told Manfred that he could juice the baseballs did he finish by doffing his toupee? Does Manfred own Dozier in fantasy? I got questions, y’all! Yesterday, the Pirates added five more homers to MLB’s bottom line: Sean Rodriguez (2-for-5, 3 RBIs) with his 14th homer; Jordache Mercer (1-for-4, 3 RBIs) hit his 11th; John Jaso Jingleheimer Schmidt (1-for-4) his his 6th, but the real damage was done by The Undread Pirate, Andrew McCutchen (3-for-5, 3 runs, 3 RBIs) with his 22nd and 23rd homer, hitting .250. McCutchen got old real fast in every conceivable way over the last two years. His BABIP fell faster than a 40-year-old on the Cheesecake Factory Diet, his Ks shot up like he’s Danny Glover and he “ain’t got time” for walks and his steals dried up quicker than Cougs’ cactus. An actual cactus she bought at the supermarket and forgot to water over the course of three years. What did you think I meant? Oh c’mon! All of that for McCutchen who is still only 29 years old! I’m beginning to think he’s 29 years old like Debra Winger’s listed as 29 years old on her headshot. In 2017, I think McCutchen won’t be drafted anywhere near where he’s been in the last two years. I wouldn’t be surprised to see him fall to the 75 to 100 range, which might actually reverse his fortunes and make him a value play again. Except for those that drafted Carlos Gomez this year, they’re not falling for the ol’ banana in the tailpipe again. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?