Don't be shellfish...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+

Last week we went over the fantasy baseball busts of 2008. Now we’ll look at the guys that gave you the best value for their draft picks — the hitters edition. I figured out the top twenty best draft picks of 2008 the same way I figured out the busts, using our fantasy baseball player rater. Dur. Now when it came to the busts, it was a bit harder to figure out because some guys were injury busts — cough V-Mart cough — but all of the best draft picks (or undrafted pickups) played and played well this year, which made it easier to figure out the best value picks. So yay for me. In each entry, I put the Average Draft Position (ADP) and the Minutes of Erection (MOE) metric, which I made up to illustrate how much you enjoyed owning these fantasy baseball hitters. Anyway, here’s the 20 best draft picks of 2008, the hitters:

20. Stephen Drew – I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m too lazy to look it up in the side search bar. JD Drew is injury-prone as all get-out and he always seems overvalued. While his brother is going to be better than him at a better position and he seems to go unnoticed. Weird! ADP, 227 — MOE, 2:08

19. Jason Bay – I don’t like him, which doesn’t mean you can’t like him. You can, if you wanna be argumentative. ADP, 87 — MOE, 4:40

18. Carlos Delgado – Eeny, meany, miney, moe…. Which aging 1st baseman will I take…. Konerko! D’oh! ADP, 136 — MOE, 7:35

17. Manny Ramirez – Manny does whatever it is that Manny wants to do when Manny’s being Manny. If you had this year, you got the great Manny. ADP, 37 — MOE, 12:10

16. Melvin Mora – Mora was good this year. I still don’t like him. As distant cousin, Jim Mora, would say, “Diddly Poo!” ADP, 333 — MOE, 10:22

15. Milton Bradley – Milton Bradley’s your neighbor and his dog repeatedly craps on your lawn. Do you A) Say something. B) Move. C) Threaten him and watch as he injures himself running at you. ADP, 325 — MOE, 14:49

14. Jose Lopez – Fourteenth? Really? Hmm… I guess he had a good season and I did tell you to pick him up the first week of the 2008 season. But still, 14th? Wait, I’m supposed to be celebrating these guys. Jose Lopez? Woo-hoo! (<–Actually halfway through that “woo-hoo,” I was thinking about free tacos at Taco Bell.) ADP, Undrafted — MOE, 3:50

13. Andre Ethier – Once The Pierre Situation™ became The Juan No More Situation™, Ethier did his thing. As the kids say, Ethier was da bomb diggity in the final months. ADP, 332 — MOE, 16:17

12. Ryan Doumit – You lost Victor Martinez and you gained Doumit.  Small whoop? Maybe. Medium-sized whoop? Possibly. No big whoop. ADP, 305 — MOE, 20:04

11. Jhonny Peralta – See, Khalil, that’s how someone with a weirdly-placed, silent H performs. ADP, 173 — MOE, 25:42

10. Jorge Cantu – I can attest to the MOE for Cantu. Cantu said to me, “Hey, Grey, why so down?” “Pronk left a stank on my team.” Cantu, “Aw, geez… That’s not nice of him. Maybe you should just pick me up.” “Thanks, man! Oh, and Cantu, could you take your hand off my shoulder?” ADP, Undrafted — MOE, 25:40

9. Xavier Nady – Dooode! You know he was sitting on your waivers into May and you never grabbed. You know it! How do I know? I was right there with you. ADP, 309 — MOE, 34:00

8. Mark DeRosa – You in the comments, “Okay, should I drop DeRosa or Ian Snell?” Me, “Snell.” You, “Okay, I think I’ll hold onto Snell. Thanks, Grey!” ADP, 331 — MOE, 35:10

7. Kevin Youkilis – I think Youuuuuk’s actually going to show more power in 2009. As I said in the preseason, does he look like a guy that can’t hit 30 home runs? No, I don’t think so either. ADP, 171 — MOE, 41:20

6. Carlos Quentin – Probably would be at the top of this list if he didn’t have an altercation with his bat at the end of the season. ADP, Undrafted, MOE, 48:59

5. Aubrey Huff – Eh, I probably told you to ignore Huff. My bad, but he’s like a poor man’s Mike Lowell. One year, he hits 30 home runs, next year he hits 12 home runs and is injured for half the year. When I say, “No rhyme…” You say, “No reason…” “No rhyme…” “No reason…” “No rhyme…” “No reason…” Nice.  ADP, 329 — MOE, 49:01

4. Nate McLouth – You thought you were the cat’s pajamas when you drafted this guy, didn’t you? You did! ADP, 272 — MOE, 54:12

3. Josh Hamilton – To think in four years, Hamilton went from hanging out with crackheads to hanging out with Milton Bradley. Some would argue he was safer with the crackheads. ADP, 151 — MOE, 57:56

2. Dustin Pedroia – Poppa Pedroia, “You’re only four feet tall, Dusty! You cannot play baseball! You have to run the pizzeria!” Dustin, “I must Poppa! It’s my dream!” ADP, 177 — MOE 57:59

1. Ryan Ludwick – Well, there you have. The number one most valuable guy was a 30-year-old Minor League journeyman. What’s right is wrong and what’s wrong is right. Don’t try and figure it out, you’ll hurt your medulla oblongata. ADP, Undrafted — MOE, 59:19

53 Responses

  1. BigFatHippo says:
    (link)

    Gotta love made up metrics. How many MOE’s did Hamels give you?

    And is Jim Mora really Melvins cousin? Really?

  2. Grey

    Grey says:
    (link)

    @BigFatHippo: “You only had a 20 minute MOE from Melvin? You’ve been jacking the Oriole too much. Only explanation.”

  3. Steve says:
    (link)

    @Anyone: What is with those caps with the earflaps? Very, very lame.

  4. Grey

    Grey says:
    (link)

    Friend of this site, HerbUrban is going to be out of his mind that John Oates just sang the National Anthem. If you don’t believe me, check the blogroll link for HerbUrban on the right.

  5. Grey

    Grey says:
    (link)

    @Steve: Ear flaps are worn by everyone in America. You didn’t know this? I have them on right now.

  6. BigFatHippo says:
    (link)

    @Steve: @Grey: My cat wears ear flaps, his name is Elmer Fudd.

    New Zealanders obviously don’t need em, you have a need for Speedos.

  7. Steve says:
    (link)

    @BigFatHippo: @Grey: I’m telling you, you don’t want to see me in Speedos.

  8. Grey

    Grey says:
    (link)

    @Steve: Self-evident, man. No need to tell us.

  9. Steve says:
    (link)

    @Grey: Ha! They’re not a great look on anyone, actually.

  10. Grey

    Grey says:
    (link)

    @Steve: You’ve obviously never seen Grey rocking Speedos. Third person!

  11. BigFatHippo says:
    (link)

    @Grey: The only Gray Hippo wants to see rocking Speedos is Jennifer. Third person, once removed!

  12. BigFatHippo says:
    (link)

    This could get ugly.

  13. Grey

    Grey says:
    (link)

    @BigFatHippo: @Steve: How long until Maddon pulls Kazmir? While Kazmir is leaving the game, he’ll tell off the ump.

  14. Grey

    Grey says:
    (link)

    @BigFatHippo: Phew. Luckily, my preseason sleeper Carlos Ruiz came up.

  15. Grey

    Grey says:
    (link)

    @BigFatHippo: Hey, I got a question for you. Is it all you can eat free tacos? Or do you only get one? Cause I need at least 5 of them mystery meat treats.

  16. BigFatHippo says:
    (link)

    @Grey: Ha

    Only one, if you want filling you have to go to Taco Johns, Burritos as big as your head.

  17. BigFatHippo says:
    (link)

    @Grey: It’s 40 degrees in the Bootheel and we have no heat. Send a firepit, I’ll burn the dresser.

  18. Grey

    Grey says:
    (link)

    @BigFatHippo: Sounds like the weather in Philly. Hope you got your Rollins shower cap on.

  19. Steve says:
    (link)

    @Grey: Those guys couldn’t look any sillier if they had Speedos on their heads.

  20. BigFatHippo says:
    (link)

    @Grey: Sporting a hat with earflaps.

    I’ll fix the furnace tomorrow, too cold to go down there in my Rays Speedos.:)

  21. Grey

    Grey says:
    (link)

    @BigFatHippo: Have your roomie drape a cougar over your lap.

  22. BigFatHippo says:
    (link)

    @Grey: Double Ha!

    Very cute girl coming over for booty call at 9. Did I mention I hate my roomie. Jealousy rears it’s ugly head on a nightly basis.

  23. Grey

    Grey says:
    (link)

    @Steve: I think they might have Speedos on their head.

    @BigFatHippo: If you don’t mind me prying, how long have you been divorced (separated)?

  24. BigFatHippo says:
    (link)

    @Grey: Don’t mind at all Dr. Phil.

    Divorced in 06, broke in 08. Didn’t take long. At least she’s having fun, the trip to Hawaii had to be a blast.

    Don’t ever get married dude.

  25. Grey

    Grey says:
    (link)

    @BigFatHippo: My Dad’s been married 5 times so I have a predilection for stupid, but haven’t tied the noose, I mean, knot yet.

  26. BigFatHippo says:
    (link)

    Jimmy Jazz lost it in the monsoon, should be no error.

  27. Grey

    Grey says:
    (link)

    @BigFatHippo: Maybe, just maybe, the Phils can lose this game like they lost so many of Hamels’s games. Just barely.

  28. BigFatHippo says:
    (link)

    @Grey: But they haven’t lost any in the postseason. Called it 2-1, maybe 3-2? Grasps at straw……..

  29. Grey

    Grey says:
    (link)

    @BigFatHippo: If the ump was squeezing Kaz, it would be 1-0 for the Rays.

  30. BigFatHippo says:
    (link)

    @Grey: Kudos to the grounds crew, they work fast.

    And yeah, Kaz got squeezed.

    Down Under guy in, will we hear from the Down Yonder faction?

  31. Steve says:
    (link)

    @BigFatHippo: @Grey: Still here. Having to so some work today, though. The effrontery of it!

    Don’t be lumping us in too much with the Australians there big guy ;-)

    Better from Balfour – stopped himself from reaching that point where it looked like his head might explode

  32. BigFatHippo says:
    (link)

    @Grey: Steve, where’d he go?

    New Zealand needed a nickname, I dubbed em Down Yonder. It’s a Bootheel thing, you wouldn’t understand.

  33. Grey

    Grey says:
    (link)

    @Steve: You gotta avoid the effrontery by sneaking out the backery door.

    @BigFatHippo: @Steve: The only one happy with this weather — the grounds crew. This is like a highlight film for them. They’re going to show this at ground crew school for a long, long time. “He’s a Picasso with that rosin!”

  34. BigFatHippo says:
    (link)

    @Steve: There he is.

    Grey’s a bit of a dag, don’t ya think? But a hard yakka.

  35. Steve says:
    (link)

    @BigFatHippo: @Grey: Stone the crows, blue. Throw another prawn on the barbie.

  36. Grey

    Grey says:
    (link)

    @Steve: @BigFatHippo: What the eff are you two talking about? Did I just enter a Crocodile Dundee film?

  37. Steve says:
    (link)

    @Grey: I am indulging Hippo’s misaprehensions about the similarities between New Zealanders and Australians.

    have you seen Flight of the Conchords on TV there?

  38. Grey

    Grey says:
    (link)

    @Steve: Yeah, I gotta be honest though, I wanted to like it, but I didn’t like it.

  39. BigFatHippo says:
    (link)

    @Steve: Better fill Grey in, he’ll have our guts for garters. Then pack a sad and quit talkin to us.

  40. BigFatHippo says:
    (link)

    @BigFatHippo: Sarah Palin’s comin to the Bootheel.

    Note to self, keep the roomie away.

  41. BSA says:
    (link)

    @Grey: Just checking in and read Hippo’s line about the Ray’s Speedo and this image came to mind.
    http://i144.photobucket.com/albums/r195/gnrsnkpt/worlds-fattest-man.jpg

    sorry so late, you might think I am one of the Drew brother’s illegitimate sibling – you know the one who got none of the athletic prowess but all of the “I don’t care about this game attitude”

  42. BigFatHippo says:
    (link)

    @BSA: Now why would you go and do something like that?

    My eyes, my eyes!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Too late for the game looks like.

  43. BSA says:
    (link)

    @BigFatHippo: Couldn’t resist! I saw this guy jiggling on TV tonight and it is burned in my memory forever. Wanted to share since you threw yourself out there in Speedo’s.

    As to late – 11:00 EST and I’m turning into a pumpkin. As Hippo said last night the morning comes quick here on the east coast.

    As a passing thought let me see if I can find something to leave you all with during this rain delay.

  44. Steve says:
    (link)

    @Grey: Dag: dag
    adjective:- bits of manure that stick to the long wool around a sheep’s bottom forming small dangling balls. Also a term for a funny person, nerd, goof, loser. In this respect it can have either an endearing or disparaging meaning, although is usually used for a likable fellow.

    This is not a term unique to Australia – it’s in quite common use here too.

    I always use it in the latter context (ie likable!). For example, obviously I don’t know him, but I’d have to say that Hippo seems like a bit of a dag.

    Hard yakka is hard work – he used it slightly incorrectly there ;-)

  45. BigFatHippo says:
    (link)

    @Steve: Ha

    Re: Hard yakka

    I meant that in a good way, after all, he answers all our questions doesn’t he?

    Learned all this in 5 minutes by Googling New Zealand lingo. Word!

  46. Steve says:
    (link)

    @BigFatHippo: So true.

    I have to say, that like many of those lingo glossaries, some of those terms are not exactly in common use.

    For example, have you given your ferret a run today, Grey?

  47. BSA says:
    (link)

    What’s this, spam filter? – Says: Your comment is awaiting moderation.

    Nice show Grey – I like that option.

  48. BigFatHippo says:
    (link)

    @Steve: He “jacked the Oriole”. See comment 2.

  49. BSA says:
    (link)

    Game suspended and I am up WAAAYY past my bedtime. Until tomorrow….

  50. this is why i love you guys!

    . Dustin Pedroia – Poppa Pedroia, “You’re only four feet tall, Dusty! You cannot play baseball! You have to run the pizzeria!” Dustin, “I must Poppa! It’s my dream!” ADP, 177 — MOE 57:59

    Great stuff!

Comments are closed.