Player Page Matches
Brett HarperBryce Harper

It is about that time…you’re checking Grey’s daily updates, dreaming about your draft position, and in need of those last minute tips. As high-profile fantasy leagues like Tout Wars and broadcasts begin to infuse OBP an advanced way to look at player productivity, this is an effort to provide you with more data for your OBP drafts this year. First, a few notes to consider while reading…

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Imagine you are given a perfect list of auction values. Like you walk to the top of Mt. Sinai and instead of the Ten Commandments, God hands you a sheet of perfect dollar values for your upcoming auction. (Relative to burning bushes and other ways God has made his “presence known”, I’d say this would rank about middle of the pack in terms of directness). What would you do with these values?

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If you’ve lived in an area with access to the major Turner Broadcasting networks at any point since 1997, you’re probably familiar with the popular holiday movie A Christmas Story. The plot of the film revolves around Ralphie’s desire to obtain a BB gun (or more specifically a Red Ryder Carbine Action 200-shot Range Model air rifle – but who can remember for sure) for Christmas that year. What nine-year-old boy wouldn’t want a BB gun? I know I would’ve loved one. All I usually got were a bunch of socks and sweaters and other boring stuff that I couldn’t care less about. What the hell, Mom?

But I digress. Just like Ralphie, we’ve all wanted that shiny, new BB gun at some point. Without those BBs, how would’ve young Ralphie fared against the likes of Black Bart and his crew? This fantasy season, we want those BBs instead of Aunt Clara’s homemade gift of choice. That brings us to this week’s exercise. Watch A Christmas Story tonight and then post your review in the comments. Wait, that’s not it, though feel free to discuss the movie if you’re so inclined.

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Just like the title says, the table is set, the forks and spoons are in their right place, and hopefully there’s food ready to go. But in terms of the RCL universe (because I’m hungry and I might end up writing 700 words about food and then eating my monitor), the league has taken shape. And when I say league, I mean league, not leagues. Because ef pluralization…I mean, what has it ever done for me? Actually, it’s done a lot, but at this point, I have no idea what I’m talking about. But you have to remember, this is one complete universal league. The Milky Way of Fantasy Baseball if you will, including Mike Trout, Saturn, and of course, Uranus. Don’t roll your eyes, you knew it was coming. I only mention this (not Uranus) because as teams fall out of contention, owners begin to pay less and less attention to their roster, and soon, you’ll have a 12-team league that feels like a 3-team league. This is actually quite common in free-to-play leagues and perfectly normal, so don’t feel scorned. Those owners aren’t there to entertain you, only themselves. I mean, that’s why I write, it’s only to entertain myself. You guys are the crazy ones reading this. And of course, at the dawn of the season, everyone feels excited, bashful hope abound. Puppies and ice cream everywhere! But as the season moves past the All-Star break, you have to remember that you aren’t necessarily playing against your league. No, you are playing against 1,100+ teams in one league. For a hoodie (don’t wear it in Florida) and ultimate bragging rights. So don’t feel alone. Enjoy the journey. Participate as best you can. Be one with the fantasy baseballs (and Uranus). I guess that’s my last bit of advice as the RCL Updates will now be handled by J-FOH. He will be your in-season storyteller, and starting next week, he’ll begin to tell your story. The RCL story. And I can’t wait. (I’m talking about eating…)

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What is there not to love about Mike Trout? I know. The fact that I don’t own him in any of my keeper leagues and the chances of me owning him in any of my other leagues is slim. In order to do so I’d have to have the first pick of the first round. Or would the second pick be good enough to land me Trout? Dare I suggest the idea of drafting Clayton Kershaw ahead of Trout in head-to-head points leagues? The thought of not taking Trout with the first pick is one that only Dom Cobb could plant in your subconscious. But would it be such a terrible decision? Let’s look at the numbers.

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If there were a Guinness World Records for fantasy baseball (not to be confused with Guinness beer, much to my chagrin), we’d break the entire book. For you, the readers, have answered (well, nearly) my call for 100 Razzball Commenter Leagues. This is truly a historic moment to be remembered for all eternity. Well, for the next few weeks at least. As of this writing, we are at 95 total leagues, which goes to show you not just how much support the community has offered, but also speaks to the growth of Razzball itself. Last season, we barely had 75 leagues. The year before that? 50ish. True, it’s not something you can truly use as a marker to tell you what direction we’re all going in, but let’s call it an arbitrary rough estimate. Now I’m calling on you fans of mustache and sarcasm to join the remaining leagues that are open. You no longer have to create & commish (the two c’s of life, as they call it…who they are, I have no idea, but let’s just go with it), but instead, just simply join. That’s it. Join a league and you’re done. And there are a bunch left to choose from, money leagues, ones hosted by our very own contributors, and ones that are hosted by readers like yourself. While it might matter in the micro, remember, this is a macro competition, a universal way to assert fantasy baseball dominance. Join now, and assert your dominance. Assert it.

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Everything black was white and white was black. Everything up was down and down was up. I was a Girl Scout and the only cookies I could sell were Rah-Rah Raisins and I couldn’t give away the Samoas. I was an Asian in NASCAR. I was a five-foot, six-and-a-half-inch white boy that could hoop. (Actually, that last one is true.) I zagged when I usually zigged! And it felt okay. I didn’t wake in a puddle of sweat like I was a puppet in the Land of Confusion video, wondering what I had done. I didn’t burn all my old draft manifestos like I was trying to escape Olivia Pope from finding me out. I just went at it a little different. This league is a 15-teamer, OBP league, so I used Rudy’s rankings. I still knew which players I liked and didn’t like, but I decided to lean on Rudy, which makes for an interesting draft when Rudy was using the same rankings. For unstints, when Matt Holliday sat at the top of my board for two rounds, I knew Rudy was going to draft him. When Ian Kennedy sat at the top of my board, I knew Rudy was going to Marilyn Monroe that Kennedy. Though, I also knew if I wanted a guy sitting at the top of my board, I needed to act before Rudy. Okay, you’re primed, let’s start coating your mind with knowledge. (BTW, Our Razzball leagues are signing up still. Go there and sign up now!) Anyway, here’s the 2015 Tout Wars draft and my thoughts:

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You’re right, I’ve probably been talking about it too much. The fact that you have a lovely mother. Also, I’m been going on ad nauseam with the fact that we need more commissioners. Because we need stuff commissioned folks. But there’s a reason for this, and that’s because I love our RCLs. I’ve waxed poetic about this before, but I love Razzball. I love Grey. I love Sky. Tehol? Not so much. But you get the point. I believe in the Razzball product, and by default, that means I love you, the community. And, of course, your mothers. We’re not trying to reinvent the wheel here, but obviously we always try to provide an entertaining vehicle for fantasy analysis. But more importantly, and here it comes again (that’s what she never says), we also prioritize community moreso than any other fantasy sports site out there. We want to engage with you, the readers on everything. And that goes to the RCLs…it gives everyone a chance to play with everyone else. Contributors, readers, hobo’s, you name it. And that’s why I love our RCLs, and that’s why you should love being a commissioner. Note to self: Sales and marketing may be a worthy pursuit. However, we just didn’t come here to talk about creating a commission full of commissioners to commish commishenable (totally a word) leagues. (Instructions on how to create a league are below the jump.) No, we also came here to take a look at the new set of RCL drafts that have taken place, where profuse praise will be given. Haha, not really. There’s bound to be a Tehol team there…

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kershawshank

Well, I thought I was extremely clever when I came up with the title for this one, but then a quick Google search proved that there were others that were clever before I thought I was being clever. Darn you Google for knowing so much! And darn you Al Gore for inventing the internet! Thanks to the internet, a guy can’t get away with anything these days. Google, Facebook and Twitter have made it next to impossible for a guy to get a reach around in the back of the bowling alley from the girl that rents the shoes without everyone knowing, and every one of those people finding out about it. But I digress…

As draft dates draw nearer, I decided it was time to put together and share my head-to-head points league rankings. But before I do, I wanted to let you in on my process. Points leagues are all about one thing. Points. It’s the only category that counts for jack squat. I wonder how many dudes out there actually have the name Jack Squat? I guess it’s better than Richard Nose. I don’t care if my player gets 100 points because he had 100 RBIs or because he stole 100 bases. Whatever he needs to do to bring home the bacon is A-O-K with me. In Japanese that would be “Aoki”. I don’t even care if it’s turkey bacon! Points are points. So ranking players within the same position comes down to who will score more points. I’ll touch on comparing players across positions in my next post.

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Versace’d up from my thong to my neck

Pootie tang with the belt game show some respect.

Greetings! I’m blessed to still be employed by Razzball, going at it like a horny jack rabbit, and it’s a beautiful week to be alive! Unless, of course, you live on the upper east coast, for that looks absolutely hellacious. May the Elder Gods bless you with dry firewood, hot toddies a plentiful, and a bounty of desperate hookers/gigolos working at half price.  We’ve finally arrived at the always intriguing OF position, and I for one am ecstatic! In fact, I haven’t been this titillated since Clint Eastwood took his shirt off in The Bridges of Madison County!  There’s no time to waste!

Please, blog, may I have some more?