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Dan Pants

Shelby Miller Taps the Rockies at Busch

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 96 Comments

by: Dan Pants

Shelby Miller is living the high life. Major league success, fame, fortune… and twins! Everything’s coming up Shelby. He was masterful last night, tapping the Rockies in a complete game, 1-hit shutout with 13 strikeouts. The 13 Ks was a career high and Miller time is now. It’s been an amazing start for the rookie, but this was easily his best performance so far. He gave up a hit to Eric Young Jr. to start the game and then proceeded to retire the next, oh I don’t know…27 batters! Sweet sassy molassy! That’s called dominance, folks. That’s not just a “Shelbyville” idea either, that’s what aces do, and Miller may well have proven himself last night as a legit fantasy ace. He was painting the corners with his fastball yesterday, showing pin point control and throwing serious cheese between 94-96 mph, dude was untouchable. Shelbs grabbed his fifth win and now has a 1.58 ERA with a 0.88 WHIP. The player rater has him as a top five overall pitcher. Yeah, he’s been that good, and it’s the 51/11 K/BB ratio that keeps me up at night thinking about him. He’s the champagne of pitchers and looks like the early favorite for rookie of the year honors. I had my own Shelby Miller fantasy last week and here’s what I said about him, “I believe the best is yet to come for Shelby Miller and have made some substantial offers for him in redraft leagues. I’m buying Miller if I can, even though I prefer Budweiser.” There may be some regression coming, but I expect Miller to continue his success going forward. No matter what beer you prefer to drink, or whether its Miller’s great taste, or the fact that he’s less filling that makes him so good, either way fantasy owners can agree that Shelby Miller has arrived and he’s here to stay.

Here’s what else happened in fantasy baseball Friday night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Indians Rejoice Over Kazmir Rule

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 481 Comments

by: Grey

Kazmir’s career sunk like a lead zeppelin, but get ten Ks against anyone and I sit up and take notice and I’m not just talking above my waist. Hey now! Yesterday, Scott Kazmir‘s line was 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners with 10 Ks. Okay, I have to be a cyclops with a monocle for this guy. To refresh everyone, a cyclops only has one eye so it’s particularly sharp. Like how a blind person’s hearing is enhanced. So you put a monocle on a cyclops and you have creature that sees everything. That’ll be me. Let’s see, his fastball speed has returned to his 2008 levels. The last time he was good. His walk rate went to atrocious after that year, but that too has returned and he has a 25:6 K:BB ratio. The only start where he was hit was his first. Maybe that was nerves — or noive if you’re in Brooklyn. Everything else from Kazmir has been like butter, so he’s no longer toast? That’s what I’m seeing. Okay, now for whether or not you should pick him. He gets the Yankees, Mariners and Red Sox next. Two out of three isn’t good. Sorry, Meatloaf. I wanted to pick him up so badly, I counted each start of his for the next two months. It doesn’t get better. He gets the Reds, Yanks again, Tigers then Nats. I like him more than I have in five years, but I’m still not picking him up. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

White Tiger Of Age Dragging Roy Off Stage

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 856 Comments

by: Grey

Roy Halladay makes every hitter look like Babe Ruth right after he burped. (Burping was the key to his success; I watched a documentary.) Roy’s gotta hit the Disgraceful List, doesn’t he? I mean, it’s in everyone’s best interest at this point. Watching him is like seeing Carol Channing before someone told her to use a mirror to apply makeup. “How’d I get this lipstick on my ears? Maybe a dab of mascara on the ol’ chin!” You should’ve heard me saying that line like Carol Channing in my head. It’s just real sloppy out there right now for Roy. If he’s not hurt, his fantasy owners may find him in a dark alley and change that. If he is hurt, stop taking one for the team, you gamer you. “I’m a gamer. I grind like I’m old school, Jodeci, going riding roughshod over fantasy ratios…Horatio…Alger, in reverse.” That’s Roy doing beat poetry. At this point, I’d bench him against most teams until he starts piecing together something less craptastic. You might, unfortunately, have the reincarnation of 2012 Lincecum. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
JB Gilpin

DraftKings – If I Don’t Include Nick’s Name In The Contest He’ll Unleash Canadian Anger

| DraftKings | 11 Comments

by: JB Gilpin

Have you ever enraged a Canadian?  Well I hadn’t yet (except that one time when I was ten and heckled a hockey player, pretty sure he was Canadian) until Nick got so angry he wasn’t mentioned as part of our Razzball exclusive DraftKings contests that he charged me with a hockey stick and broken glass bottle of maple syrup.

Not only are you playing to beat Rudy in our Play with Rudy [and Nick] Contests from our friends at DraftKings, you’re also playing against podcast host Nick Capozzi (@nickcapozzi). This Friday, our awesome RAZZBALL EXCLUSIVE Ticket For The $100,000 MLB Spring Fling is back where you have a shot to win $20,000!  That’s about $20,500 CAD for our players up north hoping to knock off big Nick.  It’s only $5 to play and you can enter twice, with spots 2-10 winning $5.00.  The contest is limited to only 40 entries so you have to hurry!  We only had 20 entries last week, so there was a 50% win rate.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Tom Jacks

Poppin’ My Collarbone

| 2013 Fantasy Baseball, OPS Leagues | 119 Comments

by: Tom Jacks

Yeah, I’ll be that guy. Maybe it’s because I don’t own Zack Greinke in any leagues, but I’m not exactly outraged by the whole “incident.” In fact, this has only led to Carlos Quentin being available nearly everywhere, so OPS league owners should be grateful in a way (unless, of course, they own Greinke or are a Dodgers’ fan). Do I feel sorry for Zack? Sure, but that might be what you get for making a deal with the Devil Scott Boras. Also, it’s not the worst thing to make about a million bucks a week while you’re on the disabled list. Last time I messed up my collarbone, I just got a big hospital bill…

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Zimmerman Rendoned Obsolete

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 787 Comments

by: Grey

“The Nats Don’t Play,” was almost the title, but that’s too raw for all you suckas. It’s too cutting. It cuts the quick and bleeds ever-so-slightly that irritates you when you cut a lemon for your Arnold Palmer. Y’all can’t hang with my chinchilla fur that I’m wearing in my picture. (It’s just off my shoulder; you can’t see it.) B-Real said it best, “You don’t know where I’m going cause you haven’t been where I’ve been, understand where I’m coming from?” The Nationals know where I’ve been. They’ve dealt with the same thing as me, only they had to pay Zimmerman millions of dollars to get what I got. Which is an ulcer. Thanks, doode! I’ll send you the bill for the Zantac I’ve had to take for the last two years. The Nats called Zimmerman into their office and said, “You only have a hamstring issue, but if it’s anything like the injuries you’ve had in the past that have lasted about 60 days past when they were supposed to, we’re bringing up our best prospect, Anthony Rendon. We’re gonna tell everyone that it’s only for a few weeks while you heal, but we hope you don’t come back until July and we can trade you to the highest bidder. What? No, we don’t validate!” Rendon is gonna be a great one…some day. Damn, the fantasy baseball fortune cookie ending! Yeah, I’m not sure he’s ready just yet, but he’s worth a flyer in all leagues. I grabbed him in one league where I have Moustakas, because I’m tired of seeing that gyro-eating-motherfu– Let’s just say I’m tired of Moustakas. Best case scenario, Zimmerman has a set back and Rendon stays up and hits for a solid average and gives high-teen power with some very light speed. Another scenario, Rendon hits, Zimmerman returns and the Nats gutter ball Espinosa’s value and move Rendon to 2nd. Most likely scenario, Zimmerman returns and Rendon is demoted. Worst case scenario, Rendon shows up at your house at 3 AM and asks to sleep on your couch, seems fine at first then he tells you he has no place to live, stays for months, doesn’t ever flush the toilet or fill up the Tang in the fridge then starts dating your aunt, eventually marries her, making him your uncle, a title he insists you call him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Scherzer & F-Her Meet In A Game Of The Dozens

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 800 Comments

by: Grey

According to Wikipedia, the Dozens is a game of spoken words between two contestants, common in African-American communities, where participants insult each other until one gives up. Yesterday, we got a fantasy baseball version. Felix Hernandez started in on Max Scherzer first, “Your name sounds like a character from a Michael Chabon novel!” Scherzer lobbed back, “You could throw a no-hitter and lose!” F-Her redoubled his efforts, “You need two sets of colored contacts!” Scherzer stepped back and threw, “You’re gonna be traded to the Orioles for Erik Bedard!” F-Her fired back, “Your first baseman is so fat his blood type is Ragu!” “Oh, yeah? Well, your center fielder is The Big FraGu!” F-Her threw 8 shutout innings with 12 Ks against one of the best offenses in the game; Scherzer gave up one run with 12 Ks against one of the worst. Both: Great. Winner: Last night, it was F-Her. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
JB Gilpin

DraftKings – This Time You Beat Rudy On A Freaky Friday

| DraftKings | 14 Comments

by: JB Gilpin

Imagine the Freaky Friday scenario with Grey or Rudy. One minute you’re a happy-go-lucky fantasy player who enjoys the occasional buffoonery, the next your spouting out catch phrases and terms to replace common English. I would’ve had my headshot in the paper for saving that kitten if I wasn’t such a SAGNOF! I wish I was a good father to my niños but unfortunately I’m just a HodgePadre…

Fortunately for this Friday, all you have to do to switch places with Rudy as the best fantasy analyst alive, is beat him in another awesome contest from our friends at DraftKings. The contest is for this Friday’s night games, but you can ENTER NOW with the winner getting a ticket into the their $100,000 MLB Spring Fling where the #1 spot gets $20,000! That’s a $100 value and entries are only $5 and you can enter up to two times for this one, with spots 2-10 winning $5.00. As always, this is RAZZBALL EXCLUSIVE so there’s only 50 spots open with 3 filled already, so you gotta sign up fast!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Buster Posey, Fantasy Schmohawk

| 2013 Fantasy Baseball Overrated, 2013 Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 209 Comments

by: Grey

It’s more like you’re a schmohawk if you draft Buster Posey in the 2nd round. Let’s just look at his MVP season. Hmm, it might take me a while to get through 300 hours of video to look at his MVP season. Plus, you give this to me on VHS?! Grey’s Intern, “Sorry, Mr. Albright, MLB is a bit behind with their technology. I assumed you didn’t want grainy black and white film with Mel Allen voice over.” Put an ad on Craigslist for a new intern! GI, “Aw, shucks.” All right, due to a slight setback we’re gonna have to look at Posey’s season through the online prism of stats. His MVP year was 78/24/103/.336/1. To compare and contrast: he had the 66th most runs, one behind Michael Young and Andre Ethier. Yay. Yay, “Don’t overuse me for your sarcastic amusement. I have feelings.” Sorry, Yay. His 24 homers was tied for 45th best. Same as Napoli, Plouffe and Swisher. Super. Super, “I feel the same as Yay.” His RBIs were 15th overall. That’s one off of Pence’s pace. Whoopie doo. Whoopie Doo, “I don’t mind the sarcasm.” Posey’s steals were tied for 881st with Jake Westbrook, Prince Fielder and Xavier Nady, who I believe retired in 2009. A notoriously quick group, to be sure. Now, in case you skimmed the first ten sentences of nonsense. This was Posey’s MVP season. So, he’s going to get better this year? Is he going to win the G.O.A.T MVP and get knighted? Is the new number one name for boys in America going to be Posey? That’ll confused some doctors in the maternity ward. New Dad, “Look at that Posey!” Doctor, “Now’s not the time for that, sir.” So what can we expect from Buster Posey for 2013 and what makes him overrated?

Please, blog, may I have some more?