Scott White from CBS hosted this AL-Only draft that started at 10 AM PST, but started around 1 PM PST for me because I refused to draft anyone for the price they were going. Instead of drafting, I watched my favorite cooking show, Celebrity Chef Mr. Hamiham. He’s the only one I know that makes a sandwich like my Eastern European nanny, Viktoria. Everyone that knows anything about sandwich preparation knows there’s no sandwich before adding the white cabbage. Rudy was in Tampa (slogan: We’re no San Diego, but just as classy), so I went it alone with this draft. All the mistakes (none!) and acclaim (some!) can fall fully on my shoulders. I drafted this on February 18th, so don’t say so-and-so may not make the rotation/lineup/team or is now injured, why did you draft him? I drafted him because at the time it seemed like a smart move. Okay, okay, at no point does it seem like a smart move to draft Kurt Suzuki. Point taken. It’s a 12-team AL-Only league and I drafted using that thing I linked to under the link-ma-whosie — seamless linking! Anyway, here’s my 2014 fantasy baseball AL-Only team:
|Alejandro De Aza||OF||15|
I KNOW YOU’VE SAID YOU LOVE A GOOD SAMPLE SALE AND DON’T LIKE TO PAY RETAIL, BUT DON’T YOU THINK YOU TOOK THE WHOLE BEING CHEAP THING A LITTLE TOO FAR?
I never like paying more than $30 for any player in auctions. I’ve never taken my thriftiness this far before. Not one player over $20 might be a new record. My Jewish grandmother definitely would’ve been proud of me. My highest priced player is Brad Miller. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Mr. Hamiham, what can you do with these crackers?! Yes, the team is devoid of stars, but stars go for ridiculous amounts of money in this league and this league is deep and won with depth. I won’t name the ‘perts, but someone spent $30 on Edwin Encarnacion and in their starting lineup is Alberto Callaspo, Jonathan Singleton, Abraham Almonte and Michael Choice. That’s not their bench; that’s their starters. Someone else grabbed Miguel Cabrera for $43 and they have Craig Gentry, Ryan Goins, Paul Konerko and Delmon Young starting. I’m not saying my team is exciting, but when my team is getting 1-for-4′s with 1 run and 1 RBI from guys like Markakis, others will be getting goose eggs from guys like Jeff Francoeur, who is starting for someone. And, what can I say, I love a good bargain. Witness Salvador Perez going for $23 to someone else and I got Matt Wieters for $16.
OKAY, SO YOU’RE DELUSIONAL AND YOU LIKE YOUR TEAM, BUT DO YOU REALLY LIKE ALL ASPECTS OF IT?
My grasping at SAGNOF straws in the free rounds shows where I think my weakness is. Not crazy about my relief corps. I gambled on Nate Jones and Josh Fields. Neither had the job when I drafted them and even if they were to get the job tomorrow, they might not have it three days from now. I should’ve just bit the bullet and paid $19 for a guy like Greg Holland. In this league, you need two closers to win the category. I just need 25-35 total saves to stay competitive and the middle of the pack. Hopefully, Jones and/or Fields can do that. Then I grabbed Tanner “I’ve Been Carrying These Bags All Over Creation” Scheppers and Ryan “Jim Johnson Can’t Even Broil, I Can” Cook as insurance policies to try and steal some saves, only to have Tanner Scheppers become the Opening Day starter and dropping Ryan Cook for Andrew Romine. It’s not good. Either I’ll make do or all my relievers will make doo all over my team. Probably the latter.
I SEE SOME GUYS YOU LOVE — BRAD MILLER’S YOUR BESTIE! — BUT THEN I SEE GUYS LIKE MARK BUEHRLE — BARF.
In this deep of a league, you need innings. You really think I like Mike Pelfrey? I just grabbed a bunch of starters. I probably won’t start Buehrle every time out and will bench him when he has his one perfect game of the season and then start him for when he gives up 14 ER in 2/3 IP, but you can’t be too precious in a 12-team AL-Only league. Guys like Phil Hughes went for $6. I even grabbed Johan Santana, just in case he were to sign with an AL club, and he did. Then after I drafted him, he was clocked at 81 MPH in his first workout, and now I kinda hope the O’s release him so I can just drop him without any pangs of guilt. I got pangs, y’all! I was able to still grab some of my love birds — hello, Michael Brantley; hey, what do you say, Brad Miller; why don’t you come up and see me some time, Erasmo Ramirez; how about I make you some guacamole from a recipe I got from Mr. Hamiham, Rick Porcello?