Anyone who’s read this site for a minute — an urbandictionary minute, which is actually a long time — knows I have love for Adam Lind. In an age when the home run is scarce — wow, that sounded like a Ken Burns voiceover — Lind has big time power. I’m a fan. Have the pin that reads, “Lind-a-want-stats!” Sorry, that’s a square pun in a round hole. Yesterday, he went 4-for-4, 2 homers in his 2nd game back from the DL. He can still get 30 homers and hits in the heart of a solid order. I wouldn’t be scared of him, he might just do his best not-this-season Dunn impression. BTW, Bautista hasn’t hit a homer in 7 games, what a loser! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Shin-Soo Choo – Says DUI is affecting play. Assuming he doesn’t have to drive relievers in from the bullpen, I say just start drinking before games again.
Jake Peavy – 4 IP, 6 ER. CBS reported Peavy left start with (groin). Frankly, I’d be worried if he left a game without (groin).
Alexi Casilla – 7 for his last 11 with three steals. The window of usability for Casilla will probably be shorter than Intellivision’s but he’s hot and stealing bases.
Albert Pujols – Clubbed second straight walk off home run. I know that because it was the big story on Baseball Tonight with, like, seventeen exclamation marks. Pujols! Rawr! He’s back! Did he go anywhere? Also, since I usually just watch the games, this was the first time I saw Baseball Tonight in a few years. I was surprised to find out Doug Glanville has a job. You think ESPN is like, “Hey, we need a color man– I mean a color commenter– I mean a commenter– Let’s just hire someone before we get sued.” Also, Jayson and Laynce Nix’s sister’s got a job. Her name is Wendi Nix and she has about as much personality as a ill-formed origami crane. Zach Braddock didn’t have a sleeping disorder, he was just watching too much Wendi Nix.
Lance Berkman – Sat out yesterday after getting a cortisone injection in his wrist. No more eczema for him.
Ryan Vogelsong – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks. There’s no rhyme or reason why he should be pitching this well but like Collmenter before him, you should just ride the tiny ship in the bottle or whatever that cliché is.
Jason Hammel – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks. He’s whatever, but this is about my trip up to San Fran this weekend. I took in a game at Long Distance Carrier Park. The Giants offense is pathetic. Without Posey, Belt (out at least a month) and Sandoval, they don’t have one hitter to worry about. They batted the Latin 37 Tejada, who’s hitting .218 with 1 home run on the year, second. I’d throw just about any pitcher at them. On a side note, Giants made such a big deal about Bonds and the record and sticking their heads in the sand when he was selling out their stadium. Yet, I didn’t see one picture or mention of him anywhere inside the park. It was like he was Keyser Söze.
Mark Reynolds – Back to back games with a homer. All brays to Mini Donkey! (But he only has two hits in the last five games. He’s looking less donkey and more Rob Deer.)
Chris Narveson – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, which comes after starts of 4 IP, 5 ER and 3 1/3 IP, 6 ER. Yeah, he’s completely unownable right now. Pretty K-rate or not.
Brandon Inge – Out with mono. Bronson Arroyo just had mono. Cust kayin’.
Anibal Sanchez – 5 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks. I don’t think this means he’s done being relevant; he just wasn’t a sub-3.00 ERA pitcher to begin with. This start did make me happy though, since I foolishly dropped him the first week of the season, and really this is all about me.
Hanley Ramirez – First, he mucks up your team for two months with poor play then he fails to go on the DL for a week. Hanley doesn’t care about you.
Travis Wood – 4 2/3 IP, 8 ER, 13 baserunners, 3 Ks. Like a satisfied beaver, I’m done with Wood for now. Beaver, the animal. Geez. It’s with regret it had to come to this, because I do think he has great stuff, but you have to look elsewhere. Just way too unpredictable.
Drew Stubbs – 2-for-5 with a slam & legs. Maybe Stubbs was tending to his BBQ empire for the last few weeks, but it’s nice to have him back.
Drew Storen – 1/3 IP, 3 ER yesterday and 8 earned runs in his last 6 appearances. Riggleman took forever to name Storen the closer but won’t take as long to remove him. Sean Burnett would be the handcuff.
Mark Teixeira – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs with his 17th and 18th home runs. If PABST (Post-All-Star Break’s Stats Teixeira) stays bubbling in the 2nd half as is his wont, he’s heading for an MVP year.
Matt Kemp – 2-for-3 and his 3rd home run and 8th RBI in the last two days. His career is bouncing back a lot better than Chris Brown in the wake of a Rihanna breakup.
Vicente Padilla – Was due back but neck pain has kept him on the DL. Who’s the Dodgers closer? Flip a coin.
Rafael Furcal – To the DL with a strained oblique. Vague! I’d drop Furcal unless you have “Days on the DL” as a category in your league.
C.J. Wilson – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks. To be honest, I have a blind spot, middle relievers that become starters. At this point, if they convert LaTroy Hawkins to a starter, I’m gonna throw my hands in the air and say he’ll be great.
Mitch Moreland – 2-for-4 with his 8th home run as he bats .313 on the year. I’d love to push him more, but he’s a platoon guy at this point. He either doesn’t play vs. lefties or doesn’t hit them, which hurts his counting stats (on pace for around 60 RBIs on the year).
Jonathan Papelbon – Daniel Bard got the save yesterday after Papelbon lost his shizz on Saturday with a three run third of an inning and bumped the umpire. Now Papelbon might get punished by the league. I’d fine any goofy white guy for chest bumping too.
Joakim Soria – A clean outing or two away from reclaiming the closer job. Makes sense in a non-sarcastic way.
Jordan Lyles – 4 IP, 4 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks. Sure be easier to say I don’t like him if he were to give up like 12 baserunners or something. Well, due to the inexperience and the Astros behind him, you have to be careful starting him in any mixed leagues right now.
Mark Trumbo – Hit his 11th home run and stole his 6th base. How does he have only 2 less steals than Bourjos? Not rhetorical!
Carlos Beltran – Left the game after fouling a ball off his ankle. He’ll probably miss two months. I’m only half joking.
Miguel Olivo – It’s with much regret I inform you that Olivo now has three homers in three straight games. I don’t have anything against Olivo per se, but I know as soon as I write Olivo hits them in bunches like he’s dating the Chiquita Banana lady people are gonna come out of the woodwork in the comments asking if they should lose their catcher for Olivo.
Evan Longoria – Rested on Sunday and will return Monday. Sounds like someone has a God complex.