Fantasy Baseball Advice

Alex Gordon revealed yesterday that he would require hip surgery and would miss a few months.  Willie Bloomquist owners rejoice!  Obviously this isn’t great news for Gordon.  That’s 99 red balloons for your fearless leader, Grey.  I loved me some Alex Gordon.  Though, as fate would have it, I didn’t actually get him on any team.  Not by design.  I luckily backed up into that one.  You can DL him, but I’d cut bait if you have anyone else in the DL slot.  Gordon’s not coming back for a while and even when he was around, he was tentative at best.  It’s going to be real hard for me to sell anyone on drafting him next year.  But I will try!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

LaTroy Hawkins – Notched a save as Jose Valverde was held out of the game because of a sore back.  The Astros are making it sound like Valverde’s back isn’t much of an issue.  Yeah, and the Orioles wanted Wieters to work on his D.  And the Mariners brought Griffey back so they can win games not as a PR stunt.  And the Rockies were happy with the value they received for Holliday.  These clubs lie through their teeth.  Valverde may be fine and Hawkins is a cuddle boy, but all that means nothing if Hawkins is getting the saves.  If you have room, own him.

Alex Rodriguez – Took BP and hit the ball out of the park a few times.  Afterwards he said he hadn’t felt that good since his cousin was sticking him in the ass with steriods.

Cliff Lee – 6 IP, 1 ER.  Had a lot of baserunners to only give up one run.  Am I always glass is half empty with Lee?  Yes, yes I am.

Kosuke Fukudome – 3rd homer.  Looks like a pattern is emerging.  Someone likes to hit in the beginning of the year.  Last year, Fukudome hit the ball well through June.  So far, so same.

Ryan Franklin – Another save.  I think he gets 20-25 saves this year as LaRussa occasionally works in other guys.

Sean Marshall – 5 IP, 3 ER and 4 Ks.  Pretty much exactly what I would hope for from Marshall.  He was in line for the Win when he left, but Aaron Heilman, obviously still upset about losing the 5th starter job to him, took care of that.

Kenji Johjima – Joe Geema to the DL.  Keep an eye out if the Mariners are going to call up Jeff Clement, though Rob Johnson looks like he might take the majority of the PT.  Johnson is actually more intriguing than Joe Geema. (<–not really a compliment)

Yunel Escobar – Out for a few days with a strained ab.  Chipper says the left side of the bench is really comfy.

Emilio Bonifacio – 0-for-5 and three more Ks.  Dallas McPherson says, “Muahahahahaha.”

Vladimir Guerrero – In my daily roundups, I usually don’t mention guys that are owned everywhere unless there’s some kind of value change.  So was it weird it was just two days ago that I decided to mention Vladdy for just randomly going 0-for-4?  Or prescient?  You make the call!  All I know is the other day I saw a guy that looked really old and broken down.  It was revealed he has a strained pectoral muscle.  Glass half full?  He’s not really as bad as he’s looked so far this year; he’s injured and will return healthy pounding the ball.  But I think the glass is half empty.  Even if he’s healthy, he’s old and getting older by the day.  Unlike Benjamin Button.

John Danks – 6 IP, 1 ER, 8 Ks.  Mentioned in the preseason he’s one of the few AL starters I’m targeting.  I kinda wish I would’ve highlighted him more.  *SPOILER ALERT*  He’ll be in the Buy/Sell coming later today.  Stay tuned…

Barry Zito – 5 IP, 6 ER. At least one thing is constant.  The greatest trick Billy Beane ever pulled was convincing the world Zito was good.

Emmanuel Burriss – 3-for-5 with a steal.  If Webster gets hot, he can swipe 7 bags in a week.  Might be the Nuevofacio.

Chase Headley – 4-for-4, 3 RBIs.  I’d add him for this weekend in Philly.

Howie Kendrick – .205 on the year and his speed and power are weak too.  Awesome!  Was on the all-overrated team too.

Mark Teixeira – Received a cortisone shot for his wrist.  Maybe patty cake with Shelley Duncan wasn’t such a good idea.

Joe Saunders – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners.  Great mysteries of the world… The origins of Stonehenge?  Did CT and Shauvon have sex?  And how is no one hitting Saunders?  At some point, this ace in wolf’s clothes is going to rub its butt on your Domino’s pizza.

Brett Greenfield of the phonetically alliterative Fantasy Phenoms hosts the Fantasy Roundtable this week.  He asked…

Name one pitcher and one hitter that is on the waiver wire in most leagues, that is worth picking up and could become the next Cliff Lee or Ryan Ludwick.  Why them?

This one was so easy….to be wrong.  Click on the above link to see my best guesses.  I wasn’t the only one to choose my hitter or pitcher so either I may be onto something or groupthink has reared its ugly head once again…

I wrote this blurb about Daisuke Matsuzaka, then ran it through an online Japanese translator then converted it back to English.  Here’s what came out — “Dice-K’s arm fell asleep!  You wish he was going to recover like Tom Cruise in The Last Samurai after he found humility. There’s nothing you can do.  Overreact and break all your eggs.  Under react and fall asleep while driving.  The best thing you can do is hope thunder and lightning wake Dice-K’s arm.  Until then, see who the Boston Socks use in his place.  Masterson carry thunder and lightning.”  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Ian Kinsler – 6-for-6 as he hit for the cycle, Marlon Byrd went 5-for-6, 3 RBIs and now batting .417, Nelson Cruz hit his 5th HR and Chris Davis sat.  Why was Chris Davis sitting?  Because of Mark Hendrickson?  Mark Hendrickson just called my house and said he sucks.  For criminy sakes, Andruw Jones looks ownable on that team.  I’m convinced if you put Nick Punto in the Rangers lineup he’d have a three homer game.  Everyone can hit on that team… Well, except Salty, who went 0-for-5.  In a game when your team scores 19 runs, it’s gotta hurt when you take home the goose egg.  I own Teagarden in an AL-Only league for just the chance he gets in on the action.  (Now that’s how you punt catcher.  Starting a guy who’s not even playing.)

Justin Upton – Just missed a home run as he found his stroke a bit yesterday.   First good sign I’d seen all year.

Chris Carpenter – Gone for 4 to 8 weeks.  You say, “So, Grey, what do you think of Kyle Davies?”  As I said yesterday, best case scenario is Carp goes to the DL.  Your wish is my command.  Now you can bury him in your DL spot and move on.  Over/under that he returns and stays healthy the rest of the season?  Slim to anorexic.

Matt Cain – 6 IP, 2 ER and 115 pitches.  Look, everybody, Bochy’s trying to ruin Cain for 2010.

Clayton Kershaw – 7 IP, 1 ER, 13 Ks.  Think it might’ve been the best pitching performance so far this season.  Sure, it was the Giants, but 13 Ks in only 7 innings is impressive.  Not to mention, only one walk for him is very inspiring.

Khalil Greene – 0-for-6.  How’s that boost in value doing him?

Colby Rasmus – We suspect leaguemates thought we were ignorasmuses for drafting him in our leagues.  No complaints just yet.  LaRussa is rotating the four OFs fairly equally (Ludwick has sat the pine 3 times already!) and is batting Rasmus in the #2 slot in front of Pujols.  That means a good amount of Runs and grooved fastballs.   He’s got 20 HR/15 SB potential if he can get 400+ ABs but might cost you on average.  Worth the gamble as a last OF in any league format at this point.  He’s the most loved Cardinals OF since So Taguchi. (I just want to massage him and force feed him beer!)

Cameron Maybin – Hitting .214 on the year with a lot of nothing.  I’m legitimately concerned.  It’s bad predicting a breakout that never comes.  It’s worst to sit on him too long.

Chris Perez – Cards brought him back and he pitched well, throwing 2 scoreless.  Needs to string a few together before we hail him the Cards closer again, but he’s on his way.

Chipper Jones – I kinda understood the recurring oblique, even though I have no idea what that is.  I was fine with the tricky back.  Hey, my back nags me sometimes too.  But a thumb injury that has him out for two days?  Who injures their thumb for a few days?  It’s either hurt or it’s not.  Who is this guy?  The boy in the bubble?  It’s appropriate he has chin whiskers, cause he’s a pussy. /rant

Xavier Nady – Sounds like Nady might need season-ending surgery.  And then there were 4.  Outfielders, that is.  Swisher’s value gets a major boost.  He’s still a .250 hitter.  Don’t let extra PT cloud your judgment completely.

Joe Mauer – To start rehab next week.  Doesn’t matter to any of you though, only auto-drafters own him.

Huston Street – Kazaam!  Naturally, Corpas is a good handcuff to have because Street has stunk up the joint from here to Buddakan, but I still think the Rox want Street to close and raise any trade value he might have.

Mark Reynolds – HR yesterday.  Davis 2, Reynolds 2.  Now jab!

Scott Baker – Returned with a 4 IP and 6 ER night. Was on our risky pitchers post (I’m done linking to it, search the site).  Guys and dollfaces, Baker’s going to struggle for a while to get up to speed then you have to hope he doesn’t hurt himself again.  This is not evolving into a great scenario.

Ichiro Suzuki – Returned with a steal and a grand slam.  Hey, Baker, now that’s an entrance!

Aaron Hill – 3 HRs and 11 RBIs on the season.  I’m buying at the expense of some other MI schmohawks.  I’m looking at you, Jose Lopez.

Jay Bruce – Batting .167 on the season.  Someone Google Map Bruce the strike zone, pronto.

Emilio Bonifacio – 1-for-6 with 4 Ks.  Uh-oh, someone’s holes are being exploited.

Jered Weaver – 5 IP, 4 ER.  At least his brother always sucks.

Rich Harden – 3 IP, 4 ER.  At least 9 out of every ten Harden owners saw his line and thought he left the game early with an injury.  He duped you!

Robinson Cano – Notoriously awful in April and he’s currently hitting .382 with 2 HRs.  Guess Ivan Rodriguez and Sidney Ponson aren’t the only beneficiaries of the WBC.

Armando Galarraga – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER.  The regression will not be televised.  But the regression will come.

I think I’m approximately six weeks late on this, but if you read Razzball daily (of course you do, you reader, you!) then you’ve read before some, if not all, of these predictions.  So what now? Read them again.  They won’t hurt you.  Plus now that I’ve put all of my ‘preseason’ predictions in one place, we can look back at this later in the year and laugh.  Oh, and we will laugh.  Who’s your NL MVP?  Soriano?  Oh, you do kid, Grey.  You do! Anyway, here’s my predictions for baseball’s post-season awards and whatnot:

AL Pennant Winner – Tampa Bay Rays.  I really didn’t want to pick the defending AL champions because that’s lame, and I made a resolution to be unlame this year.  Alas, I went through each AL team’s pitching staff and the Rays were the choice.

NL Pennant Winner – Los Angeles Dodgers.  Their lineup wins the division with ease then in a playoff series their pitching can beat the Cubs and Mets.

World Series Champion – Los Angeles Dodgers.  I’ve never been to a World Series game and would like to go.  Thank you!

AL ROY – Travis Snider.  I wanted to call this guy Travis Lind.  Weird!

NL ROY – Dexter Fowler.  I think he’s a top 30 player by 2011.  Wave of the future… Wave of the future…

AL Cy Young – Josh Beckett.  The Sawx will give him a chance for 20 wins and he can do the rest.

NL Cy Young – Chad Billingsley.  You didn’t think I was going to pick Joel Pineiro, did you?

NL MVP – Alfonso Soriano.  I expect a huge year from Soriano but he needs to stay healthy for 130 games.  Hey, maybe all his bad injury karma will be absorbed by Milton Bradley.  God knows Bradley could stand for some karmic retribution.

AL MVP – Miguel Cabrera. Since the BBWAA picks MVPs partially on how well a team does, this is a longshot at best, unless Cabrera becomes the Tigers number three starter.  And number four starter.  And closer.

Now put your picks in the comments and we’ll look back on this in November and mock each other.

Lastings Milledge was sent to the minors yesterday clearing room for Elijah Dukes to cover for him in center and probationary hearings.  Luckily, on his way out of town, Milledge stopped by Razzball HQ with some “word science.”  After you read the rhymes Milledge dropped, feel free to drop him.

Dukes has a good 3 days, so he gets a buffer?
I’m da original Bowden Fluffer!
My rhymes are so hard they break bats,
Why you go out and sign that Three-True Outcome Fats?
To the minors, you’re sending moi?
I’m declaring a fatwa!

Don’t push me, cuz I’m close to the edge,
I’m trying not to lose my head,
Uh huh ha ha ha…
It’s like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder,
Why MLB didn’t let this team go under.

Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Tom Glavine – Career might be over.  Take a moment, go to the front lawn, pocket some dirt in honor of Glavine’s career, then drop him.

Chris Carpenter – From the top 60 starters post, “There’s plenty of pitchers to choose from, give Carpenter a year to prove himself.  That’s all, one year.  Or maybe until the All-Star Break.  Just don’t draft him out of the gate.” Do I need to continue?  Carpenter left yesterday’s game with a strained oblique.  That’s vaguely a belly ache.  I wouldn’t drop him, but I would hope he gets placed on the DL so you can at least free up a spot.

Jesse Litsch – Wasn’t worth owning prior to forearm tightness and now he’s on the 15-day DL.  Call in Reggie Roby.

Xavier Nady – Left with elbow pain.  In the 1st basemen to target post, I said, ” I think (Swisher) takes the job from Nady when Nady’s exploited for not being what he was last year.”  And that’s me quoting me!  I wouldn’t be surprised at all if Nady’s one of the bigger busts this year outside of Billy Butler’s moobs.   Nady was injury-prone prior to last year and last year was a career year.  Do the math!

Nick Swisher – 4th HR yesterday.  Read again what I wrote about Nady.

Daisuke Matsuzaka – One inning, 5 earned.  I’m not going to quote or link to anything, but I told you to avoid Dice-K this year.  You do what you do, I do what I do.  Word on the Bean Streets is he’s suffering from “arm fatigue.”  Clay Buchholz may be getting the call to replace him for a couple of starts.

Scott Podsednik – Jeopardy contestant, “Questionable Manager Moves for $100.”  Alex Trebek, “The answer is ‘The White Sox signed Scott Podsednik.’”  Contestant, “How could Ozzie Guillen find a worst centerfielder, leadoff man than DeWayne Wise?”

Vladimir Guerrero – Admitted this offseason to lying about his age and is now coping to a Latin 34.  He seems like a nice guy, but, man, he’s been looking like a Latin 40.

Ricky Romero – 8 IP, 2 ER.  C’mon, that’s a made-up name!  It’s too perfect.  Good results for “Ricky” so far as he’s kept his walks in check.  His minor league numbers say trouble isn’t too far away.  In AL-Only leagues, he’s worth a flier, but don’t get too excited.

Glen Perkins – Also 8 IP, 2 ER.  Another great start for The Pancake House.  Again, don’t invest too heavily.  He’s like Slowey-lite.

Nelson Cruz – Hit his 4th homer.  If he’s on waivers in any leagues, he shouldn’t be.  If you have a power void on your team, I’d trade for Cruz.

A.J. Burnett – No hitter into the 7th.  I’d look to trade him if you’re fine on starters.  Five dollars says he doesn’t get through May.

Carlos Villanueva – 1 IP, 3 ER.  Kazaam!

Javier Vazquez – 12 Ks in the loss.  Ah, those patient Marlins hitters.

Emilio Bonifacio – 2-for-5 to drop his average to .485.  The correction is complete!

Melvin Mora – To the DL with a hamstring injury.  Wigginton will field the spot for a few weeks.  That’s no endorsement of Wigginton unless you’re desperate.  Then again, if you were playing Mora, you probably are desperate.

Manny Parra – 6 IP, 3 ER.  Two runs scored on walks to Taveras and Hairston, two guys that need to be knocked down to take a pitch.  In summation, Parra really needs to cut down on his walks.

Chris Davis – 2nd HR in two days.  Now don’t you feel bad for hating him three days ago?

Mark Reynolds – HR yesterday.  Okay, Davis 2, Reynolds 1… Now go to your corners and when you hear the bell come out swinging.

Jacoby Ellsbury – Stole his fourth bag as he bats .194.  I could see him hitting .260 and stealing 40 this year.  Oh, and Jacoby Ellsbury says, “It’s April 15th, do your taxes!”