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This will be the last time I mention Logan Morrison for some time.  Hashtag that.   Not that I don’t like him, it’s just I’ve given him enough press, assuming the word ‘press’ still makes sense even though I’m dictating this post to a Montessori-taught monkey that I’ll occasionally catch looking at me like he wants to kill me and take over Razzball, which makes dictating that even more awkward.  Imagine in 300 years when they find this post in a time capsule with Snooki’s poof.  They’ll read that monkey sentence and think they’ve figured out the major problem with our society was we had monkeys taking dictation only to be disappointed when they read this sentence.  Sorry, future reader!  We’re more complicated than that!  Whoa, that was a major sidetrack.  So Morrison was sent down because he needed to “work on all aspects of being a Major Leaguer,” which basically meant he used to grab his farts and throw them at Hanley.  If someone dropped Morrison when he was demoted, I’d go ahead and re-add him.  Or have your monkey re-add him for you.  I’m kidding, future reader, our monkeys don’t manage our fantasy teams.  They only give advice which we decide whether or not to follow.  Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Kyle Seager – The other day I compared him to Omar Infante.  I’ll see that comparison and raise him Martin Prado.  Personally, I don’t like guys like Infante or Prado outside of NL-Only leagues, but I also don’t like people who write personally either, so there’s that.  I’m a contradiction wrapped inside of lazy writing pitfalls.

Kevin Kouzmanoff – Picking up Kouzmanoff leaves a fantasy baseballer (<–my Mom’s term) in a spirited debate with themselves over God, free will, morality and why there aren’t any other 3rd basemen to pick up.

Jose Lopez – Hitting .333 over the last week with 2 homers.  This week’s third basemen pickups remind me of the Bottle Rockets song, “1000 Dollar Car.”  To quote, “If a $1000 car was truly worth a damn, then why would anybody ever spend ten grand?”

Danny Valencia – Hitting .333 over the last week with 2 homers.  Hmm… Just had deja vu.  Weird.

Jimmy Paredes – Leave it to the Astros to promote a guy straight from Double-A who wasn’t even playing that well.  But — and this is a J. Lo-sized but — he’s hitting right now, has speed and good position eligibility.

Eric Young Jr. – I’m unabashedly a fan, if I’m using the word unabashedly right.

Jeremonio Affirezo – That’s a portmanteau of Jeremy Affeldt, Sergio Romo, Santiago Casilla and Ramon Ramirez, i.e. the closerousel in San Fran.  Ram-Ram seemed like the first choice, but he didn’t look good on Wednesday and Casilla got the save.  But II, The Return of But, Romo returns this weekend.  But III, This But Is Gonna Be Huge, Affeldt could see saves if the ninth is mostly lefties.

Bobby Parnell – He’s getting saves for the Mets and he can win you a SpongeBob at a carnival with his 102 MPH fastball.

Steve Cishek – I just went over my Cishek fantasy.  I wrote it while eating the marshmallows out of my Lucky Charms.

Mike Minor – Has 52 Ks in 55 2/3 IP! *whispering fast*  With a 1.49 WHIP and 4.37 ERA.  *loud again*  Next he gets the Mets and the Dodgers.  Not in the same start.  Who is he, Joel Youngblood?

Stephen Strasburg – Set to return on September 6th.  Don’t Washington-area seismologists have enough to do?

Brandon Allen – After his two homer game, Bob Melvin said Allen would be the starter for the foreseeable future.  As long as his foreseeable replacement is Conor Jackson, Allen should play.  Sorry, CoJack, I don’t love you, baby.

John Mayberry Jr. – Charlie Manuel hinted that Mayberry could see everyday playing time even after Ibanez returns, saying, “Time comes when tadpoles gotta frog up.  Now where’s Utley’s pomade?  I gotta slide outta my uniform.”

Lucas Duda – Since August 14th, he has 4 homers.  Terry Collins knows when he’s got a good thing.  Like at 3rd base and shortstop when Reyes returns.  Duda’s a 20 homer guy if he plays all year.  Kinda like a poor man’s Willingham.  Or a Willingspam.

SELL

Gaby Sanchez – No Gaby Gaby!

Trevor Cahill – Has a 7.00 ERA post-All-Star break.  I’m thinking you can probably find that off waivers from someone else.  It’s a hunch, ya’ll!

Bobby Abreu – He’s over 60% owned in ESPN leagues, so he made my imaginary self-imposed cut off that I occasionally ignore.  What good is an imaginary self-imposed cut off that isn’t self-imposed?  Nada, nada, nada damn thing.

Justin Morneau – Right now, it’s kinda sad the way you keep going back to him.  The relationship is hurting both of you.  It reminds me of a line from my upcoming, breakout Middle East rap song, “Why can’t we get together and take it easy… I’ll be your Qaddafi, if you’ll be my Condoleezza.”

From Around The Web

  1. Scott says:
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    Speculation that Minor will be Irene’d out of his Mets start.

  2. Carey says:
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    choo, freeman, or eithier for util ros?

  3. AL KOHOLIC says:
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    mayberry RFD

  4. Boomer19 says:
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    After Bautista, who are your top 3 third baseman for next year? Longo, Wright and Zimmerman? What order?

  5. Chuckles Tiddlesworth says:
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    That earlier “Salami Yank” headline might not play well with the three female readers. Anyway, ROS, would you play LoMo over Werth in an NL-only 6X6 league?

  6. herschel says:
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    @Grey: need wins (who doesnt). which two of these three do you like for next week?

    beachy vs was
    cain vs ari
    gallardo vs stl

    thanks!

  7. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Chuckles Tiddlesworth: I’m sure if they read Razzball, they’re liberal, Chuckles. Werth…

    @herschel: Beachy, Gallardo… Not sure who’s home or away there though.

  8. herschel says:
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    @Grey: all are home starts. same two?

  9. Willingspam, nice. Would you consider dropping Bossman Jr. at this point? I already have Stubbs, Maybin, Jennings, McCutchen to get me steals, so it makes more sense to swap him for Morrison, right?

  10. Jaydog says:
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    HA! Willingspam. You got Duda from Willingham… What do you get from Willingspam? Oh-right, 20 HR’s. Sorry, red to fast.

  11. Howard says:
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    @Grey Keeper league: Carp, Casper or Schafer? For pitching, Delgado or Pomeranz? Thanks and have a great weekend!

  12. Jaydog says:
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    HA! Willingspam! You got Duda from Willingham. What do you get from Willingspam? Oh-right, 20 Hr’s.

  13. Chris says:
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    H2H pts, weekly

    Who do you prefer next week:

    Greinke @ HOU
    Marcum @ HOU + vs STL

  14. The Spaceman says:
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    @ Grey

    Grey sir, the writeup this morning may very well have been your best this season. Although I don’t know how I feel anymore about the banana pudding in my fridge…..

    Onwards; Blanks or Brandon Allen? Ackley or EY jr? Many thanks man and do enjoy your weekend,

    The Spaceman

  15. Jake says:
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    15 teamer, looking for HRs/RBIs

    S Sizemore, J Lopez, or Plouffe at MI? Not great, I know.

  16. Ana-Jaime says:
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    Mr. Grey- Just wanted to let you know I thought I was outside of the target demographic (being 50) but earlier this week you made mention of one of my favorite SF Giants minor-leaguers (Rob Deer) and today a Joel Youngblood reference (one of my least favorite Giant players, ever), that I can’t believe a lot of people will even get or wonder who the heck they were. I believe Youngblood is the only player to collect a hit for two different teams on the same calendar day, and I think the teams were the Mets and Expos. Well done, sir.
    (finally) my question: When is it safe do dump Ubaldo? I have him sitting, which is a waste of my roster spot when I need innings and Ks
    I will continue to read rzzzball religiously, and if I make the playoffs (I’m on the bubble), will buy you that margarita. Cheers!

  17. dingbat says:
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    Dammit, I was really hoping that Jeremonio Affirezo was an actual ballplayer’s name. That name had Moniker Madness Champion written all over it.

  18. Marty Funkhouser says:
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    @Grey: Start Haren tonight in Arlington? I’m a little scared of what it could do to my ratios but the Rangers have been awfully quiet on the offensive front this week.

  19. VinWins

    VinWins says:
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    The Mets announced on Friday that their afternoon contests against the Braves on Saturday and Sunday have been rescheduled as a single-admission doubleheader to be played at 4:10 p.m. on Sept. 8.

  20. VinWins

    VinWins says:
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    The Philadelphia Phillies and Florida Marlins have rescheduled Saturday night’s game to Sept. 15 because of Hurricane Irene.

    The clubs will play Saturday’s 1:05 p.m. game, originally slated for Sunday, as scheduled.

  21. Shin-Soo Choo Choo says:
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    10 team H2H. Need homers and ribbies for UTIL. Thinking of dropping Krispie Young for Brandon Allen, Mayberry, Casper Wells, Bogusevic, Seaver or Encarnacion. I’ve already got Carp. Please rank all of the above and I thank you in advance.

  22. Herb Urban says:
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    Pick two for the rest of the season: John Mayberry Jr., Casper Wells or Will Venerable.

  23. willclarkismyhero says:
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    Just happened to google “snookie’s poof” and I ended up here. While I’m here, who do you like better going forward: Morrison, Belt (with playing time the major drawback), or McGehee (who’s been hitting, kindof)? Thanks.

  24. Jungle Mike says:
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    Love the Bottle Rockets reference! Get Down River is probably my favorite song of theirs…

  25. Trevor

    Tggq21 says:
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    Grey,
    Black n yellow to the LIMIT! I say bench gio gonz tonight against the sox, you say?

    Ps. Nice stache’

  26. Eng says:
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    Furcal or Alex Gonzalez as a fill-in SS? Also, for MI do you prefer Scott Sizemore for homers to the aforementioned dastardly duo?

  27. Eng says:
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    Please add Polanco to the second Q about MIs. Apologies and thanks in advance.

  28. jack says:
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    Roll with 2 start Wandy (pit and mil at home) vs Ubaldo v Oak or Billz at Pitt?

  29. Flunkie says:
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    It’s funny that guys like Mike Carp and (recently, since I dropped Carp for:) Kyle Seager are assisting me in my push for the playoffs. Mariners have been turning it on lately. AND MOOSE FINALLY GOT A PAIR OF RBIs! I couldn’t believe my eyes.

  30. Jaydog says:
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    Thanks. (Stutter!)

  31. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @The Spaceman: Thanks! Allen…Ackley… Unless you need speed. You too!

    @Jake: Sizemore

    @Ana-Jaime: Glad you get some of the references, you’re making me feel old though. Emoticon. I’d wait for Ubaldo’s next start. Bad then drop.

    @dingbat: Ha!

    @Marty Funkhouser: I’d sit him.

    @VinWins: Thanks for the heads up!

    @Shin-Soo Choo Choo: Allen

    @Herb Urban: Mayberry, Wells… Unless you need speed then Wells, Venable…

    @willclarkismyhero: Glad you found us! Morrison…

    @Jungle Mike: Will have to check it out.

    @Tggq21: Start him at home. Thanks! Black n yellow!

    @Eng: Sizemore

    @jack: Wandy

    @Flunkie: All M’s, all time!

  32. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Jaydog: You negging me?

  33. Oilcan Giuseppe says:
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    Grey:start Ubaldo tonight vs KC?

  34. Shin-Soo Choo Choo says:
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    @Grey: Drop Krispie, Matsui, Carp or Gardner for Allen?

  35. peter says:
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    @Grey: Ha!

  36. Oilcan Giuseppe says:
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    @Grey: I was afraid you were gonna say that.I wanna start because its a K/9 league,but y’know….he just kinda sucks right now.Oh well,I’ll give it a shot.

    my playoffs start next wk,and even if he looks great tonight Im gonna be real worried.Good news is his next start is home vs A’s.

  37. DjLanceRauch says:
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    Dump Gaby for Duda or Allen?

  38. Oilcan Giuseppe says:
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    thank you Irene….Phils cancel 2nd game of doubleheader saturday,which means Lee’s start is pushed back to Monday,which means my opponent loses his second start this wk from Lee.

  39. SwaggerJackers says:
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    @Grey: So if you’re down on Morneau, who is a better option? Seager, Brandon Allen, Duda, Belt, Lopez, Moose

  40. Mike says:
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    I just want to point out here that Chuck Norris sits at home all day trying to come up with creatively hyperbolic statements about Desmond Jennings.

    It’s sort of apropos of nothing but it had to be said.

  41. Feeding the Abscess

    Feeding the Abscess says:
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    Choo can’t even rest the bat on his shoulder? Bah. At least I can drop Hanson now.

  42. Eng says:
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    Will Vaciedo rake? Worth grabbing or just an avg killer with little playing time?

  43. Eng says:
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    sp. Viciedo

  44. VinWins

    VinWins says:
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    Jose Bautista meltdown, throwing a couple things on the field. Most of the calls on him looked correct tonight though.

  45. Steve says:
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    Did Roy not get the memo that the Marlins suck?

    Ugh.

  46. Oilcan Giuseppe says:
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    @VinWins: His ego has gotten a little out of control.Lot of bat flips and staring at pitchers lately.

  47. Oilcan Giuseppe says:
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    Ubaldo lives to see another day on my roster….

  48. VinWins

    VinWins says:
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    @Oilcan Giuseppe: Hey! No negative Bautista comments allowed!

    @Grey: Ha! He’s over that. He can’t wait to see what you say next spring though.

  49. Oilcan Giuseppe says:
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    @VinWins: no negative comments?….you must have him confused w/ Desmond Jennings.

  50. VinWins

    VinWins says:
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    @Oilcan Giuseppe: Ha! Watching you can see he is a great teammate and leader, but the Jays’ announcers do go a bit overboard on the praise, prompting my “no negative comments.”

  51. Wilsonian says:
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    Stubbs has become about as useful as an asshole on my elbow (good move dealing Jennings for him). Do I drop him for Crisp, Maybin, Pagan, Borjos, or stand pat?

  52. Awesomus Maximus

    Awesomus Maximus says:
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    Cishek with another save. Are we pretending Nunez is still unavailable due to the 37 pitches he threw on the 23rd, or has he (un)officially lost the gig? I think I’d rather have Mike-G in an RP slot if Leo won’t get save ops… and I’m almost not kidding at this point.

  53. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Awesomus Maximus: I wouldn’t drop Nunez just yet, but I do think Cishek getting the saves in the near future.

  54. chata says:
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    where are all the comments , today ?
    hurricane got your tongue ??

  55. Awesomus Maximus

    Awesomus Maximus says:
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    So my daughter got some new dolls and I convinced her to name one of them Trevor Plouffe, just so I could hear her say that name in her 2 year old voice. I recorded a bit of it today and thought I’d share a small audio snippet. Enjoy.

    http://www.kevinkwalter.com/plouffe.wav

  56. Oilcan Giuseppe says:
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    @Awesomus Maximus: thats so great….I want that as my ringtone.

  57. Oilcan Giuseppe says:
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    Hey Grey,start Pineda tonight vs Whitesox?….10 team 8×8 league.

  58. Awesomus Maximus

    Awesomus Maximus says:
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    @Grey: @Oilcan Giuseppe: Thanks. It’s impossible to not smile when you hear her running around, frantically asking, “Where Trevor Plouffe?”

    And funny you should mention… I recorded her with the hopes that I would get one “Trevor Plouffe” good enough for a new ringtone. Great success!

  59. chata says:
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    @Awesomus Maximus:

    that brings a smile to my day .
    thanks for sharing .

  60. chata says:
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    hurricane irene spins a hollywood sequel :
    The Jersey Shore Came Through My Door .

    seriously ,
    “be safe out there , people”
    (hill street blues ?)

  61. royce! says:
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    Hey Grey,

    I have to come up to LA in mid- Sept. Sushi-Gen was an excellent recommendation. Got any other downtown recommendations? I want to try Border Grill but am put off by the yelp reviews (which seem to mostly be variations of “I know a better, cheaper place”).

  62. stumanji says:
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    Cishek, Sale, or Gregg for some SAGNOF while Wilson is on the shelf?

  63. Awesomus Maximus

    Awesomus Maximus says:
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    @chata: Happy to share… glad you enjoyed it.

  64. L-Boogie says:
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    Need help setting my waiver priorities. Please rank according to best chances for saves ROS:

    Melancon, Gregg, Romo (or other SF reliever), and Cishek.

    Thanks dude.

  65. L-Boogie says:
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    Also, should I be worried about Santos losing many more saves to Sale? I would bet Ozzie plays FBB and the guy just behind him in saves picked up Santos a few weeks ago.

    Thanks dude.

  66. Marty Funkhouser says:
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    @Grey: Thanks a million for the Danks recommendation. That man pitched a phenomenal game. Looked through his game logs and if it wasn’t the best outing of his career, it was the second best. And after I forgot to take Dan Herring out of my lineup on Friday, he might have single-handedly saved my season long enough for me to lose in the first round of the playoffs.

    What makes it even sweeter is the fact that I’m in what is basically a playoff play-in matchup with the guy who drafted and stuck with Danks for half of the season. He’d been streaming pitchers I’d dropped against me all year and they’d all dominated. Sweet, swift fantasy justice has now been served.

    You are a moustachioed golden god, my friend.

  67. Eddy says:
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    @Grey:

    Is it inconceivable to drop Niemann? He faces TEX his next two times out, possibly once at BAL, then several turns flipping between NYY, BOS and TOR to close out the season.

    Same question for Dempster. After his next start at PIT, he faces CIN twice, HOU, and STL.

    It’s a 12-team, H2H league.

  68. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @L-Boogie: Gregg, Melancon, Romo…

    @Marty Funkhouser: Nice! No problem.

    @Eddy: Can drop Niemann… Those aren’t that bad for Dempster. But I have no idea who you’re replacing these guys with, so maybe.

  69. J Rich says:
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    Can this get a shoutout somewhere? The little Yahoo note for Carlos Santana today reads:

    Advice: Santana is a .241 hitter destined to be a journeyman and not prominent fantasy material.
    (STATS, Inc.)

    Wish stats inc. was in my league.

  70. Eng says:
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    Grey, I don’t have a daughter. Would it be abnormal to undergo a sex change op so I can marry Des Jennings?

    Good god am I gonna reach for him next year.

  71. Eng says:
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    @Eddy: I’m gonna keep Niemann until he plays Baltimore on the 12th then I’m dropping him. Now, If a SAGNOF situation arises I’ll drop him before that.

  72. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @J Rich: Wow, that’s ridiculous.

  73. Eng says:
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    @J Rich: Ha, that’s absurd.

  74. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Eng: Ha!

  75. Steve Stevenson says:
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    Spec saves on the Angels – Takahashi or Downs? Either one of them over Mike Gonzalez?

  76. Oilcan Giuseppe says:
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    Grey:do you believe Tracy will actually stick w/ Betancourt over Street for ROS?

  77. Oilcan Giuseppe says:
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    Price’s line today:7IP,0ER,5 baserunners,14K….thats a thing of beauty.

  78. royce! says:
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    @Grey: Probably best to ask again later, when I have a better idea of how broke and/or hungry I am.

  79. Wilsonian says:
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    Vicedo up to stay? Does he get ABs for the ROS?

  80. Wilsonian says:
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    Does Motte get the save opps now, or was today just an abberation? He’s been lights out for awhile.

    That being said, Motte or Sale?

  81. Eng says:
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    @Wilsonian: I’m all over Motte. Cards said Motte would see save “chances” the ROS while Gullen finally anointed Santos his official closer for next season.

  82. royce! says:
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    I need to win all categories next week to qualify for the playoffs. We count holds and saves. He has Hanrahan, Clippard, Betancourt, and Benoit. I’m going to start Kimbrel and Storen. Which two of these guys should I also start: Soriano, Parnell, Melancon, Veras?

  83. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @royce!: Soriano, Veras…

  84. elwood blues says:
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    need a replacement for Niese.. worley or vogelsong?

  85. elwood blues says:
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    @elwood blues: does the answerr change if I have to end up keeping them for next year?

  86. Steve Stevenson says:
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    H2H league, limited moves (but I’m in pretty good shape on that front), hitter BB and K count. In 1st, trying to shore up weak spots on my roster for the playoffs – drop Iannetta for R. Martin?

  87. Steve says:
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    Pedro Gomez on Twitter reporting that Cruz leaving the game with what looks like a bad hamstring injury.

  88. Steve says:
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    F****** Mitch Moreland – doesn’t have a single Run or RBI in my lineup this week.

  89. wallywojo says:
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    Was that a ATCQ reference? nice

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