Our weekly Friday Fantasy Baseball Feature, Buy Low/Sell High is back after an offseason layoff. When asked what this fantasy baseball feature did during the offseason, it said this, “My family and I got together with the Fantasy Baseball Keeper posts’ family and we rented a Cruise America RV. Spent most of our days touring ice fishing spots in Montana and our nights were spent swapping wives.” Alrighty then! To get everyone on the same page, I like the Buy guys. I dislike the Sell guys. Now I’m not saying to actually sell all the guys in the Sell section or to drop them. Lots of times I’m simply saying to expect their current positive vibe to turn negative. Also, if Alcides Escobar is in the Buy section (which he is!) and Berkman is in the Sell section (there too!) that doesn’t mean I recommend you trade Berkman for Escobar. Everything’s relative, Einstein. Anyway, here’s some guys to buy and sell for the 1st week of the fantasy baseball season (start the games already!):
Alcides Escobar – He stole 16 bases in 45 games this winter down in Venezuela. (Ugueth Urbina did the same, but it was with a firearm.) Brewers should bat Escobar 2nd in front of Braun and Fielder. 100+ Runs, 40 steals and a middling average aren’t out of the question.
Francisco Liriano – Liriano Dutch Oven’d your team last year. You couldn’t even look at the pitching stats some days because of the stench he left. Guess what, loyal Razzball reader? That was last year. Liriano looked tremendous in Winter Ball. Continued that in Spring Training. More –>Liriano sleeper.
Mat Latos – You ever just find yourself whistling for no apparent reason and you’re like, “Man, I’m off meth and I’m happy. Go figure.” That’s how I feel with Latos. He makes me emoticon in my pants.
Cameron Maybin – Maybe he was too hyped last year and now people are sticking their toes in the water before jumping. It’s cool and all, but I’m a certified lifeguard. Jump, I’ll save you if you need it.
Colby Rasmus – Yes, this is the part of the program where I point out guys that you swore were ready for the majors last year then disappointed. Remember that when you’re going crazy trying to get Jason Heyward this year.
Travis Snider – Okay, done with last year’s failed crop of overhyped prospects that will make good this year… Well, there is Matt LaPorta. Eh, I’ll save him for next week.
Shaun Marcum – The matchups won’t always be pretty and he hasn’t pitched in the majors since 2008. This is a tentative buy because I imagine he’s going to give you a a bit of an up and down roller coastery season. You can mark him (hehe… what?) down for a low 4 ERA and around 7 Ks per 9 innings.
Felipe Paulino – I admittedly flipped a coin between Paulino and Bud Norris. Went with Paulino because he’s just slightly more mature. They are pretty similar guys. High strikeouts, high walks. I’d grab him in NL-Only leagues and wait and see in mixed leagues. Glass is half empty, he’s a righty Manny Parra. Glass is half full, he’s a righty de la Rosa.
Dexter Fowler – I’ve watched draft after draft where Fowler’s virtually ignored. For shame. He’ll give you Runs, Steals, a decent average and close to 10 homers. He’s Feign Victorino.
Franklin Morales – What, you don’t like saves? You’re crazy. Huston Street just got injured again opening the newspaper to read about how he got injured last time. Morales will be the closer for at least a month. Then when Street is actually healthy, the Rockies will bring him back slowly (meaning: he’ll only pitch in non-save chances) then he’ll regain the role. Could be mid-May by then and Morales could have 12 saves.
Ryan Madson – See an 1/8 of an inch above.
Danys Baez – You can look an 1/8 of an inch above or you can skip that and just move 1/4 of an inch above.
Jeff Clement – A catcher with every day at-bats. Awesome! Clement’s never shown himself to be a decent major leaguer. Less awesome! You punt catcher and there’s nothing else out there. Adequate!
Ian Desmond – Just writing his name makes my heart flutter. I feel like Gérard Depardieu on the back of a moped.
Fausto Carmona – Obviously there was some kind of Faustian bargain made for his sudden reemergence. That’s nice, Carmona sold his soul to pitch well in Spring Training. Doesn’t he know Spring Training stats don’t count? Dur. This isn’t a sell as much as a don’t bother. There’s so many pitchers out there, why are you risking this shizz on flippin’ Carmona? Let’s drop a pine tree from your rearview mirror and do a refresher course. His most successful year came in 2007 when he had a 3.06 ERA. That ERA should’ve been near 4 and he had 137 Ks in 215 innings. Your drunk aunt that thinks you’re the mailman can get that many Ks in 215 innings. Carmona is the new blech.
Jason Heyward – Sure, he’s mollywhopping with his pony sticks right now, but he’s like twelve years old. Think about how long you waited for Justin Upton to show his tremendous promise.
John Maine – He seems like a good enough guy. But right now he doesn’t look right. I wouldn’t go near him with your team.
Lance Berkman – You don’t drop him, you don’t even trade him for ten cents on the dollar, you maybe trade him for ninety cents on the dollar. Or you wait until everyone’s like, “Ooh, Berkman’s healthy again. Jump up, jump up and get down!” Then you trade him.