Andres Torres went 2-for-4 with the delicious slam & legs. My man has slams and legses for days! This is his 2nd homer and 2nd steal since he’s returned from his appendectomy. Somehow he’s a Latin 32, but he played this season like an Asian 52, which isn’t an official Razzball glossary term, but comes from my belief that all Asians look much younger until they hit 53-years-old then they look much older than they are. For instance, you see an Asian man who’s 52-years-old and you’re like, “Wow, you look like you’re about 32-years-old.” Then you see an Asian man who is 53-years-old and you’re like, “Wow, you look like you’re 97-years old.” Pat Morita is a great example of this phenomenon. At the age of 43, he played Arnold on Happy Days and looked young for his age. At the age of 54, he played Mr. Miyagi and looked ancient. I’d grab Torres for the final weekend if you’re desperate, but the Giants may rest him once they clinch. In 2011, I think Torres might suddenly look 97-years-old. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Pablo Sandoval – 1-for-3 with his 13th homer. Look at Kung F.U. Panda showing a little taste of his extinct power right after everyone in their right mind has already dropped him.
Madison Bumgarner – 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks as he officially crossed the innings threshold making it not completely safe to draft him next year. The division, the ballpark, the stuff… It’ll be hard to avoid him, but January Grey might have to look into it further (if I bail J.G. out of jail).
Buster Posey – 2-for-4 with his 17th homer as he hits .313. You’ll excuse me if I don’t pop a blood vessel next year when it comes to getting in early on Posey.
Mark Reynolds – I forget if I read this or heard it (I think it’s the latter, if it matters), but Reynolds is about to accomplish the impossible. Something that has never been done before in a full season of at-bats. He’s going to finish with a higher number of Ks than batting average. Right now, he sits at 208 Ks and a .198 average. Aren’t you glad I told you to buy into Mini Donkey in 2009 and to avoid him in 2010?
Felix Hernandez – F-her F’d me. He’s shut down for the year. Look elsewhere, I’m crying. Seriously, stop looking at me. He was my ace!
Carlos Gonzalez – Mr. Slam & Legs sat yesterday and is sitting on Sunday. Tracy said now that the Chokies are eliminated there’s no reason to play CarGo. What’s this the last few days of Senior year and he’s already going to his safety school? Play the games!
Jon Garland – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks. Here’s a great illustration of hodgepadres. Garland has a 4.34 career ERA in over 2000 innings, so it’s not like it’s fluky. His home ERA this year is 3.00 in 108 IP.
Drew Stubbs – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 22nd homer. Power, speed and Ks… I’m getting on board for next year. That’s the Stubbbub.
Brett Myers – 5 2/3 IP, 8 ER. Was obviously spooked when the President of NOW threw out the first pitch.
Jon Lester – 4 IP, 8 ER, 14 baserunners, 5 Ks. The last start of the year should be like a nice cognac. Not malt liquor sifted through cigarette butts.
Cliff Pennington – 1-for-3 with his 6th homer. I picked him up for yesterday’s game. Sometimes it’s better to be lucky than good.
Pedro Alvarez – 4-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 4th homer in the last 10 games. I told you to pick him up 9 games ago. The preceding was a gentle reminder for you to blame yourself.
Chris Narveson – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks. Has had a great 2nd half and gets Ks, so you’d think I’d be all over him like something on something for next year. The issue, loyal Razzball reader, Narveson was good last 2nd half too and that didn’t mean anything in the beginning of this year.
Colby Rasmus – 1-for-3 with his 12th steal. Guy had a good year, so I don’t want unjolly his socks too much, but how does Pujols have more steals than him? Pujols runs like the nerdy kid in your 6th grade gym class. He’s all arms and hips!
Chris Carpenter – 9 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks as Carpenter nailed the door shut. *knock,knock* Um, I think you locked me in here.
Cliff Lee – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks. The Adverb ended the year with 185 Ks to 18 BBs. Brilliant Lee.
Mike Aviles – 1-for-4 with another steal. Honestly, I have no idea what’s gotten into him. In 244 career games, he has 21 steals. In the last 6 games, he has 5 steals and he tried to steal in the 6th game but was caught. Did Boras call him up and say I can get you money if you steal bases? Did Aviles and Butler make a bet and Aviles doesn’t want to lose because then he has to buy dinner?
Jose Bautista – Hit his 53rd and 54th homers. Imagine the publicity Bautista would’ve got this year if McGwire, Sosa and Bonds didn’t “save” our game.
Travis Snider – 3-for-6, 2 RBIs and guess what he did for the third game in a row. Go ahead, I’ll wait. *scratches head, picks something off big toe, burps* He homered! C’mon, that was an easy one.
Edwin Encarnacion – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and 2 homers. If you missed out on the dozen other corner infidels I’ve been touting for the last few days, give Edwin a go.
Justin Smoak – Speaking of touted corner infidels, Smoak stayed hot yesterday going 2-for-2 and is now hitting over .400 in the last week.
Mike Stanton – 3-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 22nd homer in his 97th game. I hate The Beatles, but when I read Stanton’s line tonight I started humming, “I love you… Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!” BTW, Paul McCartney has a lady face.
Leo Nunez – Recorded his 30th save and should get another opportunity this weekend assuming there is one (an opportunity, not a weekend). The Marlins said they’re trying to rebuild Nunez’ confidence. Here’s a secret, if someone knows people are attempting to rebuild their confidence, it makes it so much harder. Maybe it’s confirmation bias, maybe it’s some other made-up, Psych 101 word. Okay, I’m letting class out a little early today. Don’t forget to read Chapter 3, “Your Green Pants Don’t Make You Irish, Drinking Does.”