My dinner with Andre is over as Andre Ethier has called it kaput on his season. It wasn’t from a lack of trying, I’ll tell ya that. “Hey, I just want to say how much it means to me to try to help this team win even though I shouldn’t be playing. This is my job, and I take my job very seriously, even if means I may never walk again because I’m playing when I shouldn’t be. I will not sit, no matter what! Unless someone asks me to sit because they realize I shouldn’t be playing.” Andre encapsulates today’s athlete perfectly. Team first, as long the player is okay putting team first. For whatever reason, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Ethier overdrafted again next year. People just can’t get enough of his 20 homer, no steal fantasy value. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Dee Gordon – 4-for-5 with his 17th steal. He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell. Seems like a no-brainer, which is my specialty.
Juan Rivera – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs. He now has 32 RBIs in 45 games with the Dodgers. Note to self: Use Juan Rivera at a later date to show how arbitrary RBIs are.
Chad Billingsley – 2 1/3 IP, 4 ER. If he was a dangling Chad on your team, punch him out.
Vladimir Guerrero – 3-for-5 with his 12th homer. After the game, he had vodka with coffee liqueur while arguing with Mark Reynolds about who was the best cosmonaut.
Chris Davis – 3-for-4. This comes after an 0-for-10 stretch with 7 Ks. He reminds me a bit of me at this bar the other night. There was a point when I actually said the line, “What’s your man got to do with me?” They don’t call me the Fantasy Master Lothario — or FML — for nothing.
Eric Chavez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs. When Chavez goes up to bat, the song that plays is “I Suck, Sucker,” which I wrote and sang for him.
Craig Schwinden – 5 IP, 5 ER. In the first row at Metco was Kim Basinger, she’s a total Babraham Lincoln… Schwinden!
Jason Bay – 2-for-4 with a grand slam in the first game of the doubleheader; 1-for-2 with a steal in the 2nd. He now has three homers in the last week. This will help the Mets, who are preparing a video of his week’s exploits with Joe Esposito’s You’re the Best playing in the background, which they will ship around to perspective trade partners in the offseason.
Mike Minor – 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks and the conshellation prize. Damn, really could used a 6 IP, 0 ER start from him, and, as always, this is all about me.
Julio Teheran – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks. He’s gonna be good, but this was no indication of that. The Mets and Braves both looked like they just got done playing a previous game, which they did.
Brent Morel – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and 2 homers. You fancy mushroom!
Brent Lillibridge – Sticking with the Brent theme, Lillibridge was hit by a pitch that broke his hand. He should’ve aqueduct’d.
Ian Kennedy – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 11 Ks, improving his record to 19-4. Joe Kennedy would’ve been proud, then bought him an election.
Paul Goldschmidt – 2-for-4 with his 7th homer. He’s still struggling to maintain a decent average with all the Ks, but he has two homers in the last week.
Rickie Weeks – The Brewers activated Weeks from the 15-day DL that he was on for over a month. 15-day DL, “You exploit my generosity!”
Andrew Miller – 5 IP, 5 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks. I wonder who’s gonna be bumped from the Sawx rotation for the playoffs. I mean, I have an idea. Be weird if it’s Miller after Francona earlier in the year said, “Obviously, [Miller] is a huge part of our organization, and it’s going to stay that way. He’s not going anywhere.” Maybe he’ll say he was putting air quotes around his statement.
Colby Rasmus – Took live batting practice and should be good to go by early next week. I’ve marked my I Couldn’t Care Less calendar. We now wait.
Edwin Encarnacion – 2-for-4 with a homer. I got a letter recently from one of our incarcerated readers, it went like this, “I don’t think you’ve given enough attention to Encarnacion. He’s hitting the cover off the ball just as well as anyone else in the major leagues or the penal circuit. By the way, you puta? Yours, Boo-Boo.”
J.P. Arencibia – Hit his 22nd homer yesterday. A catcher with power and a low average? Oh, he’s definitely gonna be on multiple teams of mine next year. That’s right, I’m thinking about my 2012 draft already. Sleep on me, that pillow is where your head’ll lie. Permanently, snitch, it’s beddy-bye, Eminem.
Ricky Romero – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks. Could I make R.R. Cool Jay (see resemblance to the rapper (actor?)) a starter on some of my mixed teams in 2012? I’m contemplating it. AL East be damned!
Chris Narveson – 5 2/3 IP, 6 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks. He was good in this game, until he wasn’t. Snap in the inverted W formation!
Chase Utley – Will sit out this weekend with what is being deemed a mild concussion. I got one thing to relay about mild concussions… Justin Morneau called and said, “How come I’m wearing my mittens on my feet?”