In our fantasy baseball forums, there’s a great thread going about the Fantasy MVPs, Cy Youngs and the Least Valuable Players. So I thought I’d do a year end award special. Luckily, you won’t have to wear a tux for this or listen to Derek Jeter try to be funny. Speaking of Viagra — Vlad’s got one good leg and he’s not wearing a shoe on it. Anyway, here’s The 2008 Razzball Year End Awards:
Fantasy AL Most Valuable Player – Josh Hamilton – Did everything, except blow a random stranger for a crack rock.
Fantasy NL Most Valuable Player – Albert Pujols – Pronounced POO-holes.
Fantasy AL Cy Young – Cliff Lee – In ten years, Dennis Quaid is going to be portraying Cliff Lee in a movie of the week called, “2008: The Improbable Season.”
Fantasy NL Cy Young – Tim Lincecum – 265 Ks. Sorry, Grey, could you speak up? 265 Ks!
Fantasy AL Least Valuable Player – Travis Hafner – Victor Martinez – Alex Gordon – Carlos Guillen – As the co-co-co-co-winners of this award head up to the podium to accept the award, Pronk trips and his giant melon head crashes into the ground opening a black hole in the space-time continuum that sucks all four of these schmohawks into oblivion.
Fantasy NL Least Valuable Player – Rickie Weeks – Troy Tulowitzki – Rich Hill – When Alex Gordon, Pronk, V-Mart and Carlos Guillen crash to the ground in oblivion, they land on these three schmohawks.
Fantasy Hitter You Most Likely Dropped and Picked Up A Dozen Times – Jerry Hairston Jr. – He’s hitting well? All right, I’ll grab him for a short schedule day. He’s still hitting well? All right, I’ll pick him back up. He’s injured? I’m dropping him. He’s back. Awesome! He’s injured again. Now he’s back. No, he’s not. Yes, he is. Now he’s playing like Jerry Hairston Jr. again. Ugh…
Player You Had Forever and Most Wanted to Drop – JJ Putz – Why can’t I quit you, Putz?
Player On The Top Of Your Waivers That You Just Couldn’t Bring Yourself to Pick Up – Mike Napoli – Eh, I’ll just stick with Pudge.
Pitcher You Streamed So Much You Ended Up Owning Him – Jeremy Guthrie – You know you were actually upset when he went on the DL at the end of the year.
Player You Were Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop From, But Thankfully It Never Did – Cliff Lee – Luckily, I only swore on my pinkie finger that Lee wouldn’t keep up his pace.
Player You Were Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop From and It Ended Up Kicking You in the Groin - Dan Uggla - Way to revert to the norm.
Player You Were Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop From and When It Did You Were Okay With It - Edinson Volquez – You took some lumps in the 2nd half, but they could’ve been worst.
Player You Traded Away That You Most Regretted – CC Sabathia – Why was he so bad in April?!
Player You Traded For That You Most Regretted – Robinson Cano – Do I send the hate mail to the old Yankee Stadium or the new one?
Best Roofie Pitcher – Johnny Cueto – Max Scherzer – Clayton Krenshaw – Manny Parra
Whaddup, boyz! Okay, we went over top 20 catchers for 2008 already. But you weren’t happy with just that. You wanted more. So we went over the top 20 1st basemen. But did that satiate you? Please, you don’t even know what satiate means. So here we are with the top 20 2nd basemen for 2008. Happy now? I know, maybe for a day. Unlike our previous top 20 lists, the top 20 2nd basemen might excite you a bit. This is all dependent on how coal-black your heart is, of course. Will this list draw animated wings on your sneakers and help you fly around room? I sure hope so. Anyway, here’s the top 20 2nd basemen for 2008 in fantasy baseball and how they compared to where we originally ranked them:
1. Dustin Pedroia – Booyakasha, Buju Banton! A funny thing happened on the way to the end of the season, offense was severely down. Not just in the top twenty 1st basemen, but in this list as well. I wasn’t terribly off with my preseason predictions for Pedroia, but his rank was 14th in the preseason and he came in 1st. Insane. I want a new ‘roid. One that won’t be detected. One that will let a 2nd basemen hit like Kent and help Brian Roberts be respected. Preseason Rank #14, Preseason Predictions: 105/12/60/.300/12, Final Numbers: 118/17/83/.326/20
2. Chase Utley – You know Utley, so I’m going to relay a story. A friend of mine is a career minor leaguer. He’s had a few cups of coffee in the majors, but to follow that analogy to its conclusion, he’s still drowsy. A couple of years back, he got the September call-up for the Phillies. Being a starter in the minors, he was thrust into the coveted mop-up role. So it’s a 9-1 game, or some equally lopsided score, and my friend gets the call. To everyone in the stadium, it meant a pee break. To him, he got to jog out to a major league mound, something he dreamt about since he was a boy. The appearance was nothing more than a blip on some discarded box score. For him, it was two innings struggling to get hitters out. It was his day, yet it just wasn’t. Back in the locker room afterwards, players still went up and congratulated him on getting to the show. But not Utley. Nope. Utley bought him two prostitutes. They were delivered on one condition, Utley wanted to bang them first. Preseason Rank #1, Preseason Predictions: 120/32/115/.325/12, Final Numbers: 113/33/104/.292/14
3. Ian Kinsler – Would’ve been number one if it wasn’t for a testy testes. Going down in mid-August, he lost a month and half and still got the job done like Big Daddy Kane. Preseason Rank #6, Preseason Predictions: 110/25/70/.270/25, Final Numbers: 102/18/71/.319/26
4. Brian Roberts – Okay, I’m not a fan. It’s been well-documented on this site. Use the search, candy ass! But… and this is a Queen Latifah-sized but, there’s not a whole lot of guys below Roberts that I really want either. Ugh, 2nd base. The Mapquest said your road was open. Preseason Rank #5, Preseason Predictions: 105/10/55/.290/30, Final Numbers: 107/9/57/.296/40
5. B.J. Upton – Upton had a bizarre season (and similar to Rios). He gave you value, but not quite the type of value you were hoping for, which is a double-edged sword or whatever cliché applies. You needed more power from Upton so, speed or not, he left you wanting more. Preseason Rank #3, Preseason Predictions: 100/30/85/.280/27, Final Numbers: 85/9/67/.273/40
6. Mark DeRosa – One of those guys that ranks so high because he gave you a little bit of everything. While at the Fantasy Baseball College of Charleston, I realized I usually prefer a player that has a lot of one thing rather than the player that gives you a little bit of everything. Why, Grey? Please, fill our heads with fantasy smarts. Ok, random italicized voice, most guys that give you one of something, actually do give you that one thing. For instance, take Ryan Howard (to a Sizzler. My man’s hungry. Wocka-wocka-wocka…). Howard will give you power. Now take Conor Jackson. He’s giving you… Um… Average! Then… Um… Maybe some power. Maybe some speed. In other words, guys that give you a little bit of everything, could give you a lot of nothing. Let me emphasize, this does not include guys that give you a lot of everything (Hanley) or a lot of one thing (Reyes). Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 103/21/87/.285/6
8. Brandon Phillips – Here’s what I said in September regarding what I said in January, “…He wasn’t benched until August for the slump that was “all in his head,” (instead of my original January prediction of July)…” And that’s me referencing me, quoting me and paraphrasing me! Preseason Rank #4, Preseason Predictions: 80/19/75/.240/25, Final Numbers: 79/21/77/.262/23
9. Dan Uggla – After going into the All-Star break with a .286 average, he tried his damnedest to get to my predicted .245 average. Preseason Rank #9, Preseason Predictions: 95/30/80/.245, Final Numbers: 97/32/92/.260/5
10. Alexei Ramirez – He’s getting comparisons to Alfonso Sorinao for his smile, swing and doctoring birth certificate skills. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 65/21/77/.290/13
11. Ryan Theriot – In January, I thought Theriot looked like a nice end of draft bargain. In October, I look like I was right. (Note: Theriot was ranked with the SS in the preseason. In all fairness, I would’ve ranked him about here.) Preseason Predictions: 105/3/50/.290/45, Final Numbers: 85/1/38/.307/22
12. Placido Polanco – And here’s the epitome of a little bit of everything. Preseason Rank #12, Preseason Predictions: 90/7/65/.310/7, Final Numbers: 90/8/58/.307/7
13. Kelly Johnson – In reality, he’s a little bit better than Polanco, but his average lands him just below him. Preseason Rank #11, Preseason Predictions: 85/17/65/.275/12, Final Numbers: 86/12/69/.287/11
14. Mike Aviles – Considering he didn’t start playing full-time until June, you got a ton of value from Aviles and he probably saved a lot of you the agony of rotating Piss Boys, i.e. Willie Harris and Joe Inglett. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 68/10/51/.325/8
15. Ty Wigginton – During the month of August, Razzball declared it National Wigginton’s On My Team Month So Be Gone Yunel Escobar as Wigginton slugged a new Astros record 12 home runs. That’s right, one insane month and he made it to 15th on the top 20 2nd basemen list. One more good month and he would’ve finished top two. (Note: He was ranked for 3rd basemen, not 2nd basemen.) Preseason Predictions: 70/20/70/.270, Final Numbers: 50/23/58/.285
16. Kaz Matsui – Godzilla Jr. is better than Dinosaur Jr. I have nothing else nice to say about Kaz. Preseason Rank #16, Preseason Predictions: 75/3/30/.275/25, Final Numbers: 58/6/33/.293/20
17. Clint Barmes – I told you to pick up this schmohawk in April. You could possibly hold that against me. Preseason Unranked, Preseason Predictions: Bizarre Injury from meat, Final Numbers: 47/11/44/.290/13
18. Yunel Escobar – Went from underrated to underperforming in under two months. (Note: Preseason Rank #18 for SS.) Preseason Predictions: 80/10/55/.285/15, Final Numbers: 71/10/60/.288/2
19. Robinson Cano – At some point in May, I convinced myself that Robinson Cano was a buy and due for a turnaround. At some point, someone should have beat me over the head with a blunt object. Oh, Cano, you let me down. Preseason Rank #2 (coincidentally Cano took a number two all season), Preseason Predictions: 100/25/100/.295/3, Final Numbers: 70/14/72/.271/2
20. Akinori Iwamura – More incredible than this schmohawk appearing on the list is Cano showing up right before him and Weeks would be right after him. If you saw that coming, there’s bukkake in your eye. Preseason Rank, None, but rank’s second most common definition is “offensively gross,” Preseason Predictions: Offensively gross is not a euphemism for a productive hitter, Final Numbers: Bleh!
The inaugural Razzball season has ended and – in a fitting conclusion – the two representatives from this blog finished 1-2 (Contributor Lou Poulas finished last but that’s because he’s too focused on all-stars). The final score: Rudy – 96, Grey – 94
(Quick aside for those who haven’t been following. Based on rules of our own invention, we played a full fantasy season where the goal was to field the worst team possible (click here for the genesis of it). While I had some doubts going into it, I’ve got to say that I had more fun in this league than my expert leagues and my cash league combined. Who knew rooting against players could be so fun?)
The season went down to the last day when Rudy’s team gained an extra point in ABs from tough competitor Aardvark Trading Co (5,238 to 5,220) and Grey lost a point after his crappy pitchers managed to best the staff of Mop Up Duty 772 to 770 Ks. Both teams set records that will be tough to duplicate in future years:
Rudy – 5238 ABs with only 75 HR and 499 RBIs. That translates to about 6 HR and 38 RBI per 403 ABs across the 13 hitting roster slots.
Grey – Over 1362 IP, a ridiculous 5.72 ERA and 1.58 WHIP. (the MLB average ERA was about 4.15)
Fantasy Baseball Generals finished a strong 3rd at 86.5 points, led by an amazing pitching staff that managed to lose 112 games and give up 226 HRs (both league highs) and finish 2nd to Grey in both ERA (5.25) and WHIP (1.51). After a slow start, Mike P. of the FBG put together as awful a team as any.
4th place went to Aardvark Trading Co – the holding company for the Cards In The Attic blog. They were one of only 3 teams that had the intestinal fortitude to reach the 5200 AB minimum (failure to reach that mark meant pro-rated 120/35/120/.320 stats). His solidly crappy offense was let down by a merely incompetent pitching staff.
Herb Urban finished in 5th displaying a keen affection for Dave Kingman as he finished with the 2nd most HRs (that’s bad) but 2nd most Ks and 2nd lowest average (both good).
See below for the final standings. Stay tuned for posts that will contain the final rosters/stats as well as a final season Point Shares to determine who was the most ‘invaluable’ player in the majors this year…
