A.J. Griffin‘s initials stand for Alfredo Jettuccine. Fact! At this point, I’d own all A’s pitchers. It’s Moneyball II, starring Don Swayze and the daughter is played by a dwarf. What, it’s straight-to-video, and the video is VHS because Don Swayze’s fans keep it real. Alfredo Jettuccine looked like a mediOAKer, and you needed to be three screws short of an Ikea desk to start him in away games. But, if you were a cyclops with a monocle, you saw his minor league numbers could mean more. His K-rate in Double-A this year was a thing of beauty (9+) and moving to Triple-A he only dropped to a 7+. This is coupled with a fantastic walk rate (under two at both stops). He’ll probably never be a number one. Shoot, he may not be a number 4, but a guy that can keep his walks in check with a 7 K-rate needs to be unlucky to get completely pounded. To give you a name of a pitcher that has around a 7 K-rate and a nice walk rate: Johnny Cueto, and he pitches in a hitters’ park. In O.co (is that pronounced like Yoko?), Griffin’s a pickup in almost all mixed leagues. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Wilton Lopez – The weird thing is I don’t think the Astros made a bad decision going with Francisco Cordero. I think they made the stereotypical bad management decision. How many times do we hear, “He has closer experience?” No one seems to bother to look at whether or not that experience is any good. Clubs should hire someone to look past how many saves a closer has to look at their ERA and WHIP. Sounds like a simple enough job, but obviously it trips up clubs that spend tens of millions of dollars. I try to make sure I don’t have too many tighpos and we’re a thousand of pennies organization.
Sergio Romo – Even if he doesn’t get saves, have you seen his ratios? 0.60 ERA, 0.73 WHIP. He kinda should be owned everywhere with or without saves, which was a song off Matthew Berry’s 3rd album, “It’s Not A Bald Spot; It’s A Solar Panel For Megan Fox References.”
John Axford – This made me laugh for some reason. CBS Sports’ blurb about Dor-K was, “He’s not closing anything.” Ha! You don’t say? The guy on Project Runway who’s from Belarus, I think his name is Balki Bartokomous, could’ve told you that.
Zach McAllister – For s’s and g’s, let’s see when I told you to pick him up: June 26th. He’s now at 11% owned in ESPN leagues after a month of solid starts. 45% of ESPN are abandoned, 15% of ESPN leagues are actively managed but by people following ESPN’s ‘pert advice and 20% of ESPN leagues are owned by monkeys in the Congo as a sick laboratory experiment by Justin Morneau’s father, Dr. Morneau. That means McAllister is actually owned in 102% of leagues, so ignore this.
Paul Maholm – If starters were gold chains, this week’s Buy would be Mr. T. On June 29th, he threw a 8 1/3 IP, 0 ER gem. Since then, 37 1/3 IP, 4 ER. For reals, or as my Vietnamese friends would say, “Pho reals.”
Mike Minor – He still looks far from dazzling. In fact, his ERA looks zaddling, which is the exact opposite of dazzling. Start using it; it’s a real word. He has strung together three straight solid starts and he’s got more upside than a St. Bernard with human hands as created by Dr. Morneau. He’s a mad genius!
Neftali Feliz – He’s almost set to return as a starter and the Rangers need him. Weird that his ownership numbers are so low, since everyone drafted him this year and he still has a 3.16 ERA. But what do I know? I’m just a poor ‘pert nobody loves me…He’s just a poor ‘pert from a poor family!
Ross Detwiler – I swear, I feel like I’ve been telling you to pick him up since May. Granted, he lost a rotation spot for like a minute (not an Urbandictionary minute, which is actually a long time). Detwiler has a 3.01 ERA in 92 2/3 IP.
Jeff Samardzija – I understand your hesitation with picking him up. Lousy team and at any moment he feels like he could drop a nine earned run game while accidentally running over your Gam-Gam. His upside makes the gamble worth it, if you need Ks.
Ryan Roberts – This is a very tentative Buy. If his first half of last year was an algebraic equation, he’s proofed it was a fluke. The preceding was written by someone who used to do their math homework by looking at the answers in the back of the book.
Todd Frazier – .283 average, 27 runs, 33 RBIs and 10 homers in 223 ABs and the everyday job. Now that I have that out of the way, I’ve had him on a team for 55 ABs and I have 3 runs, 3 RBIs, 0 homers and a .255 average, and I just got 2 runs and 2 RBIs three days ago. Honestly, I’m not even sure how it’s mathematical possible my Frazier numbers are so bad. Yeah, I really know how to sell a Buy.
Eric Chavez – While A-Rod’s out, Chavez will see the majority of at-bats unless the Yankees trade for someone. That’s all the positive I have to say on him, and that was enough for a bunch of AL-Only’ers to get excited.
Jayson Werth – He’s due back on Tuesday. What’s that Werth to you? Hahahahahaha… Breath, Grey, breath! It wasn’t that funny. You’re right, Random Italicized Voice. Sorry. But it’s gotta be Werth something! Hahahahahaha… I’m going to take a nap.
Coco Crisp – He’s hitting near .360 in July, 13 steals in June and July with 5 homers. Will the real Krispie please stand up…Please stand up…Please stand up.
Carlos Gomez – He’s really terrible at this thing called baseball, but he’s currently hitting and has a tad bit of power and good speed. BTW, you ever went to call him Chuck Vamos? Eh, probably me.
Roger Bernadina – I haven’t given him much pub recently even though he has been hitting and starting (over .450 in the last week with two steals). That’s the good news. The bad news is Werth is due back on Tuesday. The Jason Mewes is calling Kevin Smith asking him to make another movie so he’s got something to do.
Ryan Theriot – Member last week when I said Theriot usually stays hot for about a week? Emphasize ‘week’ or make it ten days. Your call!
Josh Rutledge – He’s still hitting over .350 and the Rockies are headed home for the next ten days. Coors + Hot Weather = Craig Robinson wearing water wings. Wow, my math is way off there, but I’d grab Rutledge.
Jered Weaver – I almost didn’t write this Sell. First, I’m not telling anyone to sell him for, say, Latos and Danny Espinosa. As someone probably told Jonathan Lipnicki and he adopted it as a mantra for his adult life, don’t get too cute with yourself. Weaver is an ace, i.e., a number one fantasy starter, I before E except in Teixeira, he shouldn’t be sold like he’s got the gout. He does have some peripherals that show red flags. His K-rate is his lowest since his rookie year and below a 7. That’s not great. His xFIP is 3.98, which is not good either, but last year he had a 3.80, so not completely unprecedented. His FIP puts him in the company of Dempster, Jarrod Parker and Anibal Sanchez. Guys that are probably considered way below him on the food chain (and, with his trade, I do think Anibal is below him by a lot). If you throw out his Win-Loss record, he’s pitching around the same as Jordan Zimmermann. Guys who are above him that may not seem it are Greinke, Cliff Lee, Felix Hernandez and David Price. Again, don’t trade Weaver for a napkin once used by Shia LaDouche, but I’d explore options.