The Indians said this, “We don’t expect Grady Sizemore to play 150 to 160 games like he has in the past.” At the start of the 2012 season it will be four years the last time he played that many games, so I’m glad they’re being realistic. They should’ve also said, “We don’t expect him to steal 20 bases. Hit 20 homers. Hit for much of an average unless you consider .250 much. Here’s hoping he takes some more nude pictures of himself and we get Grady’s Ladies buying season tickets again. Now I’m going back to my game of Words With Friends with Asdrubal.” If you want to assume Grady’s going to be fully healthy in 2012, something I would not assume, then you should get a line near 80/18/75/.250/5. Oh my dear deity of your choice, Sizemore has become Torii Hunter with a poor average. I’d avoid unless he falls very late or goes for cheap. Anyway, here’s some more offseason moves for 2012 fantasy baseball:
Psych! Before we get into the post, I wanted to tell you about this exciting offer our fantasy basketball side of things has going on. They’re doing commenter leagues and they’re free! So if you like your athletes seven-plus feet taller than Dustin Pedroia, you go there. Anyway II, here’s some offseason moves so far:
Ryan Doumit – Heads to Twins. Recently overheard in the Twins front office, “Morneau and Mauer are sick of having only each other to talk to while on the Disabled List. We need some injury-prone player to sit between them.” Doumit fills that slot. He can also play 1st base, catcher and, for once it doesn’t matter that his last name is German for “Without a Mitt,” as he can see time at DH. If Doumit can stay healthy, he could be a top ten catcher. That “if” has its own branch of government that just passed a law that says Doumit can never stay healthy.
Joe Nathan – Signed a two-year deal with the Rangers to be their closer. For real baseball, I think this is a terrible deal for the Rangers. Nathan’s 37 years old and, while his K-rate wasn’t bad, he never looked lights-out, except for a stretch through July. Now you’re throwing him in the heat of Arlington where home runs fly. Last year his home ERA was 3.04 and his away ERA was 7.50. I think the Rangers are going to regret this decision. This is me telling the Rangers that. For fantasy, his name will make him cost a bit more than I’d want to spend on a closer. He probably will drift between a Donkeycorn and Brain Freeze for the better part of the year.
Neftali Feliz – Gets his wish, and will finally start for the Rangers. He’ll begin to transition into a closer that throws six innings a game in the Dominican Winter League, which will give him a leg up on tiring out around August. His K-rate last year was a huge shambles or Suge Hambles if you roll with rap impresarios who are into spoonerisms. I’m not sure how a closer could even have a K-rate of 7.80 with Feliz’s stuff. I’m not just saying that to sound stupid, though it probably doesn’t hurt. His fastball, curve and change were all the same velocity as previous years. He added in a slider, but adding that shouldn’t have killed his shizz. Hitters were just making good contact, or, at least, better contact and not getting as fooled. His walks also went through the roof. I mean, 30 walks and 54 Ks in 62 1/3 innings is terrible. Who are you, Kevin Gregg? But as we know from Dempster and C.J. Wilson’s transition to being a starter, Feliz is probably going to have the best year of his young career. I’ll be on the outside looking in though, feels like too much risk to me. Could see him giving a line of 10-6/3.55/1.20/95 in 120 innings.
Wade LeBlanc – Traded to the Marlins for John Baker. According to Elias Sports Bureau, John Baker and Wade LeBlanc were the first two players ever traded that also sound like they were in the Backstreet Boys. Yeah, they didn’t say that. Like when his friends left Central Perk, LeBlanc just lost all of his value.
Jonathan Broxton – Signed on with the Royals to be their set-up man. I have the perfect nickname for him now that he’s in Kansas City, the Honky Tonk Badonkadonk. Oh, please, like you’ve never noticed how Broxton has the back porch of a rap video hoochie mama. This signing sends Aaron Crow into the rotation. The good news is you’re not the Royals and don’t have to put Aaron Crow in your fantasy rotation. Yay, small miracles.
Chris Iannetta – Headed to the Angels. I guess Scioscia felt like he needed to upgrade Jeff Mathis’s backup. I’m only half joking. The Angels are supposed to non-tender Mathis, but I wouldn’t put anything past the Sciosciapath. Also, Hank Conger’s in the wings, i.e., Iannetta won’t get 350 ABs. Though he never has.
Ramon Hernandez – Going to the Rockies to replace the recently damned Iannetta. Hernandez will do exactly what he’s done for the last five years. For those who need a sneaky, solid catcher in 2 catcher leagues, you can do worse. (Better too, but let’s not quibble.)
Clint Barmes – Signed with the Pirates. I have nothing to say about this, except Barmes’s deal for $10.5 million was the Pirates first contract for over $10 million since Steve Buechele’s in the 1991-1992 offseason. The Pirates are committed to winning now! Black and yellow!
David DeJesus – Will bring his special brand of pretty unexciting baseball from a fantasy perspective to the Chicago Cubs. He’ll play right field, unless the Cubs can move Alfonso Soriano for five cents on the dollar. In related news, Alfonso Soriano wants to know who listed him on eBay. The eBay username is WonEpstein and there’s no reserve price.