John Danks had a no-hitter through 6 innings yesterday and ended with a line of 9 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 7 Ks. That’s Jo-Da showing us how to harness midi-chlorians. Top ten in the AL with my WHIP at 1.13 through 112 innings, have I. Hmmm… Yessss. A Yoda translator, I do not need because I am Jo-Da. Danks has made a lot more hitters swing at pitches outside the strike zone this year — 21% in 2009 to over 28%, resulting in hitters making contact with almost 70% of pitches outside the strike zone compared to 57.7% last year. That increase, naturally, has caused hitters to make a lot less solid contact. This might be from his changeup, which he is throwing more of this year. Or it could be The Force. Either way, Danks is not suddenly an ace, but he is teetering between a fantasy #2 and #3. You’ll take that, wrap it in a tortilla, load it up with guac and eat it. Yes, you will. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Michael Brantley – Even though his gig is steals-a-plenty, Brantley hit his first homer as the rest of Cleveland dealt with a bad case of LeBronchitis. Listen, Cleveland, it hurts real bad right now, but you still have Jake Westbrook.
Roy Oswalt – 9 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks. After the game, Oswalt took off his jersey and switched it with a fan who was wearing a Dodger jersey. Oswalt said he saw it in the World Cup and thought it was a fun tradition. He then winked, nudged and whispered, “Get me out of Houston.”
Lance Berkman – 3-for-4 with 2 homers and now has 5 homers in the last four games. Watch out, The Ghost of Berkmans Past is haunting Houston.
Dan Wheeler – Picked up the save as Rafael Soriano was noticeably absent for the 2nd game in a row. You know what I did immediately in every league? I picked up Dan Wheeler. The Rays have a bunch of guys who could step up. Benoit’s been incredible, Balfour’s been decent, but Wheeler got the save yesterday so that was who I grabbed, in a non-perverse way.
Carl Crawford – 2-for-4 with 2 homers. Not sure what’s more surprising, that Crawford has ten homers or Longoria has only 13. Yeah, Longoria probably. Get some donks, Longo!
Wade Davis – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks. He needed this quality start since he may have been pitching for his life with the whispers of Hellickson getting called up growing louder. Or maybe those whispers were Michael and the other dead Lost people. BTW, I’m still annoyed at the ending. Okay, moving on.
Mat Latos – 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 8 Ks. You know Jeff Foxworthy with his “You know you’re a redneck…” shtick? Well, along those lines, you know you are a total baseball nerd if you’re fascinated to see how the Padres will balance Latos’ workload with the need to pitch him as they make a run for the pennant. Hey, Foxworthy’s isn’t funny either.
Jose Reyes – Was reported early yesterday that Reyes was going to see a doctor for his oblique pain, which is a terrible sign… But then, as with most things with the Mets, things were not as they seemed. Later in the day, it was reported that Reyes did not see a doctor and should be fine for Friday. Stay tuned for at least five more conflicting reports regarding the Mets.
Matt LaPorta – Out for the third straight day for what was deemed an insignificant head bruise. Can’t we send him back out there with Cervelli’s Great Gazoo helmet?
Jose Bautista – 1-for-4 with his 23rd homer. All he does is hit homers! No, really, that’s all he does. He hit .179 in June. Did he drink Dave Kingman’s Vitamin Water?
Adam Lind – Speaking of nothing but homers, Lind hit his 11th homer. Courtesy of ESPN, Lind has one three hit game this year. On Opening Day. Yowsers! (The “Yowsers!” was my addition, not ESPN.)
Brett Cecil – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks. He has 93 IP and 67 Ks, not terrific. His matchups are wonky at times. His WHIP of 1.16, very pretty. Hey, take the good, take the bad…yadda yadda yadda…. The Facts of Life.
Rafael Furcal – 3-for-3 with his 6th homer and 14th steal. Someone’s been staying at the Renaissance Hotel.
Clayton Kershaw – 8 IP, 2 ER, 7 hits, no walks, 12 Ks and now has a 2.96 ERA with 128 Ks in 104 1/3 IP. Member when his ERA was 4.99 on May 4th and you were buggin’ out and I told you to chill out? We were younger then, you and I. Fond memories.
Joe Mauer – 0-for-4, now hitting .297 with 4 homers. Wow. And. Ow. Where are the Mauer owners? I never hear any complaints in the comments about him. I know you’re out there. Is all forgiven because of his precious Runs? I am not disappointed at all. Mauer gets me Runs. I am glad I drafted him in the first round and converted his bobblehead into my water faucet. The only water coming out of your Joe Mauer bobblehead is tears and you know it. C’mon, vent a little, it’s good for the soul.
Scott Baker – 6 IP, 5 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks. May not have been the easiest matchup but how many excuses are you going to make for Baker? You guys had a good run– Actually, no, you had a terrible time together. I’d part ways if there’s decent options on waivers.
Justin Morneau – After taking a knee to his melon, he sat out yesterday. He’s day-to-day, or as they say in Jamaica, dayo-to-dayo.
Johnny Cueto – 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks. Hasn’t given up more than 1 earned run in any game since June 12th. Yup.
Felix Pie – 1-for-3 with a homer. That is some tasty Pee-ay.
Gerardo Parra – 4-for-5 with 2 runs. That line is pretty indicative of Parra. He hits for average and little else. He’s like a poor man’s Coghlan. That’s not a compliment.
Andres Torres – 2-for-6 while hitting his 2nd homer in as many games. Now has 3 homers and 3 steals in the last week. He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell, but you don’t need to wait for that shizz. He’s right here, guys and three girl readers. Go at it.
Buster Posey – 2-for-4 with his 6th homer. In 50 less games, he has better numbers on the year than Wieters. He’ll probably be passing Mauer in value soon too. Ouchy. How’s that avoiding my advice to punt catcher treating you? Now get me my mead!!!
Andy Pettitte – 8 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 9 Ks. Hey, all of you Pettitte owners, you’re living on borrowed time. That is all.
Jason Giambi – 4-for-4, but I picked up Brad Eldred in my NL-Only league! Freakin’ Giambino.
Ubaldo Jimenez – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. Aw, geez, now he’s just making it difficult for Keith Law to choose his NL Cy Young. Pardon me, may I see your FIP? That was my Keith Law impersonation. It needs work.
Shane Victorino – 3-for-4 with his 14th homer. Uh-oh, he’s gaining on Ryan Howard.
Brad Lidge – 1 IP, 1 ER and his third blown save. Lidge loves to turn the vacuum from suck to blow. He is more than capable of losing the closer job, but I don’t think it happens without a few more blown saves or an injury.
Ryan Madson – Was activated from the DL and blew his 3rd save. Hey, just like old times! For those out there with short-term memory — hey, who just wrote that?! — Madson wasn’t great before the trip to the DL, so there’s no reason to think he’s going to suddenly take over for Lidge. I mean, it’s possible if Lidge continues to be crizzap or gets hurt, but it’s not happening right away.
Jayson Werth – Trade rumors are swirling that Werth might be moved. His value would obviously take a hit, unless, of course, he moves to Coors or The House They Built Adjacent To The House That Ruth Built, but neither team really needs Werth. These trade rumors may just be because Utley is sick of his tag team partner (<–not entirely safe for work, unless you work in the porn industry). That news item reminds me when Willie McGee and Otis Nixon were rumored to be swapping paper bags with the eyes cut out.