“Oh Carlos M., Oh Carlos M… How lovely are your sliders.”

I’m done, I promise.

Carry on.

@Baron Von Vulturewins: The Scott Kazmir love child was all I could come up with while multitasking at work.

@Baron Von Vulturewins: HOLDSMAS! On Marmol, On Broxton, On Shields! Ho-Ho-Holds.

You have to understand. Hardy and I have history. Bad history.

@Grey: I had ill-fated ideas about getting a life. But forget that.

If you’re doing a sleeper post on Dallas McPherson, then who’s next? Another round of Casey Kotchman love? That Todd Van Poppel post we’ve been clamoring for? Maybe a deep sleeper post on Kevin Maas?

When you hit 77 HRs (or whatever) in AAA and the big team STILL doesn’t call you up, I have to believe that there is something impeding your ability to flourish at the Major League Level. Then again, I was dead wrong about Ryan Ludwick. Dead wrong.

No takers on Fantasy Arena Football for 2010? We can make it a keeper league. I got dibs on… okay, I can’t name a single player.

@Jimmy ray: Awesome!

“What’s up Norm?”

“My nipples. It’s freezing out there.”

I was in Detroit last Autumn. Went to The Booby Trap, it’s on 8 Mile and it’s motto is, “It’s Like Cheers, but Topless.” Sums up my trip to Detroit.

C Pablo Sandoval
1B Aubrey Huff
2B Robinson Cano
SS Derek Jeter
3B Aramis Ramirez
MI
CI Chone Figgins
OF Carlos Beltran
OF Delmon Young
OF Denard Span
OF
UTIL
P Cliff Lee
P Roy Oswalt
P Edison Volquez
P Chin Mieng Wang
P Matt Garza
P Brad Ziegler
P B.J. Ryan

@BaronVonVulturewins: Baron! These comments would be Comment ‘O Week if Rudy didn’t make that extinct. Speaking of Rudy, he thought this post was a real dud. That shows you Rudy! I’m number #1! Now what’s this talk about taking the summer off? You getting married? Meningitis? Marrying a girl with meningitis? You will not do any such thing.

@IowaCubs: You know who’s getting their very own fantasy sleeper post? McPherson!

Maybe it’s because I have the habit of posting three.

Comments.

In a row.

(Please note: In the Baron’s baronial home country, we do not celebrate Christmas. We celebrate Holdsmas, a holiday honoring the statistical category of holds. We don’t light candles. We just stand around looking at them for awhile, making sure they stay unlit, until someone else comes in and lights them.)

Either that, or I killed the real Baron and ate his soul. Hey, what’s that I smell? I think Scott Kamir’s love child just farted.*

Apologies for the long and sporadic absences. But this is the time of year when I remember how boring and arcane the NFL playoff structure is, and a boy’s thoughts drift back to Fantasy Bizzball. You know, I’m actually thinking of taking next summer off.** I blame Ollie Perez. Talk me out of it, boys!

*No, I didn’t get the reference either, honestly, but I figured I’d just go with it.

**Actually, I was thinking of taking up Fantasy Arena Football. Then they canceled the 2009 season. Damn you, Recession. Damn. You.

The best team name goes to Zak Dream Team, who could have done one notch better only if he had named them the Bayside Zak Attack!

@BaronVonVulturewins: First of all, how did Baron go about losing all his thousands of comments? (Too many Kazmir love child fart jokes, that’s how… one’s enough man, really, had to throw the penalty flag.)

I think if a keeper league is to really survive, there should probably be an auction with a salary cap and values placed on players, so that you can’t keep David Wright without suffering the $40 value penalty of keeping him. It makes keeper league auction day more interesting if you can have a shot at Pujols and Hanley and such. It also makes you decide on keepers based on projected value and draft based on future prospects. I have Votto, Bruce, Gallardo, Braun and Marmol for a total of $14 from an NL only auction going back to 2007. It would make sense to take a $4 flier on Gamel, for example and hold on to him on your roster for a year until he pays off. (I’m not giving up on you Dallas McPherson!!)

Second: Grey, you are a mensch.

Third: I’ve always secretly wanted to be in a keeper league, because I like the dimension it adds late in the year (i.e. trading talent for promise). That said, the prospect of prepping for a draft in which JJ HARDY IS THE NUMBER ONE PICK makes me want to throw myself off a building, while watching Fool’s Gold on my iPod Touch. HOLY HELL PEOPLE. HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT? This is like attending a garage sale where the only items available are varieties of human feces.

i’d like to see his roster .
he’s averaging just slightly better than 9th place in every statistical category .
a hard thing to do in a 10 team league , assuming he’s active .