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Nick Swisher

On Dancer!  On Prancer!  On–Oh, I didn’t hear you come in.  Welcome, reader!  Grab some egg nog and brandy it up to the fire.  You look festive.  I love that Rudolph tongue ring.  That’s the great thing about Christmas, no matter what your interpretation is, it’s all about commercialism.  That’s unless you light the Munenori Kawasaki. The 2016 fantasy baseball rankings are not far away.  Right now, January Grey is throwing darts at a board to figure out where to rank Rusney Castillo.  Exciting!   In the meantime, let’s look at the players who have multiple position eligibility for this upcoming 2016 fantasy baseball season.  The biggest surprise from this list?  Sean Rodriguez played how many games at 1st base?  Hayzeus Cristo!  I did this list of multi-position eligible players because I figured it would help for your 2016 fantasy baseball drafts.  I’m a giver, snitches!  Happy Holidays!  I only listed players that have multiple position eligibility of ten games or more played outside of their primary position.  Not FIVE games at a position, not six, definitely not seven. Ten games.  10, the Laurel & Hardy of numbers.  So this should cover Yahoo, ESPN, CBS, et al (not the Israeli airline).  Yes, Christmas came a day early this year.  Players with multiple position eligibility are listed once alphabetically under their primary position.  This is the only time a year I do anything alphabetically, so I might’ve confused some letters.  Is G or H first?  Who knows, and, better yet, who cares?  Wow, someone’s got the Grinchies, must be the spiked egg nog talking.  Anyway, here’s all the players with multiple position eligibility for the 2016 fantasy baseball season and the positions they are eligible at:

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In my 2016 fantasy baseball rookies series that has a spinoff in the works titled, 2016 Fantasy Baseball Rookies: The College Years, I try to keep these rookies juicy as all get-out.  Like the hype for said player is so juicy it can only be described as drip-down-the-chin juicy.  It is more juicy than the seat of Kim Kardashian’s sweatpants that actually read Juicy!  With that said (grab onto something, Grey’s turning the ship!), Hector Olivera isn’t that juicy.  Maybe it’s being on the Braves that sucks the juicy out of him.  To find out, let me do an experiment.  *rolls an elderly man into the room*  The Braves!  *elderly man yawns*  The Rockies at home!  *elderly man gasps, clutching his heart*  That experiment confirms my suspicions.  The Braves just aren’t that exciting.  *turns back to elderly man*  I’ll call the paramedic when I’m done with the post.  There’s no cure for this yawnstipation, as far as I can see.  The one good thing about a rookie playing on the Braves is I’d be shocked if Olivera doesn’t play from day one and get penciled in at the top of the order.  I mean who else do the Braves have?  Adorable Adonis Garcia?  Ryan Lavarnway and Shirley?  Nick Swisher’s Sideburns?  I don’t think the Sideburns can even play 3rd base.  I mean, they’re just hair.  Anyway, what can we expect of Hector Olivera for 2016 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The first thing I like to do for all prospects, Aaron Judge included, is look up their video highlights, because I’m not familiar with them as much as I want to be.  Aaron Judge looks like Giancarlo Stanton.  A few things on comparing him to Giancarlo.  I did it first, then Googled Aaron Judge + Giancarlo and a lot, I mean, a lot of people have compared the two.  That means nothing, because now I’m comparing him to Giancarlo and Giancarlo is my novio and we have a daughter together that we named Giancarla, so when I compare someone to Giancarlo, it is said with profound love and a sharp crease in my khakis.  I don’t think I’ve ever compared another player to Giancarlo before.  That is the kind of praise Aaron Judge is currently receiving.  If Robert Downey Jr. and Robert Duvall would’ve starred in a movie about this Judge, the movie would’ve been good.  You feel me?  Okay, stop touching me now.  Judge looks like he could hit 40 homers with the Yankees tomorrow.   That’s, of course, if there were games tomorrow.  (Only 140 more days without baseball!)  I don’t think Judge is 100% butter, i.e., as good as Giancarlo.  I’m not just saying that because Giancarlo and I have matching tattoos.  The stats seem to bear that out, or bare if you’re a nudist.  In Double-A, Judge hit 12 homers in 63 games at the age of 23.  Giancarlo hit 21 homers in 53 games in Double-A at the age of 20, then hit 20 homers that same year with the Marlins.  Giancarlo is a once-in-a-decade bat; Judge is similar, just not quite there, which in itself is very impressive.  And it’s not just that Judge stands six-seven and is 230 pounds bone-dry.  His swing looks like my Gian-novio.  Judge is a giant beast of a man and mollywhops with the best of them.  This is not fiction, this is biographical, researchable evidence.  Anyway, what can we expect of Aaron Judge for 2016 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

First and foremost, I want you to know I worked very hard on that title. Like, I spent all of 10 minutes on it. That’s a million years in Fantasy Sports years so be thankful. Admittedly, I didn’t really watch Buffy growing up…or ever for that matter. Believe it or not, not every person who grew up with the 90s as their child/teen playground watched every bad show produced. Dawson’s Creek? Nope. Frasier? Eh, got the comedy, but it wasn’t my bag. Honestly, Seinfeld, Simpsons, and a plethora of awesome cartoons ruled my World. I’m here to tell you that Duckman was the shizz. Still is today. Also was a fan of The Critic, Ren & Stimpy…basically, cartoons gone wrong worked for me. I guess what I’m trying to say was, Sarah Michelle Gellar didn’t do it for me so I had zero reason to watch the show. I’d guess this true of most males my age but what the frick do I know, Duckman and The Critic only lasted 5 seasons total, Buffy 6! Alright, I just finished one of my worst fantasy football drafts with Nick Capozzi, JFOH, and crew and am drifting down the bitter path so let’s get back on track. Danny Duffy was a sleeper for some coming into the year. Yeah I don’t know why either, I’m just putting that out there. What I do know is that the Orioles on the year K 22.7% of the time against lefties and own a 25.4% K rate to go with an 80 wRC+ over their last 14 days. I wouldn’t go anywhere near him in cash but for tourneys, he makes for an intriguing high upside SP2 and at the middling price of $5,600, he allows you to price in all the big bats your heart desires. Obviously it would be a nicer call if Duffy were in KC but beggars can’t be choosers when searching sub $6K. So go…heck, I don’t know. I’m supposed to make a Buffy reference here. I like SMG in The Grudge, does that count? Let’s just roll on. Here’s my ‘at least it was better than Twilight’ hot takes for this Friday DK slate…

New to DraftKings? Scared of feeling like a small fish in a big pond? Well try out this 25 teamer of Razzball writers and friends to wet your DK whistle. Just remember to sign up through us before you do. It’s how we know you care! If you still feel helpless and lonely, be sure to subscribe to the DFSBot for your daily baseball plays.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m back baby!

It’s been sad these past two weeks off from the Pitcher Profiles, but fortunately I could drown my sorrows in all-inclusive, all-day drinking on the honeymoon. YES I DID GET A STRAWBERRY DAIQUIRI, GREY! Although it didn’t stain my mustache, especially since a month long of growth would just be shameful peach fuzz…

We’re now through the bulk of the season and heading into the stretch run, which means Sky has only September left to get to 1,000 moves in our quote-expert-unquote RCL league. If expert meant constantly dropping 6-7 duds every morning, than I’m an expert in my thrown room if ya catch my drift… And on the pitching side, once you get to about 50ish in my ROS ranks, they all can be given the evacuation. But I’ve been really bullish on ranking Luis Severino since his promotion, who I think is a must-own even through these final streaming weeks.

It’s a little hard to stay light-hearted and joke-y with what happened in Atlanta on Saturday night, but obviously my condolences to the fan’s family and we’re supposed to have fun in fantasy, so we won’t delve any more into that. Instead, let’s embrace what we love on the field, which is some nasty breaking stuff and hitters getting baffled. Who doesn’t base their fantasy-team live-watching on their SPs on a given night?! So this was a perfect weekend to get back on the Profiles and check out how Severino looked in a full breakdown:

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I’m in New York celebrating my grandfather’s 88th birthday, or as he calls it “achy-ache,” and we started talking about Caitlyn Jenner, and he said, “She’s a hot number, I’d throw her one.”  Throw her one, I believe, means have sex with her.  I thought this was pretty forward thinking for my grandfather, then he continued, “Do you know how they put lost children on the side of a carton of milk?  I heard if Caitlyn got lost, they’d put her on a carton of Half & Half.”  Ah, there he is.  Reminds me a bit of Marge Schott, which brings us to Raisel Iglesias, who threw a gem yesterday — 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 13 Ks.  “Raise the Church” has looked far superior since he returned from his stint in the minors with an ERA that’s bordering on startable everywhere (3.93), and peripherals that look ownable everywhere (9.5 K/9, 2.6 BB/9, 3.42 xFIP).  At this point in the year, I would go one start at a time for him, but I would definitely own him, and start him for his next one.  Now, if you excuse me, I have to get back before my grandfather tries to “throw one” at Cougs.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m picturing Droopy Dog saying, “Going down,” to my Excitement for Jose Fernandez. My Excitement for J-Fer is hooking up with a strobe light honey at a club, and my Excitement for J-Fer’s friend later tells my Excitement for J-Fer, “She was cute, except for that protruding Adam’s apple.” My Excitement for J-Fer just got a $300 red light camera ticket. My Excitement for J-Fer put the green trash can at the curb the day it was supposed to put the blue can and then puts the black can at the curb the day the green can was supposed to go out. My Excitement for J-Fer exclaims, “Why can’t I even throw out the trash right?!” My Excitement for J-Fer sighs and puts an emoji in its text messages that symbolizes its childhood hero Hulk Hogan being a racist. As you’ve likely heard, Fernandez is out indefinitely with a bicep strain. Hopefully, he can be fine for next spring, i.e., I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t return this year. Otherwise, as the old beer jingle will tell you, J-Fer, the pitcher to draft when you’re DL’ing more than one. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Indians just unloaded Michael Bourn and Nick Swisher to the Braves, which created some breathing room on the roster. Bradley Zimmer could be one of the guys that benefits the most from all that extra oxygen. I ranked Zimmer 14th on my power rankings last week on a whim, but this recent trade has me looking at him as a legit call-up option as we head into September – one that could make a fantasy impact. I get to the Rubber Duck games in Akron a bunch, and seeing Zimmer in person you can definitely see where the Yelich comps come from. He has a long stride with sneaky plus speed, squares everything up, and shows good instincts on the basepaths. He’s one of those players that stands out on the field without even seeing him make a play. Already big and tall, it looks like a frame that could pack on even more muscle. Zimmer is following the typical path of a college bat, and while Double-A is one of the hardest jumps for a prospect, he’s holding his own with a .244/.359/.462 slash line, three homers, six doubles, and six steals through 21 games. He has yet to be caught stealing and his strikeout rate hasn’t spiked against the tougher arms either. He passes the eye test, the stats are yummy, and we could be looking at not only a September call-up but also a quick promotion to the bigs next summer. His ceiling would look something like .270 with 20 homers and 20+ steals in center or right field. Scoop him up in keepers and keep your eyes on him in redrafts for help down the stretch. Speaking of Akron, come say hi if you’re at the Jim Gaffigan show or the Hamburger Festival today. I’m easy to find. Just look for the depressed guy in the Expos cap. Here’s what else is happening around the minor leagues…

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Razzball Exclusive! The Twins were seen on Saturday at the Factory Outlet Mall in St. Paul, shopping for an outfielder. Unhappy with the selection — everything was odd-sized or someone they had called up and sent down numerous times — they headed back to the car, deciding to go on to the Duluth Shop ‘n Zoo, a place, contrary to the name, that doesn’t sell animals. When they got back to the car, they realized they forgot their change purse in the mall. They raced back, but it was too late; it was gone. Frustrated and angry, they asked to use Spencer Gifts’ phone because they didn’t want to incur long distance charges on their own. Fed up and at their breaking point, they called up Byron Buxton, while also spotting a gag gift, fake vomit, that they shoplifted, figuring they can use it to play shortstop. Here’s what Prospect Mike said this offseason, “Buxton is ranked numero uno on my Top 50 fantasy prospects list, and it’s thanks to his ability to fill all five roto categories. He might be the closest thing we have in the minors right now to a first round fantasy talent with the power to hit 20 homers, the speed to swipe 30+ bags, and the ability to hit for a high average. Injuries limited him to 137 plate appearances in 2014, but that shouldn’t stop the 21-year-old from seeing the majors later this season. The ceiling is a perennial All-Star outfielder and a top ten fantasy player overall. In short, he’s wonderful and Grey’s terrible.” Oh, man, c’mon! In Double-A this year, Buxton had six homers, 20 steals (in only 59 games!) and was hitting .283. At points during this season, Mike has compared him to Carlos Gomez. That sounds like an apt comparison, which isn’t the same as roomier with two bathrooms. That’s an Apt. comparison. You should grab him in every league. Yes, even that 10 team league, where it’s you playing against nine of your email aliases. By the way, I can’t believe you’re losing to [email protected] Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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