Fantasy Baseball Advice

This is a moderate Buy.  I wanted to find a player that would make you excited to buy, but I also wanted to cover Grady Sizemore.  I owed it to you, loyal Razzball reader.  So here we are.  Grady has NOT (Hey, it’s Caps Night!) been terribly unlucky.  I know BABIP makes you say WTF, but I need to go there super quick.  His BABIP shows a guy that isn’t that far off from his career mark.  His line drive rate is around its norm and his fly ball rate is down.  His K-rate is up and his walk rate is down.  So to break this down into your Leisure Suit Larry terms, I think he’s pressing (that’s what the walks and Ks are telling me), his average should go up (his line drives), which should help his steals (guessing).  There’s got to be some homers in his bat.  Guy just doesn’t lose his shizz at 27.  Actually, they’re supposed to gain it.  I wouldn’t pay more than sixty cents on the dollar, but I would buy Grady.  The Indians are despised, according to the Wall Street Journal (that’s real PC there, WSJ), but that doesn’t mean Grady needs to be.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

Psyche!  Before we get into the post, I wanted to tell everyone I’m in Austin this weekend to attend Rudy’s wedding.  I won’t be near a computer for the weekend, so please help each other.  You can do it!  Now make me proud.  Anyway II, here’s the post…

BUY

Brandon Wood – I will now attempt to avoid any Wood puns.  As I opine… Dah!  If you’re hard up… Gah!  I give up, grab Wood.

Nick Swisher – Hitting over .400 in the last week.  Yes, he’s another Random Outfielder That Is On And Off Waivers All Year So Every Team Will Own At Some Point And You Only Want Them When Hot.  Or ROTIOAOWAYSETWOASPAYOWTWH, if you find acronyms easier to remember.

Chris Coghlan – Now Coghlan hit it so hot you got tanned.

Alexei Ramirez – He’s been a whole lot of nothing, then he muddled that together with mint and gave you a HeSucksjito.  He’s a 15/15 player that never plays well in April.  There’s value in that for the right price.

Frank Francisco – If saves are what you covet, Frank-Frank should be able to satiate you.  The preceding was probably cribbed from a bad Cinemax After Dark movie.

Alfredo Simon – Saves ain’t got no face, but if they did have a face they probably wouldn’t look anything like Alfredo Simon.  Nevertheless!

LaTroy Hawkins – I want to say LaTroy Hawkins will take over for Hoffman, but he’s a Cuddle Boy and he hasn’t even been doing a very good job cuddling this year.  Todd Coffey’s not a bad name… To poop on.  If you look at Villanueva from one angle, he’s the man.  Another angle and it’s Hawkins.  Another angle and it’s Hoffman.  Then Coffey bursts through the door like Kramer, only to find Manny Parra emerging from the bathroom with his shirt off.  Really, it’s a bad shituation, but I’d grab Hawkins since Macha hinted at him.

Evan Meek – “Don’t ask” Dotel has lived up to his name.  Yet, he’s still the closer.  You can grab Meek, but whatever you do, don’t speculate on more than one Pirate closer.

Miguel Olivo – Because of a sitewide zoning ordinance only one catcher can be mentioned per week in the Buy/Sell.  Olivo should be owned in every league.  Yes, even in 8 team leagues where the 7 other teams were autodrafted and abandoned.

Rhyne Hughes – Good grab for AL-Only leagues, but you have to platoon him until the Orioles realize what the Rockies and fantasy baseball owners have known about Atkins for a while.

Jhoulys Chacin – He Ks people and induces groundballs.  Hello, sexy, what’s your name?  Jhoulys. How do you spell that?  I don’t know. I’d watch Chacin in mixed leagues and own immediately in NL-Only ones.

Jaime Garcia – Carlos Silva is owned in 17% of ESPN leagues and Garcia is owned in 11%.  Um, well, uh… Okay.

C.J. Wilson – Here’s a quick lesson for the back of the room.  You know, the nappers.  When in doubt, you want a pitcher that can strikeout hitters because if a hitter puts the ball into play anything can happen.  If a hitter strikes out, nothing can happen.  Barring, of course, Gregg Zaun then throwing the ball back to the pitcher and the ball ending up in left field.  So C.J. Wilson has a K/9 of 7.36.  That’s solid, not great.  Could get better.  Dallas Braden has a K/9 of 5.70, which isn’t good and is artificially inflated by his first start of the year.  Okay, now comes the essay question.  Why is Braden owned in 61% of ESPN leagues and Wilson is owned in only 25%?  Extra credit:  Compare Braden, Wilson and ESPN readers to different Food Network stars.

SELL

Edwin Jackson – Sorry, I warned people in the preseason.  If you’re coming late to the party, well, where ya been?  Anyway, I don’t think we see last year this year from Edwin.  Say that fast three dozen times.

Rick Porcello – This is beating a dead horse, but since I still see him on some teams in our fantasy baseball forums, I’m putting it out there again.  Porcello –> blech.

Martin Prado – He has one homer and no steals.  That’s about the norm for him.  His value is coming from an unreal average.  Unreal as in not real like a fake.  Hey, Prado is a knockoff.

Jason Bay – I’m officially worried.  He’s been lucky as far his average goes and he’s hitting .269.  His new stadium could wreak havoc on Bay like it did on Wright last year.  If he can’t nudge balls right around the Pesci Pole, he might have a huge drop in value.  I’m not saying trade him away for a Gregg Jefferies rookie card, but I’d listen to offers.

Jorge Cantu – Leads the NL in RBIs.  Wait for it… It’s here somewhere… Oh, here it is… SELLL!!!!!!  Uh-oh, I released it and now I can’t control it… Watch out… Here it comes again… SELLL!!!!!!  I can’t stop it!  Hide your eyes; it’s coming again!  SELLL!!!!!!  Please someone help me– SELLL!!!!!!  It’s eating my arm!  SELLL!!!!!!  SELLL!!!!!! SELLL!!!!!!  Suddenly, SELLL!!!!!! stops and smiles.  SELLL!!!!!!, “Take it easy, Grey.  I was just messing with you.  Oh, and Cantu really is a sell.  For reals.  SELLL!!!!!! out.”

In the first act, some creepy kid runs into frame, mumbling, “I see blown saves.”  I know Ryan Madson is a Cuddle Boy, but don’t drop him yet.  Sorry to get Biblical on you, but hast thou forgotten the wrath Brad Lidge hast broust on ye past teams?  Please.  Give Lidge a week before abandoning Madson.  Lidge is like a “1000 Dollar Car” as sung by the Bottle Rockets.  Google the lyrics if you don’t know the song but in summation, “If a $1000 car was truly worth a damn, then why would anybody ever spend ten grand?”  Let shizz shake out first before you act rash, talcum.  There’s time to drop Madson.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Evan Meek – Recorded the 3 up, 3 down save yesterday as Dotel was out sleeping with your sister.  Don’t worry, Dotel’s days of ruining your ERA and WHIP aren’t over yet.  Meek was only used because Dotel had pitched two innings the day before (beautifully, I might add).  To recap, handcuffs across the Brewers, Pirates and Rangers:  Frank-Frank, Meek, Villanueva and the guy at Subway who gives you the skeeves, in that order.  Hoffman, Dotel and Feliz, in that order, should all still be owned.

Carlos Beltran – Was fitted for a knee brace hoping it accelerates his rehab.  Here’s me putting on my stethoscope.   If a guy needs to be fitted with a knee brace to help his recovery, it’s not a good sign.  This is like trying to make a girl jealous by going to the movies with your mom.

Paul Konerko – 2-for-3 as he hit his 9th and 10th homers.  Paulie’s bonkers right now.  Truly, Paulie Walnuts.  I say he gets to 30 homers and there’s really no reason why you need to unload him.  Just think you got Adrian Gonzalez in the last round of your draft.  Open a Michelob and celebrate.

Gavin Floyd – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks.  I liked Floyd coming into this year.  Before yesterday, Nadir Bupkus looked better and he’s an imaginary hitter.  Floyd’s FIP is out of whack with his ERA as of right now.  He should continue to be better.

Carlos Quentin – Sat out Thursday and won’t play Friday with hamstring soreness.  This guy is made of paper-mache.

Alexei Ramirez – 1-for-3 and a steal.  Rudy pushed for me to put Alexei in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell, so he’ll be there.  BTW, Ozzie had him bunting with two men on and no outs and Pierre up next.  Here’s what Ozzie tweeted, “Team sucks.  Bunt guys over for the 2000 All-Stars, Andruw and Konerko.  Someone get me Andres Galarraga!  Me gusto El Gato Grande!”

Josh Hamilton – 3-for-4 and looks like he’s finally seeing the ball well.  Sure, it’s a month late, but there’s still plenty of time for him.

Justin Smoak – 2-for-4, HR.  Mentioned the other day that I slotted in Inge on a short schedule day and got two homers.  Well, on a different team I have Smoak and he’s been riding my bench since I picked him up because A) I have enough hitters. B) He hasn’t hit. C) There’s no C.  There’s rarely a C.  So yesterday with the short schedule, guess who got into my lineup?  Booyakasha!  I am a mustachioed God!

Jair Jurrjens – Left the game with a strained left hamstring.  The good news, it wasn’t his arm.  The bad news, he’s still injured, his FIP last year showed he was lucky, he doesn’t strikeout people and his arm is still a reason for concern.  Okay, so the good news and bad news aren’t exactly even.

Kris Medlen – Took the ball for three innings after Jar-Jar went down.  If Jurrjens can’t come back and Medlen gets his starts, he would be worth owning in NL-Only and deep mixed leagues.

Yunel Escobar – Yunel strained his groin trying to go big fly.  *snickers*

Chipper Jones – There’s no news about Chipper, but with the other Braves injured I figured I’d put this here as a place holder.

David Freese – 3-for-3, homer and 6 RBIs.  It’s a been awhile since I’ve talked about him, so I’ll just tell you what I said last time, “(Freese) hits .300 everywhere he goes (in the minors) and he has 20 homer power.  Before you scoff like you’re some Victorian bigwig, those numbers may not be that far off from Butler at a shallower position.”  And that’s me copying and pasting me!

Dontrelle Willis – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks as he faced a Twins team without Mauer or Morneau aka The Zombie Twins.

Kurt Suzuki – Probably headed to the DL with a strain of the intercostal.  Isn’t that the highway in Florida?  Weird!

Justin Duchscherer – Well, I tried to get everyone on board before he was injured again, but his wonky hip hit its capacity.  You can wait to hear how long he’ll miss, but I would just drop him if you’re hard-pressed for room.

Justin Morneau – Staying in the Justin genre, Morneau sat out with a sore back.  He hopes to return by today’s game.  We shall see…

John Buck – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs with 3 homers yesterday.  Buck dedicated this game to his nieces and nephew for teaching him responsibility while he was babysitting.

Luke Hochevar – 2 2/3 IP, 9 ER and now has a 6.11 ERA on the year and there’s the reason why I was so hesitant to endorse him.  Sometimes he can be absolutely miserable.

Brian Matusz – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Not a bad start at all considering the Orioles vs. Yankees looked like the Lambda Lambda Lambda’s vs. the Alpha Beta’s.

Robinson Cano – 2 more homers as he now bats .407.  We better put Ted Williams’ head out on the counter now, because things are never right when you defrost in the microwave.

A.J. Burnett – 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks.  I own Burnett in a few leagues, so I’m more than happy with his year so far, but where’s the Ks?  He now has 33 1/3 innings and only 20 Ks.

Everth Cabrera – EverCab has been dealing with a hamstring strain for days and trying to avoid the DL.  At one point, Kyle Blanks volunteered to put him in a Baby Bjorn and play short.  Alas, EverCab to the 15-day DL.

Ted Lilly – 5 IP, 6 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks in his last rehab start.

Mark Reynolds – 0-for-3 as the Diamondbacks scored 13 runs.  Ticker tease!

Adam LaRoche – 3-for-4, 5 RBIs with two homers.  How dare you show up Kelly Johnson!  Rudy had much love for Ad. LaRoche going into this year, saying that he might’ve started cold in past years because, well, he was cold.  As in he needed mittens.  In Arizona, that could change everything.  So far, Rudy’s looking like he might’ve been onto something even if this game was in Chicago.

Ian Kennedy – 8 IP, 4 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Was only hurt by a grand slam to Fukudome, but that is sorta Kennedy’s M.O.  Still ownable and startable and yadda², but he gives up homers.

Kelly Johnson – 4-for-5, 3 RBIs, 1 Run, 1 Life-Threatening Disease Cured and a homer.  After he hit his homer, I went into the comments and wrote something giddy and after I posted it I realized something.  After I comment when I’m happy, my picture looks like I’m smiling.  After I comment when I’m upset, my picture looks like I’m frowning.  I’m Mona Lisa!

Fantasy Razzball Standings are up!  Click here for the standings.  We’ve added a link to the left sidebar for the standings page as well.  We’ll try to update it every week or so.

Early congrats to Minor League Miner, the unidentified owner of the Flailin’ Mendozas (is that you, Mil Mascaras?), and Troy Patterson of RotoSavants.com and FireBrandAL.com

Good luck to all those in the running for the free DreamMaker Spa!

The Fantasy Roundtable question of the week is:

Despite the tiny sample, what one player are you most worried about so far?

Visit this week’s roundtable @ RotoAuthority to see my answer (which clearly resulted in jinxing Nefty Happy) and others…

Trevor Hoffman has been lights out all year.  Maybe he jumped in the Cocoon pool.  Octavio Dotel?  The post office said they’re going to a five day week because of cutbacks and the amount of fan mail coming in for Dotel.  Now hold the preceding up to a mirror.  Dotel as a Pirate has done nothing except plunder his fantasy owners’ goodwill.  Even Roger ain’t Jolly.  The Hoff looks drunk.  And Trevor too.  The pickups for this duo of dud is Carlos Villanueva, Joel Hanrananananan, Brendan Donnelly, Evan Meek, Hawkins, Coffey, Shelley Duvall, the guy at Subway that kinda skeeves you out, the Polish Sausage in the 7th inning stretch race and Cher.  Pick them up in that order.  For full disclosure, I grabbed Hanaranananan because Villanueva was taken in all of my leagues.  I didn’t go deeper than that.  Some shituations just aren’t worth the ulcer.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Garrett Jones – 2-for-7, 1 RBI.  After his first four at-bats yielded 4 Ks, Robot really turned it on.  Fool him 5 times, shame on Robot.

Andrew McCutchen – 4-for-7 and 2 homers for The Dread Pirate.  Now has 3 homers and 10 steals as he bats .303.  This might come as heresy, but The Dread Pirate could be a 3rd rounder next year.

Juan Gutierrez – Converted his first save.  Qualls was unavailable even though he hadn’t been used in two days.  I’m suspicious.  And, yes, I’m wearing a monocle.  Closers don’t just turn up unavailable in a one run game.  There’s something here.  I’d own Gutierrez over the Villanueva crapfecta that was listed in the lead-in.

Kelly Johnson – Hit his 8th homer of the year to lead the major leagues.  I pushed everyone to draft this guy from the moment he was traded to the Diamondbacks.  Where’s the love?!

Carlos Gonzalez – Hit his third homer and stole his third base.  It’s weird, it’s almost like he wants to get to 20/20 in the same game.

Dexter Fowler – 3-for-6, homer and a steal.  Love that, love the Rockies.  I am Eskimo kissing my fantasy baseball team.

Chris Coghlan – 2-for-4, I don’t even like him, but he appeared in last week’s Buy/Sell as a Buy and he’s now hitting, like, .300 for the last five days.  BTW, Rudy just traded Cody Ross for Coghlan in his NL-Only league.  Rudy also traded in his Winger CDs for a previously worn Band-Aid.  Doode’s a trading machine!

Jorge Cantu – 1-for-3 with his 5th homer as he took the lead in the National League in RBIs.  He’ll be in tomorrow’s Buy/Sell on the right side, which is oddly enough the wrong side.  Speaking of Sells…

Max Scherzer – 3 2/3 IP, 6 ER.  Yup.

Brandon Inge – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs with a homer.  He hits ‘em in bunches.  Now has a bunch of three in the last 3 games.

Scott Baker – 4 IP, 5 ER, 12 baserunners.  Last year, his 1st half ERA was 5.42 compared to 3.28 in the 2nd half.  Maybe he just takes forever to get going.  Whatever the case, I’d look elsewhere.  Not that you need me to tell you, but Baker’s cooked.

James Shields – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 12 Ks.  Shields pitches well in Florida.  He do what he do.  In the preseason, I absolutely refused to own Shields because of his soul-crushing 2009.  I figured I could get out without any regrets.  Of course, Shields has pitched well and threw a wrench in those plans.  Sonavawrench!

Jon Lester – Threw a seven inning one-hitter with 11 Ks.  Last Friday, I wrote, “If (Lester) doesn’t bounce back this week, he’ll probably have the lead-in of the Buy section next Friday.  Go and get Lester now!”  Too late.

Jake Fox – Caught his 5th game yesterday.  I haven’t talked much about him because he’s hitting .175 with one homer.  Worth noting though in AL-Only and 2 catcher leagues.

Cole Hamels – 6 IP, 4 ER, 10 Ks, 13 baserunners as he took your WHIP for a ghost ride.

Ryan Madson – Blew the save and got the Win.  Such a Cuddle Boy move.

Jimmy Rollins – Began a running program. The name of the program is, “J-Roll Rolls.”  Some discarded titles were, “Hurry, Juan Castro Is Starting,” “You Were Drafted In The 2nd Round In Fantasy, Doesn’t That Mean Anything To You?” and “It’s Always Runny In Philadelphia.”

Luis Atilano – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners.  He has 5 walks and 2 Ks in 12 innings.  Don’t even think about picking him up.

Matt Capps – Capps has been quite possibly the only closer to, ya know, convert a save all year as he picked up his 10th save yesterday.  SPOILER ALERT:  In next week’s Closer Look, Capps is crowned a Donkeycorn.

Ryan Zimmerman – Hey, I ain’t mad at cha, but how about you just go on the DL?

Jaime Garcia – 7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Now has a 1.04 ERA on the year.  No reason why he shouldn’t be owned in all leagues at this point.

Mike Leake – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks.  I’m not as bullish on Leake as I am on Garcia.  Leake’s walks are a mess.  Currently, he’s rocking a 18:15 K:BB.  Rocky road ahead, use caution.

Ryan Dempster – 8 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Now has a 2.78 ERA on the year.  He’s been a tad lucky with men on base.  (BTW, Tad Lucky would be an awesome male porn star name.)  Dempster’s probably closer to a mid- to high-3 ERA guy.  He’s no Carlos Silva, that’s for sure.  Take that however you want.

Chris Young – Had his rehab start pushed back due to achiness.  Uh-oh, someone call the giraffe doctor.

Robinson Cano – 2-for-5 as he hit his 6th homer and bats near .400.  Not to totally flip you out, but this great April is coming from a guy who’s usually a slow starter.  Yo, Big Chief Lambreaux, let’s start a parade!

Jorge Posada – After getting hit on the knee, Posada was lifted from the game by Girardi.  Weird, cause Girardi doesn’t even look that strong.  Posada will probably only miss a game or two.

Gordon Beckham – Got the night off to get his head straight.  Ozzie announced the move on his Twitter account by saying, “Something stinks.  Not fingers.  It’s Beckham.  He sits.”

Rich Harden – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners with 5 BBs and only 2 Ks.  Since you read Razzball, you probably don’t own Harden.  Good for you, because even the starts where he limits runs don’t look right.  If you can somehow confuse someone in your league that this was a good start, trade Harden.

Neftali Feliz – 1 IP, 2 ER and the save.  This save actually makes me want to own Frank-Frank more.

Matt Kemp – In the NL, he’s tied for 2nd in homers with 7.  He’s tied for 3rd in RBIs with 20.  He’s batting .292.  Why am I telling you this?  Because yesterday Dodgers GM Ned Colletti said, “(Kemp’s defense is) below-average.  If this is the last day of the season and people are voting for the Gold Glove, his name is not even on the ballot.”  Yeah, he’s no ex-Colletti signee, Juan Pierre.  What a putz.

John Ely – 6 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks.  He looks pretty average.  Dropped about a K/IP as he moved up in the minors, which puts him around a 6 K/9 in the majors if the trend continues.  His control should be better than he showed in yesterday’s game, but still he’s an avoid outside of deep NL-Only leagues.  On the bright side, he has better hair than Dennis Farina.

Ike Davis – 2-for-4 with his 6th RBI and now is batting .355 since his call up.  Maybe Ike is a slap hitter.

John Maine – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Well, it is blueberry season in Maine.  I don’t buy this start.  Have Maine call me in 2011 and I’ll reevaluate.

Jose Reyes – I was watching the Mets game yesterday and Pagan and Cora came up and then Reyes came up and I was like, “Where’s the pitcher between Cora and Reyes?”  Interesting experiment, Mets.  Now fix your lineup!  I mean, I’ve heard of batting the pitcher 8th, but I’ve never heard of batting the bottom of your order at the top.  Stop making me think there was a double switch in the 1st inning.