Yes, this is a two-start article, but we’re going let this edition serve as a reminder of a few things for the rest of the fantasy season as Andrew Casner was recently the star of a trade between the Marlins and Padres. As a result, let us remember:

  1. Andrew Cashner’s not good.
  2. Leaving Petco Park to pitch is not good. (Even with improvements to the Park Factor, it’s still a net positive for pitchers)
  3. A horrendous pitcher that throws twice in a week isn’t a better option; they’re an exponentially worse option.
  4. Andrew Cashner’s not good.

Did the Marlins actually break their bank in this trade? No, and they’ve done that before (see: post WS win seasons). However, I may rather have all four players on the Padres side of this deal rather than the post-hype non-sleeper Andrew Cashner and, wait for it, Colin Rea. Now pitching in Miami, Cashner has a few things in his favor, like facing the Philies and Braves more often, but with only eight weeks left in the season the opportunities are minimal.

Let’s also set a record straight: Matt Shoemaker (the other SP I considered highlighting) Andrew Cashner is not. For a long stretch this season Matt Shoemaker has mirrored the norm of Clayton Kershaw. Cashner’s upped his K’s in his past 3+ starts, but let me close this little segment about why points 1 and 4 above are stout: he’s having the worst season of his career without an inflated stat, like BABIP, to blame for the numbers. 4.76 ERA, 4.94 FIP, and worse in every major category from 2015.

It may be worth it in real life for the Marlins as they push for the playoffs, but for your fantasy squad Andrew Cashner’s still not good. Which, this week, makes him doubly bad. Don’t break your bank to go get him.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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So since my last post Yahoo! decided to update their app.  They didn’t tell me it was coming (I sent them emails for months asking for an update I guess [email protected] isn’t their email) but I like to think that I had a direct cause of the outcome (since I didn’t) as I did talk about it a few weeks ago, and now that we have an updated app it’s time to talk about it again.

First off, appearance: the drastic change in contrast from black to white (first thought: Michael Jackson, second thought: Seinfeld and the black & white cookie).  I am decidedly not a fan.  I have to turn down the screen brightness, and that’s just silly.  Why can’t I choose what color I want the background to be?  I’d like a light green personally but since we are all unique snowflakes we should all get the color we choose.  This is America dammit!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Shawn Kelley notched his second save in as many days Friday night, recording the final out, allowing just one hit for his sixth save of the season. Is your fantasy team in dire need of saves? Are you tired of owning the entire Braves bullpen? Well, it seems your prayers may have been answered. Manager Dusty Baker has yet to commit to Kelley, but Baker usually doesn’t commit to anything unless it’s ruining some young player’s career in the long term. Unlike Atlanta, the Nationals bullpen will likely see a good share of save chances and with Jonathan Papelbon struggling, it appears Shawn Kelley is the add here. Oh Papelbon, how the mighty have fallen, right? I remember when he wasn’t just the most obnoxious pitcher in all of baseball, he was also a very good closer! Shawn Kelley has the potential to be a very good closer as well. He holds a 3.05 ERA, and 1.02 WHIP, with a 60/7 K/BB rate. Did I mention he can get you saves? Did I mention he’s available in over 80% of fantasy leagues? Geez, all this stuff I forgot to mention, my memory is really shot lately. There’s still a chance Washington trades for a closer, but I’d pick up Shawn Kelley everywhere I needed saves as he looks to be the top option in the Nats pen at the moment, Grey told you to BUY and he won’t be available for very long.

Here’s what else I saw Friday night in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s trade season! Most teams have either distinguished themselves as playoff teams or have been weeded out. The Reds are a team far out of a playoff picture and have been receiving inquiries about their players. Among those players is Anthony DeSclafani. However, the Reds President of Baseball Operations Walk Jockey, said that “clubs inquire about certain players, but they never want to trade anything.” DeSclafani has been pitching well, and clubs are going to have to pay up to get him. In his past 7 starts, DeScfani has 6 wins, 41 K and only 5 BB. Over this span he has averaged 21.7 fantasy points, and has gone over 6 innings in all but one start. He has also gave up 6 homers and today will be facing the Padres, who can clearly take the ball deep. The Padres may be slugging deep balls, but have been below .500 during that span. The Padres also strike out 24.6% against RHP and have only managed a 82 wRC+. DeSclafani and the Reds should be able to pull out the win against Friedrich and the Padres. And with that, I give you the rest of my DFS picks…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday August 1st to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I was going to just delay this post due to inclement weather, but Grey’s super Doppler 5001, which is also a giant B.S. detector, wouldn’t let me.  So here we sit, some 48 hours before the list that you are about to see means about as much as single-ply toilet paper…  Really, what cheap s.o.b. concocted this idea of pinching pennies?  I mean everyone has had a run-in with it at some point.  Awful.  It’s part of the reason I have a salt-water bidet in all three outhouses at the Smokey compound.  So back to the deadline… closer gossip teams are lining up other contenders closers in such a bullish market, namely the rumors surrounding Mark Melancon.  The market and teams that need reliable relievers, let alone closers, is the Nationals, Indians, Rangers and Giants.  It is just the land of confusion and there is not enough LOOGY’S to go around.  I will touch on who I can see where after the bump to prolong the suspense, but the teams I just mentioned are teams to monitor on the opposite end of closers, because if the big names start rolling, all but Cody Allen looks to be out of a job.  Here’s what I can see going down by the deadline in the bullpen game, plus some rankings and next in line stuff.  Plus, Razzball Soccer has started pumping out quality, so go over and check it and join the official game…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This is the 2nd title this week referencing Willy Wonka, first being this week’s podcast.  It’s a gee-dee Gene Wilder renaissance up in here (up in here)!  I miss Gene Wilder, taken way too soon from us.  Oh, he’s not dead.  He just stopped being funny a’la Dan Aykroyd.  (By the way, Aykroyd is a good ten to twenty years younger than you think he is.  64?!  I thought he was 64 in Driving Miss Daisy.)  I’m thankful for Thomas Middleditch replacing Gene Wilder.  If you have no idea who that is, it’s the lead character on Silicon Valley, who is a dead ringer for a young and still alive Gene Wilder.  With all of this Wonka talk, tell me you can look at David Dahl in his purple uniform and not hear in your head, “Violet, you’re turning violet.”  Or look at the trough you pee in at the next baseball game and tell me you don’t hear, “What a disgusting, dirty river!  Industrial waste, that. You’ve ruined your watershed, Wonka:  it’s polluted.”  Only to realize it’s not poop, but chocolate.  Wait, it’s not chocolate, is it?  Well, if you want to view paradise, simply look around at David Dahl’s stats and view it.  There’s nothing to it.  Anything he wants to do, he can do it.  There’s no players I know to compare to a pure 30/30 player like David Dahl.  Oompa Loompa doopie-what-can-Rockies’-Dahl-do?   That’s another puzzle I have for you.  He can hit for power, steal bases and likely platoon on the strong side of the left field platoon, unless the Rockies trade CarGo or Blackmon.  Anything, that’s what Dahl can do.  Want to change the world?  There’s nothing to it.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

With the All Star Game well behind us, Fantasy baseball players everywhere are gearing up for their home stretch. One of the biggest question marks remaining will be how players returning from the disabled list fare before the end of the season. Can they make an impact on certain teams, to the point that they sufficiently increase your standing in the league? Let’s take a look at some of the more notable fantasy baseball players that are gearing up for a late season return. (Some of whom you may even have stashed on your roster.)  Hopefully this will help you determine if that decision was wise or not…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So Harry Potter and the Order of The Phoenix was on HBO tonight and before you ask, no I still don’t have cable. Me not having cable is a running joke around here. Sorry if you don’t understand, but this intro is for those who understand that I understand how silly it is, you understand? Anyhoo, it put me in the mindset for this title and it’s also apropos to the actual topic. AJ Griffin…admittedly I could give two bee-sized bowel movements about how good he is or has been. Overall, he’s just not good. He’s about as SP3/4 vanilla as you can get for an MLB team, but that’s neither here nor there. The Royals have suffered so many injuries this year and have seemingly thrown in the towel on the season as they’ve gone into full blown sell mode. I don’t know if that’s what is affecting the production on the field, but it’s clear this team isn’t sniffing the 2015 version. The K rate as a whole is up nearly 4% and they sit mired in 24th overall in wRC+. Factor in they’ve actually been worse since the All-Star break and you have the perfect spot to take advantage of a $6,500 priced pitcher who doesn’t need a gem to outplay his price. When suggesting a pitcher that has a 4+ ERA, it should go without say but yeah, this is a tourney only call. So let the sorting hat decide whether you’re courageous enough to follow through with Griffin and let’s get on with the rest. Here’s my Goblet of Fire hot taeks for this Friday DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well reserve your spot in the 25 Team Razzball Exclusive League set to run Monday August 1st to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. Wanna know what the best part is about signing up with us? The free subscription for the rest of the season to our DFSBot, that’s what! For details on the how to, please visit our Razzball Subscriptions page.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Twins’ lineup could generate power for any remote control, because they’re filled with Double-A batteries.  High five me!  C’mon!  You don’t appreciate a good snap!  I’m zinging over here!  Fine, be that way.  The Twins traded the 29-year-old Eduardo Nunez to the Giants, which makes him the youngest player the Giants have ever acquired and the cheapest player the Twins have ever traded away.  A double first!  Which sounds almost like how you picture your ex describing herself on Tinder.  So, Eduardo Nunez goes from a neutral park to a pitching park and from a lineup that could be best described with their two-hole hitter, Grossman, to a lineup best described as “in the middle of a panic.”  Or a Panik in the middle.  This move likely doesn’t change his value much, but if anything it takes him down a notch.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Entering the 2016 season, there were plenty of reasons to be optimistic about Miami Marlins superstar outfielder Giancarlo Stanton. Pitcher-friendly Marlins Park underwent renovations to move in and lower the outfield fences. One of the greatest hitters in MLB history, Barry Bonds, was hired as the team’s new hitting coach. His supporting cast was largely constructed of players such as Christian Yelich, Marcell Ozuna, and Dee Gordon who were entering their peak years. He appeared to be fully recovered from the devastating facial and hand injuries that he suffered over the previous two seasons, and even switched to a new bat in order to ease the pressure on his hands when he swings. Everything seemed to be in place for a career year for the 26-year-old slugger. However, things didn’t exactly go according to plan early on. What went wrong and has Stanton righted the ship?

Let’s take a look at Stanton’s profile to determine what’s going on with the young slugger. Here are a few thoughts and observations:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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