I sure wish Grey would do his 2017 fantasy baseball rankings.  Wait, I am Grey and this is those rankings!  I need to sit down.  Wait, I am sitting!  I can’t handle all of this!  I’m going to put on a pair of pants and go dance in the street.  Meh, let’s be honest, pants are a chore.  So, this is the greatest day ever!  Now, only 400,000 words more until I finish my top 500 and I’ll be done.  Worst day ever!  Damn, that excitement was fleeting.  Well, not for you because you don’t have to write all the rankings.  You lucky son of a gun!  I wish I were you… *wavy lines*  Hey, why am I balding and have lost all definition in my buttocks?  *wavy lines*  Hmm, I’m gonna stay me.  Now before we get into the top 10 for 2017 fantasy baseball (though I imagine every single one of you has skipped this intro paragraph), I’m gonna lay down some exposition.  Here’s where you follow us on Twitter.  Here’s where you follow us on Facebook.  Here’s our fantasy baseball player rater.  Here’s our fantasy baseball team name generator.  Here is all of our 2017 fantasy baseball rankings.  Here’s the position eligibility chart for 2017 fantasy baseball.  And here is a picture of my son.  What a punim!  You may not get all of those links in such a handy, easy-to-use format ever again this year, so make proper note.  (Unless you just go to the top menu on this page that says “Rankings” and click it, but semantics, my over-the-internet friend, semantics.)  Now my expositional half insists I breakdown some generalizations about these 2017 fantasy baseball rankings.  The 2017 fantasy baseball rankings will be an ever-evolving mass like the blob.  This fantasy baseball top 10 for 2017 list is as of right now and could potentially change with a big injury or Mike Trout quitting baseball because he’s bored with being the best and wants to play competitive Mahjong.  (I’m not sure yet where Trout would rank in my Mahjong Top 10.) So while it is the 2017 fantasy baseball gospel, take it with a tablet of salt.  Tomorrow we will cover the rest of the top twenty for 2017 fantasy baseball, then we will go around the horn with a top 20 (more like 50) list for every position.  Then for pitchers and outfielders, I’ll turn the dial to 100 (more like 140).  Listed with each player are my 2017 projections.  Did I consult with anyone else who does projections?  It would be ignorant not to, but, in the end, these are my projections.  Players need 10 games at a position to get included in the positional rankings.  Finally, as with each list in the 2017 fantasy baseball rankings, I will be mentioning where I see tiers start and stop.  I look at tiers like this, if Jose Altuve and Paul Goldschmidt are in the same tier, it doesn’t matter if one guy is ranked 2nd and one guy is ranked 5th, they’re both very close.  It comes down to personal preference.  I would prefer the guy at number two over the guy at five, but you do you, I’ll do me and let’s hope we don’t go blind.  Anyway, here’s the top 10 for 2017 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I think I did too many fantasy baseball sleepers that were outfielders.  I should’ve braked earlier and did more starting pitcher sleeper posts.  On Monday, I start the rankings, so individual posts from moi will be on hold until I get out all the rankings.  This was a clumsy way of saying there’s more pitcher sleepers, but they’re gonna have to wait until I’ve finished the rankings.  Actually, that last part was clumsy too.  Any hoo!  Vince Velasquez, or as I call him, Vince Velasquez!  Does he have another name I don’t know about?  VV looks too much like a W, which is like how an inverted W is really just an M.  I think I just did a tangent from my tangent, if my trigonometry knowledge is ack-ewe-rah-teh, which is the pronunciation of accurate according to my bootleg copy of Rosetta Stone.  Ah, we had some good laughs, didn’t we?  Wait, we didn’t?  Aw, man.  Last year, Velasquez had a 10.4 K/9 with a 3.67 xFIP.  His ERA was 4.12 due to an inflated BABIP, a lower LOB% and giving up four-baggers like he was late-starting Catholic schoolgirl.  So, what can we  expect from Vince Velasquez for 2017 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

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Last year, Blake Snell had a 3.54 ERA and a 1.62 WHIP.  Hootie hoo, that’s wonky as all get-out.  For players with that terrible of a WHIP since 2000, there was only one guy under a 4 ERA (Chad Billingsley in 2006 with a 3.80 ERA) and most guys weren’t even below a 5 ERA.  Snell’s walk rate 5.2 was horrific.  *Insert Tyra Banks’ “We were all rooting for you” GIF*  Forget it my dude, you Snell with an em, nah’mean?  So, what else is up, my dudes and five girl dude readers?  Yeah, forget Snell, he’s out of control.  Literally.  Speak on your winter break.  You hit the sauna, you look sweaty?  Oh, you just ran up one flight of steps?  Just one step?  Gotcha.  So what else is new?  *taps finger, scratches chin*  Well, maybe we should look at Snell anyway since we’re here.  I mean, we have the time and you just have anecdotes that involve fast food milkshakes and girls that you think like you that don’t.  So, what can we expect from Blake Snell for 2017 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I legit have called about half the Diamondbacks’ hitters sleepers this year, but when you venture into pitching territory you best come with your guns blazing like Jon Bon Jovi in Blaze of Glory or don’t’s come at all.  I wanted to call Taijuan Walker a sleeper, and I kinda did when I wrote up his trade post (click his name and you’ll get there, I have faith in you).  I don’t think Greinke will be underrated, I can’t stop looking at Patrick Corbin for the damage he did to my psyche last year — I’m damaged, y’all! — and here’s I am for Robbie Ray, Martha Raye’s illegitimate son with Mark Harris.  When I say Ray, you say ‘don’t play.’  Ready?  Ray!  Don’t play!  Ray!  Don’t play!  Ray Fosse!  Musical starring Jamie Foxx with lyrics by Bob Fosse about a 1970s catcher who was lawnmower’d by Pete Rose!  Damn, you’re good!  Last year, Robbie Ray had an ERA of 4.90.  And, this post is over.  Goodbye!  Holy schnikeballs, what the hell do we want with him?  Or more seguey… So what can we expect from Robbie Ray for 2017 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’ve seen some ‘smarter’ players drafting Michael Pineda way too high.  Like in the top 110 overall.  I don’t care that he had the third highest xFIP last year and the 8th best xFIP in 2015.  I mean, I do care about it, that’s why I’m highlighting him, but I don’t care top 110 overall care.  I’m operating a little without a safety net with the sleepers by not having a strong idea of where guys will be drafted.  I’m merely guessing where guys will be drafted, and I’d bet Pineda will go undrafted in a lot of shallower mixed leagues or after 200 overall in most other leagues.  At that price, he’s a sleeper and I’m interested in his xFIP.  For noobs, xFIP is essentially ERA while removing defense, luck, sequencing and normalizes for homers.  All of those should be self-explanatory except for maybe sequencing.  That means a guy that gives up a single, gets two outs, allows a home run and gets the third out is the same as a pitcher that gives up a home run, a single and then gets three outs, even though the 1st pitcher gave up two runs and the 2nd pitcher gave up one run with the exact same hitter results — a single, a home run and three outs, just in a different order.  All things being equal, a pitcher should be his xFIP self.  It doesn’t work like that for various reasons, but it’s a baseline.  Not quite the same as Humpty Hump’s bass line.  That’s dooooree-doooorit-dooooree-doooorit.  Ricky Nolasco made a career out of frustrating fantasy owners by never returning ERA bottles for his xFIP deposits.  Honestly, if it was just xFIP for Pineda, I wouldn’t even be writing this post, but it’s not, and with that…So, what can we expect from Michael Pineda for 2017 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Here’s a fun list:

Carlos Gonzalez — 424.6 feet
Giancarlo Stanton — 422.8
Trevor Story — 420.3
Nomar Mazara — 415.8

A) Surprised to not see Cespedes since he started with 100 feet  B) Hot damn, Nomar!  C) There’s no C.  If you haven’t guessed, that’s the top distances averaged on home runs for players with at least 18 homers last year.  Two of the guys were Rockies, i.e., Coors, and the other one was Giancarlo.  Right behind Nomar Mazara was Nelson Cruz, Joc Pederson, Trout and Goldschmidt.  Oh, and tied with Mazara was Mitch Moreland.  Is there a non-home run hitter among these men, I ask sounding like a character from Game of Thrones.  Granted, I do believe it to be true (why do I sound like I’m talking Middle Ages English?) that if someone hits fewer homers there’s gonna be a chance their average distance will be higher.  In other words, Mazara hit 20 homers last year.  If he hit 30 homers, maybe he would’ve hit a few just-outta-heres and his average distance would’ve lowered, but he didn’t so I’m throwing out my theory that I just threw in there.  Don’t ask me why I didn’t just omit it to begin with and don’t end a sentence with with — dah!  If I wanted, I could link to or post a bunch of upper deck blasts by Mazara.  Seriously, he did not get cheated on his dingers.  I personally hate when my dingers are cheated on.  So, what can we expect from Nomar Mazara for 2017 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Did you just see a cat walk up a stairway twice?  A glitch in the Matrix?  Having deja vu?  Did you just Google deja vu and feel like you had Googled it previously?  Okay, yes, there was a Randal Grichuk sleeper post last year.  When I wrote that Randal Grichuk sleeper post, I gave him the projections of 69/25/82/.253/8.  And, he disappointed.  Can you tell me by how much?  Go ahead, guess.  18 HRs?  40 runs?  50 RBIs?  Well, no.  I mean, yes, he did disappoint, but not by nearly that much.  His end of the season line was 66/24/68/.240/5.  I’m not going to say he made good on my sleeper call, which is different and less Al Qaeda’ey than a sleeper cell, but you have to admit he wasn’t the flop you thought he was.  Okay, don’t admit it.  Live in your frickin’ “I’m always right” bubble!  Quick question, do you have to dust when living in a bubble?  Do you ever blow a bubble while in your bubble to get all meta?  You know what?  I don’t care!  Keep your stupid answers to yourself!  Though, if you wanna DM me the answers, I would appreciate it.  So, what can we expect from Randal Grichuk for 2017 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I would call fantasy baseball sleepers my “All-Want Team,” except it’s not always that black/white for Grey, said the color scale.  David Peralta was a surefire “Want” last year; this year, he’s a “Want for the Right Price.”  Peralta had three homers and two steals through the first five weeks of the season.  That comes out to about 16 HRs, 11 SBs over the course of the season.  It’s not a completely fair prorating job because he wasn’t hot once in that time.  You’d figure for at least a portion of the season he’d heat up and raise his season stats.  Though, maybe he would’ve gotten colder too.  Alas, we’re left with prorating five weeks out to a season because on May 8th began the dreaded Day-to-Day Dance of Day-to-Dayness.  Injury update on May 8th, “David Peralta is out with a bruised forearm.”  On May 9th, “David Peralta missed his 2nd straight day with a bruised forearm.”  On May 10th, “Peralta visited a wrist specialist.” Don’t you love how the injury isn’t even the right body part when it starts?  On May 12th, “Peralta’s wrist exam showed no structural damage.”  Wait, this is when it gets good.  On May 13th, “Peralta says he won’t need the DL.”  Does anyone have any question how this is about to turn out?  On May 15th, “Peralta hit the 15-day DL with wrist inflammation.  It’s believed to be precautionary.”  Please tell me you know where this is going.  On August 10th, “Peralta underwent season-ending wrist surgery.”  The final bit of injury news is, “Peralta will be ready for the start of spring training.”  I guess I’m the idiot here, because I know injury news is always five to seven times worse (exact science!) than what is relayed to us and I’m choosing to believe he will be ready for spring training, even though his previous eight months is littered with land mines on the dance floor of the Day-to-Day Dance of Day-to-Dayness.  So, what can we expect from David Peralta for 2017 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Happy New Year!  Or as I like to call it, Happy Birthday, Baby January!  We’re in the midst of doing our fantasy baseball sleepers, but I forget one more of the 2017 fantasy baseball rookies.  Not because he’s so good.  I forgot him because… Well, I forgot why I forgot him.  Great start to 17 after 20!  As I’ve previously mentioned on the aforementioned tip, I’m focusing on redraft leagues with these fantasy baseball rookies and if I could have my druthers and knew what druthers were, I’d go with guys that have had at least a taste of the major leagues already.  Enter stage right, J.P. Crawford.  Enter…stage…right…. J.P. Crawford!  Will someone please move the curtains?  Crawford is apparently finding it harder to find the stage as he is finding his power.  Last year, he had 7 HRs across Double and Triple-A in about 472 ABs.  Okay, prolly not ‘about 472 ABs’ prolly exactly 472 ABs, but I added the two levels in my head and might be a little off.  Why is it that player pages add major league players stats together when they’re traded but when they move across levels in the minors they don’t add anything?  I mean, I get it, it’s two different levels, but can’t they list the two levels separate then also have a third line with a combination of the stats?  I am literally the only that cares about this.  Yes, literally.  Okay, so not much power, but what about speed in the minors this year?  12 SBs.  Not sure what level of enthusiasm I’m supposed to show at this point.  Perhaps a lowercase yay with a small sigh?  He did hit around .250 (again, there’s no combo line and I’m not doing the math this time).  Around .250 or as I like to call it, who gives a fudge?  So, why am I even doing a post on Crawford or better, and more seguey… Anyway, what can we expect from J.P. Crawford for 2017 fantasy baseball?

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Early on in every preseason, I say something like, I do my own projections, but I’d be a fool to not at least look at Steamer and ZiPs’ projections.  It’s like when there’s answers in the back of your math textbook.  Sure, you can figure out the cosine of X if all equations are written on a train going 178 MPH through a tunnel while Gregory Peck gets some action in Roman Holiday, but isn’t it easier to turn to the answers and then try to work backwards?  Not to answer, but to nod knowingly.  Sometimes looking at those player projections gets me more or less excited about players.  Tim Anderson is a guy who got a sizable boost in my mind after seeing his projections.  A sizable boost right in my ass, which sounds like what a nurse would say during inoculations if the nurse were trying to get fired.  Also, asking kids if they saw the movie Vaxxed might have consequences to their job, as well.  Anyway, what can we expect from Tim Anderson for 2017 fantasy baseball and what makes him a sleeper?

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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