If you drafted Manny this year, then you better make a new plan, Stan because Man-Ram is getting time off for bad behavior. 50 games to be exact. The reason – he came up positive for human chorionic gonadotropin, or HCG, which can be used to boost testosterone levels. Manny seems to be claiming his doctor prescribed it for erectile dysfunction but the drug is most often prescribed for…women’s fertility. Huh? And here we thought Alyssa Milano was the only person in the LA Dodger clubhouse taking those. Maybe Manny got screwed by a bad boner doctor but our money is on Scott Boras. He probably gave those pills to Manny, told him they were Flintstone vitamins, and Manny hallucinated Flintstone faces onto the vitamins.
So what are the fantasy implications besides crying if you own him and picking from the FA scraps? Juan Pierre is going to get the lion’s share of playing time in the outfield. With Hudson and Ethier hitting so well at the top and Torre always going back to Furcali as his leadoff hitter, the only question is whether he bats Pierre 8th or 9th (tonight it was the 9th). This is a pretty good move if you’re a Pierre owner as he’d get bunted over by the pitcher if he hit 8th but will steal from the 9th slot (got one today). As for whether this affects the production of O-Dog and Andre Ethier, time will tell. You’d have to think that O-Dog’s runs and Ethier’s RBIs are going to down because of this. Interestingly, Torre moved up Ethier to #3 and hit Loney #4. Our guess would be that he goes back to his beloved lefty/righty/lefty/righty order and separates Ethier and Loney with either Martin or Kemp. Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Matt Cain – 6 IP, 1 Hit, 5 walks, 7 Ks. His walks are up, his Ks are down, his homers are up. None of this spells, “Yay.” His BABIP is near his norms but his men left on base is higher than it’s been for the last couple of years. His ERA is under 3 but it should be over 5. Like Minnie Pearl, I’m going to give this to you plain and simple, he needs to cut down on his walks. But it’s still early, Cain has time to correct his problems.
Randy Wolf – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 Ks. 3.59 ERA on the year and five consecutive no decisions. Why can’t I get a win? Who have I wronged? Was it the old lady who yelled at me in the post office calling me Prince Charles? Cause if it was her, I’m sorry. She was up next. I just told her you’re up, I wasn’t rushing her!
Jordan Zimmermann – 6 IP, 6 ER, 4 Ks. ‘nn settled down after being Kemp’d in the first. Unfortunately, this takes some of the shine off of ‘nn so it’ll make it harder for you to flip him.
Joe Beimel – Vin Scully, “The Nats are without a closer so they’re trying out Beimel in the role.” He said that as Beimel pitched the 8th in a four run game. Of course he’s pitching the eighth! It makes perfect sense. I’m currently pulling my mustache hair out.
Joel Hanrahan – I think the old Nats closer becomes the new Nats closer, but remember the Nats have 3 saves on the season.
Kip Wells – One of the only closers who can come into an 11-7 game and ensure it’ll be a save opportunity.
Cla Meredith – Went to 4-0 with another vulture win yesterday. He would be leading in Wins on all of my teams. I hate Wins.
Mark Reynolds – 0-for-5 with 4 Ks to lower his average to .255 as Chris B. Davis hit his 7th homer going 2-for-4 to raise his average to .211. Anyone wanna bet who gets to .230 first?
Jack Cust – HR, strikeout… Wait, no walk? How dare you!
Jeremy Sowers – Replacing Laffey in the Indians rotation. Look away, baby, look away.
Casey Kotchman – First homer of the season yesterday as he bats .313 on the season. Might be startin’ somethin’. Then again, the Braves are facing a lefty tomorrow. Okay, Saturday’ll be startin’ somethin’.
Kendry Morales – In my series of “yawnstipating 1st baseman who won’t get drafted but should” posts, I targeted Morales. He just hit his 5th homer. I am Prince Charles!
Hanley Ramirez – 2 HRs yesterday. For the longest time the ‘lins were threatening to put some reins on Hanley’s running. He’s sitting on 3 steals and 4 caught stealings.
Derrek Lee – Sat out 2nd straight game but said the injury was “no big deal.” Oh. Okay. Then how about you play?
Bengie Molina – 2 HRs and 4 RBIs yesterday. Brings his totals to 7 HRs and 27 RBIs. The rest of the Giants have 9 HRs and 84 RBIs. Step away from the buffet, Molina, and let Fred get some grub.
Dexter Fowler – 0-for-3 yesterday and has been terrible since he lit Razzball aflame with his 5 steal game. Icarus Fowler?
Jered Weaver – A complete game win with 8 Ks and 3 baserunners. A HR by Aaron Hill spoiled the shutout. Won’t be surprised if he ends up with 15 Wins, a 3.50 ERA, and 175 Ks. As long as big bro Jeff doesn’t drive up north to teach him how to flatten his slider.
Jose Molina – Headed to the DL, joining Posada. Bring back Yogi!
Mariano Rivera – Kazaam!
Evan Longoria – 2 HRs with 10 on the year and 38 RBIs. I wrote a whole post on why Longoria should be a 2nd rounder? I think he ends up with more value than Wright this year and for the next 10 years.
Mark Buehrle – 8 IP, 0 ER and is 5-0 on the year. Maybe I should’ve drafted him in a league. Back in my top 80 starters post, I wrote, “He’s not flashy with those Big City Ks. You probably won’t want to own him. But for the better part of two years, I’ve owned him off and on. He’s usually good for a few ‘worth-owning’ streaks a year.” So far this year it’s obviously been one of those “worth-owning streaks.”
Armando Galarraga – 6 IP, 6 ER. Yeah, this didn’t help convert me into a fan.
Ian Stewart – Hit a homer yesterday while playing 3rd. Atkins is traded by the July deadline, you heard it here first.
Mike Napoli – Hit his 5th homer as he bats .328 on the season with 2 steals. My preseason predictions were 55/23/65/.245/7. From a catcher? You kinda like that.
Brian Bannister – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 Ks. Still not buying in.
Jayson Nix – HR yesterday. Why is the world conspiring against me?
Joakim Soria – Got the save, but gave up two hits, two walks and one run after giving up an unearned run his first time back. I’d hold Juan Cruz for now if you have room. And who doesn’t have room for Juan Cruz, he’s like a buck-twenty soaking wet.
Rick Ankiel – To the DL. This boosts Rasmus’s value a bit (but he already had some value).
Rocco Baldelli – Nordberg returns from the DL.
Alex Rodriguez – Due back on Friday. But don’t look here. Look back at Manny.
Anibal Sanchez – Left game with shoulder discomfort. Not good, home slice. But neither are any of his stats.
Clete Thomas – I love managers that remove a top of the lineup hitter then just shove some other schmohawk in their place. “Clete. I like that name. Like the things at the bottom of a baseball shoe. You hit 3rd, Clete.” If Spike Owen came out of retirement, he’d hit 4th.